WHOOSH. That was my week.

Wow, I am tired. I have sat in meetings almost all week and got very little energy from my students this week...listened to adults speak on a variety of things and while it was very, very good, I always miss the interaction with students as they are the reason for what I do.

Ignoring pains still.

This week has gone very quickly and tomorrow is Friday. The students started second semester. Andrew is taking an online class called The Mathematics of Baseball. How's that for an accelerated senior year? He really is interested in it so what the heck. He also has creative writing so I am glad as that should be a bit easier than his College Writing class. He did finally get his WalMart paper done, but we had so many technology problems with it that he finally claimed that the ghost of Sam Walton was cursing him. He should get an A in the class but who knows how he did on this last paper. But at least he knows how to cite sources and format a research paper.

We (Andrew and I) head to Albion on Monday--but we aren't all that enthused which is probably a good thing, since we can't be disappointed then. Andrew got a wonderful had written letter from the K-College coach--talking about how much they can't wait to see him in the orange and black uniform, etc. Andrew has basically eliminated them however, and is scared to talk to the coach because they have become buddies through the recruitment process. But he isn't talling anybody ANYTHING until he has to. Tonight he is up hitting for baseball and I can tell in his head he has moved on to that now. North Park has called nightly to see where he stands in the application process...we think he has everything in now. I was reading about D III recruitment and some sources were saying that it is an "exhaustive" process and that ain't no joke. Would be much easier to just say Hey, I am going to CMU! Another coach was telling Jim tonight that some D I and D II schools lose players to D III schools because they can offer so much more if the player is right. I sure hope that happens! : ) Andrew managed to pull out AP Psych with an "average" grade--otherwise he had a pretty decent report card--all A's and a B+ except for the "average" grade in AP. (I am not saying a C because I am praying that is what it is...he isn't sure!!!..EEEK!)
Anyway, Josh did well too. His Algebra II grade is his only B.

What else. I think Karen has surgery tomorrow. Lots of positive energy to you my dear! Cyndi, let me know your next steps. You are handling this all so well and before you know it you will have a nice rock boob like I did. (don't worry, squishy boob comes soon enough)

I am chilly willy right now so time to take a shower and go to bed. I haven't read in weeks--other than college catalogs!

Much love to all--I still need each and everyone of you. You are my very cheap therapy but worth a priceless amount!

Moi

Damn

Cyndi did not get clean margins. She now has to decide the whole reconstruction thing and what is next but the breast has to come off. Remember my days of getting the news of no clean margins? It just STINKS. I am praying for her right now...I just want to her to get the sense of peace that will come when she has a plan. When we were busy making appointments was the easy time for me...I was soooo busy and couldn't even think about dying. It was just like having my toe operated on or something. I just detached myself from it for that whole period. And it worked for me. That, and a little bit of Xanax.

Quickly, Andrew liked Olivet and felt they really liked him. Right now, before any scholarship offers come in, he is still leaning towards North Park but said that the money would have to be worth it. To complicate things, the North Park baseball coach called today and really wants to meet him and to have him visit. He was quite upset that he was not contacted that Andrew was there. And then, the Albion College football coach called tonight and wants him to come to visit next Monday. When it rains it pours. Andrew is getting a bit confused I think so it will be nice to just get back to school for a few days.

Feeling very proud to be an American today. No matter how you voted, I think we all felt a sense of pride as we watched history being made. And wasn't Michelle's suit gorgeous? : )

Cyndi, I am thinking of you. And Karen, you too. You both need to keep me posted! Prayers to all my sisters and angels as we support eachother.

Molly

Decisions, decisions. Olivet tomorrow.

Hi Hi.

Home sweet home. Jim and I were the first up today at the hotel--I think the boys would have slept until tomorrow if we had let them. We got home before noon.

Andrew was very satisfied with his visit but now things get complicated. Luckily, his visit with Olivet is tomorrow so we will have at least three options to mull over before he makes any decisions. Jim is taking him to this visit, along with cousin Matt, who played basketball at Olivet. I filled out the FAFSA today--at least part of it--and although I know we won't get any aide, it is a requirement of the colleges he is looking at. Both North Park and Olivet have merit scholarships--many of which Andrew is qualified for--but none of them add up enough to make equal the cost of say going to Michigan State (which we still haven't heard from since the higher ACT score was sent it!) or Central for example. Matt Brawley is convinced he will get good money at Olivet; Matt said the football coach was surprised Andrew would even consider Olivet after looking at his films, but we know how that goes....When we left North Park the assistant head coach pulled Andrew aside and said "I will be recruiting you hard" so we will be talking soon. I told Josh and Jim he probably said that to everyone and Josh said no, he didn't, I listened to what he said to each quarterback and he only said that to Andrew. Gotta love Joshie. When we were waiting for visit to start yesterday, the offensive line coach who played five years in the NFL came up and walked quickly by Andrew, straight to Josh, and said "Finally! I have finally found my offensive lineman I have been looking for!" Those of you who know Josh know he is one scrawny string bean. He was wearing his glasses, playing with his I pod looking way more like Bill Gates than a football player.

We have decided Andrew will have to do an overnight at North Park to keep it on the list. The campus is not very pretty, but with all the snow, it was hard to see what it really looked like. It has 1800 students, which is about 800 more than Olivet. We have two former NHS students who go there so Andrew is trying to get in contact with them through Facebook. When we were driving around, we drove into a nearby neighborhood and it was definitely filled with many temples and synagogues that were just starting worship so we saw lots of beards, black coats and hats. What a different and interesting world it will be for Andrew if he goes there. The coach's wife also told us about all the ethnic festivals nearby.

Josh is skiing--Andrew and Jim are napping. Off to make pork chops for dinner.

Chest is still burning--but it comes and goes which I can't figure out!!!!

Molly

K takes a hit

To quote Andrew Brawley, K took a hit today. Andrew really really really liked what he found at North Park. The visit was very different from our visit to Kalamazoo, and the university is very different as well. We got here very early...found our hotel first (sort of) and then headed up to find the university, which is about 15 minutes north on Lakeshore Drive and then you head west ( if you head east you obviously go into Lake Michigan)

North Park is not K-College in terms of the beautiful campus. There are no fireplaces lit all over the campus, no marble floors, no brand new cafeterias. But it just fit Andrew so much better. First of all, the coaches were really approachable, very down to earth with the kids, and set us at ease right away. We didn't start with admissions like we did with K--spent most time with the coaches. Each one came around and spoke with us, the college VP did as well...then we did the tour, met with the admissions lady, talked financial aide (North Park is about $10 grand cheaper than K) and even met the head coach's wife. At lunch, Andrew sat with an education professor and football players, who were extremely outgoing. Andrew felt the cafeteria food was better than K, but I think that was because he was having a much better time.

After the visit, we came back and checked in and Jim had his first stress meltdown trying to find where to park here at the hotel. Then, we upgraded our room for $9 and got a wonderful view of a very soon to be frozen Lake Michigan. We are on the 33rd floor and have special keys to the "Club", which gives us free sodas, breakfast, wine, etc....all for that $9 upgrade! Tells me this place is NOT sold out We are at the Hyatt Regency by the way.

For dinner, friends had recommended Manny's, which is a deli cafeteria that features corned beef and pastrami sandwiches. YUMMY. They were awesome! We took a cab there as Jim was not about to try to find it after our parking fiasco with the hotel.

Tonight we watched "Slumdog Millionairre" in our hotel room--for a nice $12.99. (we figured it was cheaper than going to the movies, even the Ready) I think I liked it...it was way different than anything I have ever seen. Movies like this I have to wait to decide if i liked it. It won a Golden Globe for Best Drama and although it was good, I am not sure it was that good.

Missing my dog. Trying not to think of cancer. Praying for Cyndi's clean margins.

Molly

College Visit Weekend

It is 6:19 AM and I am waiting for Jim to get home from getting gas and McDonald's for Andrew. We are headed to Chicago--North Park University-- for the night. I am glad to get away as it allows me to deny this burning issue in my chest. Last night, when I went to bed I thought it felt good when I layed down, but now it's there, feeling like a knawing little pain behind the implant.

Andrew's visit to K-College went very well, although I doubt he will end up there. It was a fantastic experience for him (and Jim and me) and I am glad we did it. I will update later on it as I don't have time now, but it was a fun day for all of us---I only wanted to kill Andrew once--when he asked ME to fill out an information form for him! Will this child ever make it without me? One of the best things about the day was that the baseball coach wants him to come for an overnight visit so Andrew feels like he is really interested. The admission counselor was very good too--she is brand new but was so genuine and sincere. But again, doubt he will end up there.

Josh is also going with us today. He spent the night at a friend's and stayed up all night so Josh and no sleep and Andrew grumpy in the morning is going to prove for an interesting drive to Chicago. The drive to Kalamazoo yesterday was harrowing to say the least. I was like a statute driving along 1-94. Luckily, Jim's boss let him off early so he got to go too. Yes, we had another snow day on Friday--that's 5 days off so far this year. I think we might have one more before we have to make them up. My prognosticator husband predicted seven.

Shade is visiting her favorite friend Al (Ginger and John's dog) for the night. I haven't said how much I appreciate my in-laws lately. They are the best!!! I miss Shade already. She is my blood pressure lowerer. : )

Again, I will update College Visit Weekend soon. Also, Andrew is headed to Olivet on Monday to meet with the football coach and yesterday got a hand written letter from the head Olivet baseball coach wanting him to come up. Thanks sooooooooooooooo much to Andrew's NHS baseball coach Mike for sending out what we are hearing is a wonderful letter about Andrew.

But to keep Andrew's ego in check, we lost to Lakeshore in basketball last night. What else is new>

Off to the Windy City. Weather,com says it is a whopping 11 degrees--with a -4 wind chill,

Love to all those with boobs, flat or not.

Molly

Yes, a snow day.

Snow Day Snow Day What a Wonderful Snow Day! My beautiful Shady checks out the newly fallen snow this morning. The trees were gorgeous! We now have probably two feet of snow in the backyard and it makes for difficult pottying for the pup. But she loves it and plays for quite awhile. More later!

The No Mo Blizzard Blues

BRRR. I have to admit I am rather sad our blizzard watch is canceled. I love blizzards. We are supposed to get some lake effect snow starting tomorrow some time. The timing doesn't look good for a snow day but I guess that is ok because we need to finish exams so we might at well get it over with. We dismissed an hour early today to make sure the busses got to the elementaries as soon as possible--which they did. Andrew's game was canceled and I have to admit I for one was not disappointed. American Idol starts tonight and we always laugh at it so it will be a nice family activity.

Still not feeling well. I think Tylenol and Advil take the edge off and then I forget about it, but then if breathe deeply or move a certain way I feel the ache. I keep asking myself what I am so afraid of--it is what it is--but going to the doctor will set into place numerous tests and since this pain is definitely SOMETHING, bad news could really ruin my day, you know? Egads. Enough already. My only other option is that my implant is really pulling on my muscles. Every other thing I can think of is too scary.

Josh is laying here on my lap practically and needs to quit reading this. He spent 3 hours at his Algebra II teacher's house tonight to review for his final. She always goes the extra mile and has kids over in groups. He now went to get his typical dinner, a frozen pizza. Jim made the rest of us miniburgers on his little griddle grill.

Andrew has to finish his WalMart paper this week and he will be done with his College Writing class. Next semester he has Creative Writing. Josh is excited because he gets to take our Leisure Sports class...they do all kinds of fun things. First thing is skiing!

We are hooked on Two and a Half Men these days.

Cyndi is having her surgery Thursday. Here's to clean margins and little pain!!!!!

Molly

Of course they're fake. The other ones tried to kill me.

This was on a t-shirt on a breast cancer website. LOVE IT!!!!!

You should see me trying to decide on a hotel in Chicago. I think I have some "can't make a decision disease". (here i go again, looking for some disease) Finally, after almost 10 hours of trying to decide, we made our reservations at the Hyatt Regency, where I have stayed before. We were all set on this W Lakeshore but some of the reviews indicated the pool was being fixed. The funny thing is we will probably be in the hotel for about 12 hours! And won't go to the pool either. I was psyched that they allow pets until I thought "heck no, I am not taking that dog!" What was I thinking.

Josh is hitting the slopes as we speak. I am cooking my spiral ham. Last night Shade ate the whole loaf of rye bread. WOW. She is working her way up to Marley status.

Andrew is studying. If studying means watching the NFL game and then running back to the computer to study his on-line notes. I sure hope the on-line notes are what he needs to study because that is all he is looking at--I can't wait for this semester to be over.

We went out for breakfast with Dan and Aida and the kids. Skyler is well aware that Objagina (sounds like ob-ja-vagina) is going to be our new president. We laughed! Talon declared that HE was our next president. Willow just ate her hot dog and smiled the whole time. You never know what she is thinking!

We are preparing for bitter cold temperatures this week. Andrew keeps checking the weather report in his itouch. For as much as he loves snow, he really needs to be a teacher in the hopes of future snow days.

Josh's middle school English teacher has asked him to enter a writing contest about a novella by Ayn Rand. He is pretty excited about it but hasn't put the time in yet so who knows how long that excitement will last. In case you haven't read it, Josh wrote a controversial article for our school paper about his dislike for cheerleaders. It was quite tongue and cheek but of course upset some (less than you would expect) cheerleaders and a few others. I would not have published it had I been the adviser as I was quite conservative and hate hurting anyone's feelings, but they did publish it with a rebuttal from a cheerleader so it was pretty balanced. Josh got all kinds of praise as well so overall, it was a good experience for him. Now he really looks for controversial topics. He told me yesterday that he was most recently assigned a story on "gay people." Oh lordy....why me???

Not much else to say. Chest barely hurt when I got up but the burning is starting again.

Stay warm.

Mrs. Molly Elizabeth Holdship Brawley
The One Boob Wonder

Same pain, different day.

Good afternoon on this snowy, snowy Saturday. We're getting ready to go to a family birthday party for Chase, Matt's son, who is two. I want to pull my hair out as Andrew is doing everything to avoid studying for his AP Psychology exam. He really has to do well on the exam to salvage a decent semester grade. I am just mad at him in general these days. The whole college search thing is occupying his mind--so much, he is forgetting he has to finish high school first. His MME scores waived him out of all of his final exams, but in AP he does have to take it...........Josh only has his Chemistry final and says he will Ace it. We shall see! : )

I am going to get this over with: my chest still hurts. The whole week of school I doctored with Advil and Pepcid AC --thought it helped some--even wanted to say to people "I think this is better!" but today that burning spot deep in my implant area is definitely there. It is so reminiscent of the burn the ACC tumor had-but also reminds me of pains I had years ago that we think we related to birth control pills. So I don't have to go on and on about this, I will say that when it's time to call the doctor, I will know it. I guess I am not there yet. Or am I just too scared to do it? You know, someone said heartburn is related to menopause? But this isn't just heartburn--and it seems to be too high up to be an ulcer. And I have no reason to have an ulcer. (HA!)

Andrew has his K-College visit Friday--I am going with him. The visit will last until 2:00 or so, and we are thinking about letting him skip basketball practice so we can head to Chicago Friday night for his North Park University visit on Saturday. I am googling hotels--we are thinking about staying by Navy Pier. North Park is way north of the city but easy to get to from Lakeshore Drive. We stayed the Hyatt once and it was very nice. I think as a family it will be good to get away and this visit is a good excuse.

The Olivet College coach also called. One of my best friends from high school is married to his brother so we sort of know him. We have not picked a visit date yet--the coaches are out of town this week so it will probably be later this month. Jim will go to that visit. We don't even know if parents are supposed to go to these things or not--I can always go to my mom and dad's during the K-College visit.

Jim made venison stew yesterday and we are planning on having it for dinner. I still struggling eating venison but will try it. He, as always, used no recipe, which means it will have some really strong flavors. I bought a spiral ham today to cook for tomorrow. Also bought stuff for ham and swiss sandwiches.

Must go to the party. Happy Birthday Chase!

What do you think of Wal Mart?

Getting up today was easier than expected but I think I might have had my first hot flash. I felt miserable for about 10 minutes--do you feel nauseated too? 'Cause I sure did! But once I was up and about, I felt much better. Chest still hurts but my mind didn't focus on it too often at work. i was busy--we are getting ready for exam week next week and I was working on second semester schedules for both students and teachers. A good day at school means less focus on cancer.

I spoke with another ACC sister on the phone last night. It's amazing the bond you have with someone when you have this lousy diagnosis. I hope to help my sisters not worry but that is sometimes very hard for me to do because as we all know, WORRY is my middle name. (I think I posted that one or two times, huh?) This chest pain has me all discombobulated. Even sitting here typing this I can feel it burning and my shoulders tensing. The only time the pain dissipates is when I am laying in bed. No wonder I want to be there all the time! : )

Andrew is at Kait's game tonight. They are such a darling couple. Andrew spoke to a few kids at school today and found three who have lower gpa's and the same ACT that he has (one had a lower gpa AND a lower ACT) who all got into Michigan State. NONE of them have the activities and sports that he has. I looked over class lists etc. and there is no rhyme or reason for him not to get in with his latest ACT so we shall see. It's amazing the opinions i have heard from various parents about the admissions process at State.

What else? Have I mentioned my chest/lung hurts?

Another school called Andrew today from Chicago. North Park University (College??) saw his game film and wants him to come visit. Andrew did not get home in time to call the coach back but will tomorrow. He is intrigued with this place only because it is in the heart of Wrigleyville! He so wants to play baseball somewhere so it is ironic the sudden interest in his football career. I know at K-college they basically said he could play baseball there--or at least be on the team.

My mom called today and said there was a front page article in the Kalamazoo Gazette tonight about Kalamazoo College and other elite private schools and how their applications are down. K-college is down like 7 percent. No wonder they want Andrew! : ) The article of course focused on the crazy costs to go there but K -College is working on more financial aide packages so maybe there is hope for Mr. Andrew.

Andrew has to write his final College Writing paper on whether or not WalMart is good for society. He is taking the angle that it really depends on who you ask. He actually started it tonight before Kait's game and has a good direction. If you have an opinion about that topic, feel free to post it on my blog because he wants to interview some people for the section on the consumer's perception and reality of WalMart. Interestingly enough, the students are directed to use the Internet for all their research so you posting your opinion on my blog counts!

If you watch the Food Network, Aida, Danny's wife was on again tonight. I say again because she is in one episode of a cake baking competition as a judge. (she works for Whirlpool, who sponsored the competition) We have to watch it until we see her eating the Grape and Lemon Cake. Danny makes fun of us because he now realizes how often we watch that channel.

Ok, back to my mantra. I am NOT going to die today.

Love to you all and special prayers for Cyndi as she waits for results--peace out sister--it WILL get easier.

Molly

Oh lordy, pass the Kleenex.

If you are a dog lover, you have to see Marley and Me. Jim and I went last night and I sobbed. Jim was sitting next to me and I could feel his arm trembling up and down and when I looked at him we both started cracking up at our blubbering. It has a really sad part but the movie itself is a very happy story. I loved Jennifer Aniston as the mom, and Owen Wilson was fine, although his voice bugs me sometimes. But we loved it and talked about it all night. Not sure if Dan and Aida liked it as much as we did, but they don't have a dog so maybe that makes a difference.

Before the movie we took Josh and all the nephews (sans Talon of course) to Swiss Valley to snowboard. Quinn has gone once before but Jake and Zack were rookies so we stayed to watch their first run. We have had some icy weather conditions so the snow on the slopes was iffy at best. Jake and Quinn struggled their first run, but made it down relatively easy. Poor Zack somehow slid off to the side of the slope and ended up tumbling like a two ton tumbleweed just about the whole way down. Needless to say, when he finally reached the bottom he had sworn off snowboarding for life. But we made him stick it out--he rested for awhile in the lodge--got brave again and ended up liking it. I so hope they like it as Josh LOVES it and the more family into it, the better. I would love to take a family weekend trip to Boyne. Pam and I can drink in the lodge and send the guys out with the kids. Knowing Mimi, with her "I won't wear any more granny panties" New year's resolution, she would probably actually SKI. Not me, my implant would probably bust open. Or perhaps it would act as an airbag? Forgive me, I digress. : )

Today I got my haircut and came home and had to take a nap. I am never going to be able to get up once school starts on Monday. Andrew has a game tonight (we are going to get creamed I am afraid) so we are headed there at 6:00 with Jim's parents. Josh and I went to Wings for lunch and now my chest/lung issues are even worse because of heartburn. I am wondering if my chest aches are from the implant? It seems almost like a deep deep muscle pull--the thought that cancer has embedded itself in my chest wall scares me, as the feeling is very similar to the overall pain I had with the lump--but then again, I realize my implant is under one of the chest muscles so maybe it is just stretching. By the way, for my long time readers, I still get that liver/gall bladder pain every once in awhile. Just another Molly Obsession.

A fellow teacher passed away this weekend from her battle with cancer. Shelly Wilder taught at our early elementary child center and was loved, loved, loved. She fought one hell of a fight based on what I knew. Say a prayer for her family. They knew this was coming but it has to hurt like crazy. I am sure Shelly is in a better place.

I hate to say this but I really want another dog. Wouldn't Shady love a new playmate? We could get a yellow lab like Marley (well, better behaved) and we could call her Sunny. You know, if I begged I could get one from my husband. I should strike now while Jim is feeling sentimental about the movie. I love dogs that is all there is to it.

Ah well, I should probably put on some sort if makeup and comb my hair. My day of laying on the couch watching The Real Housewives marathons is over. (as opposed to Jim, who got up at 7 to go hit baseballs with Andrew, then had basketball practice with his 7th graders, then went to help Zech process his venison and now is ready for the game)

Vacation is over. UGH.

Peace out,
yours in boobdom,
adios,
farewell,
Pasta Linguine,

Molly

Two posts in one day.

Hello all--Happy New Year--again.

I posted some new photos I took today with my handy dandy new camera that Nimmy got for me for Christmas. I just need a bigger memory card as the one that came with the camera fills up too fast.

I also posted two links to two ACC sisters blogs. Follow them if you would like. Also, one more plea to you all to remember to click on my ads that are somewhere on this site--I should probably move them. I think each click earns me about $2 and that adds up fast. Remember, money is being sent to a group that deals with ACC.

Today was relatively uneventful, other than our Christmas celebration. Josh pooled all his money and gift cards (I had to buy one from him) but all in all, he had enough to buy an Ipod Touch, which is what Andrew got from us. So they are both happy and therefore, I am happy.

Our large screen tv is on the fritz. We called a local TV repair man who grumbled throughout the repair about what a piece of crap our TV was. It was so funny that Jim just laughed and laughed. We think it is the bulb for the LCD--we knew when we bought the sucker this day would come. So the repair guy left grumbling about having to go find it and mumbling why anyone would ever want a SONY tv. It was quite funny as he reminded me of my dad.

Andrew is asleep again from his all night party. I want to thank the parents who hosted this last night--they know who they are--I know my kid was safe and that they don't provide alcohol to high school kids/minors--which seems to be popular these days. Having as many kids has they did has to be a pain in the neck but knowing he was there, having a great time, makes things easy on parents. Josh had fun snowboarding--is taking all his cousins tomorrow.

Much love to you all. Chest still hurts--almost like major asthma attack but not.

Molly

2009

Happy New Year! I think, for the first time in my whole life, I moved into a new year alone! Isn't that weird? Jim left at 11:45 to pick up Josh from the slopes...oh well, I didn't even watch the ball drop either. Shade is here though, going nutso because someone let off some firecrackers nearby and it is freaking her out. Love my doggy.

So, a new year. As I type this, I am plagued with some really odd chest/muscle pains in my upper back and chest area. This is about day 5 of it. Have decided that if it still hurts next week I will call. Last night the pain was so bad I actually took something for it and some Xanax--that helped. But there is something going on for sure. Pray it is nothing serious, ok? I want a cancer-worry free year!

Andrew is going on a "visit" to Kalamazoo College January 16. He has spoken with the coach a few times and they seem to get along famously--we shall see. I say it has to be a LOT of financial aid to go there--Andrew is afraid he isn't smart enough but I say pfshhh to that...he would do wonderfully if he actually worked at it. My parents would flip if he went there...in a good way. They've even driven around the campus to check things out. Ginger's mom used to be the admissions secretary at K-college for DECADES so we think it would be fitting if he went there.

Did I tell you that I have to go back to see Dr. M in February? He wants to look at the nipple again (which looks really really good by the way) and I have to do some sort of form filling out for my implant. I am in that 10 year study remember.

I am watching the Girls Next Door. What an exciting life I lead. Ok, now Jay Leno.

Since I am rambling, I will end here. Happy New Year to all...here's to a better 2009 than ever imagined and peace for everyone!

Molly

Welcome Karen

With mixed feelings, I welcome yet another ACC/breast sister to my blog. I met Karen on my rare cancer forum. I am so glad we have all found each other but it is with heavy heart that yet another woman, or anyone for that matter, has to deal with such a scary journey.

We MUST find a cure for cancer. I bet there is not one of you out there who has not been impacted by it at some level. Let's hope 2009 brings us closer to a cure.


Molly

Welcome Cyndi

I really have so much to do but must blog about Cyndi, who you can see posted a comment on my last post. She too is a newbie to ACC/breast. Can you believe it? I would say almost 10 people have been diagnosed during the duration of my journey. And that is all that I KNOW about. Wonder if they will ever not call it rare?

Cyndi, there are at least two other ACC'rs who read this blog. Stephanie, who was diagnosed about 6 months ago (right Steph?) and Kristina, who was my angel, who is about three years out now? Feel free to ask any question as Kristina had the lumpectomy, I had the mastectomy, and Stephanie had a bilateral. So we've got you covered in the procedure department. It is always interesting to see what others' doctors do as well.

My news for the day is I met with my PS, Dr. Messinger. My nipple really looks about perfect--still a few stitches here and there but they are disappearing daily. Both the doc and I wish the left breast was a perky as the right but it isn't too be. Luckily, all looks fine in a bra.

Also, Andrew's ACT score went up and puts him the range of what MSU wants. Doesn't mean he'll get in for sure as they compare him to all applicants, but at least he improved. He was happy it went up--still wants to take it again believe it or not--but doesn't seem to interested in MSU anymore. He has to meet with the Kalamazoo College coach soon--that could prove very interesting.

More later.

Molly

Rachel Ort Leazenby

I have just learned that a former student of mine, Rachel Ort Leazenby, was killed in a car accident Christmas Eve. I am just stunned. She was actually a Brandywine student, but took my Teaching Academy class at NHS. She married her high school sweetheart, Jon, who was also an NHS student and really great "kid." They were two perfect young adults with a wonderful world ahead of them. Rachel most recently was subbing at area schools and when I last saw her, which was about a month ago, she asked how I was doing--said she prayed for me often. Thank God for her faith--and Jon's too--as I know it will be the only thing to get him through this tragedy. Just an awful awful shame. She was always bubbly, full of energy, smiling and POSITIVE.

Just another reminder to live, laugh and love everyday.

Molly

I was right.

Hello friends--

Happy post-Christmas day. Jim just came back from errands and said the roads are terrible. Andrew is at basketball practice--eek. Hope he managed the icy roads. Speaking of Andrew, sitting on the table right now is a very thin letter from Michigan State Admissions office. I am guessing he did not get in as there is just one piece of paper in there. I am sure it is his ACT scores. I am glad this is is not his first choice for schools--but at least it would have been ANOTHER choice.

Christmas was nice. But I swear there is something about grandparents houses that produce HEAT. It is so hot at John and Ginger's that we actually had to have the door open and it was still steaming. Andrew thinks John keeps it hot so people won't stay long. They rarely use real heat--just their wood burning fireplace. Then my parents yesterday was like a major hot flash. Their apartment faces south and the sun was beating in--so we opened their sliding door too. I fnally said I had to go I was too hot.

Ok--I was right. Andrew just got home. They want a second score on his ACT. So, if he really wants to go there, he needs to have done better this last time. So, the waiting game continues. Times sure have changed--even 5 years ago Andrew could have gotten in with no problem. The counselors at NHS said Grand Valley was much more selective than Michigan State and he got in there....ah well, I must be having problems with rejection as Andrew doesn't even seem to care at the moment. As I said, it isn't his first choice--CMU is--and CMU gave him money maybe that is a sign? : )

Andrew said the roads are the worst he has ever been. He said they only had seven at practice.

Making a pot roast today. We had ham yesterday and it was yummy! Munched on ham sandwiches last night and my sister's Chex Mix concoction.

Hope everyone got what they wanted from Santa.

Molly

A productive day.

Today was productive. If you call swiping my little plastic card productive, then that was ME! Started out heading to the mall but remembered I had a birthday gift card for Kohl's so I headed there and was quite successful. But they didn't have the grill I wanted to get for Josh (I know, a dopey gift) so I had to get that elsewhere. Had a nice little trip to Target too. The only thing left to get is stocking stuffers and I may put Jim in charge of that...or, I might even be lazy and get the kids an extra $50 instead. Much of their stuffers end up all over the house. About the only thing they really like is beef jerky.

Tonight was a practice of sorts of Christmas Eve. Ginger decided to have all the kids over to make gingerbread houses. What fun was that! First to arrive was cousin Lizzie, who needs to act or something. She is so articulate and creative for her 3 1/2 years. The houses turned out so cute. Barb brought empty milk cartons from school and the kids each decorated their own after sugar gluing on graham crackers. Each little kid had a big kid helper so it was a group effort. Lizzie, who never gets candy, discovered candy for the first time and went to town. As always, Ginger out did herself making special memories for all of us. I think we all got stuck at some point in the front yard...it's icy under that fluffing snow. Jim and Andrew left early to go hit baseballs.

I cleaned the heck out of my kitchen yesterday. REALLY cleaned the fridge, to the point I was sore last night from bending all over the place. Don't you just love a clean fridge?

Still feeling worried about cancer but am trying not to think about it.

Today I also went to the eye doctor. If you need an eye doctor, I recommend Dr. Becraft here in Niles. What a nice man and ver knowledgable. He is the one that spotted my Horner's Syndrome right away years ago at an appointment for Josh, and picked it up again today. I don't need "real" glasses yet---just readers---but I did order a pair from them. I still have 20/20 at a distance so no need there yet.

One thing that you may end up noticing about me is that he told me to no longer use Visine like I have been. My right eye is redder than red first thing in the morning so for the past seven years I have been using Visine, which is really bad for your eyes on a regular basis. The Horner's Syndrome causes the redness/dryness so now I have to switch over to artificial tears, which will take a few weeks to correct the problem. So when you see One Red Eye Molly walking around you will know it is me. He said he wanted to try the over the counter stuff first before we get to the prescribed drugs. He did talk about the ACC, which can be found in the lacrimal gland, (in your eye) but my eyes all looked good.

So, that is it here. Nipple is looking fabulous by the way.

HO HO HO!

M

Depressed

Another ACC sister is in her last lap of her cancer journey. Her lung mets are so extensive and all the surgeries that she has had can't keep up with the growing, numerous tumors. She was diagnosed in 2001 and then had the mets in 2004. They just keep growing.

So a second person I know through cyberspace is dying. This leaves me depressed. I want to believe that I have the best kind of cancer and it won't kill me. Then I realize it is CANCER not some fantasy journey I have been on these past two years.

Damn.

Molly

BRR. It's blizzard

My goal today was to not go outside and it is already 5:00 and I haven't! I see that the winter storm warning has changed to a blizzard warning so you know that makes me happy. But then I felt bad when I read my pal Debbie's blog and her hubby Brian has to drive to WISCONSIN in this mess. Ok, so I want my blizzard but not for poor Brian.

Pooh is still in southern Indiana. I won't even tell you how much money he makes in one day. But you would understand why he will willingly miss Christmas if power is still out for people. He calls daily...he and Jim are very close. Ginger has Zack and Zoe for the most part.

i haven't mentioned my aches and pains lately, but my focus now is on my neck/throat/ear area. It still hurts...what has it been, about a year? When I read ACC websites I freak as that type of pain is so symptomatic of ACC in the neck...

I have actually wrapped a few presents. Still not done with the nephews, but Jim is taking care of that. I also want to get the boys a few more things. We are buying Josh a countertop grill...we had an old George Foreman but Jim pitched it. It was too big and we want one that the plates can go in the dishwasher. The reason we are getting it for Josh is because he uses it all the time. He rarely eats what we eat so he often fixes himself a steak. (we get the cheapy ones from Hardings--he's not picky!) Speaking of steak, Andrew went to Ruth Christ with his girlfriend's family. I have never been there but he says it is amazing! Jim is hunting and Josh just went to Wings with some buddies. So it's me and my lovely black daughter, Shady Paige.

Yesterday a letter arrived from Michigan State University addressed to James Andrew Brawley. I got all excited as the letter was thick, so I hoped it had housing info in it--if it was an acceptance letter. Well, it ended up being a survey for Michigan fishermen! Andrew was disappointed too. Maybe they are waiting for his ACT retakes? Andrew thinks he will need to take the ACT again, does not feel well about the last retake.

Jim marinated some venison steak this morning and we will be having Venison Fajitas for dinner. I sent him to the store to get ingredients for a pot roast, potato soup, and goulash for dinner this week. I cook all the time when I am on break...makes up for the rest of the year.

Josh has his sports physical tomorrow, which means we have to get up. That is good though. I don't want to slee.p my break away.

I am giving Pillars a break right now and feel so guilty about it. But I ordered a new Nora Roberts book from a used seller and started it and like it. I am also half way through New Moon, in the Twilight series.

TTFN. Happy blizzarding!!!!

Molly

An early vacation!

Well, I got my snow day today! WOOHOO!

I did not work yesterday; I was/am so very sore from falling and also had my appointment with Dr. Nancy in Kalamazoo. She is sooo great. I trust her so much. When she examines your breasts, she shuts her eyes. It is sort of funny but it helps her concentrate on what she is feeling. She also said my nipple looks fantastic! She was going on and on about it and was saying that the PS's have come so far in their craft when it comes to reconstruction. She said Dr. M especially takes pride in his work. She also said that it would sink in a little, which was a pleasant surprise. Nothing suspicious in the exam. She was a bit upset that Memorial didn't have my orders for the right MRI last September--told me next time to just tell them to call her office. But she also said that having the clear MRI on the left breast was really important.

On the sad side, a women on my ACC/breast list serv is getting close to passing away from numerous mets. She was first diagnosed in 1993 and ten years later thought she had arthritis in her back and hips and it turned out to be mets to the spine and iliac joint. That was a year ago. Now she has numerous lung mets--which makes my chest hurt just thinking about it. Her husband says they are just hoping she makes it through Christmas. FRICKING CANCER!!!

Today we made our traditional snow day trip to Olive Garden. Josh and Andrew take full advantage of the Olive Garden theme "we treat you like family"by fighting the entire time we are there. I wanted to take a breadstick and shove 'em in my ears. Then we went to the mall and I bought myself three new tops and two Yankee Candles. The kids both wanted puzzles of all things, so I let them pick out one each. Neither have much to open on Christmas so that will help. Josh is using his Christmas present right now...snowboarding at Swiss Valley for the evening. Andrew is playing ping pong with his buddy Dan who is home from college.

We had to cancel our family Christmas for tomorrow because Pooh, who works for AEP, had to go to mid-southern Indiana to help with this ice storm. We were going to celebrate with Jim's parents and brothers tomorrow but now are postponing it. Also, poor great grandma Brawley fell and broke a bone in her neck and will not be able to join us for the extended Brawley Christmas on Christmas Eve. Santa is coming at 5:00 and after we open gifts and eat I think the whole crew is going to go see her in the nursing home. She's in a lot of pain and is pretty doped up. Bill, Robyn and Lizzie will be here from California which is always fun. Lizzie is amazingly smart.

This year the family has adopted a family from Cass. Matt B knows them and I guess their house recently burned down. They have three kids. We do this instead of exchanging gifts for the adults. The kids still draw names. This year we have Talon and Chase, which is really easy. Both are the cutest little boys! While I love all my nieces and nephews I have this crazy attachment to Talon that started his first summer in the UP...I am addicted to that little boy.

Still loving my washer and dryer.

Did I tell you Jim and I are going to make a prime rib this holiday break? We have made one before but over cooked it, so want to try to do it again. Also looking to make some really good and new to us side dishes. If you have any suggestions, please suggest away!

Wow, two weeks off. How wonderful is that?

Molly

ICY.

Monday night walking into Andrew's basketball game, with Andrew, I fell on slippery ice and banged up my right knee and scraped my hands. Andrew did a nice job of not laughing (he did snicker) and although I was sore, nothing was too hurt but my pride. Then today I was walking out to my car at school and said hello to a boy walking in and BOOM, down goes Brawley. This collapse was much worse...no blood, but both knees are already black and blue and I definitely did something to my wrists and left arm. WOW. What a bozo I am. As I sit and type this, I am stiffening up like crazy. The poor boy who witnessed it didn't know what to do...I just told him not to tell anyone (I was kidding--trying to lighten the mood) I went to my meeting in Kalamazoo soaking wet and now my pants have little sidewalk salt rings all over them! Just add that to another embarrassing moment in the life of Molly.

I see Dr. Nancy tomorrow. This is my breast exam that I will have every 6 months. Nellie New Nipple is looking snazzy--she really does look fine now. She just doesn't match my other one. Tina Tattoo is pretty faded but overall, Boobie looks pretty good!

Still need to do some Christmas shopping. SOME is an understatement. I need to do almost ALL of my Christmas shopping. I got my mom the same thing I always get her--flowers of the month--but this year I went with flowering plants. She loves getting a delivery each month. Got my dad the proverbial sweater. I give up trying to get him anything creative.

Andrew has a concert tonight. We are all very tired. Keeping an eye on the potential storm for Friday. : )

M

Healing.

Ok, so today it looks better. My gauze stuff keeps falling off and it doesn't bother me so I guess I am healing well. Still some blood around the incision (about the size of a dime) and those lovely stitches are sticking out, but overall it does sort of look like a nipple! As I said, nipples aren't really attractive anyway, but when I look in the mirror, it does sort of look like the other one. And that is the whole reason I did this....that glance in the mirror. And guess who thinks it looks fine? Yup, always supportive Jimmy.

Angie--Apples to Apples is a board game where you get seven red cards with terms on them, and then the dealer turns over a green card, and those with the red cards try to pick the red card that best represents the term on the green card. It is simple but really for tweeners and up...not for little kids, although in the UP, third grade Conner played and did really well. We just explained what some words meant. But it is fun and funny!

I can not tell you how liberating our new washer and dryer are. I didn't realize how crappy my previous appliances were until now. My laundry time is cut in half I would say. Aida should hire me for a commercial at Whirlpool. Jim and I have decided it is definitely the deal of the century.

Brandywine tomorrow night for the boy's basketball team. After the first game, both Jim and I felt like we should forfeit the season and just start baseball--that's how bad the team played. But the second game, despite still losing, the team looked much better--just not tons of talent.

Not much else to report. Did FINALLY get some ornaments on the tree.

Still looking for that blizzard!

M

A blob of chewed gum

It's even uglier today. Looks like a hideous glob of chewed gum sitting on a mound. But then when you look at any nipple, they aren't exactly attractive either. My poor Pj's--cancer surgery has resulted in many ruined tops! I didn't think I would bleed much but sure enough, I did. I am still really tired from it all I think. Just tired period of is ALL.

Had our Freund family Christmas tonight. That is Ginger's side of the family. It was very fun. We do the whole get a gift, steal a gift thing. I came home with nothing. Jim and I gave our gifts away. The kids got a pair of Niles football sweats and a Sports Illustrated trivia game. They weren't even there which is the sad part! Andrew left to go hang with his girlfriend and Josh had had plans to ski for weeks now. Jim has just left to go pick him up. Andrew and Kait just went out to dinner. We also played Apples to Apples at the party==that was funny. I refereed rather than played.

The box or ornaments is now upstairs sitting in front of the tree. That is a start.

Love to you all--going to find some clean pajamas and might just go to bed to read. Finally getting into the depths of Pillars of the Earth--this is taking me forever, but I really really like it.

Molly

A witch's wart with hair

My new nipple is the most hideous thing I have ever seen. When Dr. M said look at your new nipple I had to crack up at it...it looks like the end of a tied balloon...sitting there on top of tattoo with little hairs (stitches) poking out all over the place. It was so funny and ugly looking. He quickly gauzed it up so i don't have to look at it again until Sunday when I can take a shower. it took about an hour--didn't hurt but my whole body was like jelly when I was finished from the stress of trying to be still. Glad it is over. Have to go back in two weeks.

One interesting thing that happened was that we were discussing my reconstruction process and the nurse, who was new, asked me about my diagnosis. We talked about the rarity of it and I said that I thought that going through the cancer was "good for me', meaning that reconstruction was therapeutic, etc. Dr. M said "I am glad this has been good for you, because you have been very good for me." I am very happy about that because as you all know, my goal is to help people understand this RARE cancer and maybe help others. I'm not sure what he exactly meant but either way, I am glad.

We got our new washer and dryer today. I keep standing down there watching it. We got the DUETs from Whirlpool and since they were show washers, we got them well...almost free for the most part. I am actually looking forward to doing laundry tomorrow.

Andrew got into Central Michigan and is also the recipient of their Elite Scholars scholarship, which is a renewable $3000 scholarship as long as he maintains good grades. He was excited about that as we were. Still haven't heard from those darn Spartans in East Lansing! Tomorrow he is re-taking the ACT so we have to get up early.

Still no ornaments on our tree. We have the Freund side of the family Christmas tomorrow. Still need to buy 4 $20 gifts for that. I really want to get the Chia head for the fun of it.

Again, nipple is U-G-L -Y

M

A bit grinchy, I am

Bah humbug. I can not get into the Christmas spirit. My tree is up with the lights on but I still have not put the ornaments on yet. I have a pre-lit tree and only one strand of lights worked. So instead of trying to fix them, I went to Wally World and bought 5 new strands and wallah, it looks great! : ) No one else seems to mind. We were talking at work about how the older the kids get the less they care about things like decorating the tree. I've done no shopping--well, we got Josh his snowboarding clothes already--which he is already wearing--and that is it. UGH. Last year, I was all about Christmas. Now, I just can't get as excited. Maybe it is because work continues to be so stressful--not necessarily bad stress--but just a lot of work.

New nipple comes Friday. Not even thinking about it really. I also see Dr. Kalinowski next week for a breast exam. Then March for scary scary tests.

On the good news, my friend at work, whose tumor might have grown a bit last scan, has since learned that the tumor is shrinking now. Isn't that awesome! I am so happy for her. What a gift she has been given...we celebrate three months of reprieve between tests.

We are getting a new front door. Much to our dismay, we didn't realize our 1898 built house needs a non-standard door, tripling the price! Not what we were hoping for. But we really need the new door, plus a new storm door. Our front door is super tall. Who knew? : )

Do I even need to tell you how awesome WICKED was? If you have not seen it, it is worth it if you like musicals. I really would love to take Josh and Jim in to see it. It was very funny too and I loved how it connected the dots with Wizard of Oz.

Still no word from Michigan State or CMU for Andrew. At least State's website tells us the status--I think I really need to call CMU. We need to do some college visits soon.

We are all still coughing around here. It's nice I don't think CANCER all the time but it still weighs on you.

I want a snow day. Or better yet, a blizzard. I know I am nuts but significant snow lowers my blood pressure. Really. I really think it does.

Mucho love to you all. Check in if all is well. Sorry for lack of blogging. I will be sure to write lots over break.

Molly

Fast words for you.

Last year I was all about UP pictures. Didn't take any this year. It was the year of puking and small bucks but was also fun. Everyone got the coughs and then the stomach flu for a few...Josh is still hacking up his lungs and Andrew is starting. So far, I am avoiding it. I did get my flu shot so I am happy about that.

Tomorrow is Wicked. Kids are excited. I sure hope we are ready!

Three more women joined the ACC/breast site. It's been about one a week this past month. CRAZY.

Gotta run. My kids are driving me nutso!!!!!!

Molly

For Karen.

Since there is a new "sister" in this ACC fight, I thought I would save her some time reading through my numerous, lengthy, sometimes stuid, sometimes whiny, posts and just write some facts about ACC as I know them. So Karen, here it is in a nutshell.

ACC in the breast has a way better prognosis than ACC in the salivary gland. Do not get the two confused.

The reason, doctors say, is because the chances of getting clear margins in the breast are way better than in the neck area. The most important thing as they get all of the tumor. My tumor was so big that I had to had a mastectomy.

PET/CT scans are the best way to see if it has spread. However, PET scans don't pick up slow growing cancers very easily so the CT is important.

I was never told the GRADE of my tumor. I would ask if you can. Stage is interesting--just basically goes on size to tell you the truth.

It isn't likely that your tumor has gone to the lymph nodes but I still recommend a sentinel node biopsy.

I was going to have a lumpectomy but when they couldn't get clear margins I had the mastectomy. I 100 percent recommend the mastectomy--radiation might work but getting the tumor out is the only way to go.

I "googled" "adenoid cystic carcinoma of the breast" at least 2938597934 times. I learned a lot. Much of it very positive. But there are no guarantees with ANY cancer. But the odds are better with this cancer for the most part.

Chemo does NOT work on this cancer and if you have a doctor who tells you otherwise, ASK for the research that shows that it works. There is none. Chemo is nothing to take lightly.

My biggest fear is lung mets. That is where the cancer will typically spread. Most likely, it hasn't. So far, my lungs are clear.

I see my onco every six months.

More later.

molly

Another ACC 'r

I just got an email from my rare cancer forum and there is a new member who is 43 and was just diagnosed. I know how scared she is and wish i could make it go away. I hope she visits my blog so she can see that there is life during and after cancer and it is going to be ok.

Having said that, yeh, I still worry. A new thing for me though is to not obsess over physical changes. i have had this ear ache for ever, and now I get minor spells of dizziness when I turn my head...so I have decided I have some sort of fluid in my ear. Good enough for me.

Jim got his new (used) car yesterday. Its a black Yukon XL which is very similar to his other car, just younger and nicer. He seems happy and i like how slippery the seats are and how clean it is. Nice thing about totaling your car--you get a new, clean one! : )

Kalamazoo College is coming to school Monday to talk to Andrew and another senior football player about their program. The coach said that there are 13 football players that also play baseball so that has gotten Andrew's attention. K-college is 30K a year so this will be an interesting conversation! : )

That's all for now!

Molly

Settling.

We did survive last week's car issues and already have a settlement on Jim's car. We felt it was fair based on all my research and on Monday, the money should be deposited in our checking account. We have our buddy Tim looking for either a Yukon XL or Suburban for us...my only requirement is a DVD player--we seem to take long trips in it so that would be nice. Even so, we could always just buy personal DVD players for the kids.

Discussions in our household have turned to who is going to the UP with whom. Right now, the plan is that Josh will drive up with Uncle Johnny and his boys the Friday before Thanksgiving. I am worried about his missing his math class, but he swears he has it under control. Then, on Tuesday, Andrew will drive up with Chris and Tate, after the boys are done with basketball. As of now, Aida and the kids are driving up on Tuesday--brave Aida--and then Jim, Danny, myself and Shady will come up Wednesday. I am not sure what Matt and Brooke are doing--they may even go with us on Wednesday. Not sure if Chase is going. Aunt Pam is not going this year--she is on call--so that is a major bummer. Ginger loves having us all up there--and as you all know, I love it too!!!

Danny nominated Andrew for the Moose Krause Scholar Athlete award for football this year. The nominees come mainly from Indiana I think. It's quite an honor to win it, but most kids who win it have a near perfect gpa....the award focuses more on academic achievements than athletic. I guess there is a really nice dinner with a good speaker that Andrew will be invited to attend. Regardless of if he wins, it is nice that Danny did this for him.

Josh learned to cook French toast this morning. The house is smoky right now! : ) He liked it though. Just one more thing to add to his cooking repertoire. Andrew still can't cook much of anything but today he did prove to me he knows how to run the dryer. (this is not as easy as it sounds in our house--the on/off knob is broken so he has to use pliers to turn the machine on!)

Andrew's dead week(s) are over as basketball tryouts start this week. Josh has another story due for the Niles Daily Star so life stays busy.

Must go finish laundry.

M.

BOOM. TWICE BOOM.

WOW. Just when life gets smooth and maybe even mundane, BOOM! Bambi's large overgrown father decides to slam into Molly's car, causing $3200 worth of damage--and get this--three days later the love of my life TOTALS our Suburban.

Yup, Friday night, coming home from my mom's surgery I hit a deer--well actually, it hit me. I couldn't even get out of my car to see the damage--but a man at the gas station that I was able to drive to--said "man, your car is messed up! And you should see all the fur!" So, yesterday, I spend all day on the phone with my insurance company but do get an estimate for fixing it--a nice $3200.

And then tonight, Jim is on his way to job number 2, coaching little 7th graders in basketball, and a truck slams into him in an intersection. The SUV is totaled--he is ok--but somehow, he ended up with the ticket. When he called me to tell me he said that the guy that hit him told him he (jim) ran a red light--honestly, I think he was stunned as all the airbags went off--and then the cop told him that since he wasn't there, and jim wasn't sure what happened jim ends up with the ticket....needless to say, we are going to fight it, as the more Jim reviewed it in his head, he thinks there is no way it happened the way the guy said. The guy also ran to Jim first, saying he was ok, and "the light was red, buddy" to Jim...almost like he was convincing Jim of it. Then, the guy let the ambulance take him away. All Jim worried about was his basketball players. Poor Jim. If you know him, he HATES conflict and is the nicest man on Earth, so he would never argue with anyone...but now he is pretty upset. So. Didn't our day just suck. But thank heavens, he is ok, and so is the other man.

To make matters worse, my mom is really struggling with her surgery. The surgery was supposed to take 2-4 hours and took 5--then when she was in recovery, she was filled with all kinds of fluid and it caused her all kinds of problems that were near life threatening. Once she overcame that obstacle, she was ok for one day, but then started vomiting so much they took her off all liquids (she hadn't even started food yet) and now she has an NG tube to keep emptying her stomach of the bile her gallbladder is sending it. Oh yeh, in the surgery, they found that she has lots of gallstones but her surgeon decided not to take it out as the surgery was already so extensive. So that sucks too. I don't even want to call her because she is so grumpy.

Again, we are all alive but gosh, what a few days it has been. We still have to figure out cars to drive--thank goodness for great family members.

Maybe tomorrow i will have something nice to say.

Molly

Another rare cancer.

My pal Debbie's cousin was DX'd with a rare "phyllode's tumor" breast cancer this week. Very similar to mine in that it is really, really rare and doesn't respond to chemo. "Cure" (and I use that term with hope and reality) is surgery. What is in the water here in Niles? She was diagnosed at Lakeland and for them to diagnose two really rare cancers must have had them talking the the lab! Today was her surgery I think...a lumpectomy so far. I hope all went well.

Jim is at basketball practice for his 7th graders. He is such a good guy. Took work off to get to his game on time but then the game got canceled. Lucky me, he had time to clean the house though!
He could have easily canceled practice but he's such a work horse. Last week a couple of his baseball players from way back at Howard Little league wanted to know when he would start working out with them again...he just loves coaching.

Still have not heard from MSU for Andrew. Nor CMU.

This week and next are "dead weeks" for high school so Andrew actually has some nights off. Josh got a detention today,which he deserved. If I was his teacher he would drive me nuts i think. Talks too much and likes to negotiate everything. But gosh, he sure brings a smile to my face when I see him.

John and Crazy Mil are back in the UP until after Thanksgiving. I will try not to talk so much about my love for the Up this coming season. But I am excited.

tomorrow my mom is having her colostomy reversal...she will be in the hospital for about 5 days. I am going up after lunch tomorrow.

Nice chatting with you--
molly

Life is going well.

Hi! The sounds of ping pong balls are pinging throughout my house. Jim's buddy Rick is over and Connor, the kid's cousin, plus Kait. Notre Dame football is on, the house is fairly clean and I cleaned the freezer I think for the first time since we owned this freezer. Josh is getting ready to go on a "double date" to the Haunted House. Josh still does not want his driver's license. Isn't that strange? He could have it since he is 16.

The first marking period is over here for the kids and both could have done better...I hate B+'s--I know that sounds strange, but for the most part, my kids don't work that hard and both boys said they could get better grades if they wanted to....arggh. Andrew is just making it in AP Psych. Luckily both kids are still on the honor roll but I wish they would work harder.

Check out this link of the photography studio where Andrew had his pictures taken.

http://harringtonpix.com

Then go the BLOG and scroll down until you see him.

Andrew did learn he was accepted at Western Michigan University as well as GVSU, but we are still waiting on Central Michigan and Michigan State. Then it is visit time.

Andrew also learned this week that he made All-Conference as a quarterback. He was disappointed that it was only honorable mention but there are two really good quarterbacks in his conference--both going D-1--so I am proud of him.

My mom is having surgery this Friday to reattach her colostomy "stuff." She will be in the hospital for 4 days...I am going to take Friday off I think. I have not missed any school this year and should sit with my dad as he gets pretty nervous about the surgery. My mom's pet/ct were clear-no hot spots so the chemo worked. She is getting stronger everyday.

Debbie F had her implant placed this week and is doing very well. Good for her.

thanks for visiting!..

Molly

The Village Idiot

Kinda crazy that it has been two weeks since I last blogged. Amazing! I was taking a shower last night and realized that I had not thought of cancer ONCE the entire day. That is a first.

Football is over for Andrew and I am so pleased he had such a successful season. For someone who wasn't going to play to someone who played just about every down on both sides of the ball, I am so proud of his attitude-- he went into the season with no expectations of any playing time but believed in himself and ended up having a great time. I am very proud of him not for scoring touchdowns and making great passes, but for not giving up.

Andrew has also learned that he has been accepted at Grand Valley. We were looking over dorm options just to get a sense of what is out there. We are waiting mainly for Michigan State now--I am pretty confident he will get accepted at WMU and CMU so once we know all, we will do some visits. He thinks I want him to go to Michigan State--I do think it is a really neat campus--but want him to go where he wants. He keeps wondering where all his friends are going--I do not want him to make a decision based on that. Luckily, all four are decent teaching colleges.

I can't remember if I told you that I am scheduled to "build" my nipple on December 12. Dr. M still wants the tattooed area to "settle"--it looks settled to me--so we wait. I am also supposed to see Dr. Nancy soon--I probably should call.

How about those wonderful snowflakes last night? Andrew is already thinking snow days.

My Joshie had his first article published in the Niles Daily Star. He did a great job--he is my natural writer, where Andrew is creative as heck, but thinks commas are optional! Josh did such a good job and had so many compliments. He has decided he wants to be a journalist--will probably end up majoring in English just like I did. He loves to talk about theme and symbolism and all kind of literary things.

One last thing I must confess to ONCE AGAIN make you realize that you are not that big of an idiot. I, Molly Elizabeth Holdship Brawley have that covered. As you know, I had the fiasco with my electricity but have things completely under control, even paying bills EARLY. One really hectic morning the first week of October I knew I needed to get Andrew a class t-shirt but had no cash or checks in my purse so I quick grabbed a new set of checks from the stack and off I went. Paid for Andrew's shirt, a fundraiser for three different thing at NHS, Josh's lunches, y dental deductable, etc. RARELY do I write checks but wrote 12 from October 1 thru Oct 15. Oct 16 my dentist calls to tell me my checked bounced. NO WAY. I had lots of money in my checking account for once...I knew there had to be a bank error. I was armed with all my statements and my meanest voice ever when I called........

Yup, I had grabbed a check book that was from a closed account. ARGGGHHHHH!

Someday, I will have my act together. Just think, they put me in charge of YOUR CHILDREN!

Molly

A Fabulous Group of People

This is the staff at Niles High School. We wore our breast cancer t-shirts for THINK PINK week.

A plethora of nothingness,,,, again.

Lazy day. We didn't even have dinner tonight. And of course I am hungry now! Will have to check out the pantry.

Niles lost again last night but had a really good showing against Lakeshore--even though Lakeshore is claiming they put in their second string the whole time. Ah well...Andrew played well, no serious injuries on our team. One of Andrew's summer baseball teammates from Lakeshore may have torn his ACL though. Not good, I hate to see any athlete get hurt.

I met with Dr. M this week and I will be having the sewn nipple procedure in December. We decided the tattoo is good enough. It is an in office procedure so I assume will be fairly easy.

Today and yesterday I have had some of those weird lightening bolt burns in my implant boob. It really reminds me of the day I found my lump. I think early next week I will call Dr.Nancy. I am supposed to go in soon anyway, and i think I will request an MRI. The pain comes and goes more than it did on that fateful day but it is still bothersome. there are other things it could be...fluids...nerve endings, etc...but the pain is so familiar.

I missed my friend Cindy''s birthday party last night. I need to call her and get her a card!

What else. Andrew's still waiting to hear on some college apps..he still has a few more to apply to and is retaking the ACT this coming weekend. His ACT is decent but may hurt him in some cases. I am worried about it way more than he is. He still just wants to be a senior. i guess I should let him for now.

going to go sniff for food. Love to you all. Don't forget to click on my ads up there! It is an easy way to earn money!

Molly

Here are two more pictures of Andrew. Click on them to see them better. I am a dork and can't fix them!

220 kids headed to Wicked!

What a wonderful weekend...could it be any prettier out? How great it is to see the leaves changing but also have 80 degree temps!

I have a doctor's appointment this week with my plastic surgeon. Not sure what he will be doing since it is just a 15 minute appointment--I think. I know we have to darken the areola again, and then talk about actually sewing the nipple part. Probably another wasted drive, but as Ginger says, it's a lunch out! : )

The Vikes won Friday night so that was a great start to this weekend. The mood is always so much brighter when we win. We always eat breakfast with Danny and Aida and our kids on Sundays during football season--the nice thing about it is by Sunday, everyone is looking forward to the next game. We have the Lakeshore Lancers coming to town next week. Andrew played baseball with about 5 starters on their team, including their quarterback, so it will be fun to see them again. They are a fabulous football team so we will have to be perfect to beat them. Stranger things have happened that is for sure!

The other fantastic news this weekend was the surprise we got to tell the senior class on Friday. Lonnie Ali has always wanted to do something special for Asaad's class since he was a freshman here and we have finally put something together. She wanted it to be something cultural and memorable for every child, regardless of means. So, she and Muhammad will be sending the entire senior class to Chicago by charter bus to see the Broadway play Wicked. We will first eat lunch at The Hard Rock Cafe--Chicago and then head to the play. All expenses paid by the Ali's.

You can imagine the reaction we got when we told the seniors on Friday. The best part for me was seeing every child, from every walk of life, excited about it. We are going December 3, and thanks to Signal Travel in Niles, we (NHS) don't have to worry about all the arrangements, as they agreed to take care of it for free. Of course, we still have a lot of logistics to do, permission slips, bus assignments, preparing the kids to dress appropriately, etc. but that is all fun stuff. Can you tell I am excited too? Just another reason I love Lonnie and Muhammad.

I spent all afternoon paying bills. Not fun, but a good feeling when we actually have money left over! We ate a LOT this weekend and it wasn't cheap.

Andrew's senior pix are done...I should be able to pick them up this week. I plan to scan some so you all can see.

Much love to you all--please don't forget this is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Wear pink and BE HAPPY!

Molly

Stephanie's decision

As I mentioned, Stephanie is another ACC/breast sister who was diagnosed this summer. She lives in Port Huron. Stephanie had a bilateral mastectomy because there were issues in her non-cancerous breast that I am unsure of, but regardless, she got to have both off. (I say "got to" because if Dr. Ansari had recommended it, I would have too!) Anyway, the problem is this...
Some of her doctors are recommending chemo. I know all of you who have read this blog know that this goes against everything I have learned, and what my doctors have told me. But I so understand why she is second guessing herself...she IS leaning to no chemo, but because she was aggressive in having both breasts off she feels she might regret not having chemo. Kristina left her a wonderfully informative message on her blog (the wonders of the internet!!!!!!!) so I hope that helps and I hope that no matter what she decides, she finds peace with it. I still think about not having chemo and wishing I could have but still remember Dr. M and Dr. Nancy saying "NO! you do not want chemo". There is also another bc sister on another listserv who got leukemia from her chemo, which I did not know could happen. Scary stuff. Anyway, pray for Stephanie to make a good decision for HER.

Josh is really enjoying the homecoming festivities this year. He worked on the float a lot, and is MR. Competitive in all the dress up days. Today he dressed as Sleepy, for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs....Andrew hasn't done much...he's sooooo exhausted from football...more so than any year. He is playing quarterback still but is also going to play corner tomorrow night, so that means another game of non-stop play. But he loves it. And this was a kid who in early August wasn't sure he was even going to play. This weekend I am giving Kait some money to take Andrew shopping because if he wears gold Niles baseball/basketball/football shorts (he has like 10 pair) one more day I think I will scream. For one thing, the shorts are too short so he looks goofy and no matter what t-shirt he wears, nothing matches. Kait will be his fashion consultant! :)

My job has been crazy. I swear you couldn't make up half the stuff that we see in our offices. We really have the BEST kids, but we also have some nutty situations we deal with. Did I ever tell you about the girl who thought she was a vampire? That was like my first year as an admin. She would actually try to bite people. You'll be glad to know she has since graduated and outgrew her vampire stage.

I think i will watch the debates tonight. I'm not Miss Politics but like to stay informed. I also want to be able to understand the pundits!

I hope every is doing well out there. I am up to $70 some dollars all thanks to you clicking on my ads--so thank you for clicking away!

Molly

Fall is here I think.

This will be a quick post.

Suddenly getting hit with the reality that Andrew needs to apply to colleges. We have determined that he will apply to Central, Western, Michigan State, and Grand Valley. He is re-taking the ACT in October but I think he will still be ok for Central and Western with his current score. I am glad his College Writing class required him to write college essays as what he wrote will cover most of the essays of these schools. It gives him a good start on the tough part of the apps...the online part is really rather easy. Especially since I can look it over before he sends it in!

Still coughing. It is homecoming week at NHS. And of course the cold bad weather decides to hit. Tomorrow night is the Powderpuff game and then Friday is pep rally, parade, game and dance. We have lost our last two games and it has been quite sad in our house.

Just wanted to mention that today is our angel Ava Christine's birthday. Ava continues to hold a special place in my heart as an everyday reminder to love all children and to appreciate all that we hold dear to us. Happy Heavenly Birthday Ava, you will never, ever be forgotten.

ok, must go cough some more.

Love to you all!

Molly

Poop. The Vikes lose a tough tough one

What a downer last night was. We lost 20-16 to Marshall, which in any other year would have been a decent showing but we were up 16-0 going into the 4th quarter. This is one of those losses that is hard to shake...three touchdowns were called back, and two of them were horrible, film proven, mistakes by the refs. You just sit there and think "what if". The problem being married to a coach and in a family of coaches is that I KNOW what this loss means--most likely our playoff chances are done. It will take a hellacious effort for us to beat two of the three games vs. Lakeshore, St. Joe and Portage Northern. ARGHHKK...I don't want to even think about it. Andrew again had to play both offense and defense and against a physical team like Marshall, I think the kids playing both ways got tired and I know it affected Andrew. He is walking like a 90 year old man today. But you know, it isn't all that serious and as teenagers always do, we will recover!

I have been in bed almost all day because I definitely have a terrible chest/throat infection. i am coughing like crazy--sweating--blowing my nose--uck. I think Andrew is getting better as is Josh. Josh came home from school early on Friday and slept all day. Jim is the only one that doesn't have it.

Still upset about Valerie. And wondering about Stephanie, whose doctor is recommending chemo. Just curious about her path report--makes me think she has some other mixture of wierd cells in her tumor.

I need to take a shower. My cold sweat is beginning to be annoying.

Molly

Valerie's ACC is back.

Valerie is an ACC/breast survivor I met online. She was diagnosed a little bit after I was and had a mastectomy with no other treatment. Just this last week she went to see her surgeon about a cyst on her back and he noticed two small lumps in an area above the mastectomy site. They were painful. Yup, her ACC is back. Her news sent me reeling into reality. This is cancer we are talking about and no matter what my attitude is, no matter what my tests reveal, etc., it still could come back. Valerie has had such great attitude--never once worried out loud to me anyway--and went about her life. She did go visit Dr. Helen Chew who is supposedly the ACC/breast guru on the West coast when she was first diagnosed. Dr. Chew said she was good to go.

The good news is the prelim MRI's are showing those two lumps only so I think it just means more surgery for her. I don't think she had reconstruction. Sigh. And I was feeling so good!

Going to run up to watch the love of my life coach. Such a good wife I am!

M

Day TWO of no school. Mike I, read this.

Day Two of no school. There is a dam on the north side of Niles that the authorities were concerned may break..it was built in the early 1920's and they are not sure how much she can hold. Well, here it is the afternoon and she is ok...thank goodness. I got an email from my superintendent and we have re-routed some buses so we WILL have school tomorrow. Goodness. Two days off already. Andrew is thrilled because as a senior he doesn't have to make up any days --just in case we get many snow days. I think we have enough time to have 4-5 snow days...and rain days I guess!

Mike I--I have been meaning to tell you this for about a month! Every year the Daily Star does a BEST...restaurant, doctor, hair salon, etc. This year they had BEST teacher and you were nominated! I thought that was so cool. There were about 10 nominations...I was flattered to be nominated too..along with Jenny Nate...but I just thought it was neat that someone who had moved away was nominated. Someone is still thinking about you!( Because Danny B was also nominated for BEST COACH, I think Ginger probably did all the nominating of us Brawleys. : )

Took the kids to Hacienda for lunch. Why I even order any food is beyond me...I usually eat all the chips. The area where the restaurant is was under a no boil order because of the water and we first got our pop and it was awful...when we asked why, she said it was from a 2 liter. Now for most of you, this is no big deal, but those of you who know me well, know my vice is my Diet Pepsi (or Coke) fountain pop. It has to be fountain pop. I don't like cans, or bottles. Luckily, she said, they were just trying to use up the 2 liters but that the fountain pop was working. Such trauma for me.

My kids are obsessed with ping pong. Jim is supposedly getting a ping pong table from a friend and we are going to put it in our...well kitchen/family room area. It will look ridiculous but Andrew is only here for another year, and I really don't care, so what the heck? Cancer allows us to do silly things like put a ping pong table in the middle of the family room and kitchen.

Both Andrew and Josh have awful colds or snotty heads...not sure what it is, but I am becoming OCD with my Bath and Body Work antibacterial hand serum....ugh. Andrew was up all night and is much worse than Josh. They both slept in so that should help a little.

Not much else to say. Love to you all!

Molly

Where is the Ark?

HI HI HI HI HI!

Today was a "no day", not a "snow day" of school. Niles sits in two counties and one of the counties, Cass, was flooded so badly that the road commissioners said that they would not allow buses to travel their roads...thus, we were canceled today. I normally love snow days, but mentally didn't really need the day off...mid-week cancellations are the best, but I guess I shouldn't complain. The rain was insane this weekend. Both kids decided not to go to the Notre Dame game, that was how bad it was!

Slept in 'til 8 AM and continued trying to dry out our basement. I know we aren't any worse off than some people, but our basement smells wet, looks wet, and IS wet. I hate going down there but laundry must be done. Tonight when Jim gets home from work we will continue to try to dry things out. We have a carpet remnant near the machines that is soaking wet. Our two dehumidifiers are working overtime! I can imagine the bacteria and mold growing down there. Maybe I need to wear a mask?

I must say that I am very happy and calm these days. Hardly thinking about cancer...I am still wheezing a little bit...but so is Andrew so I think we are just suffering from allergies. I am just happy and pretty much ignoring anything physical --LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!

My bc sister Stephanie had to have her tissue expanders removed because she wasn't healing. Gosh, that would have been terrible. It's hard to believe that I am over a year away...was home on mastectomy leave this time last year...wow, it went fast. Steph, I bet healing goes much better this time. Keep up the good work.

Kristina, I am so jealous you went to Europe! Congrats girl!

What else? The Vikes won another game last Friday--against my alma mater, Kalamazoo Central. We played very well offensively and seemed pretty confident. But, once again, another team awaits us--Marshall--and they are always really good and physical. Andrew is at practice as we speak. Sports must continue despite flooding, of course.

Today was a great day. I am so happy I am off the worry kick, even if I know it is short lived.

TTFN.

Molly

Don't ever forget.

Well hello there...

Long time. Doing well. Still no phone call from Dr. A so I am not really thinking about it. I still have allergies though...Andrew is suffering from the same thing I am.

I am loving the cooler weather. Hard to believe as I am a summer lover, but it has been too hot at school and getting ready in the morning brings me what feels like hot flashes. This is tough time of year to figure out what to wear. Cold in the morning, hot by afternoon.

Today I got in a physical altercation with our copier machine at work. Somehow I became the goddess of all printing and had to print 1400 letters to parents about how to access grades on line. That in itself takes time because I have to watch the letters come off the printer or they fly all over the place! The BAD part of it today was the order before mine kept jamming and after 7 times of sticking my hands in to get the flippin' jams out , I posted a big sign on the thing that read "I am EVIL." But of course, Marcia, my secretary fixed it all and I calmed down. I think the whole process took about two hours. Not the best use of my time.

Today is 9/11. I always pause on this day as I do NOT want any of us to forget about this day. I know we all remember what we were doing and where we were.

Jim is in Kalamazoo coaching and Josh is at home driving me nuts. Right now he is taking a straw and putting it under his armpit, and then running to the bathroom, slamming the door, and making awful noises. He is also filming this on a digital camera. Why are boys so silly??? Andrew is at practice and team dinner...not sure what Josh and I are going to have. Now Josh is taking Combo pretzels and putting a straw through th cheesy part of the combo... so he has a "combo tree."

Not much else to say, believe it or not. Looking forward to the weekend but always seem to have growing piles of laundry.

Check those boobies out tonight if you haven't in awhile.

M.

No news is good news...I hope

Hello--Well, no phone call from Dr. A's office. He said they would call if it was anything to be concerned about. No call. Hopefully, they have the report and found no reason to call. I started to second guess myself about what he said to me...I know he told me to call on Friday if I wanted...otherwise, I wouldn't hear from them unless there was something to be concerned about. So I took that to mean they would call me on Friday. But maybe they are waiting until Monday? See, that is how my brain works. But yesterday, I was ok until I started playing things over in my head. I did NOT want to call..I literally FREEZE when I am waiting for results. So I am going on the assumption that all is well. My sister said Dr. A probably saw the results himself since the xray was in his office so she thinks I for sure would have heard by now.

So today I am buying a new purse. My second NED (no evidence of disease)purse. I need to get a fall Vera Bradley...my summer one...well, I used it every single day and it is getting ugly from dirt...yes, I did wash it...but the purse getting dirty is a great reason to get a new one don't you think?

I did not see Stand up for Cancer last night on TV but heard it was great. It is about time we did something like that. I am not insensitive to the AIDS dilemma but have always felt, even before I was diagnosed that CANCER should also have the same fund raising efforts on such a celebrity scale. I hope it went well. On a sad note, a fellow BC sister on my Yahoo list group died this week. She was 42. They posted her obit on the list serv and I about freaked when I saw her...she looked JUST LIKE ME. Dark curly hair, a bit on the larger size. Plus she was triple negative. She didn't have ACC, and her mets came exactly one year after her diagnosis. Triple Negative is a very serious breast cancer. I am triple negative but all ACC is but it is still considered a slow growing cancer...most triple negative breast cancer is aggressive.

Andrew won last night! He had a great game personally, but got a 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty! so not like Andrew. I was actually proud that he showed some emotion. Not much rattle him. Supposedly what happened is a kid tackled him and said "take that! In fact, you are gonna be takin' it all night long"--the kid was in his face, spitting etc. So Andrew said, with his arms open, "well, you'd better start now 'cause it's 6 -0 already." Well, the ref saw and heard that part, but not the other. (I still think Andrew must have dropped the F bomb but was too embarrassed to tell me) We ended up winning 34-0. They took Andrew out when it was 28-0 but he finished with a touchdown, and two touchdown passes. So a good night. (next week will be much tougher so trust me, I need to brag when I can)

We are not doing much today except cleaning...all the mess we haven't touched all week. The bathrooms are disgusting. We have this awful rusty water and it is really ticking me off with my new white tiled showers. the bathroom is less than three years old but it looks 20 years old with the tile. YUCK. Any good products out there? We do soften our water with rust salt.

Today is the first Notre Dame game...we will watch that. I don't think Andrew is going. He likes going but also likes watching the game in the comfort of his own home. I can't stand the crowds...but man, ND fans are loyal! Anyway, I hope the Irish kick some butt today.

TTFN...like I said, no news is good news. That's what I keep praying for anyway.

Molly

A good report....but.......

I am going to try to be detailed here because this post will be one that I will probably refer to as I continue this cancer journey. Especially if everything turns out okay.

Today I had a 6 month check up with Dr. Ansari, my oncologist. Everything was fine--I will say that so you don't worry as you read this--BUT, because of my annoying cough, he decided to do a chest x-ray. I will not know my results until tomorrow. Ok...now that I got that out there you know my frame of mind. Feeling really good about the visit but worried about the chest ray results.

So I get there and I first have blood work. Easy. Then I ended up waiting quite awhile to see Dr. Ansari. While I was waiting for him in the patient room, I freaked myself out for a moment because the nurse had the computer screen turned on...I immediately thought he was going to show me something in my breast MRI, when actually, she was just typing in data. I didn't remember the computer screen thingy being in the other rooms I was in so my mind assumed I was in the "I have bad news" room. Silly.

So I waited some more. I could hear Dr. A with a patient next to me...I knew he was a new patient as I heard him make introductions. I figured the poor guy needed lots of time so I certainly wasn't upset or anything. Finally, Dr. A came in and said hello, and started reading my charts, etc. He ALWAYS stops at the letter from Dr. Wolf, my ENT at U of M, and makes mention of it. (Like it is the first time we have ever talked about the letter that is almost a year old). Anyway, then he finds my MRI report and says "normal" so that is good. Then he says he needs to examine me and "'when we are done we will talk." His exam was basically a pat down through my clothes and all over my neck and shoulders...I don't know what he was feeling for (I don't mean to suggest there was anything inappropriate about it..it was just weird) When he was done, I asked him to double check my neck area and explained how bad it always hurt and he said anything that was hurting me was related to my schwannoma removal in 2001...I asked him if there was any research to show ACC breast metting (my shortened word for metasticizing) to neck and he said NONE. (which I have found as well but it was nice to hear it from him) He then said 'but we will do a PET/CT in 6 months, not for the cancer but because Dr. Wolf wants to see if the schwannoma has returned. So that was something I didn't expect him to say.

Then he sat back and said "so how are you doing?" I said "physically, I think I am doing well, but HOW IN THE HECK DO I DEAL WITH ALL THE WORRY OVER EVERY LITTLE SYMPTOM???? I explained how I thought I had liver cancer, (he smiled) how I thought my neck was filled with ACC, and now that I have had a minor cough for three weeks, i thought I had lung cancer. As soon as I mentioned that, he said "then we do a routine chest xray. that is easy" He knew I was very nervous about it but obviously, it is the thing to do since chest xrays are no big deal in terms of cost or radiation. He said " we do today. i will only call you if there is an issue. But you can call tomorrow if you want." (he knows me!) He then talked to me for about 15 minutes about how normal I am, that most of his patients feel good every week prior to visits with him except to the week just prior, and how good they feel when they leave him. (that is me to a T) He was very understanding and said that in time, it will get easier. I pointed out that my cancer comes back YEARS later and he said "do not confuse ACC/breast with ACC elsewhere. They are two different things. With ACC/breast you are "surgically cured" as you had clear margins" (that was nice to hear too, but i know better but will hang my hat on it after tomorrow's results!) I then told him I thought I should see him every 4 months and he smiled and said "you call me whenever you want, but I do not need to see you every 4 months. " He explained that it simply wasn't necessary and that it could cause me more anxiety than I already am having, He did say "I would never refuse to see you". I then said "well, it sounds like I am more worried than you are." And he said "I am not worried." So that was that.

I did have my chest xray right there...after it was done, the tech was calling the place I had my previous xray so i am guessing that that is routine, OR, he saw something, which easily could be that granuloma. That freaked me out a bit but I am just hopeful it was routine and that they just want to double check on the granuloma. It just has to be normal. Oh, by the way, after I told him that part of my problem with worry was not trusting him (as i don't see him very often) he said he would ALWAYS tell me the truth and never hides anything. I assumed that to be true but it was nice he verbalized it.

The other slightly interesting thing was that in March, I WILL have a bilateral mammogram. I didn't think they did that with implants but they do. So I have that a few days after my PET/CT, and then I will see him again somewhere around March 10. Gosh, it will be so nice to go through Christmas without doctor's appointments to worry about.

So as I type this, I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest. It could be worry, or my jalapeno peppers on my sandwich at lunch today...or maybe allergies. Or maybe a heart attack. Hopefully it will pass. I am still coughing but I can contribute it to post nasal crap...it certainly isn't awful...and normally, i wouldn't think anything of it....but,,,,,,,,,,,,

ANYWAY. That is my report. I walked into house today after school and literally tip-toed into the room where the answering machine is...no one had called from his office so I feel good about today at least. I will probably die of a heart attack if they call tomorrow. ARGH. Can"t think about that now>

Josh is at the freshman game...Jim is coaching...Andrew went to dinner with the football team at Pete's Patio (YUM!) and I have made pork chops that are simmering with some red potatoes. Glad the rain is here finally...just hope it clears up for tomorrow night's game.

Pray for a clear chest xray for me...it sure can't hurt can it???

MUCHO LOVE to you all!

Molly