Molly's Musings/ Brawley's Boobs-- WHATEVER!

Am I just HOT?

2011-08-19T17:41:00.003-04:00

So we are exactly a month later than my first official temperature reading in Dr. T's office back in July. And yes, I'm still "fever" ish.

I don't know what to make of it and if I am honest, I am sort of ignoring it. I feel pretty much normal; however, my right ear and neck area is sore most of the time, but that has been going on for years. Keep in mind I take my temperature when I get up--it's almost ALWAYS between 98.6--99.0, and then when I get home from work, it is around 99.3-4. Sometimes, it creeps up to 99.5 early evening, but other times, it goes back down to 99 as long as I am just sort of resting on the couch or something. (the more active I am, the higher the temp) Again, I have not gone over 100 since that first day...and there are some sites that don't even consider me as having a fever at all.

What complicates this is that on occasion I do feel sick. Achy, flu like. And I don't do well when that is the case. Luckily, it has to be around 99.6 or up and that hasn't happened in awhile so that is a positive. Jim can also tell just by touching me...and I can pretty much predict what it will read.

Don't get me started on the research I have done on fevers and thermometers. I now own once of each kind and the ear one is the one I refer to the most. There are times that I wish I was not so body aware. It's makes for paranoia!

The only other minor issue I have going on is that sore tailbone from my fall down the stairs, and my right side is a bit sore...nothing too alarming but it feels tight and for a bit I was thinking I had some kidney issues going on. But that is hit or miss so I hardly obsess over THAT...: ) And my annual gyno exam turned out normal..even after I skipped a summer. I won't even waste your time with my story about getting the test results back...it was me overreacting and jumping to conclusion. I really need to work on that.

Work is keeping me busy and keeps me from obsessing...enjoying my new job and the new challenges. Just stopped by here to document some things. It's my own private therapy. : )

No one seems too worried...

2011-08-14T11:31:00.003-04:00

Ok...I met with Dr. Ansari on August 10th and to say he was underwhelmed by this fever business is an understatement. He wanted to know how high the fevers were. He asked me if I actually felt sick, and I told him no, not until the day of my CT Scan...yucky before it, and AWFUL after it. He then listened forever to my lungs and did the typical feel around my neck and look in my throat exam. He saw nothing, but decided to put me on an antibiotic anyway...a Z pack. Ginger and I listened to him dictate a letter to Dr. T and basically he said I was complaining of sore throat and drainage and he was suspicious I had a virus. (yeh, still gave me an antibiotic anyway) He said to come back if I continued to feel lousy, otherwise, I would see him in October.

Well, today, four days later I DO feel better, but still of course, I am still running a temp. I am excited that this morning it is 99.3 at its highest but last night it was 100 after leaving J, ohn and Ginger's...I do know your temp rises in the evening AND it was VERY warm at John and Ginger's. I want to also document that the right side of my head (ear, back of skill, right neck behind my ear) all hurt. Maybe, just maybe, this antibiotic, will help that and that is what is causing this?

Honestly, that is all I have to report. Just sick of thinking about being sick.

Good news...but still big questions

2011-08-09T09:34:00.004-04:00

I am so relieved...the CT scan of my chest came back clear, with the exception of that pesky granuloma that always shows up. I immediately felt better but the question remains as to why I still have a fever. And I still have one.

The strange thing about it is that I swear I didn't have one, or at least as high as one, until yesterday. I could feel my body getting hot...even asked my nurse/radiology expert sister if the CT Contrast could still make me feel hot (doubtful) because I could feel it in my body--except my feet, which were freezing. And now this morning, I still feel hot and I didn't have this yesterday. Of course my mind is running rampant...I have googled "unexplained fever" every which way but backwards. Did my annual "physical" cause this? Is it the combination of meds I am on? Could I really have cancer somewhere just not in my lungs? (biggest scare). Then I wonder if I am reacting to my implant--you know, fighting off a foreign body? But that isn't likely either. I sure hope Dr. Ansari has some POSITIVE answers. I see him tomorrow at 9:15. (Yes, my first day back at my new job...my new boss is probably going "great, sick the first day??) Luckily, my Ginger is still in town to go with me. I do NOT want further tests but can't imagine him having any answers without more tests. A bone scan maybe? Further CT's? An MRI of my head? (still suffer from ear pain quite often but that is nothing new since my 2001 surgery)

I honestly thought I would feel great this morning but even without taking my temp, I can tell my fever is still there. Granted, my thermometer (digital from Walgreens) never reads that I have a temp, but compared to the ear one at the doctor's office, it's off by a little less than one degree. So when I add that degree, I have a temp. Everyone else in my family is UNDER "normal" so I know I am odd.

Last but not least, I can't end without mentioning Kellie Martin, a young mom who is in her final stages of fighting ACC (neck) Her Caringbridge blog has been an inspiration to me and my heart is breaking as someone writes her blog for her as she fights for just one more day. She has a 5 year old son. Kellie was diagnosed just prior to delivering him. An amazing young lady! I pray for peace, healing of the lungs if God chooses, and calm to all.

Time to convince myself I feel good and head off to get some work done. So glad to write...I helps so much.

Molly

CT scan today--worry already in full gear

2011-08-08T09:51:00.002-04:00

Ugh..........had yet another appointment with Dr. Tacket today for my physical and since I still had a fever (99.5) he sent me for a CT scan with contrast of my chest. I am a mess of course and thought writing might help. As you all know, my cancer has a tendency to go to the lungs so that is where they are starting to try to figure out what is causing the fever. (I tried to come up with all kinds of reasons (hot flashes, medicines, etc) but Dr. T still wanted to do the test) The CT was a pain as well...well, it was fine...but the poor tech couldn't get a good vein for the contrast so I had to wait for an ER tech, who got it after some slapping of my wrists. Nothing is easy with me.

So now I wait. Dr. T's office has gone electronic so he expects the results today or tomorrow and promised that he would call...and then, regardless of what the results are, I have to go back to Dr. Ansari. (If there are issues, I have to see him obviously, if there are NOT issues, we still have to figured out what it is.) I asked Dr. T what ELSE it could be, and he said they might look at my thyroid is this comes back clear, although all my bloodwork in that area is fine. I will see Dr. A later this week I think...and of course I am supposed to go back to work starting Wednesday. Just my luck.

There did seem to be some concern about the granuloma that I have had for years...remember in May when Dr. Ansari's NP Brandy called and said they wanted the CT since the chest xray showed some growth? But during that phone call she said never mind, noting that I had had it awhile? I saw on the orders today that that was mentioned. If that thing turns out to be ACC I will be shocked. I have had it for at least 15 years I think. But as we all know, stranger things have happened and do seem to happen to me. By the way, my blood work in all areas has come back normal but I have learned that doesn't mean a lot.

What else do I need to document. Kellie, an ACC fighter, is in her last days/weeks of life, as her lungs are giving out. I think she is about 33 at the most, with a 6 year old. Her's was in her salivary glands but its still ACC regardless of where it is. I am sick thinking about her as her journey has been an inspiration to me. She has a Caringbridge site (like a blog) that I have followed for awhile. Hers went to her bones first...or at least that is what they saw.

Today is one year since Johnny died. That is weighing heavily on all our minds. I don't want this day to be associated with my cancer returning, that is for sure. It keeps running through my mind.

EEK. The phone just rang. It was the US Marines. Darn.

So here we are again. I hope it is just a temporary visit but I will be back as soon as I know anything.

I could use some lifting up today if you are so inclined...thanks, much!

Molly

Low grade fever...

2011-07-25T11:59:00.004-04:00

Here it is between appointments, but I have some things I have to document. Although this is not the first time I have run a low grade fever, I wanted to write about it to make sure IF it is anything, I am keeping a record of it. Last Tuesday I went to my family physician for a routine visit and had a temp of 100.5. Because of a mix up in what I was there for, Dr. T and I never really discussed it. I did have to come back today and again, I still have a temp, although today it is 99.5. It was enough for Dr. T to run a urine test (normal) and order some more blood work. I am not sure when I will get the results on that, but I would think soon. Dr. T did also mention he was going to call Dr. Ansari, which put me on high alert, of course. (I was already there...low grade fever can be a sign of tumors) So guess what I am doing? Taking my freakin' temp about every 1/2 hour! I even went to Walgreens and got a new digital...didn't get the mac-daddy $50 one, so I hope this one is accurate. I will say that historically, I do run high/normal temps. Around 99. But this time is making me anxious, which makes me more anxious. Such a rotten cycle.

One thing Dr. T said he was looking for was inflammation...didn't say infection, so maybe it is related to my aching hip and back.

Time to take my temp. I can tell I still have one but let's see what it says. 99.1. Also, did you know that your temp is highest in the afternoon?

Ok, so now this is documented. That's all for now.

Crohn's Disease in my baby. : (

2010-12-11T12:02:00.003-05:00

First of all, there are some new ACC sisters out there, proving this cancer, like all others, doesn't sleep. If you are a new reader, PLEASE read this blog in reverse, as most of the information related to my experience with Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma of the Breast is in the first 1/2 of the blog.

Secondly, since I am on what I call a 6 month reprieve of cancer worry (I pretty much only worry the month before my tests) I don't have much to say about this cancer business that I hope is part of my past ONLY. But I do have some things I want to document concerning the child who wishes not to be named since his buddies have found my posts in the past...so, for my informed readers, just know we are talking about ANDREW, my twenty year old, usually healthy as a horse college athlete.

Well, our world sort of changed just prior to Thanksgiving when he emailed me from college to say his belly hurt and he was having some diarrhea issues--it had been going on for about a month. Because of Johnny's death, I automatically think CANCER but really didn't think it would be possible but wanted it checked out so I made him a doctor's appointment for when we got back from our cabin in the Upper Peninsula. Over Thanksgiving, I kept an eye on Rew and noticed he spent a lot of time in the bathroom after we ate. He also mentioned off and on about how he could feel food move by in his belly in a particular spot on the left side of his lower belly.

Monday's doctor appointment brought a diagnosis of some sort of upset stomach, but also blood in his fecal occult test. THAT FREAKED ME OUT. So I insisted on a referral to a GI. The very next night, Tuesday, we were in the emergency room where they did a CT scan and said Rew had a severely inflamed colon, and could have ulcerative colitis. They gave us some meds and said make sure you follow up with the GI. Then Saturday of that week, Rew was again in the ER with crazy bad dehydration and got 5 bags of fluid, much to the MD's surprise. Ok, so finally, the colonoscopy was this past Thursday and sure enough, they found little ulcers throughout his colon, prompting the diagnosis of Crohn's Disease. I learned that Crohn's is little punches of ulcers in various spots, where ulcerative colitis looks like someone took sandpaper and scraped the lining of your intestines. I feel guilty for being relieved it was Crohn's--no parent wants their child to have this disease--but I had horrible fears that Andrew would be one of those terrible stories of someone diagnosed so young with colon cancer. Thank heavens that is not the case.

He is doing much better already, but still has spots that hurt. We don't see the doctor again until January and his goal when he left us was remission, so that is what we are working on. Rew is trying to follow the recommended diet (avoid fresh fruits and veggies) and is taking his 9 pills a day to start healing. Lots of fluids, of course.

So now that we have answers, things are a bit calmer for now. One week left of school until vacation, which we all need. Looking forward to the holiday season and will continue to count our blessings.

Six month check up normal...we think.

2010-10-31T19:17:00.002-04:00

Yes, me posting must mean that I had something to say about this darn cancer thing that always hangs out in my life..so far, nothing major to report. You know my drill...I get blood drawn, have a chest xray, see Dr. Ansari, he tells me blood work is normal, and will call if there are any issues with my chest xray. That was Thursday and still no call so I have decided I am ok in terms of the chest xray.

But alas, my blood work was not normal this time...my hemoglobin was 10.5 and should be no lower that 13. Not so ironically, I wondered about it before I went because last time I had my blood checked (when I attempted to give blood) it was at 12.5 and I was turned away. But both times had something in common...I was having my period (sorry non-female or squeamish readers) so that is what Dr. A says is "obviously" causing the low level. I asked what else it could be...he said "you have had a colonoscopy" so that might have been a concerned, and all the reading I have done says it can be related to cancer, but more likely the female thing. So I am now on 325 mg of iron (ferrous something). I have since learned my sis is on it too. I am not too concerned, and although I am guessing this is all in my head, I seem to feel a little better now that I have been on it for four days. Maybe not, but whatever.

So that is that. I will feel better if I get through tomorrow with no phone call...just in case it wasn't read until late Friday or something, and I haven't bought my new purse to celebrate another 6 months of NED...hate to tempt fate. ...blah blah blah.

Looking forward to a lot of things...no time to worry about cancer.

More later.................

Molly

A mom says goodbye

2010-08-17T17:42:00.002-04:00

Johnny's mom wrote some thoughts to honor the memory of her first born. She is an amazing woman--no one like her---and you can see why in her words. Thanks to Johnny's cousin Annette for reading Ginger's thoughts and encouraging her to do it.

Yesterday, a lot of people said good-bye to Johnny.

Many of you told of the different memories you had, and of the different ways he touched your lives…as a great older brother, a good role model, a great cousin, a kind man, a good friend, an excellent teacher, a considerate co-worker, a caring coach, an important person in your life…one who will be missed.

Many of the attributes you mentioned about Johnny were aspects of a man’s character…his loyalty, patience, kindness, moral fiber, goodness, work ethic, sense of humor, strength, generosity, fortitude, his love and appreciation of life. You may have admired some of these qualities in Johnny. You may have said, “I like the fact that the ‘player of the game’ went to the boy who ran off the field as fast as he could, instead of the kid who hit the home run”; or appreciated how he listened when something was troubling you. You may have admired how he trudged up “Banjo Hill” because he loved hunting—and after all, sometimes the road is tough on your way to get the “big one”; or how he kept fishing when the motor quit in the back waters of Manistee Lake—“Not to worry—someone will find us.” You may have admired how he nurtured his sons, how he loved Pam, how he fought cancer.

Think of the thing you admired most about Johnny. Now, think of how you can incorporate that quality into your own life…to be a better husband, a better father, a better friend.

What a significant difference it would make in a community if we each did just one small thing a little better. That way, the goodness of Johnny will live on—and what a wonderful tribute to him that would be.

A Tribute to Johnny

2010-08-14T21:52:00.002-04:00

So many people have asked for copies of Jim's tribute to his older brother Johnny who died this week at 44, after the most courageous battle with cancer I have ever witnessed. Jim wrote this in his head...and then dictated it to me. Although he changed a few words during the service, this is an attempt, from his heart, with all his heart, to pay homage to his big brother.

My Grandpa Brawley was a loving, generous and patient man. His acts of kindness will live on forever in this town. My Grandpa Freund was a Marine. His courage, his honor, and his loyalty could be seen every morning as he raised his American flag, and again in the evening when he lowered it, folded it, and placed it in its drawer—ready for the next day.

Coming from such strong tradition, it is no wonder our older brother Johnny turned out to be the greatest big brother anyone could ask for. His honor to do the right thing and his courage to be his own man were examples for us to follow. His patience and kindness allowed him to teach us every thing that his father had taught him, from tying a knot on a fishing line to wind direction in a tree stand. His teachings continued outside the family bond, reaching anyone who asked or who wanted to learn. He was a positive role model for all of us.

To use Johnny's words, he would be truly humbled by the turnout today. But he would not want us to be sad, he would want us to celebrate his life. And what a life! He started fishing on the Platte River at three years old. He fished the Gulf of Mexico, the Bahas of California, Lake Okechoibee in Florida. He stayed on deserted island in the middle of Lake Michigan and on islands in Lake Erie. He fished the Manistee River, all the way to East Lake. He fished the coast lines of Eagle Lake in Ontario. He spent weeks at Coho Bend Campground fishing for King Salmon in Lake Michigan. He did all these things before he was 17 years old.

The experiences that my father gave us and the lessons my mother taught us molded him into the loving husband and great father that he is today. His adventures were just beginning. He hunted the pheasants in the Dakotas, ducks in Manitoba, caribous in Quebec, bears in Saskachewan and Ontario, mule deer in Montana and white tails-- from the woods of Northern Michigan to the hills of Southern Ohio. He enjoyed these adventures with his family and friends. His favorite partners in his numerous adventures were his wife Pam, and his two sons, Quinn and Jake. On his bow, he placed a picture of them so whenever he went in the woods, they went with him.

We can see the love in Jake's eyes, especially for all the animals in the world, whether its a dog, raccoon or skunk, they will all find safety in Jake's arms. We see the courage in Quinn's chest that tells me he will be his own man and I know he will have the honor to always do what's right.. With the experiences and foundation that Johnny and Pam have given them, these two young boys will grow up to be fine young men.

I have come to believe that everything happens for a reason. And sometimes it might take awhile to figure out what God's plan is. But now I know why a cute blonde haired, blue eyed little girl from Union Street on the westside of town joined the Army. God needed to make her strong because He was going to need Johnny before she would be ready to let him go.

Why Johnny? we are all asking. I believe God had three messages.

The first is for the young people here today: Johnny wants you to have the courage and the honor to do the right thing. Johnny did not believe in underage drinking, or the use of tobacco or drugs. He is watching you now and hopes you have the courage to do the right thing and to help your friends do the same.

Secondly, for the parents here: Johnny showed love for all children, not just his. One time he told me that he thought it was awesome the way I treated each kid on my team and that I treated every kid like my own. And then he asked me, “What about the kids on the other team?” And I thought “well, what about those other kids? They are someone else's.” And then he said, “don't you think every kid deserves your knowledge and enthusiasm?” I want to challenge all the parents here today. in Johnny's honor, to try to make every child reach their potential.

Lastly, to the community who we saw in the Field of Dreams for Johnny's birthday bash: Look what we accomplished when we all worked together! My mom, who Jeff Johnson says could solve the war in Iraq if she just had ten minutes to think about it, was the most impressed, saying that this group was the best group of people she has ever worked with. This won't be the last time that someone in our community needs support and help. In Johnny's honor, we need be aware and be active. We will step it up.

We never knew a day without our brother and we never will. Because in the woods, and in the water, and in our hearts, he will live forever.

Heavy heart.

2010-07-22T11:53:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone. Not much to say...its hot, I'm watching the calendar as my summer ticks away, and cancer still continues to play a major role in our lives. It is so heavy on our hearts that it is suffocating at times. I want to tell Jim that we just need to get out of here...we are planning a trip to Cedar Point with the cousins so that is something to look forward to. Cousin Matt is getting married in two weeks--yippee, something positive--and my laundry is almost caught up. But I still feel like I am in a funk.

Johnny continues his battle with determination and bravery. Pam is amazing...great attitude with two broken feet and all...and is just trying to cherish every second with her Toad. I am starting to watch you know who struggle (he who won't be named but I am married to him). I see that as my role...to keep it together so others can fall apart when needed. But I need to get out and get out of this funk! Ginger continues to be a rock and our friends are so helpful, strong, and resilient. I am not going to repeat all the information about the major birthday bash and benefit we had for Johnny, but lets just say that Niles, Michigan, despite its warts and blemishes, has some of the most compassionate and hard working, words-can't-describe people living here. The turnout was such a tribute to Johnny, and the entire Brawley family. As more than one person commented, it was the "Brawley Way"...giving to others. One man said to me "you shouldn't be amazed at any of this. Your family has done so much for others and this is our way to pay them back." This was not about me at all, but more about John and Ginger and their fish fries, Grandma's generosity YEARS ago, and all the time the guys have coached, and taught, etc. And, what makes this even better is there are MANY families like this in our little community. So proud to live here.

As always, I become more "involved" in researching MY cancer during the summer months, just because I have time. Still reading a lot about how slow growing it is, but also that almost EVERYONE has mets later in life. I am now three years out and continue to worry about that, but most days, I can shove it out of my mind.

Another friend Becki was just diagnosed with lymphoma and is battling the chemo poison. She is also blogging on Caring Bridge and is a joy to read. This is a woman with tons of energy so this is hard for her. She remains positive and upbeat and I admire her for that.

Again, heart and mind are heavy these days. That is why I visited here today. Hope it helps.

Molly

Weather is looking up!

2010-06-28T16:32:00.002-04:00

Ah, the first day of my summer sleeping in at my own house. Wonderful. No cancer scans to think about for awhile but Johnny continues to be in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep him in yours as well.

Josh will be 18 on Wednesday. So hard to believe. Today he left for Cincinnati with Johnny's family as his cousin Quinn gets to be the batboy at the Reds vs Phillies game tomorrow night. He is suddenly so excited. Andrew can't go because he is taking a class starting tomorrow. One of Johnny's best friends is friends with someone in the Reds organization and arranged all this...a few of us are going to head to Wings, Etc to see if we can catch the game on their MLB package. Sure hope to see Quinners! : )

So pleased to see in the forecast that we are dry for awhile! Shade continues to be terrified of hard rain and storms and I am sick of everything being so damp and humid.

Need to make a list of the projects I want to get done this summer. I work very well from lists--gives me a feeling of accomplishment.

Molly

Mammo is all clear.

2010-06-17T22:17:00.002-04:00

All clear! Dr. Engl said that he didn't know what was on the mammo is April but the images today are the same as all my previous images. I must admit, I do wonder if the pictures were as good as they were last time...I didn't think she squished the boob enough...but I have to trust that the doctor considered that...

So, I am breathing easier tonight. Ginger and I had a great lunch at Bob Evans (a tradition) and laughed a lot. Such a great lady she is...

Love to you all--

Another sister lost.

2010-06-08T20:30:00.002-04:00

Shelley is a friend I met on a list serv...she too blogged about her cancer. Her life was similar to mine in that she loved her family, loved to camp, loved dogs, etc. She also had triple negative breast cancer, which is considered more aggressive. I think she lived just over two years after her diagnosis. She was 37. THIRTY SEVEN. We must find a cure.

My follow up mammo is in a week. Just starting to think about it. Wish I didn't have to.....

Sunny

2010-05-30T12:48:00.003-04:00

What a beautiful weekend! I love living in Michigan. You don't appreciate weekends like this unless you do. : ) Have so many things I want to get done this weekend but here I am instead.

We had another successful graduation and the Class of 2010 is on to bigger and better things. Graduation always comes at the right time--seniors are so ready to be done with high school rules, bathroom passes, tardy bells, etc. Not so sure if they are ready for reality, but many are well on their way. The rest of the students are done this Friday, and I work two more weeks.

I am very proud of myself these days for my lack of worrying. I am sure I will start obsessing again but for now, despite this concern in my left breast, I am not thinking about my cancer. Cancer yes, but not my cancer.

Very blessed to have a great husband, two great kids who use decent (not perfect) judgment, and to live in a great country.

June is approaching

2010-05-25T20:43:00.002-04:00

Changed my follow up appointment to a week earlier. June 17, another round of boob squishing. I have not been thinking about it at all, but then tonight I WAS thinking about it and am just not in the mood for any disruptions to my happy life. So that is that.

Stressful time for me right now. May is the best and worst month for high school principals. Kids graduate and kids DON'T graduate. So tough. Get me through Thursday and I can relax a little. We have our ceremony outdoors so weather is always tricky. Looks like rain for now, but I am still hopeful.

We have committed to June 18 for our trip the UP. Jim's entire immediate family is going. We are all about creating memories right now. Looking forward to laughing and just relaxing.

Not much else to say. Please pray for Johnny and all other cancer fighters!

A decent weekend?

2010-05-14T18:47:00.004-04:00

Not so much cancer on the mind today. Sometimes you have to just not think about it. Glad the weekend brings sunshine. May have to do some antiquing for my new "guest" bedroom. Should also clean out Andrew's closet. He brought home a load of stuff this week...he is off to Louisville to see a friend and then returns to Goshen for his last week. He really needs to get a job that makes a lot of money.

Josh has a double header tomorrow. More baseball!

A fellow ACC sister

2010-05-12T19:53:00.003-04:00

Tonight I was catching up with some ACC posts from a list serv and learned that Kelly, who was diagnosed with ACC/breast (at age 37) about a year ago, is now in hospice. Her ACC/breast has gone to her liver, and although they planned on surgery, it is now not possible. She has a 22 month old child.

I do not correspond with Kelly as I do a few other ACC sisters, but this is once again a reminder that this disease is insidious and can be relentless. I consider myself lucky so far. For a few moments, I sat stunned and staring at the computer. But now, after a few deep breaths, I am going to remind myself of my mantra "I am not going to die today" so I am not going to worry about this today either.

Molly

Bliss.

2010-05-09T19:49:00.003-04:00

Dealing with cancer fears is such a roller coaster. There are moments of shear terror, and then something happens and you just want to climb into a moment of joyfulness that hits you at the weirdest times. Today, for example, Sister Sue and I were refurbishing a mirror and an antique dresser/nightstand in the driveway, and while we were waiting to do a second coat, we sat in the sun on our back patio. Pure bliss. In the back of my mind, I was thinking "ok, five weeks until I might face another battle with breast cancer" but in those 15 minutes or so that we sat there, petting my goofy Shady Paige and listening to the birds, it didn't matter. Honestly, it was so peaceful. Whoever said "take time and smell the roses" really had something.

My sister is incredible, if you haven't figured that out yet. Such a good person, and talented in so many things. We are so much alike but I definitely didn't get the home decorator talents. I have good ideas, but she knows how to get it all done in a weekend. And she can shop like no other! Such a fun time we had.

Andrew also surprised me this weekend. I got up to let the dog out at 1:30 AM and he had taken a bouquet of wildflowers and placed them in a large plastic McDonald's cup, with a sign in crayon that said "Happy Mother's Day (cards are a waste of money) Love, Andrew" Next to the cup was a package of SHAM WOW thingies that he saw on TV. God love him. And Joshie, sweet Joshie, called from the mall and asked Jim what he should get me, and although Jim said nothing, I still appreciate that Josh would even think of it. Such good boys I have.

And then there is my husband...there's nobody better that is for sure!

Embrace it people, embrace everything you have because there are no guarantees.

Molly

Follow up

2010-05-04T18:51:00.002-04:00

My family doctor's office called today to follow up after he received the report of my mammogram. His nurse said she just wanted to make sure that I had my 6 week appointment scheduled. She sounded so hesitant that I panicked a bit. I am thinking I may go get a copy of the report. But, again, it is probably just good follow up--I hope!

Both boys have games today. Andrew is in Indy for the beginning (and likely the end for Goshen) of the MCC tournament. John and Ginger went down. I know Ginger needs to escape and I am glad baseball is there for her. I worry about her as she is trying to be strong for her kids and has to have the same heartache we all do...love that lady.

Joshie is at the high school playing Sturgis. I am just tired, physically and emotionally so I came home. He was dh'ing. Not the best mom at the moment but he will forgive me.

Molly

Just really hating cancer more than anything.

2010-05-03T16:47:00.002-04:00

My chest x-ray was clear. Just wanted to post that quickly. Now to get through the next 6 weeks for the re-check.

Counting blessings tonight and loving my family. The fight is NOT over nor will it ever be.

Molly

Research into "probably benign"

2010-05-02T21:03:00.002-04:00

One thing I learned in my bout (I almost wrote "first bout" but I am refusing to think there will be a second bout) with ACC /breast was that there are scores that radiologists give abnormal results on mammograms. In light of the note that Dr. E wrote Dr. Ansari with the words "probably benign" I decided to google those words and sure enough, that is how a Birad Score of 3 is described. What I also learned is that shorter intervals of re-imaging are recommended, and that greater than 90% of these issues are benign. That 10 percent is looming, but there was one article that said greater than 98% were benign on further testing. I prefer the second figure but

as you know with me, even 1 percent is too many so I don't care for any of it! But it is what it is.

Tonight, I worry about getting through tomorrow's fear of a call from Dr. A's office about my chest xray. He told me to call but I know I won't be able to bring myself to do it. I literally freeze about things like this. Ugh. I hate hate hate hate how cancer robs us of simple peace and calm!

Johnny also has his visit tomorrow. Prayers abound all over the world tonight for him!

Time to get myself together and get my mind off of the negatives.

I'm back. Cancer had better NOT be.

2010-04-30T19:09:00.004-04:00

It has been almost five months since my last post. I doubt anyone visits anymore, but I am now going to write again since things are a bit interesting with my last round of tests.

Yesterday was my yearly mammogram, which has hardly worried me since being diagnosed three years ago. But yesterday, a very very thorough radiologist found an area of density in my left breast--the one I used to call the "good boob"--on my mammogram. I had extra views, and ultrasound, more views, etc. He came in to talk to me, told me that if I was just any Sally Smith off the street he would be less concerned, but there WAS something showing up and he was too anal to let it go for someone with my history. So we did one MORE view--one he called a lateral roll--which he says he NEVER does--and it made him feel a lot better, BUT he still wants me to have another mammogram in 6 weeks. Yes, 6 weeks, not 6 months. Ok, that sort of freaks me out.

I keep repeating some things he said to calm myself down":

1) He's really anal. (gotta like that in a radiologist!)

2) He said "you got burned once...I am not letting that happen again." (he was referring to my mammogram that did NOT pick up the 6 cm cancerous tumor)

3) He was going to do an MRI, but said the last view (the lateral roll, that some techs call the "titty twister") made him feel a lot better. Something about tumors don't move or change shape and this picture made him think it more likely benign breast tissue.

4)There are no masses evident, its just the dense area that is different than my last mammos...you know the whole change thing is a bad thing on mammos. My note I was to give to Dr. Ansari said "probably benign area of density".

So there you have it. You know how I feel about that word "probably."

I was almost an hour late for my appointment with Dr. Ansari because of all the extra imaging. My blood work came back fine, and honestly, Dr. A did not seem too concerned with the mammogram. He just said that the radiologist is really really good. He seems to think I am doing fine, and even wanted to cancel the chest xray I have scheduled. (I think he picked up on my anxiety) Ginger of course said "oh no, we are having this done!" so I then had the chest x ray. No results yet--I am supposed to call Monday but as always, will be terrified to do so.

One of the first people I talked to about this was Johnny. We laughed about it because there is not much else you can do.

For some crazy reason, breast cancer does NOT scare me as much as it used to, and honestly, I am still more freaked out about the chest xray. I know breast cancer is beatable, but lung mets from ACC are most likely hard to beat. Sigh.

So I am back, hoping writing therapy will help. I am back to being anxious when the phone rings and back to googling "areas of density."

Cancer never leaves.

Happy, happy , happy

2009-12-12T13:10:00.002-05:00

Reasons to be happy:
1) First snow day of the school year.
2) Josh had his first night of snowboarding and is going again today. Nothing better than that for Josh!
3) Andrew home for three weeks after finishing, successfully I might add, his first semester of college. He has grown up so much.
4) Tree up, wreath up, and even a few presents wrapped.
5) Only one week left of work and then two weeks off.
6) Johnny has one more cycle of chemo!
7) Barb has only one week left after years and years and years of giving to the children of this community. Happy Retirement Mrs. Garrard!
8) The governor did not cut the additional $127 per pupil...at least not yet.
9) Shade is extremely happy to have the snow to play in. Pooh has a plow so that makes snow A-Ok with us.
10) No worries of cancer for me this holiday season. Worrying is WAY overrated.

Cheer up!

2009-12-08T17:22:00.003-05:00

My sister yelled at me for having a depressing blog. So here I am to cheer it all up! Let's talk about Michigan economy/educational crisis. Oops...not so fun either.

A Goshen College student was hit by a train this morning. He was drunk on the train tracks. It was not Andrew. I believe the student is going to be ok, last the news said. Goshen has tracks that run right through the campus--Andrew crosses them every day. The headline made my heart skip a beat when I read it.

Andrew is almost done with his first semester of college. Much tougher than he thought--especially with balancing a sport. But I think he is still happy. I know he will appreciate not having anything to do all break, although he is going back to help at a baseball camp his team is sponsoring over vacation.

Tonight is our first boys' basketball game. No Andrew to watch. That is fine with me!

A gift arrived in the mail for Jim today. Glad he wasn't home to see it. We never get each other anything big--just try to surprise each other with those things we say we would like some time or another. His something came today. Still have all the other shopping to do, although I did get our $10 gifts for the white elephant exchange for Ginger's side of the family.

The prediction for some snow tonight has been altered...looks like just rain and wind. Which means Shade will probably need drugs.

Really looking forward to Boyne for New Year's Weekend.

Hope this is more cheery than me saying I am not dead. I think that is pretty cheery, right? : )

Love to you all--and feel those boobies, ok?

Molly

I'm not dead.

2009-11-29T18:56:00.002-05:00

When you write a blog about cancer, you really need to post every so often or people might think you have died. I have not died. I have just found Facebook and Farmville to mess with.

Anyway, you know I will be back eventually. I just am too busy harvesting eggplant, and looking for cute boys from the Class of 1980. Facebook does that to you.

Christmas is just around the corner. Thanksgiving was great, but I want to remember NEVER to leave up there at 2 AM as I can't sleep before hand, and when Jim is ready to sleep and it is my turn to drive, I can't keep my eyes open. Andrew did drive one leg this trip but that was from 7-9 PM on the way up, so that wasn't so tough. Also, remind me to tell Josh he MUST sleep before we leave as he was Mr. Crabby Pants the entire way home.

But it was fun.

I am ok...feeling a bit anxious about Andrew going back to college tonight after having him for four days. He is worried about his grades and with exams coming up, it is doubling. But he is doing fine...it just isn't as easy as high school was.

Off to cyber shop.

M

Making stuffed peppers

2009-11-08T17:04:00.000-05:00

Loading my car with groceries today--on this glorious fall evening, I was thinking about cancer and the research I read today. And I realized that I am no different than any other cancer survivor. It can always come back.

But I told myself that I have to live like it won't. No other choices.

Going to make stuffed peppers at my husband's request.

That is what life is about, if you carve away all the other stuff.

Molly

I don't believe them any more.

2009-11-07T12:11:00.001-05:00

I am deliberating in my mind if I should no longer belong to some of the informational list servs that keep me in contact with ACC survivors. Today, another ACC breast cancer sister informed us that she has numerous lung mets. I do not know her whole story, but this is such disturbing news. My doctors paint such a great picture--as did her doctors--when in reality, this crappy cancer shows no mercy--including time.

It just sucks.

But, I am not going to die today from this disease, so what choice do I have but to just keep on keeping on.

Molly

Catching up

2009-10-25T10:04:00.004-04:00

Cough. Sniff. Sneeze. Cough. Cough. cough...you get the drill. Stayed home one day last week with fever and the worst achy body I have had in years. Not sure if it was the flu, but it felt like a mild case at least. Should have stayed home another day but since my fever was only 99, and I was standing, I went to work. Anyway. Still coughing and now feel like I have a cold. Flu then cold. Doesn't seem fair.

I have been neglecting you dear ol' blog--yes, there is another woman...Facebook. I still LOVE blogging because I love writing but the nice thing about Facebook is the day to day interactions. The best thing about Facebook so far has been the memory trips she sends you on...I hooked up with some life time friends and have been smiling ever since. But, here I am, old faithful.

I do not believe I have shared what I think is amazing news in the cancer research field. It probably won't help me if I need it, but scientists have FINALLY discovered the gene that causes ACC. This is helpful in that ACC is often not diagnosed correctly at first, and now finding this specific gene will help, and secondly, those same scientists are saying that they can target therapies to turn "off" this gene in terms of treatment. I got an email about this not too long ago and then researched it myself....the scientists seem really excited so I am as well!

Andrew, who will NOT accept my as his friend on Facebook, has also banned me from talking about him on here. Seems someone at his college must have been surfing and found this site. I think it is funny. Poor Andrew. His mom never leaves him. BIG baby he is! Josh has no issues with me on Facebook, but probably will soon.

Football season is over so Jim is back to hunting for a few days. He starts basketball Monday at the middle school so it will be short lived.

Yesterday I baked an apple pie (yes, from scratch) and it was ok. The best part was the REAL whipped cream I made. I almost screwed that up howeve--didn't realize you need to add sugar but I did before it was too late so all was yummy. Even Josh liked it--he put it on brownies since he has aversion to fruits and veggies. (yet he is one skinny dude) I also made Chicken Ala King--which is a big deal because I have tried before and could never get a good gravy going. It ended up being pretty good!

Ok, the hunter is home so off I go.

Much love from boob central--

Molly

Dancing with NED and my new purse.

2009-10-11T14:34:00.002-04:00

Schwew--what a busy weekend. At the last minute, Andrew decided he wanted me to come to his first "real" college baseball game (mainly because he is tired of driving and wanted a ride home) so early Saturday morning, I drove to Goshen and watched a whopping 7 hours of baseball. The Mapleleafs played Kalamazoo Valley, and I froze my patoot off, seeing as I wasn't prepared with enough warm clothing. The coach started the "varsity" team the first game, which they won, 9-3, and then the second game he switched all the players out, so Andrew didn't play. The team lost 20-12, which is why it took so long. Andrew played very well at short the first game, and did a nice job cheering the second game. I eventually went to my car I was so cold.

So, after freezing through two games, I finally brought him home for the night...and am currently finishing his laundry. He had three loads crammed into one small laundry basket...I am sending back a bigger one. He is definitely an expensive kid. This morning we went out to breakfast, then he needed a haircut, and then wanted his favorite bourbon chicken and strawberry/banana fruit smoothie from the mall...geesh. He is really doing well with HIS money at school but more than makes up for it when he comes home. This is his last week of fall ball so he is looking forward to having a lot more free time each day. Next Friday he is home for Fall Break for five days.

Although I didn't go to Johnny's golf outing, I heard it was a MAJOR success. That is wonderful news. The generousity of this community is so overwhelming. Jim said there were so many great friends there...people came from all over. I hope this helps Johnny and Pam pay off those medical bills. I just can't imagine what people do without insurance, as Pam has very good insurance but still loads of bills.

I forgot to say that I went and bought my new Vera Bradley today. I figured I would have heard by now if I wasn't NED (no evidence of disease). I ain't taking it back if I jumped the gun regardless! : ) When Ginger and I were at Dr. Ansari's office for me on Tuesday we probably counted at least 12 different women with Vera Bradley bags. I wanted to ask them if they bought them since they were NED? : )

Joshie needs to get on so off I go.

Love that Joshie.

Molly

If I had known

2009-10-06T20:18:00.001-04:00

that I would not get my xray results today, I could have saved a night of worry. I thought for sure he would know as soon as I saw him; nope, gotta wait until the scan is read. So, tomorrow and the next day will be a day of being terrified every time the phone rings. He told me to call late tomorrow if I wanted to know...but I can't do that either. Too scary. So, as long as there is no call, all is fine. Frizzle. Hate this part.

On the good side, my blood work was all normal. I actually felt good about that as my new ACC sister who has liver mets said her mets actually DID show up in her liver blood work, which is unusual for ACC. So, a victory for that part at least.

I won't give you the details of the xray tech--you know how I read everything into what they say and how they look at me...but yeh, I walked out thinking OMG, she is freakin' out at what she sees...

Typical worry.

Ok, just wanted to get that all. My next appointment isn't until April. Please slip a prayer in for me if you can.

Love to you all--

M

Holy cow, I am a wreck.

2009-10-05T17:06:00.002-04:00

Heavy sigh. I wish I could express this nervous feeling I have into words but I can't. Tomorrow is Dr. Ansari, a visit that could be dreadful, or wonderful. No control here on which it will be. I will have a chest xray and bloodwork--routine--but it has been 7 months since my last tests and as every cancer survivor fears, the routine scan will not be so routine. I think I might be overly sensitive to this scan because of the recent events with many ACC breast sisters who have learned they have mets after supposedly years of clean scans...and the other part of this is that from what I have read is that the aggressive ACC tumors often (well, sometimes) show up within the two year span. Well, I am just out of my two year time frame and want it to be CLEAR. I want to be the lucky one.

I continue to hope and pray that I am beating this but if I am honest, I continue to be scared every day. Prayers tonight would be appreciated. I want to be NED forever.

And, I need a new purse dammit! This pink summer one ain't getting it.

Love you all--please think of me!

Molly

Could we be any busier?

2009-09-27T10:05:00.003-04:00

Hello. Can't believe it is Sunday already. I woke up yesterday and thought I had to go to work--best feeling in the world when you realize you don't.

Work has been incredibly busy. With Jim coaching football every night until 6-7, working from 5:30 a.m.--4:00, and also working out kids in baseball, we never see each other until we tumble into bed! As I have mentioned before, I am on the negotiation team a new teachers' contract, plus we have a new School improvement process that has required night meetings as of late. I too feel like I am working two jobs--for no extra pay! But it is all good...just tiring. I must give a shout out to Crazy MIL and FIL--they take care of Johnny one week and on non-chemo week they stop by my house and I usually come home to a clean kitchen and at least one less load of laundry to do. This week, John cleaned my linen closet. How nice is that? I think Ginger likes to stay really busy --1) to keep her mind off of negative things and 2) I think she would go bonkers just staying at home, and 3) because she is such a great person, she loves to help out her kids. I am sure she is stopping by Pooh's too. (don't think Danny gets left out...he has an awesome "nanny" who takes care of the house too--Aida's sister Lucy!) So, we are all very lucky.

I had the best surprise this week. I won't go on and on about how broke we are (but let's put it this way...we have 99.00 in our savings account) but paying bills literally makes me nauseated. This week, I was making sure all my electronic payments were good to go and realized I am a full month ahead of schedule on our mortage. (ok, for you savers, you probably don't think this is a big deal) but it was for me! So I basically get to skip a payment and get to use that to pay off some credit cards bills. Such a nice surpise when that happens!

The other good news is I think Andrew will be coming to Sunday dinner today. He went to Michigan State to see Kaitlyn this weekend and figured he would get up early and head here first before heading back to Goshen. He also wants his dad to give him some BP--he, again, thinks he is in a slump, since he went 0-4 in his first scrimmage game. He is one of two freshman who started for varsity so he is pleased with that, but really wants to earn his keep. He said he played well defensively. Anyway, regardless, I am excited to see him!

Was reading my numerous list serves (I belong to one for general breast cancer, Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma, and Colon cancer) and was pleased to read that Irene, a member of the colon cancer one, is celebrating 10 years post-diagnosis of colon cancer with mets to the lung and liver. She says she has been "bald and pukey" over the years but is doing great and living her life. And, on my ACC site, the ACC research foundation is now sending out a newsletter about all the breakthroughs they have had. Unfortunately, they still have no chemo to help, but are getting a better understanding of how this crazy-a@# tumor develops and grows. I really, really wish they had a chemo to help just in case...

My other kid, Joshua, continues his busy social life. He was really struggling on his pre-calc homework, but kicking bootay on tests...where he knows he has to take his time! Geesh. The kid could probably be over a 4.0 if he would just SLOOOOOW down. Loves his AP Pysch class. As usual, he is still sleeping on this foggy Sunday morning.

Today Jim and I are going to get flu shots. I should drag Andrew with us because I know he won't get one at his Health Center...maybe his coach will make them?

Tuesday is Ava Christine's birthday. She is celebrating her second birthday up in heaven with her Gram. Thinking of you, Jamie. Ava is still close to all of our hearts.

Love to you all--

M

Peace of mind

2009-09-20T14:41:00.002-04:00

Dr. Ansari's office called Friday and we have to postpone my next appointment until October 6 because he will be out of town. So I can put off worrying for another week or so. Good news in my book.

Another scary ACC/breast story has reached me. Mets to the spine after a year of clear scans...Susan's back kept hurting to the point she couldn't walk so she had a test and there is a tumor (or more) on her spine. Crap. She also had clear margins and an encapsulated tumor to start with, which is about the best you could have. So there is no telling with cancer.

Cancer sucks.

On a good note, Andrew came home Friday night and we stayed up late talking and I finally got all my questions answered: he sees himself staying there four years; his favorite class is the Bible class; he doesn't always get up for breakfast but gets a smoothie from Java Junction, a coffee shop in his dorm that he can swipe his meal plan card for; it is NOT a dry campus although it is really really really supposed to be, which I thought was very interesting; two players on his team are married and three are engaged; he and his roommate get along fine--in fact, when Andrew was lamenting about some baseball issues (lack of hitting) Luke explained the story of Job to him, so Andrew now has a poster on his door that says "PLAY LIKE JOB" which he hits as he leaves his room everyday; roommate reads the Bible nightly and has helped Andrew with class; still thinks everyone is "the nicest people"; misses Kait; um...I think there is more but those were the biggies.

Jim and I bit the bullet and went and got two new phones for the kids on the Verizon network. Andrew had horrible service in Goshen on Nextel and Josh has wanted Verizon for some time, so we are now paying for two phones we won't be using. I may just break the contract with Nextel but will have to see how the costs work out. Jim and I are taking it down to him today...I will admit, i want a phone like it as it has the keyboard and I can fly when I text!

Happy Sunday to you. Appreciate your good health and worry free days, people. You never know when peace of mind is rocked. But also NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER give up.

M

Uh-oh--scratchy throat?

2009-09-16T20:48:00.003-04:00

Jim is singing in the bathtub. Poor guy's arm is so sore from pitching baseballs to kiddies. He is such a hard worker.

Very nervous that I am coming down with the respiratory crap that everyone is dealing with at school. Both kids and teachers are falling like flies. My throat is scratchy and sort of sore..plus, that cough is coming on. I am drinking lots of Vitamin C...just cuz.

Now Jim just came out of the bathroom wearing my pajamas. Granted, they are sort of unisex but he is still making me laugh. Josh is at the volleyball game and better get home soon.

Andrew's doing great. Is still not sure about whether he will be on the jayvee team or varsity. Right now he is the leading shortstop for varsity but the regular season is not until Spring so a lot can change. He felt he was in a terrible batting slump but now is batting ok--5th in terms of average of all the players so that bodes well for varsity I would think. He still doesn't call...his cell phone reception is horrible...so horrible I might actually get him a new carrier and phone as it is not acceptable that I can't call him. Even texting is a problem. He is deep into homework and I had to proof a paper last night at 10:30. I decided he didn't learn a thing in high school. At least he did indent his paragraphs this time. : )

Time for my shower. Just stopping by to say hey. Almost one week until that chest xray. Sigh. But I won't think about that today, Rhett.

Molly

Sigh.

2009-09-10T16:35:00.002-04:00

Cancer weighs heavily today. An ACC/breast sister was told by her doctor that when ACC/breast metaticizes to lungs (which hers did, three years after dx) it becomes very aggressive. She is terrified and seeking info. Nothing I have read says that...but obviously, you can go from Stage I to Stage IV in one routine x-ray! CRAP. My only solace with this stupid cancer is that it is supposed to be slow growing and NOT aggressive.

Secondly, my Velvet, who I met online, passed away yesterday. I honestly cried. She was so amazingly positive, living with Stage IV breast cancer for EIGHT years...in her bones, her brain, lungs, etc. She was so funny and brave and inspirational and just amazing. She truly was one who made me stronger throughout this.

On one good note, I was looking at an ACC site and a list of recommended ACC doctors and my doctor from U of M was one of them. Of course, he is a head and neck doctor, but at least he knows ACC.

Heavy heart today. It will get better. It usually does.

Mo

What? I forgot??

2009-09-09T17:06:00.002-04:00

Please let me point out that I totally forgot that Monday was my two year cancer free anniversary! Yes, it was two years ago that the bad ol' boob was chopped off.

Rather amazing that I forgot the significance of the date. Of course, I remembered later, but was pleasantly surprised at how far I have come. Well, at least until the worrying starts in next week with my chest x-ray looming.

But until then, Happy Cancerversary to me!

Molly

Summer's last hurrah

2009-09-07T18:34:00.003-04:00

After a long weekend camping, here we are on another eve of school. Not having Andrew to deal with will be easier, but I do miss the little (tall) guy. Saw him for one night camping but it was actually about 10 minutes total...he was too busy playing dodgeball, etc. He did say he really likes Goshen; his teachers are the "best" and "amazing", particularly his bible teacher. He had a quiz today on the 27 books of the old testament.

Camping was fun, as always. We don't do much but sit around and look forward to the next meal. We kept things simple this year. I made a big pot of chili Friday and then on Saturday all the Niles families had a HUGE potluck. I think there was close to 130 people there from Niles at our little potluck. Good food. You would never know we were camping with the yummy dishes everyone brought. Sunday we had shish-kabobs over the fire and filled in the rest of the meals with hotdogs, etc. Danny and family came down for the afternoon and the kids had a great time.

It rained last night so I slept really well. Shade was able to fall asleep to the raindrops without freaking out on us. I have the fan and the air conditioner going so she doesn't hear much outside the trailer. (I often run the furnace at the same time to keep it somewhat less damp.)

Oh GAWD! Today when we got home I was putting things away in my medicine cabinet in the bathroom and I looked at the window screen and there was this brown thing clinging to the screen. My first thought was a frog, but when I looked closer it was a freakin' BAT. AGAIN! I had a minor cardiac infarction and froze--telling Jim to get in there. The bat never moved so he was able to grab it with a towel and get it outside. He is convinced it is the same bat from the first time. Regardless, I am still shaking that image out of my head eight hours later. But Jimmy is my hero, once again.

Today was "read my old pathology report again" day. I do that about every 6 months. Today I researched p63 and p53 tumor markers, and got confused. I know the p53 expression is indicative of a poor prognosis, but that was never mentioned in my report but it's "family" member, the p63 WAS mentioned. I did learn that some 85 percent of all breast cancers have the p63 marker. This is when I shouldn't do research. : ) We do have a new member on the ACC site who is a doctor and he has been amazing in HIS research. He has ACC salivary gland but is doing a lot of research about the disease in general so the sharing of his wisdom has been very valuable.

So, September is here. School is here. Life continues and life is good.

Molly

From the Goshen Website

2009-08-30T16:16:00.004-04:00

College boy. 1/2 an empty nest. And even the bat is gone.

2009-08-29T18:52:00.012-04:00

Andrew and his entourage (Jim, Molly, John and Ginger) left for Goshen College this morning at the crack of dawn---finally got dorm keys around 9:30 after an amazingly efficient check in process. The frosting on the cake was the yummy muffins, cinnamon rolls, bagels, juices, coffees and glass bottled soft drinks they provided to all of us...students, parents, and the occasional grandparent and sibling. I swear every important person at that college was working...we talked to the dean of student life, the dean of financial aide, the head honcho admissions person, etc. They just all were helping.

Moving into the dorm room was easy peasy chicken weasy. I think Andrew had ten different people helping him carry his things to his room so it took no time at all. Andrew is on the second floor but it was only about 5 steps up the way the building was built. He was the first to arrive so he ended up picking the bottom bunk and after some thought, chose his desk. Compared to all the girls' rooms I have seen, and even some of the boys on his floor, his room is a bit "plain." I've included some pictures...you'll be relieve to know his bed looks a lot better now...he forgot his pillow, which we went home and got, and I have also switched the bedding around. Ginger wanted it all to match so his quilt was turned upside down but I thought it looked hideous (the quilt is about 15 years old) so he doesn't match the purple blanket but it does look better. He also now has a small table that his alarm clock sits on.

How pathetic is his closet? When we went back to get the pillow we got more clothes, some posters (notice the Tin Cup poster==you can't see his Hoosiers poster), more food, etc. I didn't take enough pictures but at least there are a few. I was also lucky to snap one of Josh in Andrew's closet, scratching his deodorant sticker! (Josh couldn't escape me!!!) Also, look at the pretty view he has! The parking lot in the distance is where his truck is.

Anyway, one last thing. We had a bat in our house the other night sans Jim, so of course, every one ran around panicked and the bat disappeared into the basement. Jim wisely brought in a tennis racket and tonight, while I was typing this, the bat came flying up and all around the family room. Tyler Fisher, if you know him, is my hero. He went after the bat with the tennis racket but then suddenly got really freaked out, so Jim stunned the sucker and was able to get him off the top of a cupboard--using a towel of course. So even the bat has left the nest.

Well, I survived Andrew leaving. He is only an hour away so that helps immensely. I honestly think I am more sad about not having Kait around... : (

Ah well, it's why we raise them.

TTFN.

Mom of a Mapleleaf.

Tick tick tick. Clock is ticking.

2009-08-25T18:19:00.003-04:00

I have been lurking on Josh's Facebook (Andrew banned me) and I am sooooooooooooo jealous of all the girls' dorm rooms! The pictures are fabulous. Obviously, hot pink and black are the colors of the year. I tried to look closely at all of the pictures to see little things that Andrew would need...I did see some Wonder Hangers, which I did purchase prior to the lurking. (However, I am not sure Andrew needs them for his lack of clothing choices.) Andrew's bedspread choice is an old cotton quilt that he likes--he didn't want anything new--but Kaitlyn also just gave him a great crocheted quilt in purple and white so he will have that too. The two of them are going out for a nice dinner tonight. It is going to be very tough on them since they have spent so much time together for the last two years. We will miss seeing her everyday too!

I still have some things to get for Andrew (yes, I will be doing the shopping Thursday night). I know for sure we need a surge protector, some jeans that actually fit him (he is finally gaining some weight), at least one extension cord, school supplies like binders and folders, more toiletries, etc. We haven't even tackled the food/snack issues yet. I will get that stuff down there. The plan is to bring sort of the minimum on Saturday...and then see what his roommate has...and then we will bring the rest on Sunday. We have meetings with advisers on Saturday, and then on Sunday we return for a brunch with the students and then we will attend church, too. Andrew says we don't have to come but nuh uh, I am going!!!!! Right now, I am in denial that he is leaving. What an exciting time for him.

NHS Freshman Orientation is done--check! Always good to get that over with--it went very well and most freshmen were successful. I saw a few meltdowns of girls with their moms..."don't wallk with me!!!! I can find it!!!!" etc.

Off to go check out the varsity band. Tonight is their last night of band camp.

Friday night brings Viking football! I believe the girl's basketball team is selling port-a-pit chicken at the tailgate so make sure you stop by to support them. We have a really good chance to beat Coldwater--finally, an opening game that we should win. Go VIKES!!!!!!

Molly

It's Friday and I'm not happy????

2009-08-21T19:48:00.003-04:00

Happy Friday night. Try not to laugh at this, but I am sort of disappointed it is Friday just because work has been so busy(like I don't take a breath busy) and I leave each day with a feeling of accomplishment. I definitely like work better than housework and as I glance around at the ever-increasing clutter--work sounds better!

I got a hair in my craw to strip my bedroom's wallpaper. But I don't want to put any time into it so I peel off sections at a time. And of course, the sections come off in tiny pieces. The wallpaper is ancient--the paper comes off pretty easily but the glue is still there. A few nights ago Josh decided to "help" and all on his own, Googled what to do. So at 10:00 at night, he is in my room with soapy hot water paint rollering water on the walls. He said he would do the entire room for 50 bucks. Yes, that lasted one panel as the tiny flecks of paper wouldn't come off.... but now we have a deal that the just wet the walls an hour before I come home from work and I will work on the rest. So far we have about 1/100th of the room done. Jim just shakes his head at me. I know I should be using DIF, or a steamer, or vinegar, or whatever, but like I said, that would require effort and thought and I just like picking at it.

Another scary thing is Andrew has become extremely likeable. I wanted to continue to be happy that he is leaving but now suddenly, he is NOT fighting with his brother, he does his chores without being asked, he laughs, he jokes, AND he finished a book already for his English class. We are down to a week from tomorrow in the countdown.

Yesterday, and this may have something to do with his good mood today, he went to a workout with his Goshen teammates at Goshen. In his mind, he feels like he has a good chance to start. He felt he hit the ball well-- he hit the 396 sign marker. Success really motivates Andrew so I glad it went well for him. He wasn't perfect--said the coach hits grounders like no other--but he seemed challenged by that. I am so pleased. He also got an email from his R. A., who is one of the players that we met on his last recruiting visit so he is happy about that.

Next Friday is our first football game. It will be nice just to worry about Danny and the team==not my own kid. We are feeling pretty confident about the season--the schedule is a bit different, and making the playoffs is feasable. Plus, some good returning kids. Can't wait!

Today I attended a meeting about our Instant Alert system that we will be using in Niles. It will allow all kinds of messages to be sent to your email, your cell, your home phone, etc. Messages like school cancellations, event reminders, etc. It was cool to see all that we will be able to do.

Freshman Orientation is Monday night. Always fun to see the new kids, although they crack me up because most don't want to appear that they know nothing...and then there are the few who panic that they don't think they can handle it. Our goal is to have them know where to show up the first hour of the day, and where their lockers are. This is the Class of 2013 for those of you keeping track.

The kids saw Johnny today and said he is doing great.. TGIF for him.

Goofy pain under my boob is back...doesn't scare me anymore but still have no clue what it is. I am a month away from my next set of scans. Yes, obsessive worrying is about to commence I am sure.

TTFN...Harry Potter is calling me.

M

Count down starts. GO to the FIGHTING TOAD, too.

2009-08-19T17:23:00.004-04:00

Insomnia has invaded the over 40 female in this household. I have not slept for more than a few hours the last two nights. My mind is thinking about all of things I need to take care of at work, and with the addition of my iced tea addiction, caffeine is also the culprit. I fall asleep for the most part...but by 1:00 AM, I am up, talking to the kids and petting my dog.

Andrew is pleasantly pleasing me these days. Wonder if he is beginning to appreciate the ol' 'rents? I brought some boxes home today from work to help him get organized. Still need a power strip and bathroom items. And I am sure some other things. He actually went out and bought himself a $9 backpack. Nine days 'til he leaves.

I am on Harry Potter 3 now. Also reading a Sandra Brown book. I go from smut to magic with the flip of the page.

Johnny's port is infected. Please visit Pam's site and say hello. It helps so much...even if it is just a "thinking about you." I can't wait for Friday for them. then they have about 8 days of normalcy. And you do appreciate "normalcy" with a cancer diagnosis.

I have met another lady on line who is in her young 30's that was recently diagnosed with ACC in her salivary glands. Just after surgery and as she prepared for mega-radiation, her two year old son was diagnosed with cancer. I can't remember the type but the tumor was in the belly area, and although it was caught early, he has to go through chemo. I just shake my head and admire all cancer survivors--and my goodness, your child??? (If I already wrote about this, I am sorry)

Gotta get Josh's chaffuer directions to the fair. That would be Dominick.

M

The taboo subject.

2009-08-14T18:56:00.003-04:00

I am not allowed to talk about you know who's you know what that he/she had done today. You know who has no interest in having his/her health issues broadcast on my blog. However, I will say that his you know what was clean as a whistle and the you know what went very well. He, or she, said he/she would like to do it once a month so he/she can detox the you know what.
Got that?

M

Summer is over...or is it?

2009-08-11T17:34:00.002-04:00

Today is the last official day of summer break for me. But this year, I am making the purposeful decision that I am still of vacation but just have to go to work from 7:30 until 3 or so...that way, summer won't end. Then, when the kids start, I will officially be back to work.

As always, I am always sort of glad to go back. I love my job. This is going to be an exciting year as we have a new assistant, and Josh is now firmly established as a junior. And, best of all, I only have ONE kid to get up in the morning!

Andrew is at Cedar Point for the day/night. He doesn't know this yet, but this really needs to be his last hurrah for the summer as the money can't keep flowing out of the ATM like it has been. He used his own money but I told him I would pay him back if he was a good boy. How is that for bribing? I can't figure this child out...he is never home but claims we don't let him do anything...he says he is bored at home at that is our fault...OMG. I guess this is the way kids transition to college because 3 months ago I was weepy thinking about him leaving and now they are tears of joy. And I think he feels the same, but a wise person suggested to me that it could be ANXIETY that is causing his bad attitude when it comes to the family. Jeesh. It never gets easier.

Josh on the other hand is just a delight. He has me busy reading Harry Potter Book 2 and is so pleasant to be around. I am writing this as proof that he is a nice kid. If he Sybils on me his senior year, I will know it is related to just getting older.

Jim started Job 2 yesterday as a freshman football coach. Gosh, what long days for him. He goes from work to practice until 9 PM. Yawn.

I got my answer about the WalMart parking lot from Johnny. It is employees. I guess there was a complaint that they were taking up the good spots so they now have to park way out yonder. I didn't imagine there were so many cars. Mimi also answered my Riverfront walking question but since I haven't been back there, it doesn't matter.

I am not liking to have our air on all day and night. I really prefer a fan in the window at night but it's too dang hot. Last year around this time I had my power shut off--remember that fiasco??? My my.

Rambling...so time to go. No coughing or chest pain these days.

Molly

No such thing as a free lunch.

2009-08-07T08:48:00.003-04:00

Just a quick post.

My ads are gone. Yes, it was too good to be true. Google Ad Sense decided one of two things: my ads have invalid clicking or my blog is associated with another site that has invalid clicking. What that means is this: They decided that I had too many clicks from the same IP addresses (or that the other site did). Which is really the truth, so I can't be mad, although one day I had only 9 clicks which is less than I had had in the past, but what the heck, they're the boss. In the fine print of all of the ad contracts we signed, it does say that you are not suppose to do anything to cause "invalid clicking" because, if it happens, they can cancel at anytime. Something triggered them to realize that I had invalid clicking. The really bad part of it is that I lost all my money that was saved up on the account...almost $300.

For me, this is no big deal. Yes, I give my money to charity (although this time charity might have been the Andrew Brawley College fund) but now I am so paranoid about the same thing happening to Mimi so I quickly warned her. But Mimi has had intense ad clicking since the inception of her blog, so there shouldn't be red flags. My blog's intense clicking just started so there probably was a red flag. I am not clicking on Mimi's ads until she gets her first check, as I do not want to be associated with her blog for fear they will cancel hers for being related to a site that has invalid clicking.

Just proves there is really is no such thing as a free lunch.

Molly

The GIANT

2009-08-05T17:23:00.005-04:00

I just have to post this as it is rather ironic. Do you remember me writing about the GIANT who I had to stand behind at the Billy Joel/Elton John concert? (See my post from July 19)

So, today, Jim is watching TV in the living room and I am in the kitchen. He yells "Come here come here come here!" and there, on the TV, is the Giant!!!!

His name is Jared Allen and he is a football player for the Minnesota Vikings. To ensure that it was him, I did some google research and sure enough, it was him. He even talked about going to the concert in some of the articles about him. This guy is quite popular and quite good (pro-Bowler) it looks like--crazy, fun loving type of guy...and into hunting (he has a hunting hat on as you can see. I took this picture because I wanted to show people how big he was, but this doesn't do his size justice) Like I said, Pooh on steroids.

So, when you are watching football this season, and you hear all kinds of stuff about the intensity of this guy, you can rest assured he is a nice nice guy who knew the lyrics to every single song that Elton John and Billy Joel sang.

When you know the world's greatest athlete and his world's greatest wife, nothing impresses you too much, but I will say that this guy was fun and standing behind his giant self was just part of the experience. (And yes, that is the hottie girlfriend who I think wore about 9 inch heels.)

A small but GIANT world.

Molly

Inquiring minds want to know.

2009-08-05T10:57:00.003-04:00

I have a couple questions that have been hanging out in my brain. If you know the answers, please let me know.

First of all, if you are a Wal-Mart customer, have you noticed the number of cars that are parked in the parking lot, near the road? They don't appear to be shoppers. I am so curious as to why they are all parked there. Any ideas?

Secondly, we walked down by the Riverfront and are curious as to the mileage that a loop on the side walk is...yes, there are markers but they make no sense to us. The markers have different colored arrows and a number by them but don't seem to equate to mileage at all. Hmmm. Any walkers out there?

Also, yesterday I become a member of Sam's Club. I am a true adult now. But now I need advice. I was there for about 20 minutes and wasn't sure what the big deal of belonging is...do you all save money by buying bulk? Is that it? Is meat cheaper? Better? I just walked away thinking it wasn't that big deal. But I know people love it and go there often. So help me love it.

I am obsessed with making fudge these days. I make Brooke's recipe (a secret family recipe) but wouldn't mind trying another just to see if it can hold up to Brooke's. I am headed to the food network to see if they have any intriguing recipes. The funny thing is, except for licking the spoon, I don't really eat much of it. (Brooke is Matt B.'s girlfriend in case you were wondering. We love Brooke. (Crazy FIL calls her "Crick"--as in "crook" as in a small river, like a brook.)

And, at the risk of sounding like a crazed fan, I am ticked off that Paula Abdul is not coming back to American Idol. I do NOT LIKE KARA. Grrr. I may not watch. : )

Ok, off to lunch with my wonderful friend Betty! Can't wait to crack up and have good conversation.

Molly

An 11 year undertaking.

2009-08-04T12:51:00.002-04:00

Good Afternoon. I got up at 11:00 this morning and I am proud of it. Not really. I feel like a teenager but I was up late reading and our dog was pacing all night for some reason. She was anxious about nothing.

Ok, 11 years have passed and I have finally read Book 1 of Harry Potter. I could never get into it before but I started it Sunday night and finished it is the wee hours last night. It was quite entertaining, so much that I will probably now read the second one. I know, I am somewhat of an anomaly but at least I have now read it. Josh is so proud of me.

Josh is at MSU and although he says he is bored, I think he is enjoying it. His roommate is from Battle Creek Central and it sounds like they are getting along nicely. So nicely they ordered a pizza last night to split. I will go pick him up on Thursday. He said he isn't homesick but being away from home has made him appreciate home. This is Josh's first "camp" so to speak and I am so glad he is liking it enough.

Andrew got his game schedule from his coach this week and he has 62 games in the spring--including a week in Florida. : ) He does have a few games this fall as well.

Molly

Take Two on the experiment

2009-08-03T09:03:00.003-04:00

Ok, the experiment failed. But now I am trying Mimi's suggestion of one post a day. Let's talk about sunshiny things.

I love puppies. I love caramel corn. I love to sit in the sun at the beach. I love to read late into the night. I love sleeping in when it rains.

Perhaps now I will have less depressing ads. Oops, there is that word depressing. You know the computer will pick up on that! : )

M

An experiment

2009-08-01T09:50:00.002-04:00

I am going to do a little experiment today to see if the ads pick up strange words and then decide what ads to put on our sites. I am sore of tired of "lung cancer diagnosis?"

I will try to be as random as possible:

dishwasher
envelopes
pottery collecting
antiques
Lake Michigan
Young Americans
fois gras
recipes
manicures
Michigan State
mice
rats
Babe Ruth
painting your bedroom
Wonder Hangers (I did buy some of these yesterday)
Crayola Markers

Let's see what that brings. Hee hee.

Molly

Doctors and parenting. I think I need drugs.

2009-07-29T11:45:00.003-04:00

I've decided I have a terrible case of "white coat syndrome." Went with Jim to his doctor's appointment and shook like a leaf (my mom's saying) the entire length of the appointment. It went well; Jim liked the doctor and the doc didn't freak out about the lump in his side. They are going to "watch it", (where have I heard those words before???) and then if it grows too much I guess we will go to a surgeon. Jim said the doc debated but said it was really rubbery (good), moveable (good), and smooth edges (good). Funny, the night before, I had told Jim all those things. Again, credit must go to my University of Google medical degree. Anyway, he had and EKG, etc and is now scheduled for the colonoscopy next Friday with the same doctor who did Johnny's. I figured he would be extra diligent and not take anything for granted with Jim. Jim talked to Danny last night and Danny will be going in as soon as football season is over--now we just need to see what Pooh is planning on doing.

Andrew is ready for college and we are ready for Andrew to go to college. If you have smallish children, appreciate them 'cause they do grow up and become MONSTERS. : ) I love the kid dearly but it is time...

Joshie is going to journalism camp Sunday through Thursday and is so excited. He is delightful that way. I just spent the morning trying to download the camp packet and it took forever 'cause my printer is all jacked up. You are probably wondering why Josh didn't do it--well, probably because he is NEVER home and I like to be prepared. Andrew's Goshen adviser called last night (he wasn't home) but told me that he is sooooooooo on the ball about getting all the paperwork, etc. in to come to Goshen next month. Of course, that would be ME that is on the ball. There is a part of me who wants to stop helping--just so he can figure out how good he has it. I also thought about telling him he can't take the truck he calls "his"...wouldn't that rock his bada#$ attitude. Ha! And how about figuring out how to pay for his books? Hmmm... not so bada#$ anymore I bet.

Parenting can suck big time.

On the bright side, well, I can't think of anything that bright, except that Johnny has worked for three days now. That is a victory!!!

Keep clicking those ads...each click is worth about 50 cents on average. Amazing. As Pam told Jake, "it's the great American way."

Molly

One organ is clear.

2009-07-28T00:20:00.003-04:00

This is going to be a short post but I want to say that:

I have no signs of cancer in my cervix. How's that for putting it out there??? With all the cancer talk and worries, I am doing a happy dance at that good news. All you cancer worriers understand the small victories. And no, I wasn't worried but getting the all clear is a reason to celebrate.

And my goodness, I hate to benefit from Pam and Johnny's cancer fight right now, but this clicking business is making me a profit as well. I think I made over $12 today alone. I can't imagine Pam's profits, as she had people checking in from, and I mean this literally, ALL OVER THE WORLD. Just what those advertisers want too.

Jim's doctor's appointment is tomorrow. I accidentally scared Andrew about it...it's a long story...but I felt during a particular conversation we were having that he needed to know about Jim's lump in his side. Andrew got extremely upset...which he never does....but I felt I needed to tell him for many different reasons. He is ok now and I don't regret telling him as he is a bit self-centered these days-- but he took it much harder than I intended. I spent a half hour back peddling and trying to tell him it is most likely nothing. Sigh.

Headed to bed to read for awhile and then wonderful sleep.

Thanks for clicking and visiting. Mucho adore'.

Molly

A nice Sunday

2009-07-26T11:46:00.003-04:00

As you can see, I added new ads to my blog. Didn't know you could do that! I appreciate you clicking and also urge you to click on Pam's site. They will be using the money to help with expenses related to Johnny's travel for the liver surgery.

Today is the official first day of no baseball. Andrew lost yesterday (blessing in disguise since the team that beat us KILLED us and we would most likely have no chance at state) Now I just have to do laundry to get all of his various uniforms ready to be turned in tomorrow at his banquet.

We are starting Sunday dinners at MIL and FIL's again today. Potato soup is on the menu (at Jim's suggestion). Perfect for a hot summer day. : ) Jim talked to Johnny this morning and he sounds much better. Relief.

Josh went to Relay for Life last night and hasn't gone to sleep yet. He is acting like it as well. Jim is mowing the lawn. Andrew is sleeping, as always, after a night of poker at a friend's house. The life of a teenager.

My chest pain is definitely better, as is my cough but both are still there. I am deciding it is allergies. And I really think they might be from my basement since I have ignored the laundry for most of this week and things are better.

We are trying to cut costs in our house and just cancelled all our movie channels. In doing so, I cut WGN, which carries the Cubs. That lasted for about two days. Just got them back on, but was able to do so without adding the expensive stuff. I am happy with the Food Network, HGTV, and the locals...

Tomorrow I am going to Kalamazoo to see my parents. Work is looming!

Molly

Conflicted

2009-07-25T09:06:00.002-04:00

I feel like it is super early--it's already after 9 AM but I am the only one up. Josh and I were up with Psycho Dog at 2:30 AM (I was reading, he was watching some TV show) when the storms hit so I think it was after 3 when I finally fell asleep. I think Andrew needs to be up for his game so that is the only reason I am up. Stoned little Shady is outside, experiencing wet grass and gray skies in her stupor.

Today is Relay for Life. If you have ever attended, it is a very emotional experience whether you have had cancer or not--and with cancer, ...well darn, it's achingly hard. But sometimes a good cry is good for the soul? Anyway, we are not sure if we are going. There is a part of me that feels I MUST go and the other part scares me to go. Then I have feelings of overwhelming gratitude to the people who work so hard for it. I imagine after Andrew's game we will go. I am proud to get survivor t-shirt and the luminary lighting is amazing. I hate being conflicted. I guess I will know tonight what I need to do.

Today is the regional championships for American Legion baseball. I think we play a team from Blissfield, but luckily our regional is here in St. Joe so no travel for us. (that is a first) If you recall, Blissfield is the team Andrew's 16 year old team beat to go the to Michigan State championships (and then later the World Series) so we know they are very, very good. Plus, if I am right, they were runners up for the high school state championships this year. Ameican Legion World Series is in Fargo, North Dakota so that would be really interesting if we went that far! : )

Thanks to you who keep clicking on my ads on this blog. I am up to almost another $70 just because of your clicking. Mimi, you should put ads on your blog...I would click all day and you could use the money for whatever is needed, or donate it. It's a very easy gig and why not "use" the advertisers?

Finished Stalking Susan and have now started a Stephen White book called Missing Persons. Jim just finished for the fourth time, the third Harry Potter book. He is now going to read the Half-Blood Prince again.

I am considering taking another class soon.

Must get Andrew up. Here's to a day of energy and calm stomaches for Johnny.

Molly

Now I get to worry about Jim

2009-07-22T13:00:00.004-04:00

Worry wart here.

Jim got his doctor's appointment for Tuesday. They did not ask him one question about his medical history so the receptionist who told me that the doctor would look it over and then they would call didn't know what she was talking about. Unless, and I doubt this, maybe me telling her about Johnny led to a discussion with the doctor and he said get him in.

I am less worried about Jim's colon than I am about this lump he has had for about a year now just below his boob, if he had a boob. He has strange lumps in his body...I think a doctor years ago told him another lump was a fatty lipoma so that is what I have been thinking it was. But now, it of course scares me. It has also grown and isn't rubbery like I want it to be but does feel like the fatty lipoma on my neck. Sheesh. Either way, he is seeing a doctor so...I can't even think about it!

My cough comes and goes but isn't getting worse. What is worse is this upper chest pain...like heartburn. Don't have it in the morning...just as the day goes on. It is decent when I am laying down...oh hell, who the hell cares!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (remember, I write this down so I can remember when things happen...not just because I am insane)

I also learned yesterday, my Uncle Bill, my dad's sister's husband has colon cancer. I think he is in his early 80's. Do not confuse this with Uncle Bill Brawley! Rumors would spread like wild fire, wouldn't they?

Andrew actually took Josh and his friends out for pizza. He must have been hungry to do anything nice for his bro.

Reading a new author--Julie Cramer. Book is called Stalking Susan. Another mystery.

The Discover Card people called me today to encourage me to use my card more. I wanted to tell them we were on the verge of bankruptcy. How nuts is that.

Jim was able to give blood for the first time yesterday for the Ava Christine blood drive. I was approved to give until I got to the question about tattoos. I thought I had gotten my areola tattooed in February, but it was actually last August (thanks blog) so I just missed being about to give by about a week. Next year. I think Jamie was pleased with the turnout. She has to know that none of us will ever forget Ava angel.

Ok, need to quit hacking at this.

Molly

2009-07-21T11:06:00.002-04:00

Today the battle begins! Johnny is already kicking cancer's ass as we speak. Hopefully, Crazy MIL is playing lots of BrainAge on her Nintendo DS and Pam is reading wine magazines. Johnny is probably talking fishing with some older gentleman. Regardless, the bad cells are getting KILLED.

Shade woke me up this morning in an anxious fit. Have no idea why. But that was at 4:00. I was still up when Jim got up at 5:30 but feel back asleep and didn't get up until 10. Oops. I have a lunch meeting today with our administrative staff so I am heading out soon.

My job this morning was to get Jim a doctor's appointment. Jim is suddenly very interested in this, which is understandable. Besides the colon issues, he has had a growing lump near his rib cage/breast area. This whole time we have been thinking it was a fatty lipoma, as he has a another in another spot--and he has had this for years but now it has gotten our attention. Instead of going to my doctor, we decided it might be better to go to Johnny's doctor so we get the same doc to do the colonoscopy, etc. As we know with me, getting doctor's appointments is never easy as JIM has to be the one to set the appointment up. Luckily, the receptionist said getting into Dr. Al-Fahdl is fairly fast--I am assuming he is new. Pam loves him therefore I love him. Anyway, Jim will call this afternoon. I tried to tell the receptionist about Johnny and why we were in a hurry and she understood, but still couldn't take Jim's history from me. Ok. He will call tonight.

Jim hit a deer yesterday and did $1000 worth of damage to his car. That was according to Tyler's. Another body shop in Niles said it was $2400 worth. I didn't even ask. We are going to Tyler's.

Still coughing and chest hurts. It has to be allergies.

Love to all. Please pray that strongman Johnny has few side effects from this chemo.

Molly

The beat goes on.

2009-07-20T10:37:00.003-04:00

Good morning. I just spent the last hour reading over old posts from two years ago as I prepared for my results from Dr. Ansari. I am sick to my stomach with anxiety for Johnny and Pam--I know a bit how they are feeling and can't help. I wish I could but I can't. But I can say this. Dr. Ansari will have a plan when they are done and then the battle begins.

Two years ago yesterday was my diagnosis. And here I am still worried. My chest does not feel as bad today because I haven't coughed as much but it was killing me last night. Luckily, I sleep well.

I promised Josh I would take him and his friends to Cici's Pizza today. I want to get some new sheets so I am headed to Target--lots on sale.

Please, please, please bring some peace to Johnny and Pam today!

Molly

Edgy.

2009-07-19T15:40:00.005-04:00

Good Sunday to you.

Thursday was a busy day. I had my doctor's appointment with Dr. T--which was uneventful. I did tell him about my coughing and he couldn't offer me much more than "take Clariton and 'forgedda 'bout it', which is what he said. He said my lungs sounded "great" and that I had some clear crap running in my nose--but everything else was fine. However, I must say that his words did NOT reassure me as I am still sort of wheezy and my chest hurts a bit and I keep coughing. I did buy some Clariton (goodness, is that stuff expensive! 24 pills was $20 at WalMart) and am on day 2 of it. Still coughing and chest hurts, and my throat hurts a little too. Andrew is also taking the Claritin for his runny nose--I know this could all be allergies but it is so scary and of course, I have seen a million ads for lung cancer, lung cancer symptoms, etc. I also notice that when I am sitting down it is sometimes hard to talk--like I can't get air in. Could just be my fat belly squeezing something but it is bothersome. I am also having all kinds of wierd aches and pains everywhere...never a day without worry. I am seriously thinking about taking Xanax until these things subside. I just feel so edgy.

I am obviously sensitive to Johnny's issues as well. In fact, Dr. T asked me how I was doing with the whole cancer thing so I told him about Johnny. Because of that he decided that, to further ease ANY fears that I might have, I should do the whole "blood in stool test" using these little cards. I am NOT concerned about that for me...but what the hell, it can't hurt. I appreciated his concern for my "sensitivity" (his word) to the cancer issues but haven't done the stool thing.

After the doctor's appointment, off we went to Chicago. Concert was marvelous. We sang lots and stood the whole time. I had a GIANT of a guy standing in front of me that looked sort of like Pooh--just on major steroids. This guy was so nice though--he and his buddy were with what I called the "Kardashian sisters"--two really cute dark haired hotties that weighed about 100 pounds tops. We were actually sore from standing so much and felt like we had performed. Our seats were awesome and it was just a nice night. Thank you my Lonnie, as always.

This weekend Andrew's baseball team won the District tournament for American Legion baseball so his season continues. He plays again this coming Saturday at what is called the "Zone", or regionals. If they were to win that, he would go to the State Championships, which is the following week. Andrew had the game winning hit in the semis, so it was an exciting night. Once he is done playing, he has to start conditioning BIG TIME for college ball so he hopes to keep winning. : ) I just sent off a check to Goshen to take care of his tuition that isn't covered by scholarship. Good to have that done!

Jim and I are getting old...we have taken to going for a nightly drive to look for deer. It is crazy how many deer are out by Johnny and Pam's house around 9 PM. We just put the car in park and watch them. Last night, there was another car doing the same thing. I do not think I could ever shoot one--but don't blame those that do since I have seen the damage they do, plus the surplus of them is not good for the food chain.

Johnny hears from Dr. A tomorrow about his PET/CT scan and what the plan is to get chemo started. I just feel good about the PET report so hopefully, chemo will quickly be started. Please, tonight, say extra prayers that Johnny and Pam have strength to get through the appointment and that the news is good. They are in such good hands but getting there is the worst part...they will leave armed and ready to fight!

Molly

Amazing talent. Amazing strength.

2009-07-17T12:36:00.003-04:00

C is for Chicago tomorrow.

2009-07-15T18:02:00.003-04:00

You are probably wondering why that little drop of blood is my new icon photo--well, as I looked for a saved picture of me I found it and thought she was so cute. Her name is Ruby and she graced our halls at NHS during a recent blood drive. No, it isn't me in the costume (HA) but I still think she is cute so what the heck, she will be my photo.

Wow, it is suddenly really hot and humid. We do not have the air on today--I swear it makes my cough worse. My cough is still around...most of the time I think it is sinus issues but still get scared. UGH.

Tomorrow is a busy but exciting day! In the a.m., I have contract negotiations, then a doctors appointment for the annual annoying exam, and then Jim and I, along with Johnny and Pam, are going to see Elton John and Billy Joel in Chicago. Our blessed Berrien Springs angel got the tickets for us and we are so excited! Our angel wanted Danny to go too but he has football camp and feels he needs to stay back here--and, yes, that is the responsible thing to do I am sure! I think Pam's sister and her husband are now going so it will be lots of fun! Weather looks good. The concert is at Wrigley Field and Lonnie says it is 4 hours long so it will be a late night. I hope the night allows us all to forget about the c word if even for just a few hours.

The other good news of the day is I finished two of my classes that I have been taking. I just have to get them mailed off. Then I have to decide the next one I am going to take. The two I just finished were about motivating the unmotivated student (ironic it took me 10 months to get it done) and the other one was about stress relief. Most of my stress this summer was worrying about gettting that class done so now I have one less thing to worry about so I guess the class worked. (that is a joke)

Made yummy fudge the other day. Still eating it. I almost doubled the recipe. Thank goodness I didn't.

I bought Ginger a Nintendo DS game with the Brain Age game and she is as addicted as I am. She called today to say her brain age is 26. She is an overachiever!

When I post next I hopefully will have some pictures from the concert. I also have to get Jim that doctor's appointment SOON.

Love to you all. Keep praying and sending out positive vibes! Anything is appreciated!

Molly

Relay for Life is July 25

2009-07-12T15:03:00.003-04:00

Hello all. We are doing just fine today. Sunny, light breeze, won a baseball game, and we have a family cookout this afternoon. We are enjoying today!

My cough is not worse, but still there. Andrew has the same cough so maybe we just have some allergy bug or something. I still have some chest discomfort but minimal. As usual, cancer continues to scare and loom, but as I tell myself, "I am not going to die today." It always sucks.

Cubs are winning. Another good reason to enjoy.

I need to make an appointment for Josh's driving test but I suppose he and I are going to have to go out and practice some more in my car.

I have a busy week this week--two doctors appointments (dentist is one) and two sessions of contract negotiations. I think I am back at work one month from tomorrow. Time has FLOWN.

I also have to get Jim in to a doctor. I think I may try to get him in to Johnny's internist, and then have him schedule the colonoscopy with the same doctor who did Johnny's. Jim has not been to the doctor in at least a decade I would guess.

Relay for Life is coming up...hope many of you can attend.

Molly

Cough again--still--crap.

2009-07-11T12:19:00.002-04:00

We had a nice storm this morning and I was forced to drug my dog at 6:00 this a.m. but went back to bed and slept until noon! Very rare for me but we all must have needed it as Jim just got back up too. Of course, he was out with the brothers carp shooting (don't ask) and didn't get home until almost 2:00. He said it was very fun and they laughed a lot. I hope it re-energized them to see that Johnny is the same Johnny and will remain so!

At the risk of sounding like a whiner, I am coughing chronically again. Been going on for about three weeks. You know how that scares me. I told myself to quit drinking ice tea (I think that bothers me) and that didn't help, and I thought going up north would get me away from what ever allergen was bugging me and that didn't help, and now I am home and it continues. I will say I do have the lovely PND from the sniffer, but I am not sure. I have my lovely annual exam on Thursday with my family doctor so I will mention it. I am absolutely terrified to have a chest xray so I hope he can just look in my throat and say "you have a cold dearie" and not insist on an xray.

Josh got Jim the funniest, most crude t-shirt from the Cubs game. Jim had to act like he thought it was the most hilarious thing on earth but says to me"where can I wear this?" Gotta love Josh.

Speaking of my Joshmeister, I didn't mention that he FAILED his driver's test up in the UP. I have permission to talk about this from him so I am not humiliating him without his knowledge but yes, he ran over a pylon in the parking test and never even got to go on the road. Those of you who have kids know the agony of this with a young driver. In his defense, he WAS driving the biggest car we own, the Suburban, so that was a big problem. But the sad thing is, in his practicing, he was doing so well...way better than many adults can park. He just sort of panicked. So, now we schedule one down here and he takes either my Malibu or Ginger's clown car. (it is really really small) Poor Josh.

As mentioned in previous UP blogs, we all paint bricks on the barn when we are up there and Josh painted a big red F on his...with a car driving over a pylon. I did a brick for Andrew that read Goshen College and also one for breast cancer--complete with my favorite phrase 'feel your boobies" and "save 2nd base." I should have taken pictures before we left.

Must get ready for a few grad parties today--and Andrew has two baseball games tonight, If I didn't mention it before, we have decided that his wrist is fine. Dr. B wanted us to do an MRI to see if the tendons were messed up but Andrew says they are fine so we cancelled. Hope it doesn't come back to haunt us. So he plays with the bone fracture that Dr. B said was nothing to worry about.

More later. Keep praying for good reports for Johnny and some calmness for the whole family. Thank you much for that!

Molly

The Fighting Toad

2009-07-10T08:17:00.003-04:00

My brother-n-law Johnny was diagnosed with colon cancer two days ago. There are some spots on his liver as well. He turned 43 yesterday. Pam, who many call Mimi, has started a blog to keep us all posted. The blog is called www.the fightingtoad.blogspot.com. Please visit, say lots of prayers, and give them as much support as you have given me. We will have prayers around the world!

I am numb about all of this. I just can't stand to know what they are going through. Johnny is so strong so I am less worried about him than I am Pam and Ginger. Both are two of the strongest people I know--and I know will fight this--but it hurts me to know the pain they are feeling. No one should have to feel this way. It honestly feels like someone has kicked you in the stomach and you can't breath. They are at the oncologist right now so we will know more later. Ginger and John are on their way home from the UP on Sunday. Please please please send Pam your love via her blog--it was amazing how everyone's thoughts helped me heal.

We had a good week in the U.P. but I am not up to writing about it right now. I will be back.

Molly

Fractured wrist.

2009-06-29T10:03:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, Andrew broke his wrist. Uh oh. The knobby part of the outside of his wrist was hit by a pitch and his reaction was quite obvious that it HURT. But he finished the game and on the way home he said "I want to wait 24 hours but I think my wrist might be broken." It was slightly red and a tad swollen so I said ok, we will wait. But then about 4 hours later he put on his flip flops and said "will you take me to the emergency room?" So, yes, we did, and yes, it was. It is just a "chip fracture" and it is in a temporary cast until we see the orthopedist on Tuesday. My googling has learned that it should be 4-6 weeks in the best case scenario...and surgery in the worst. I asked for a copy of the xray to expedite the process with Dr. Balint, his ortho., and you can see the piece of bone that chipped off...right next to the ulna. It looks very minor to me but what do I know?

So, no baseball for awhile, which is ok, since we are going on vacation this coming Thursday anyway. But Jim is terrified it will some how affect fall ball at Goshen. Dr. Balint has treated Andrew two times before for sports injuries (same broken wrist during football) and a torn something in his throwing arm...) and he is fantastic, so I am not worried. Luckily, they squeezed us in tomorrow since Dr. B is leaving for vacation Wednesday as well.

Other than that, still doing laundry. Excited to get away to the UP--to read, sleep, and of course eat. : )

More later--

Molly

Summer time!

2009-06-23T10:19:00.002-04:00

A couple people asked me for the link to Goshen's website...I have given you the link to the baseball signing page....scroll down and you will see Andrew. Also, his roommate is Lucas Hucker if you want to check him out. He'e a very nice young man.

http://www.goleafs.net/baseball/

Ok, today it is Pool Day! I have told Sheryl I would be over for how many summers now? Ten probably? And today we are going! Weather is supposed to be hot hot hot so that makes it perfect. This morning I dug out the old bathing suits and although I think I may have worn it once since losing the boobie, this is definitely the first time I have worn it since reconstruction was finished. I don't think anyone will be able to tell; but fake boobie is definitely a bit smaller than the other. But it does its job--putting mounds in the suit like it should. I am one white woman so I feel bad for everyone there who I will blind..............gotta wear the sunscreen though. Days of frying are over for me.

Someone left our refrig door open all night...not happy as everything is sweating, but luckily not ruined.

I must admit that I watched Jon and Kate last night although I had sworn I was NOT going to...I am so ticked off that they didn't do counseling, or try harder, or whatever. Like it is ANY of my business...I didn't watch the first half but then Josh was watching and both Jim and I got sucked in. I will say this...I thought they were pretty candid...I just want to know WHY they didn't go to counseling, although I suspect the answer is that Jon said "GET ME OUT OF HERE!" and has no desire to save the marriage. Anyway, I doubt I will watch the show much now but maybe it could be a story of how to be good parents who are divorced. Yes, I am giving this way too much blog time.

Not much else here. A new sister on the ACC/breast site from Germany is now telling us that the doctors in Germany INSIST that chemo is a must with ACC/breast. Starts to make you second guess everything. Hmm. It never ends.

Molly

Parent advice

2009-06-22T13:53:00.003-04:00

Hi.

If you are a parent, please read this carefully:

Make your kids hang up their wet towels.

That is my piece of wisdom for today.

Now, on to other important things. Like what should we have for dinner. I am sort of into making pasta salads these days. I may try a new recipe. Josh of course won't eat it but that isn't anything new. Both boys have games tonight--Andrew is in Decatur and Josh is home. I may not go to either of them.

I realize it is really, really hot out, but I actually feel like it is finally summer. So no complaints here.

That is all for now. AGain, follow my advice and make those kids hang up those towels. Otherwise, you will want to scream at the top of your lungs EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE.

Molly

I love a rainy night...um...no.

2009-06-19T21:08:00.003-04:00

two blogs in a row. I am on a roll.

Shade is living the life of a junkie. With all these storms, she has about lost her mind so we had to give her another pill today. WILL IT EVER BE SUMMER??

Did some thinking about Andrew's registration yesterday and I don't think I expressed how well it went. I was so impressed with the personal service we got. I think back to my orientation at Western and what a fiasco it was--especially when it came to choosing my classes. I remember being in the dorm room in 100 degree weather trying to even read the darn catalog. I did ok, but after four years of being at WMU, I think I graduated with about 40 credits too many--in other words...took the WRONG classes a few times. Many have spoken about the benefits of a small school and for Andrew, I think it should be a good start. I am not naive to think that he may not enjoy it, but he sure seems happy now. (there was one girl there that was NOT happy she had to go there--she wanted to go to Bethel but ended up at Goshen as they have a top-rated nursing program) Also, and this was really strange, there was a incoming freshman there who was about 7 months pregnant. So, I had a feeling she had to fudge a little on the whole premarital sex "agreement" that all Goshen kids have to sign. I am NOT being judgmental...more power to her to show up and continue her education...but based on the Goshen College "community standards" it was just a surprise. Also, while there, Andrew saw another basketball player from Portage Northern who he played against. So in actuality, there are about 5 kids there he knows from previous competition. Small world.

I really, really, really need to finish a class I have been working on for about 9 months. Yes, we get a year to complete it but I have very little left to do so why am I procrastinating. I think that will be my goal for early next week.

i need to go rescue Jim, who is battling Crazy Shady upstairs. I keep hearing him yell Ouch! Dammit! which means Shade is clawing him because she is so afraid of the thunder and lightening.

Love to all--

Molly

Goshen registration

2009-06-18T20:48:00.003-04:00

Today Andrew had registration at Goshen College. I must say it went quite well. He quickly figured out that there was a 60-40 ratio of girls to boys...many athletes were at this session and he actually ended up sitting by his future roommate at lunch. Very nice young man but sort of quiet. Andrew DID venture out and went to talk to other kids--I was proud of that--and ended up making some friends already who are in his dorm. His session with the academic counselor went really well; he and I had looked over some classes awhile ago and had a tentative schedule sort of figured out and the counselor was thrilled at what we had done. Although he does have an 8:00 MWF, he is done at noon and only has one class on Tuesdays. Thursdays are longer because he has that one class, plus a freshman seminar, and then a biology lab at night. But overall, it looked ok.

He took a placement test in Spanish and said he would be lucky to be allowed to take Spanish. He said it was crazy hard--but everyone agreed with him so we shall see. (I remember the same thing from my placement test--in fact, I walked out of mine!) Again, he left there excited and very happy with how nice everyone was. However, now that he is home, he is back being a grouch and complaining that we don't let him do anything...ugh. August 29 can't come fast enough right now!

I personally am excited to go shopping for his dorm room stuff. He does have bunk beds, which is sort of interesting. I am thinking he should probably be on the bottom bunk since he is 6'3" and his roomate is about 5'7"...but who knows. They both have refrigerators--but I think Andrew is going to get a microwave. The rooms are carpeted and I am still really pleased with how clean everything was/is, especially the bathrooms! Oh, also, we didn't know this, but the dorms are air conditioned! And they have their own thermostat so that is nice.

Despite his crappy attitude right now, we had a really good day.

Ok, time to hit the showers and get prepared to read my book, I am trying a new author--Lisa Unger--and so far, so good.

Much love!

Molly

Letting go.

2009-06-16T08:25:00.003-04:00

I am going to whine a bit today so be prepared. I must say that Control Freak Molly Elizabeth Brawley is not doing well with the "letting go" of my 18 year old son...and he ain't doing too well dealing with me! I want him to be the good little boy that never questioned what we said. Advice is welcome--short of shooting him, how did you experts handle the so- called adult in your house? Curfews? Chores? Money? UGH. Really not much else to say about that but dang, I'm ready to ship him to Goshen NOW.

I am now waiting for the plumber to arrive to install a new water heater. We thought about attempting to put it in ourselves--for about 10 seconds--and then called our local plumber. I have no idea what it is going to cost, but we have water all over our basement from the leak--the thing is over 20 years old so in my research, I think we got our money's worth in terms of that. I hate when installers are here...half the time I feel like i should entertain them by watching and asking questions when I really don't care. : ) Just make sure no leaks and plenty of hot water.

On the good news side, our softball team was crowned State champs this past weekend. It was very exciting and the girls are incredible! They represented Niles so well. Also, this weekend was opening ceremonies for Sportsfest, a regional all-star Olympics or sorts. Andrew was selected to play on both the football and baseball teams. Tonight is baseball...if they win, they play again Thursday. Then Saturday is the one football game. Josh has a Niles Nuts game with Jim tonight...I will go to Andrew's game at Bethel College, although I hear the rain is coming.

Yesterday I had a six month check up appointment with Dr. Nancy in Kalamazoo. She was my surgeon if you recall.I was quite shocked when she told me I no longer needed to see her. I honestly thought I would see her forever. She said that "I graduated" and that Dr. Ansari should be doing breast exams every 6 months now instead of her. Not sure I like that, although driving to Kalamazoo was a pain. So, I guess that is a good thing.

I do not feel well today. I can't shake a queasy stomach for some reason. This has been going on for about a week, off and on.

Today we start interviews for our new assistant principal. Busy!

Molly

Remiss

2009-06-03T16:08:00.003-04:00

Ah, I am remiss in my postings. Life is slowing down just a bit so here I am.

Graduation is done. High school baseball is done. I have 7 days left to get up until I am on vacation. (yes, I do have to work some in the later summer but it won't be at the crack of dawn so its not so bad)

We have finally landed on July 5 to head up north. If you are a creeper, please don't rob my house. It is armed and alarmed. : )

Andrew thinks he is Mr. Social and has no responsibilities these days. He will hate it when I am home and give him a to do list. Come to think of it, Josh seems to think the same thing.I think both have stayed up way too late so far and sleep in way too late as well. Teen-agers.

Andrew did learn about his roommate. He is from a very very tiny school of 90 boys (I think around 90 girls too) and graduated with a 4.0. That is a good sign for Andrew! He is an infielder and a pitcher for the Goshen baseball team.

Craving hot dogs on the grill. Jim is giving a baseball lesson right now. Josh is asleep on the big comfy couch and I have no clue where Andrew is. I need to put a GPS beacon in his car so i can locate him.

More later...enjoy your night.

Molly

He's done.

2009-05-22T15:11:00.000-04:00

Love him. love him, love him! He is now officially graduated. Now on to college and a little bit of reality.

It's hard to have an 18 year old when you are a control freak.

2009-05-16T14:28:00.003-04:00

Hi everyone! Long time. Two weeks to be exact. Crazy.

Let's see. Andrew no longer attends Niles High School on a daily basis. He was exempt from all his finals, which is probably a good thing, because if you could die from senioritis, he would be six feet under. Geesh. I won't mention the number of conversations we have had about "finishing strong" and doing it for pride, integrity, etc. Umm... his response is..."are you kidding me?" Tomorrow is the Honor's Reception, where he will receive his Honor Cords, National Honor Society Cords, and his Board Scholar Cords. The Class of 2009 is filled with many honor students. More than half. They truly have been a great class, and there has been very little "I can't wait to get out of this place" attitude--in fact, just the opposite. What really, really nice kids they are. Then Wednesday night is Baccalaureate, and then Thursday is the big night--Graduation, followed by Project Graduation.

Beckie Hamm recommended a book to me called Belong to Me by Maria de la Santos and it was such a great read! The writing was so poetic...good story line too...reminded me of Jody Picault. Read it if you can.

Josh is going to go to journalism camp this summer at Michigan State. He is excited, as are we. It's expensive, but we will figure it out. He is going to be the Sports Editor next year.

I set three goals this morning: get both bathrooms clean, and my bedroom, by noon. Yes, I was successful. I still have the ping pong table mess all over the place--still working on the photo spread for Andrew's party, and now Jim has me working on something for Senior Night for baseball.

A new ACC breast cancer sister from Germany logged on to the ACC site and is telling us that the German doctors ALWAYS recommend chemo for ACC/breast. While I know there is no research out there that I know of of its success, it makes me pause to think "should I have?". But then the others all say NO--in fact, one woman says she got leukemia from it...and a heart condition. She is cancer free, however.

Pulled pork sandwiches for dinner tonight.

Love to you all--and thanks for stopping by. It is good to hear from you.

Molly

Getting stressed. But it's all ok.

2009-05-02T14:59:00.003-04:00

It was a stressful week at work--so many meetings to sit through when I really needed to be in my office, door shut, working on the master schedule (which is what teachers teach what classes on what day). Friday afternoon was the first time I could do that and I ended up working until after 5 and forgot to pick up Josh from practice. Working until after 5 doesn't seem like much of a big deal to the rest of you, but getting to work before 7, staying up late and attending freezing baseball games makes for a grumpy Molly. : )

I went to Gordon's today and bought lots of yellow and white paper products for Andrew's graduation party. The tent we rented is yellow and white striped and I think navy is too dark so we are going with the yellow theme. May is going to be super duper stressful I predict as I have to finish the master schedule, plan graduation (which is almost done), get my own child graduated, and have his party. Schwewee. Thank goodness for my in-laws!

I am playing phone tag with the admissions counselor at Goshen. I am just going to have to call her from work. I never do that --always feel guilty on work time, but it is so hard to get ahold of people! Did I mention that Andrew and I tentatively chose his classes? That was an interesting process. With it being such a small school, there is not a lot to chose from but in a way, that makes things easier. He is taking his first Bible class....has to take two while he is there. I think it will be good for him.

Josh is doing really well with baseball. This week he is home so I will see a few more of his games. Andrew has eight games this week--finally--most teams have played almost 20 games and we have just played 11 I think--and it showed vs. St. Joe. We now have only two losses, which to many is a surprise, but Jim has always said that this group of kids is pretty darn good. We do not have the pitching we had last year but hitting wise we are much much better so it sort of evens out. Enough boring sports talk.

Tomorrow is the Senior Athlete Recognition dinner. We are looking forward to it but we also have a bridal shower for a Brawley cousin so it will be a busy day!

I am addicted to iced tea--last summer it was sweetened but I am going for just the clear, crisp taste of regular now. Yum.

Beep beep. Laundry is done. Off I go.

M.

Wind and rain

2009-04-25T19:20:00.002-04:00

Hello. A little disappointed in the weather today. Too many storms! Cancelled games and a crazy dog are the result.

Josh still isn't home from the Coldwater tournament. Andrew just left for Kait's and Jim went to Vota's house for a cook out. I am just too tired. With the storms at night I don't get any sleep because of the dog. How ridiculous. Last night I put her down stairs and Andrew locked her in a room to leave him alone. We did better that way.

My house, since Spring Break, looks like a tornado hit it. The ping pong table is filled with thousands of pictures, uniforms, newpaper clippings, UGH. I need summer to get it all taken care of.......

Andrew bought a book yesterday called "How to Survive your Freshman Year in College." It is just a book filled with pieces of advice from college students. He is almost done and I am on Chapter 8. It is a super duper easy read and I recommend it to anyone going off to college.

It's sort of amazing how I haven't been complaining about any crazy symptoms lately, isn't it. Amazing what a clear scan will do for you. Other than being TIRED all the time, I feel great. Shade and I need to take a walk.

That's all for now. Hope all is well with the world.

M

2009 Outstanding Youth Leader--my kid

2009-04-23T18:32:00.004-04:00

Today, Andrew was named the winner of the Berrien County Outstanding Youth Leadership award. To say he was totally shocked was an understatement. He is standing here with Margaret Clayborn and her CEO from Lakeland Hospital. Andrew wins a $1000 scholarship. There were 14 students nominated. A girl from Dowagiac was named the winner of the Outstanding Volunteer award--get this, she designs her own line of purses and donates all the proceeds to a charity. When Andrew read her profile, he said "she will win." Little did he know, there were TWO awards and he got the other one! I've also posted a picture of Andrew and Zach Payne, the other Niles nominee.

He's a Maple Leaf

2009-04-21T16:41:00.002-04:00

Andrew signed his Letter of Intent today. Finally, the process is over. Coach Vota is on the left, Andrew, and then Coach Keister, the head coach at Goshen College.

A few prom pictures.

2009-04-18T15:20:00.005-04:00

The first picture is of Andrew and Kait, and Sarah and Zach. Are they not beautiful people? I love the second picture, even though you can't see much of Kait's dress (and Andrew is squinting) I will post more later.

Molly

Lemon custard isn't my first choice.

2009-04-11T21:27:00.003-04:00

Hello. Break is officially over. It was a good break, although my list still remains long. I did finish some things for Andrew's graduation party and had a delightful time with Josh and my dog, not to mention the husband. We just went to Sonny's for dinner tonight. Have to pick Andrew up at the airport around 11:00 tonight. I just checked his flight status in Atlanta and he is awaiting take off.

I am being quite crafty with this graduation party stuff. Ok, so that is an exaggeration but I am painting a box thingy to put cards in. And I am still all sticky from spray adhesive from the photo collages I am making. We found the funniest picture of Josh. When Niles went to state in basketball back in 2000 the boys shaved their heads for Uncle Matt, who was also bald. Josh looks hilarious in this one picture. When you come to the party, you will have to look for it among the million others.

Today I was craving a custard filled donut and Krispy Creme was calling me when I was in Mishawaka being crafty. I went in to get one, and the girl behind the counter said they had none. But the boy who waited on me said "How many do you need?" I said six, and six original. So he takes the chocolate covered ones and inserts custard for me. I was excited but then realized when I got home that is was lemon custard, which isn't horrible, but still not what I was hoping for. Jim then came home and was THRILLED I had bought them, as he too was having the same craving. Needless to say, the donuts are all gone now, despite the lemon addition. Josh ate up all the originals I believe.

I think we have seven weeks of school left when we get back. Amazing. I have so much to do when I get back but although it is insanely busy, it flies by. UGH. I just got that "gpong back to chaos" feeling in the pit of my stomach. It will be ok, it always is.

Haven't heard from my ACC/breast sisters--I am assuming everyone is just living their lives like I am.

Love to you all--and Happy Easter, of course.

Molly

The Last Lecture

2009-04-09T17:28:00.003-04:00

Today I started the gathering of photos for Andrew's graduation party. Josh and I have been cracking up at the funny things we have done in the past. I have sticky adhesive all over my hands. Not even half way done but it is a start and something else I can (sort of) cross off my Spring Break list. Luckily, there are very few photos of me.

Jim talked to Andrew in Florida and needs to learn how to ask questions. All I got out of the conversation was that Andrew is staying out of the sun and having fun. Women are such better communicators.

There are two new ACC/breast members on my ACC site. Meredith is trying to decide if she wants the lumpectomy or mastectomy. I told her I had the decision taken away from me, which was a good thing I would guess, for me anyway.

Shady Paige has been outside all day. She looks like she is sunbathing.

Jim does not have to work tomorrow so we are taking Josh to Famous Dave's for dinner tonight. Tomorrow night Jim wants to go watch Lakeshore play baseball in LaPorte. It is an 8:30 PM start time so we will freeze. I wonder if there is a mall nearby? Josh had practice today--a good day with lots of sun.

I want to be a good mom and get my kids Easter Baskets but don't want to waste money. They don't like all that much candy--and get tons from Grandma--and I don't want to buy CD's or gift cards or anything that expensive. Maybe I will buy them beef jerky, They love beek jerky and always ask for it when we are in line at the $100 store, Wal-Mart.

I want to go camping. I should see if there are any campgroungs near Goshen College. Heck, Twin Mills is near there.

I was checking out my areola tattoo and it is really faded and the nipple itself if very small too. It doesn't look like the other one much anymore. It's fine, but definitely very light.

I forgot to mention that I finally read "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I read it yesterday so that shows you what a quick read it is. I enjoyed it very much and admire his attitude towards dying. I related very well to the day he learned his cancer was back and completely out of control. He said to his wife "I am not going to die today. And I am not going to die tomorrow. So let's get through these days." That is my mantra when I worry. Anyway, healthy people should read this book too. It's not heavy...just a nice reminder to LIVE and enjoy what time you have. I am making Jim read it so he doesn't freak out when Andrew misses a practice or the kids get a B on something.

Josh wants to get on so off I go.

Molly

Almost there.

2009-04-07T10:41:00.003-04:00

I have about three minutes to type this. I am waiting for Andrew to get home from picking up his buddy Zach. Then we are heading to the South Bend airport to hopefully catch a stand by flight to Florida. The boys and the Alis are not scheduled to fly until 5 PM but Lonnie put in some calls and they are hoping to get on this flight. If not, the boys will at least check their luggage until the later flight.

Andrew has verbally committed to Goshen College. Our visit went well. He left saying that the people there are probably the nicest people on earth. I think he was sold when he met with the players for lunch. While they are probably a LOT nicer than his friends, he seemed to feel at home with them as much as you can the first time you meet someone. It was interesting to watch the dynamics as they were trying to figure each other out. At the last minute, just before meeting the coach to see the final offer, one kid, who I thought was adorable, blurted out "if you are worried about chapel, it's no big deal." And that sold Andrew. When Andrew gets back from Spring Break, he will officially "sign" his letter of intent, if that is what you call it! : )

We did meet this hilarious girl from Grand Rapids names Karis, who was just a high school junior, but went on the tour with us, along with her friend and mom. She's thinking about Goshen and is checking colleges out early. (her mom must have read the pamphlet to do that! Unlike us!) Anyway, she had bright red hair, a funky little outfit on and never shut up. She basically interviewed Andrew about everything. One funny part was one she asked him what he was interested in...and guess what he said? BASEBALL. Not teaching, not saving the world, but BASEBALL. Luckily, the admisssions counselors who were listening to this dialogue laughed out loud when he said that. Anyway, she kept me entertained the whole tour and although Andrew tried to act like she was wierd, he was entertained by her too.

Ok, it is now 12:56 and they didn't get seats on the noon flight so they are back on for 5:00. Lonnie just called and they were going to get something to eat and then decide if they will come back to Niles before the next flight.

I need to find my Spring Break list to see if I can cross anything else off. I did work on one of my classes--but still need to write a four page paper and keep a stress log. Stress log will be easy I would imagine!

Josh wants Pizza Hut. I did promise him Famous Daves this week sometime but that is all. Wonder what I should make for dinner?

TTFN. At least the college decision is over.

Ah, Spring Break!

2009-04-04T14:07:00.002-04:00

Happy Spring Break. I love vacations when I am not thinking about cancer. And, I am NOT thinking about cancer. So there.

I officially switched over to my happy Vera spring purse. I love the print but am not too sure of the style. Way small for me. But I had so much crap in my other one perhaps this will be good for me.

Cold today. Andrew and Jim just went off to practice so it's just Joshie and me hanging out until they get home. We are then going to take a drive down to Goshen to try to catch the second game of Goshen's double header vs. Spring Arbor. It will give Andrew a chance to see the college, see the team, and give US a chance to get out of the house. I just want to go somewhere, even if it is just Goshen, IN.

How 'bout that forecast? SNOW. I remember having a snow day at Western back in the college days on April 4. We lost all the electricity in the dorms. It was a one day crazy snowstorm. If the snow comes Monday and Tuesday like it is suppose to, I would assume Andrew's baseball game on Tuesday will be cancelled. He leaves for Florida Tuesday night with his buddies and Lonnie. How jealous can I be???? But I do have so much to do this week, plus their weather looks a bit cool for me. But still, there are a bunch of fun families down there that I would laugh with. Ah well, we can't afford it anyway.

Took Andrew to get measured for his tux today. He had no interest whatsoever to even be there. But that is off my Spring Break list so good for us. JIm and I made a spring break list and so far, we've crossed off the tux. I want to put things on there like "get up" just so I feel like I have accomplished something. Getting the patio furniture out is one thing but with snow coming, maybe we need to postpone that.

Josh was chosen as Sports Editor for the high school paper next year. And to think he threw the biggest fit about me "making" him take this class. It is now going to be his career choice and he's an awesome writer so I do sometimes know what I am talking about.

I am finishing a Lisa Gardner book right now and just purchased a new (paperback) Harlen Coben so I can't wait to start that. And no, I still have not finished Pillars of the Earth.

TTFN--happy spring, despite dumb temps!

Molly

It's never easy.

2009-04-01T18:51:00.002-04:00

Can life get any busier? But the sun is shining and life is good.

However, it is getting complicated. Andrew is going to have to tell some coaches soon about his decision. The two hardest will be the football coach at North Park and the baseball coach at Olivet. And today Uncle Danny said the Olivet football coach is really looking forward to him coming. I just checked my email and the North Park coach emailed me to give to Andrew "you are a huge part of our future plans and we really need you on the squad" It went on to say that they will work around baseball with him too if that is what it took. Andrew is at National Honor Society tonight so he has not read the email and doesn't know the Olivet coach called. This is going to be very, very hard for him. But maybe once he signs (if he does) with Goshen he at least has a good reason--and that reason is MONEY. I feel bad for the D III schools as they just can't compete with schools that can give athletic scholarships. I did tell Andrew that these schools lose recruits all the time.

Also today, Goshen sent all kind of literature about their school. They seem very similar to K-College in many ways. They have the study abroad program--80 percent of their students go for 13 weeks (either their junior or sophomore year )to a foreign country and live with a family and study. That scared Andrew when we talked about K but now that he is less worried about money, it intrigues him. Also, the brochures were cool--for as small as it is, there seems to be a lot to do there. I keep reminding him that he is sacrificing attending college football games and that type of atmosphere--I keep telling him all the negatives of a small school--just so I know he has thought this through. I also pointed out all the side burns in the photos and he just laughed. I loved his attitude when he said, "mom, church can't hurt me. You have always wanted us to choose our paths when it comes to our faith. This will be fine." Such a smart boy. I am so proud of him and think he is handling this all very well.

Josh got all A's for the marking period. Sometimes I want to smack him because he could have all A's all the time if he would JUST work at it. Andrew did fine after three weeks of my nagging to get his Teaching Academy done. He was just a few points away from an A- in AP Psych which is unheard of for him!

Haven't thought much about cancer lately. I feel I deserve that.

Sigh. Life is good but it is complicated.

Molly
Future mom of a Maple Leaf?

Will Andrew become a Goshen Maple Leaf?

2009-03-31T06:41:00.002-04:00

Good morning. I am waiting for Josh to get ready for school. Now that baseball has started our house is an even bigger mess than usual and I should be picking up the trail of clothes from the bathroom to all points elsewhere.

On the college scene, Andrew is now leaning towards Goshen College. He met with the coach, got a preliminary offer and since it is what we were hoping for, we are going to try to visit Monday of Spring Break. The coach was super to Andrew and it is very, very clear that they want him. I can't say money is no longer a worry because we still will need loans, but Goshen will definitely become the most affordable.

However, Andrew has to feel comfortable, so we must visit first, before he signs.

Off to school (and work) we go...

Molly

K College

2009-03-24T19:44:00.002-04:00

Good Tuesday to you all. Such a windy day. Ruins the 65 degree temps. But I now have our bedroom window open at night and love the cool night air.

Andrew got the big fat envelope from K-College yesterday; yes, he was accepted and got quite a nice "scholarship" but not in an amount big enough for us to afford. (K is over $40 grand year) However, he did say, "maybe i should go visit again." as his acceptance gave him more confidence. What a great admissions process they have. It took them awhile but they make you feel like they KNOW you, that is for sure.

The Goshen coach is coming to see Andrew again so his lack of hitting well must not have scared them off. I think he is coming Friday. First game is Thursday for both boys. Andrew is home against Buchanan and Josh is away. Not sure how we will do. I would imagine everyone is rusty!

Friday night is the Project Graduation Fish Fry for NHS. Crazy Mil and Crazy Fil are fryin' up some blue gills...down at the Eagles. $7 all you can eat. I sound sort of like a hick right now.

What else. Not much. Ta ta from the one ta ta woman.

Molly

DFP for ACC! Tears of joy for MEB!!!!

2009-03-21T15:05:00.004-04:00

I am sooo happy to report that the Drug Free Players organization at Niles High School has just cut a check for $1000 to the Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma Research Foundation!!! I can't tell you how that makes me feel. They raised the money back in the fall during the high school's breast cancer awareness festivities and after trying for months to figure out who to donate to--that had a local flavor--they settled on the ACCRF. I spoke at length with Karissa Y., the adviser, about this organization and she decided that although it is not just research for breast cancer, it obviously has a local connection. The thing about ACC is that no major cancer organization (American Cancer Society or the National Cancer Institute) donates any money for research for this type of cancer. ACC is just too rare. So off she sent the check to the foundation, which I think is located in Virginia. You may remember me emailing their lead researcher when I was first diagnosed--and he emailed me back within a day. Also, Dr. Wolf at U of M said doctors are more and more intrigued with this type of cancer because of its unique characteristics. (slow growth, but very lethal if it comes back) This is the same group I sent my blog check too.

Thanks for clicking as always. I am making about $1 a day with your clicks. Amazing. But you know, there is money in advertising. Have you noticed that the ads change based on what I write? Must be computerized system that picks up key words. Who cares, it makes money and for that, I love you!

Andrew's scouting practice yesterday did not go as well as we hoped--at least in Jim's eyes. Jim said he bobbled two at short, and hit ok, but not as well as he could. So who knows. For me, it was disappointing, but sort of a relief. I am still scared of the "fit" for Andrew. Olivet just makes ME more comfortable. Andrew, however, felt ok about it, but wishes he had hit better.

Is anyone else having a ladybug problem? This happens just about every spring at our house. In the southeast corner, ladybugs SWARM inside. By swarm I mean gather on any sunny spot. In our upstairs bathroom, there has to be 50 (ok, maybe 20) of them living in one corner. Jim will vacuum them up, let them go outside, and sure enough, they are back, or at least their relatives are, by the next night. If it is not sunny, they don't come out. I guess they are in the wood of the house--yes, our house is over 120 years old, so that is a lot of lady bugs. Last night one was crawling on my arm while I was reading in bed. I kn0w they don't harm anything, but it creeps me out!

I still love the sunshine, ladybugs or not.

Again, save the date for Andrew's graduation Open House--May 24!

TTFN.

Molly

CLICK CLICK CLICK

2009-03-19T17:50:00.001-04:00

Just real quick--since my last post, you all clicked enough to earn $13 on my website. How easy is that? In case you are wondering, I can't click on my own ads. I am just shocked how much we earned!

Gotta love it.

Molly

Where is the time going?

2009-03-19T15:53:00.003-04:00

Yup, I got a new purse. You knew it was coming didn't you? Got me a new Vera Bradley. It's not long strapped so I may have to get used to that, but I love the new flowery pattern. Don't even know what it is called. I have not switched out of my winter purse yet. But I can't wait. I love 6 month "all clears". Just an excuse to go shopping.

Today the boys' new cleats arrived in the mail. You should see Josh's. They are sort of a royal blue and they look like something Shaquille O'Neal would wear. They are HUGE. I can't imagine that they will fit Josh's foot--he IS a size 14 but these suckers are monstorous! Andrew's are a respectable size 12.

Tomorrow the Goshen coach is coming to scout Andrew. Jim is more nervous than Andrew. This NAIA school stuff is all new to us. I thought only D I and D II schools could give money for athletics--how nice to see that isn't the case. We have pretty much eliminated North Park as their financial aide was much less than Olivet's. The football coach called Andrew and said that he wasn't going to give up just yet--and that Andrew should expect to hear from them again. So the next night the financial aide office called and wanted to go over what Olivet offered. Interesting. I should have said a "full ride". The lady didn't make any changes but said she would get back with us if anything did change. So, we are getting closer to Olivet being it...but now Jim is questioning whether Andrew should play football there. Jim is so fickle. He was all over that football stuff in the fall when they came calling! But now it is baseball season. I say Andrew tries BOTH and then decides. I hate to close any doors but realize he will miss fall baseball and that may hurt him for the Spring. We will have to wait and see. And who knows if Goshen will mix things up a bit. Andrew is now trying to grow side burns to fit in there. (HA--God don't strike me dead)

I am amazed that we are already to March 20. Where is this time going? There are days when I can't wait for my kids to be grown, but then I start to get sad. Today I observed a class that Andrew was in --Creative Writing--and he actually wrote something very funny. (they have to read aloud) I think he was hoping I would leave the class before it was his turn but I stayed just for that. His paper was titled "Someone Stole My Dr. Pepper." It was a hoot. He hardly acknowledged I was there. In comparison, if I ever observe Josh's class, he practically sits in my lap he is so happy to see me. I have raised Oil and Vinegar that is for sure.

Must go now. The furry daughter is yet again demanding me to let her in the house.

Molly

Clean and CLICK!!!!

2009-03-15T16:05:00.002-04:00

Cleaning is the word of the day. And spending $200 at Walmart. I must have bought $40 worth of food an $160 worth of cleaning supplies. I bought myself a fancy dancy Swiffer sweeper thingy. I was tired of getting down on my knees to clean in small places. It worked like a charm.

I can't describe how the sunshine makes me feel.

Jim took the boys up to take ground balls. All is well with our world.

Spaghetti for dinner tonight. I should be making the sauce but have been internet surfing.

I sent my first check to the Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma Foundation. That money came from YOU all clicking on my ads in the upper right corner of this blog. How amazing is that? Free money is the way I look at it. I am so proud to send it to the ACCF. It won't cure cancer but it MIGHT.

So click away some more, people!

Happy day to you all!

Molly

A wonderful Saturday with no worries. First in awhile.

2009-03-14T16:26:00.003-04:00

Wow, what a glorious day. Jim and I drove down to Goshen College to check it out. The baseball coach called Andrew last week and because it is an NAIA school, he can give athletic scholarships, along with merit scholarships. That would have to be the case as it costs $30 grand to go there. We knew NOTHING about the college but it looked good on the internet, offers Andrew's program, and is fairly close, so off we went. I was pleased with how it looks; it is VERY small but kids were out playing frisbee, running, etc. The baseball team was also playing so Jim went and introduced himself during warmups and the coach was (I am sure) surprised to see him. Goofball Andrew was NOT with us, just wants to visit it once. So, we have to set up a date for that. One majorly interesting thing about the college is it is Mennonite. Whatever that means! I told Jim that they don't allow cars on campus but do allow horse and buggies. I think I will probably be struck dead by God himself for that comment. (God has a sense of humor doesn't he????)

Ironically, about 6 months ago we saw a restaurant on Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives and it was about 2 minutes from the college. It is called the South Side Diner so we went in just to check it out. I had a brownie sundae, and Jim had a clam roll. It was definitely a "diner" but we could tell the food was good. We saw the owner who was a big feature on Guy's show.

So, baseball has started and Jim is in his glory. So are the boys too. Scary this is Andrew's last season as a Viking. The boys had practice this morning at 7 a.m.

What else. I spoke with Valerie in California who is a ACC/breast survivor who had a recurrence a few months ago. She is doing fine and is coming up to her six month check up since the recurrence. She is having an MRI.

I'm thinking about calling Dr. Ansari's office to get copies of the PET/CT report. I like to have those to read. I don't think I saw the CT report--in the past, it has been the same report, but the report Dr. A showed me on his computer just referred to the glucose levels (sugar water) and said that there was no uptake. I also want reassurances about masses.

I am still somewhat skeptical that nothing showed in my neck area. My ear and throat areas are always in pain. I wonder if it is my wisdom teeth? Maybe I WILL have to have those suckers out.

My chest achiness is still there. It must just be muscles stretching or something.

But overall, I can't wait to buy my new purse! I may even get two.

Thanks for all of your "ears" and prayers!

Molly

All clear.

2009-03-12T15:36:00.002-04:00

My scans were all clear. I have very little time to post but wanted to get it in writing! Dr. Ansari showed me the report and there was no evidence of uptake anywhere...wahoo. The report also used words like meticulus about the screening and scanning, especially in my neck area.

Mammo in a year...chest x-ray and blood work in 6 months.

Off to Lansing tonight to watch the Lady Vikes BEAT East Lansing!!!! (fingers crossed)

Enjoy your night--I know I will!

Molly

The waiting begins.

2009-03-07T12:01:00.003-05:00

Believe it or not, I am not freaking about this PET/CT scan results yet. It was miserable though--at first, I was so proud of myself for not needing any drugs to get through it, but then I was starting to hold my breath and hyperventilate trying to lay still--so I was a bundle of nerves when it was over. Try laying on your back in a small tube with your arms over your shoulders for a 1/2 hour. It was torture towards the end. They first scanned my whole body--from my eyebrows to my mid thigh--but then he did a second scan of my neck and ear area. That was pre-planned from Dr. Wolf wanting the closer look at the area of the schwannoma (and of course that is where ACC normally grows). I will not be one bit surprised if they find something there based on the overall pain I have in that ear/neck. I am not saying its cancer, but it has to be something. Still worried about burning boob area but at least I will know.

Mammo on Monday. First mammo on bad breast side. I hope they don't pop my implant!

Niles is winning lots of basketball lately. Our girls were just crowned District Champs--and the boys beat a team that had previously killed them. It was Andrew's Senior Night so it was a great night. Monday he plays in the first district game--we have not won a district game in 4-5 years so it would be great if we could. If not, Andrew's basketball career is over and baseball begins.

Josh went on a Youth Retreat last night and sprained his wrist. We had it xrayed and the ER doctor said that he has "6 to 8 inches of growth left". Does that make any sense??????????????? That was looking at his wrist. He will have monkey arms if the rest doesn't grow with him. I don't know much about growth plates but that is what the DR said.

Had to drug Shade for the storms this morning. She got me up hours before I wanted to.

I will keep you posted. Prayers for a clean report would be greatly appreciated.

Molly

My college boy

2009-02-28T15:58:00.003-05:00

Yes, I must admit I had major anxiety dropping Andrew off at North Park yesterday. He took his little overnight bag (ok, a Nike bag) into the Rec center and I was distraught. Being the control freak that I am, I wanted him to call me at every stage of the game, but we didn't hear from him until noon this morning.

So, as of now, Olivet is still his first choice. He had a great time but isn't ready to give up baseball yet and he feels he would have to do that to go to North Park because football is very serious business there. He really liked all the players--although he said one was sort of rude to him--the kid is the current backup quarterback to Shelby Wood (a Berrien Springs grad). Andrew said "I honestly think he was intimidated by me!" Anyway, he still really likes the coaches and thinks that he would definitely be able to play in a year...he couldn't work out with the team last night...it's against NCAA rules...but he did get to throw a football around with some other recruits and he got to watch the team in action. Ironically, other than the linemen, he was one of the taller ones there.

What else. The Olivet visit went very well too. We spent a ton of time with the baseball coach who told Andrew that he really wanted him as he has room for infielders right now. One of the football coaches stopped by too so that was nice. We also met with the admissions people and we now know where we stand financially. Andrew will get some merit aid, which is wonderful, but it only covers about 25 percent of what he needs, so that means he will have to take a loan out, AND we will have to pay quite a bit as well. (which means we will have to take loans out too.) But, it does seem like we are getting closer to a decision. Andrew wants to wait to see what North Park offers him, and today he got some more scholarship offers from Central, so if they offer enough to get him even lower than going to Olivet, you never know, he could end up there. But I doubt it. He really wants to play sports.

Jim and I found a great deal on a hotel in Skokie--it was a Hampton Inn--and for just over $100 we got a HUGE room with a full kitchen, separate bedroom, two flat screen TV's--a free in room movie, and a $25 gift card to Ruby Tuesdays, which was the hotel's restaurant, plus a hot breakfast! I felt like I was the shopper of the century. We even said that we were going to MAKE Andrew go to North Park because we liked the hotel so much and would stay there for game days. The Illinois State High School Diving Championships were near by so we had a bunch of bald header divers all over the place but it really was quiet anyway. Josh stayed home with a friend.

PET/CT scan this Friday, mammo on Monday, and Dr. Ansari on Thursday. I am trying NOT to think about it AT ALL.

Molly

Ah, the weekend.

2009-02-21T11:53:00.003-05:00

Burning boob is back, just in case you are wondering. Two weeks to Dr. Ansari. Scares me.

Grumpy Andrew is not 100 percent yet, but is at least vertical. Today we have to take up some old lockers we have in our garage to the high school. They will be props in the upcoming high school production of GREASE. Andrew is thinking that if he were IN the musical he could understand why he had to help but since he isn't, he shouldn't have to help load them up. What logic. Of course he is helping, but not until I told him my implant might burst if I lift anything too heavy.

Josh, again, is at Riley's.

Tonight is the Winter Bash, a dance to raise money for Project Graduation. Can't wait to get my groove on. (ok, you know I am kidding) I am going to stand at the bar and drink Bloody Mary's all night long. (ok, you know I am kidding again.)

Tuesday is another visit to Olivet. We are meeting with the baseball coach. We have not heard from the football coach lately which is somewhat of a concern. K-College is really the only one that is actively pursuing him for both baseball and football. Olivet says they are, as does North Park, but we haven't heard from the North Park baseball coach in awhile nor the Olivet football coach. Supposedly, we are to receive our financial aide packages from both NP and Olivet in early March.

We have this new channel on our Direct TV called MLB, for Major League Baseball. I am now beating my head up against the wall watching games from 1977. Jim is in his glory.

'Bout it for this blustery Saturday. I think we are going to go look at new cell phones for the boys--why, I couldn't tell you--except to get them to quit complaining how cheap their phones are and that they don't work.

Can you say SPOILED????

Molly

Strep. : (

2009-02-18T17:58:00.005-05:00

Just a quick blog...

Andrew is home with strep. Hopefully, he will feel well enough to go back to school tomorrow. Doc says he will be ok then (kept him home for two days). It has been so long since my kids have been on antibiotics...he just has three pills, albeit BIG pills, to take. What happened to the days of spoonfuls of pink bubble gum flavored liquid? Waiting for the rest of us to come down with it but knocking on wood it won't happen.

On the good news side, got both boy's ACT scores back and Andrew went up again and Josh is just one point below him--don't think Josh didn't mention that! Also, Josh's reading scores could get him into Michigan so he is super excited he is in that range at this point! I am very proud of Andrew for taking advantage of the test. Although he has gotten in everywhere so far (still no word from K), the higher ACT will help with scholarships.

The North Park coach called again...told Andrew that he doubted he would play his freshman year, but saw him playing his sophomore year. Not sure how we feel about that. I don't think a coach should promise ANYTHING based on a DVD and some stats.

That's about it.

Molly

Sunday Sunday Sunday!!!!

2009-02-15T12:42:00.003-05:00

Avoiding...well...everything right now. Ginger has been coming all week--cleaning my house, doing my laundry, you name it. Yes, you read that right. She goes to all of our homes (of her sons) and helps out. CAN YOU SAY MOTHER IN LAW OF THE CENTURY???? Anyway, she cleaned my laundry room so I have to keep up with the laundry or her efforts are wasted. And John, my FIL, matched all our socks!!!! Andrew's college crap is all over our house. A friend of mine has a nice little binder of her son's letters--and then there's me, whose binder is any flat surface available.

Andrew is sick--coughing, headache, sore throat. I sure hope this will pass. Josh is tired from spending the night at a friend's house but is at least upright. Andrew continues to sleep while we watch old movies on TV.

Did a little research into student loans today and am feeling somewhat better that Andrew will at least have THAT option. I hate to saddle him with loans but that is how I got through school. He also did one scholarship app today (well, sort of. He at least knows what he has to write)

Still looking for a good hotel rate for Chicago. We want to go back to the Hyatt Regency again but the rates had gone up $100 a night. Now they are only up $80--leading me to believe that they will continue to go down the closer we get to the arrival date. If we were going next Friday the rate is only $99 which is amazing for this hotel. I am getting smarter in my old age. I am looking forward to going again, but will be sad Andrew will be staying at the college. But we will have Joshie to entertain us. My boss told me of a good restaurant to check out--last time we checked out Manny's and had fun. I can't for the life of me remember the name of what Doug suggested. I keep thinking the Great Discovery??? I know that isn't it. Google, here we come.

Did any of you happen to see Lonnie on TV the other night? She accepted an award on Muhammad's behalf and gave a great speech about volunterism. I did not see it but co-workers told me there was not a dry eye in the house as everyone watched Mr. A. Jennifer Hudson sand him a song. And Lonnie is so right, we all need to volunteer more. I am going to try to You-Tube it and see if I can see it. We were at the basketball game as usual.

Speaking of volunteers, tomorrow night is the Annual Project Graduation Basketball game when teachers play teachers to raise money. It's hilarious. Then Saturday is the dance I wrote about earlier--I hope many of you go. I plan to drink a Bloody Mary. I drink about once a year--so this is quite rebellious for me! Then, in March, the 27th I think, we are having a Brawley Family Fish Fry to help raise money for the same cause. Lots to do.

Ok, time to get clean sheets on our bed. Such a good feeling.

Hugs--

Jane (I love the name Jane so will be Jane today)

The Mail Bag

2009-02-14T17:30:00.003-05:00

The mail this week has been interesting First, the negative.

Michiana Hematology and Oncology. A reminder slip of my upcoming PET/CT to see if I have cancer growing in my body. WHAT? I thought it was the end of March! Nope, March 6. I really should be happy about that--the sooner the better with all my worries--but it still freaks the bejeezies out of me. I try to tell myselg that it will bring peace but worry worry worry. And yes, this was regularly scheduled--I just thought it was much later in the month.

Now the positive.

Michigan State University. Took their sweet little time about it, but Andrew got the CONGRATULATIONS letter we've been waiting for. The last line said "If you are not going to attend MSU, please let us know so we can give your spot to someone." Yeh, we will get right on that. Just kidding. Andrew was pleased as he is 100 percent acceptance rate now. However, we haven't heard from Brainiac K, so that rate may decline.

The K-football coach did send Andrew's tapes back and in a very positive recruiting move wrote Andrew the greatest letter about the tapes, making it obvious to Andrew that he watched the film. Ended the letter with lots of "you will make an outstanding K-College quarterback!" Ah, those recruiters.

Trine University sent Andrew a letter congratulating and awarding him with a $10,000 renewable scholarship. He hasn't even applied there.

North Park also sent a letter awarding Andrew some money for his grades, but it isn't enough to sneeze at. It was a form letter and said that it does not mean that is all the aide he will get. Sure as heck hope not!

What else. Happy Valentines to you all. Jim, Josh and I went to see Gran Torino. We liked it very much. Jim loves Clint so I knew he would love it. I liked it too, as did Josh. Gotta love that Niles' theatre! Only $15.50 for all of us, with drinks and popcorn too. Andrew and Kait are hanging out watching TV. Nothing too exciting for any of us on this romantic day.

Feeling a bit asthmatic today--which causes worryworryworryworry. My herniated disc is flaring up again too so Iwalk all hunched over. And I sound like I am 84 years old.

Love to you all--

MO Double L Y.

Implants and Tribal Wars

2009-02-11T16:58:00.003-05:00

According to the Michigan State Website, a decision has been made on Andrew Brawley's acceptance. It was mailed yesterday. Do you know how upset I will be if he doesn't get in? His ACT, class rank, high school curriculum and overall gpa, are higher than those that have already been admitted. The funny thing is, he is NOT going to go there but I am being grumpy about it. I will keep you posted if any of you care about the MSU saga. : )

Tomorrow is implant check up with Dr. Messinger. I think it will be my last appointment for at least a year. I pray that is the case. I keep having these fears that they will have to take the implant out after my scans in March because I have chest cancer.

I have not written much about my chest/boob pains lately because, yes, it subsided for about a week. But now it is back again. Not as severe but it is that burning feeling. So now my mind thinks that when it hurts, the cancer is growing. Amazing how the mind works. Most ACC is NOT painful unless it gets in your nerves. The exception of course is some breast ACC tumors that are painful for no reason. And remember, my tumor was really painful. I pray that there was not nerve invasion--no one ever told me--nerve invasion means it travels much more easily. ACC lesson of the day--most cancers spread through the lymph systems. ACC and ACC breast rarely do, but do travel along nerve paths. Just in case you were up late wondering.

So as you see, cancer still weighs on my mind.

Ava Christine's great grandmother Leona Weaver, who has been like a mother to Jamie and Heather is very very ill. They expect her to pass any moment. Say a prayer for peace for them and that Leona gets to hold our precious Ava when she gets to heaven.

Andrew is still being recruited heavily by North Park and -K-College. North Park especially, which make Andrew like them even more. The quarterback coach called last night and they talked for quite awhile; when Andrew goes for his overnight, the team will be having Tribal Warfares, which are Survivor like events for the team--it's a competition. We aren't sure if Andrew can legally participate but he hopes so. The coach also asked Andrew if he had made up his mind yet and Andrew said no. The coach then asked what will determine it, and Andrew said "money." Glad he said that! : ) Andrew also has his visit with the Olivet baseball coach.

I was whining about our "expected family contribution" to Andrew's education the other night and still am in shock by it. Andrew is already working on scholarships applications. I hate this!

What else? Jim is making my favorite home made potato chips.

Joshie B is sleeping on the big red comfy couch--par for the course.

Off I go. GLad to be home for the night. Loy Norrix for a game tomorrow night and then Friday the girls play Benton Harbor.

HEY!! Also, don't forget to buy your tickets for the Project Graduation dance (adults only) We are all going to try to go. I may have to go in my pajamas as I turn into Pajama Queen on weekends but I do want to go!

ADIOS-

Molly

Expanders HURT

2009-02-08T12:31:00.003-05:00

Hello. My poor Cyndi is experiencing post-mastectomy pain from that damned expander. Remember me wanting to rip the thing out? There were nights it didn't seem worth it, but now, when I look at that scarred football shaped beauty I say "WOW, thanks cancer for giving me this thing. " Yes, I am being sarcastic, because no matter how we try to sugar coat it, this fake boob still represents cancer. And cancer sucks.

On a more positive note, we won our homecoming game Friday night and I must say it was one of the most amazing games I have ever watched. The team we played was 10-2, and we were 2-11, so no one expected us to win. But we led the whole way and basically played out of our minds. Andrew played well--he's really rebounding well--still can't make a basket to save his soul--but that really isn't his job--and never has been. Regardless, our student sections was fabulous--without them, we never would have won the game. As you can see in this picture, the kids were pretty excited and ran onto the court. I was just a proud mom in the stands. : ) We now have to get the kids to come out for the girl's game Friday night vs. Benton Harbor.

The Kalamazoo College baseball coach called for Andrew this weekend. Still no word from them on an acceptance, but we did learn that he got into North Park. Still no word from the Spartans in East Lansing. Figures. Andrew took the ACT for the third time this weekend to try to up his score as we are finding the higher the ACT, the more $$$ he gets from both North Park and Olivet. I did our FAFSA this weekend and became very depressed as to how much they expect the family to contribute. It's basically 2/3 of Jim's salary. We do not have that kind of money. How in the heck do people pay for college? What really worries me is that Andrew may not even qualify for his own loans--WE (mom and dad) may have to take out the Parent Plus loans. Wow.
Of course we feel guilty for not having saved enough. Those many years of baseball travel leagues were fun, but perhaps they should have been going into college funds.

Josh took the ACT this weekend and actually liked doing it. He is very anxious for his scores. I wouldn't be surprised if he beat Andrew in some areas--like the English and reading sections. Andrew thought the math was harder this time.

Went to book a hotel room for Chicago for Andrew's overnight and the room rate went up $100 from the last time we went. Crazy. I am hoping to get a better rate later in the month, closer to the date.

For the first time since 8th grade, we are letting Andrew go on Spring Break. He will be going with his buddies and Lonnie--and won't be going until AFTER his spring break baseball game. Jim is being a poop about it--thinks he needs to stay home and live in the batting cage--but Andrew was adament about wanting to go, and afterall, it will only be 4 days when all is said and done.

Andrew needs the computer for some reason so off I go. Chicken Enchiladas for dinner.

Molly

A night in.

2009-02-02T19:10:00.004-05:00

I forgot that yesterday was my two year anniversary of finding my painful lump. Must've been caught up in that Super Bowl game. We always watch the first half at Jim's parents--when we came home, I went upstairs to read and ended up getting sucked back into the game. I had no desired outcome, but as the clock ticked off I was getting nervous for both teams. It was a really good game.

Anyway. Andrew plans to do two more visits to Olivet and North Park. Both will be the last week of February and while Olivet will be to meet with the baseball coach for the day, North Park will be an overnight visit. (yippee! Another Chicago trip for me!) The NP coached seemed a bit worried about Andrew playing both baseball and football there--it was a rather vague email so that is something Andrew will have to figure out. Jim's philosophy is that if he can get the same amount of money for baseball, why play both? But I think Andrew really wants to try football. I just am not sure if he will want to put in the time to possibly not play for two years, if ever. Again, another issue for Andrew to resolve.

We still can't get our FAFSA filled out because Jim lost his coaching W-2's so we have to wait for them to be faxed to me at work. Silly Nimmee--he threw them out we think. Although we know we won't qualify for much if any aid, these private schools have to have the FAFSA to figure out how much they need to give you. Jim and I have always said that if Andrew has to take loans out, he will have to do that. I had loans and although Jim's parents paid for his education, we both feel we will help as much as we can but loans are a good possibility.

I still don't know what to think about this pain in my chest muscle. I know I am beating a dead horse right now by still talking about it since I have made no move to resolve it, but it is so intermittent and unpredictable! And I really think it has been so long it just is part of my day. I will say the god awful heartburn is gone for the most part.

Homecoming week this week. Both boys are up at school playing Powderpuff Volleyball. Andrew asked me three times to go (which is amazing in itself) but tonight is the only night I will be home this week so I decided to stay in. Tomorrow night we travel to Portage Northern and then Wednesday Jim and I both have to work the concession stand for the wrestling match.

I am totally going on about nothing so instead, I think I will go do some more laundry. Thank goodness for caller ID--the Marines are calling!

Love to all--

Molly

Status quo

2009-01-31T16:06:00.003-05:00

hi.

I have a few minutes before Andrew's game against Penn High School. We have to transport kids because we have cut some Saturday sports bus runs in Niles to save money. Josh has gone skiing so it is just Jim and me--well, Andrew too, or course.

Andrew was not too thrilled with Albion. The visit itself was very nice and I loved the school and even the players who gave us a tour, but Andrew did not feel "wanted" like he did from the other three schools. Today he and I went to Olive Garden (we left a VERY grumpy Jim at home who was on a psycho-mom cleaning frenzy--he was freaking out because he found a plate under the couch) Ok, I regress. Anyway, Andrew kept asking me where I wanted him to go so we chatted about the pros and cons about both North Park and Olivet and I think, for now, he is settled on Olivet. So K-College and Albion are out for sure. Olivet is winning the race as they say. But I still want that overnight to North Park just in case. (I really just want an excuse to go to Chicago again

I did not call the doctor obviously. I really had a somewhat pain free week but today I can feel that burning feeling again. Last night I stayed home and fell asleep with a slight fever. That scared me. I do see Dr. Messenger on February 12 so I will make him make me call the doctor if things are still bad.

Andrew was chosen for the area's Sports Fest sponsored by the South Bend Tribune. He will be playing on the Michigan Football All-Star Team. He is pleased with that. He hopes to get picked for baseball too.

We are experiencing major data issues at school with our new student information system. For the most part, everything is accurate on the latest rounds of report cards for first semester, but it has to be 100 percent accurate as we base class rank and gpa's on these reports. I think I spent almost 100 percent of my work time crunching numbers last week. And the little percent that I wasn't doing that was spent counseling squabbling girls. Monday we should be all set to print report cards finally.

Next week is Winter Homecoming. Monday is Pajama Day, Tuesday is Bad Tie Day, Wednesday is Fake Tattoo Day, Thursday is Class Villain Day, and Friday is Spirit Day. This year's theme is Villains--the seniors are doing The Wicked Witch, which is very appropriate since they all went to Wicked. (The vocal music department has also chosen a song from that musical that the seniors will sing at graduation)

I made a bet with the seniors that if I didn't have to suspend any of them over the course of this senior year, I would give them all a pizza party. Guess what? I haven't suspended any of them yet! They are a really great class.

Ok, gotta run! Game time.

Molly