Fall is here I think.

This will be a quick post.

Suddenly getting hit with the reality that Andrew needs to apply to colleges. We have determined that he will apply to Central, Western, Michigan State, and Grand Valley. He is re-taking the ACT in October but I think he will still be ok for Central and Western with his current score. I am glad his College Writing class required him to write college essays as what he wrote will cover most of the essays of these schools. It gives him a good start on the tough part of the apps...the online part is really rather easy. Especially since I can look it over before he sends it in!

Still coughing. It is homecoming week at NHS. And of course the cold bad weather decides to hit. Tomorrow night is the Powderpuff game and then Friday is pep rally, parade, game and dance. We have lost our last two games and it has been quite sad in our house.

Just wanted to mention that today is our angel Ava Christine's birthday. Ava continues to hold a special place in my heart as an everyday reminder to love all children and to appreciate all that we hold dear to us. Happy Heavenly Birthday Ava, you will never, ever be forgotten.

ok, must go cough some more.

Love to you all!

Molly

Poop. The Vikes lose a tough tough one

What a downer last night was. We lost 20-16 to Marshall, which in any other year would have been a decent showing but we were up 16-0 going into the 4th quarter. This is one of those losses that is hard to shake...three touchdowns were called back, and two of them were horrible, film proven, mistakes by the refs. You just sit there and think "what if". The problem being married to a coach and in a family of coaches is that I KNOW what this loss means--most likely our playoff chances are done. It will take a hellacious effort for us to beat two of the three games vs. Lakeshore, St. Joe and Portage Northern. ARGHHKK...I don't want to even think about it. Andrew again had to play both offense and defense and against a physical team like Marshall, I think the kids playing both ways got tired and I know it affected Andrew. He is walking like a 90 year old man today. But you know, it isn't all that serious and as teenagers always do, we will recover!

I have been in bed almost all day because I definitely have a terrible chest/throat infection. i am coughing like crazy--sweating--blowing my nose--uck. I think Andrew is getting better as is Josh. Josh came home from school early on Friday and slept all day. Jim is the only one that doesn't have it.

Still upset about Valerie. And wondering about Stephanie, whose doctor is recommending chemo. Just curious about her path report--makes me think she has some other mixture of wierd cells in her tumor.

I need to take a shower. My cold sweat is beginning to be annoying.

Molly

Valerie's ACC is back.

Valerie is an ACC/breast survivor I met online. She was diagnosed a little bit after I was and had a mastectomy with no other treatment. Just this last week she went to see her surgeon about a cyst on her back and he noticed two small lumps in an area above the mastectomy site. They were painful. Yup, her ACC is back. Her news sent me reeling into reality. This is cancer we are talking about and no matter what my attitude is, no matter what my tests reveal, etc., it still could come back. Valerie has had such great attitude--never once worried out loud to me anyway--and went about her life. She did go visit Dr. Helen Chew who is supposedly the ACC/breast guru on the West coast when she was first diagnosed. Dr. Chew said she was good to go.

The good news is the prelim MRI's are showing those two lumps only so I think it just means more surgery for her. I don't think she had reconstruction. Sigh. And I was feeling so good!

Going to run up to watch the love of my life coach. Such a good wife I am!

M

Day TWO of no school. Mike I, read this.

Day Two of no school. There is a dam on the north side of Niles that the authorities were concerned may break..it was built in the early 1920's and they are not sure how much she can hold. Well, here it is the afternoon and she is ok...thank goodness. I got an email from my superintendent and we have re-routed some buses so we WILL have school tomorrow. Goodness. Two days off already. Andrew is thrilled because as a senior he doesn't have to make up any days --just in case we get many snow days. I think we have enough time to have 4-5 snow days...and rain days I guess!

Mike I--I have been meaning to tell you this for about a month! Every year the Daily Star does a BEST...restaurant, doctor, hair salon, etc. This year they had BEST teacher and you were nominated! I thought that was so cool. There were about 10 nominations...I was flattered to be nominated too..along with Jenny Nate...but I just thought it was neat that someone who had moved away was nominated. Someone is still thinking about you!( Because Danny B was also nominated for BEST COACH, I think Ginger probably did all the nominating of us Brawleys. : )

Took the kids to Hacienda for lunch. Why I even order any food is beyond me...I usually eat all the chips. The area where the restaurant is was under a no boil order because of the water and we first got our pop and it was awful...when we asked why, she said it was from a 2 liter. Now for most of you, this is no big deal, but those of you who know me well, know my vice is my Diet Pepsi (or Coke) fountain pop. It has to be fountain pop. I don't like cans, or bottles. Luckily, she said, they were just trying to use up the 2 liters but that the fountain pop was working. Such trauma for me.

My kids are obsessed with ping pong. Jim is supposedly getting a ping pong table from a friend and we are going to put it in our...well kitchen/family room area. It will look ridiculous but Andrew is only here for another year, and I really don't care, so what the heck? Cancer allows us to do silly things like put a ping pong table in the middle of the family room and kitchen.

Both Andrew and Josh have awful colds or snotty heads...not sure what it is, but I am becoming OCD with my Bath and Body Work antibacterial hand serum....ugh. Andrew was up all night and is much worse than Josh. They both slept in so that should help a little.

Not much else to say. Love to you all!

Molly

Where is the Ark?

HI HI HI HI HI!

Today was a "no day", not a "snow day" of school. Niles sits in two counties and one of the counties, Cass, was flooded so badly that the road commissioners said that they would not allow buses to travel their roads...thus, we were canceled today. I normally love snow days, but mentally didn't really need the day off...mid-week cancellations are the best, but I guess I shouldn't complain. The rain was insane this weekend. Both kids decided not to go to the Notre Dame game, that was how bad it was!

Slept in 'til 8 AM and continued trying to dry out our basement. I know we aren't any worse off than some people, but our basement smells wet, looks wet, and IS wet. I hate going down there but laundry must be done. Tonight when Jim gets home from work we will continue to try to dry things out. We have a carpet remnant near the machines that is soaking wet. Our two dehumidifiers are working overtime! I can imagine the bacteria and mold growing down there. Maybe I need to wear a mask?

I must say that I am very happy and calm these days. Hardly thinking about cancer...I am still wheezing a little bit...but so is Andrew so I think we are just suffering from allergies. I am just happy and pretty much ignoring anything physical --LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!

My bc sister Stephanie had to have her tissue expanders removed because she wasn't healing. Gosh, that would have been terrible. It's hard to believe that I am over a year away...was home on mastectomy leave this time last year...wow, it went fast. Steph, I bet healing goes much better this time. Keep up the good work.

Kristina, I am so jealous you went to Europe! Congrats girl!

What else? The Vikes won another game last Friday--against my alma mater, Kalamazoo Central. We played very well offensively and seemed pretty confident. But, once again, another team awaits us--Marshall--and they are always really good and physical. Andrew is at practice as we speak. Sports must continue despite flooding, of course.

Today was a great day. I am so happy I am off the worry kick, even if I know it is short lived.

TTFN.

Molly

Don't ever forget.

Well hello there...

Long time. Doing well. Still no phone call from Dr. A so I am not really thinking about it. I still have allergies though...Andrew is suffering from the same thing I am.

I am loving the cooler weather. Hard to believe as I am a summer lover, but it has been too hot at school and getting ready in the morning brings me what feels like hot flashes. This is tough time of year to figure out what to wear. Cold in the morning, hot by afternoon.

Today I got in a physical altercation with our copier machine at work. Somehow I became the goddess of all printing and had to print 1400 letters to parents about how to access grades on line. That in itself takes time because I have to watch the letters come off the printer or they fly all over the place! The BAD part of it today was the order before mine kept jamming and after 7 times of sticking my hands in to get the flippin' jams out , I posted a big sign on the thing that read "I am EVIL." But of course, Marcia, my secretary fixed it all and I calmed down. I think the whole process took about two hours. Not the best use of my time.

Today is 9/11. I always pause on this day as I do NOT want any of us to forget about this day. I know we all remember what we were doing and where we were.

Jim is in Kalamazoo coaching and Josh is at home driving me nuts. Right now he is taking a straw and putting it under his armpit, and then running to the bathroom, slamming the door, and making awful noises. He is also filming this on a digital camera. Why are boys so silly??? Andrew is at practice and team dinner...not sure what Josh and I are going to have. Now Josh is taking Combo pretzels and putting a straw through th cheesy part of the combo... so he has a "combo tree."

Not much else to say, believe it or not. Looking forward to the weekend but always seem to have growing piles of laundry.

Check those boobies out tonight if you haven't in awhile.

M.

No news is good news...I hope

Hello--Well, no phone call from Dr. A's office. He said they would call if it was anything to be concerned about. No call. Hopefully, they have the report and found no reason to call. I started to second guess myself about what he said to me...I know he told me to call on Friday if I wanted...otherwise, I wouldn't hear from them unless there was something to be concerned about. So I took that to mean they would call me on Friday. But maybe they are waiting until Monday? See, that is how my brain works. But yesterday, I was ok until I started playing things over in my head. I did NOT want to call..I literally FREEZE when I am waiting for results. So I am going on the assumption that all is well. My sister said Dr. A probably saw the results himself since the xray was in his office so she thinks I for sure would have heard by now.

So today I am buying a new purse. My second NED (no evidence of disease)purse. I need to get a fall Vera Bradley...my summer one...well, I used it every single day and it is getting ugly from dirt...yes, I did wash it...but the purse getting dirty is a great reason to get a new one don't you think?

I did not see Stand up for Cancer last night on TV but heard it was great. It is about time we did something like that. I am not insensitive to the AIDS dilemma but have always felt, even before I was diagnosed that CANCER should also have the same fund raising efforts on such a celebrity scale. I hope it went well. On a sad note, a fellow BC sister on my Yahoo list group died this week. She was 42. They posted her obit on the list serv and I about freaked when I saw her...she looked JUST LIKE ME. Dark curly hair, a bit on the larger size. Plus she was triple negative. She didn't have ACC, and her mets came exactly one year after her diagnosis. Triple Negative is a very serious breast cancer. I am triple negative but all ACC is but it is still considered a slow growing cancer...most triple negative breast cancer is aggressive.

Andrew won last night! He had a great game personally, but got a 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty! so not like Andrew. I was actually proud that he showed some emotion. Not much rattle him. Supposedly what happened is a kid tackled him and said "take that! In fact, you are gonna be takin' it all night long"--the kid was in his face, spitting etc. So Andrew said, with his arms open, "well, you'd better start now 'cause it's 6 -0 already." Well, the ref saw and heard that part, but not the other. (I still think Andrew must have dropped the F bomb but was too embarrassed to tell me) We ended up winning 34-0. They took Andrew out when it was 28-0 but he finished with a touchdown, and two touchdown passes. So a good night. (next week will be much tougher so trust me, I need to brag when I can)

We are not doing much today except cleaning...all the mess we haven't touched all week. The bathrooms are disgusting. We have this awful rusty water and it is really ticking me off with my new white tiled showers. the bathroom is less than three years old but it looks 20 years old with the tile. YUCK. Any good products out there? We do soften our water with rust salt.

Today is the first Notre Dame game...we will watch that. I don't think Andrew is going. He likes going but also likes watching the game in the comfort of his own home. I can't stand the crowds...but man, ND fans are loyal! Anyway, I hope the Irish kick some butt today.

TTFN...like I said, no news is good news. That's what I keep praying for anyway.

Molly

A good report....but.......

I am going to try to be detailed here because this post will be one that I will probably refer to as I continue this cancer journey. Especially if everything turns out okay.

Today I had a 6 month check up with Dr. Ansari, my oncologist. Everything was fine--I will say that so you don't worry as you read this--BUT, because of my annoying cough, he decided to do a chest x-ray. I will not know my results until tomorrow. Ok...now that I got that out there you know my frame of mind. Feeling really good about the visit but worried about the chest ray results.

So I get there and I first have blood work. Easy. Then I ended up waiting quite awhile to see Dr. Ansari. While I was waiting for him in the patient room, I freaked myself out for a moment because the nurse had the computer screen turned on...I immediately thought he was going to show me something in my breast MRI, when actually, she was just typing in data. I didn't remember the computer screen thingy being in the other rooms I was in so my mind assumed I was in the "I have bad news" room. Silly.

So I waited some more. I could hear Dr. A with a patient next to me...I knew he was a new patient as I heard him make introductions. I figured the poor guy needed lots of time so I certainly wasn't upset or anything. Finally, Dr. A came in and said hello, and started reading my charts, etc. He ALWAYS stops at the letter from Dr. Wolf, my ENT at U of M, and makes mention of it. (Like it is the first time we have ever talked about the letter that is almost a year old). Anyway, then he finds my MRI report and says "normal" so that is good. Then he says he needs to examine me and "'when we are done we will talk." His exam was basically a pat down through my clothes and all over my neck and shoulders...I don't know what he was feeling for (I don't mean to suggest there was anything inappropriate about it..it was just weird) When he was done, I asked him to double check my neck area and explained how bad it always hurt and he said anything that was hurting me was related to my schwannoma removal in 2001...I asked him if there was any research to show ACC breast metting (my shortened word for metasticizing) to neck and he said NONE. (which I have found as well but it was nice to hear it from him) He then said 'but we will do a PET/CT in 6 months, not for the cancer but because Dr. Wolf wants to see if the schwannoma has returned. So that was something I didn't expect him to say.

Then he sat back and said "so how are you doing?" I said "physically, I think I am doing well, but HOW IN THE HECK DO I DEAL WITH ALL THE WORRY OVER EVERY LITTLE SYMPTOM???? I explained how I thought I had liver cancer, (he smiled) how I thought my neck was filled with ACC, and now that I have had a minor cough for three weeks, i thought I had lung cancer. As soon as I mentioned that, he said "then we do a routine chest xray. that is easy" He knew I was very nervous about it but obviously, it is the thing to do since chest xrays are no big deal in terms of cost or radiation. He said " we do today. i will only call you if there is an issue. But you can call tomorrow if you want." (he knows me!) He then talked to me for about 15 minutes about how normal I am, that most of his patients feel good every week prior to visits with him except to the week just prior, and how good they feel when they leave him. (that is me to a T) He was very understanding and said that in time, it will get easier. I pointed out that my cancer comes back YEARS later and he said "do not confuse ACC/breast with ACC elsewhere. They are two different things. With ACC/breast you are "surgically cured" as you had clear margins" (that was nice to hear too, but i know better but will hang my hat on it after tomorrow's results!) I then told him I thought I should see him every 4 months and he smiled and said "you call me whenever you want, but I do not need to see you every 4 months. " He explained that it simply wasn't necessary and that it could cause me more anxiety than I already am having, He did say "I would never refuse to see you". I then said "well, it sounds like I am more worried than you are." And he said "I am not worried." So that was that.

I did have my chest xray right there...after it was done, the tech was calling the place I had my previous xray so i am guessing that that is routine, OR, he saw something, which easily could be that granuloma. That freaked me out a bit but I am just hopeful it was routine and that they just want to double check on the granuloma. It just has to be normal. Oh, by the way, after I told him that part of my problem with worry was not trusting him (as i don't see him very often) he said he would ALWAYS tell me the truth and never hides anything. I assumed that to be true but it was nice he verbalized it.

The other slightly interesting thing was that in March, I WILL have a bilateral mammogram. I didn't think they did that with implants but they do. So I have that a few days after my PET/CT, and then I will see him again somewhere around March 10. Gosh, it will be so nice to go through Christmas without doctor's appointments to worry about.

So as I type this, I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest. It could be worry, or my jalapeno peppers on my sandwich at lunch today...or maybe allergies. Or maybe a heart attack. Hopefully it will pass. I am still coughing but I can contribute it to post nasal crap...it certainly isn't awful...and normally, i wouldn't think anything of it....but,,,,,,,,,,,,

ANYWAY. That is my report. I walked into house today after school and literally tip-toed into the room where the answering machine is...no one had called from his office so I feel good about today at least. I will probably die of a heart attack if they call tomorrow. ARGH. Can"t think about that now>

Josh is at the freshman game...Jim is coaching...Andrew went to dinner with the football team at Pete's Patio (YUM!) and I have made pork chops that are simmering with some red potatoes. Glad the rain is here finally...just hope it clears up for tomorrow night's game.

Pray for a clear chest xray for me...it sure can't hurt can it???

MUCHO LOVE to you all!

Molly

Last day of summer

Hi there. It is Sunday night. I quickly posted some pictures from the weekend just to see if I could do it and I can. Weekend was fun, as always. Andrew lost his game...boo...but my Pollyanna attitude was glad 1) we scored (we didn't last year) and 2) no one got hurt. Andrew did fine...the whole team has many things to work on so maybe THIS Friday night will be the night to get our first victory. We play at Sturgis.

What a wonderful weatherwise weekend. Sunny and not too humid. Jim and I hung around at our campsite most of the time--took Shade on a few walks--she is sleeping and will probably sleep for weeks now. Camping wears her out. I think the kids had fun...they are both at the age where I don't worry too much about them when they are out wandering, but the Twin Mills Security people were out in masses which was new for Twin Mills.






Just a few photos from a great weekend. More later.

Nervous mom and annoying cough

Super super quick blog!

It's Friday afternoon and we are home for Andrew's game tonight. Josh and I stayed at the campground last night and weathered a hellacious thunder/lightening storm. WOW. It hit about 5 a.m. and lasted for about 2 hours...everything was soaked outside, but Josh and I were snug as a bug in a rug. When we left to head back to Niles, the sun was coming out and the forecast looks great for the rest of the holiday weekend.

I m very nervous about tonight for Andrew. He seems fine, but Jim keeps sighing heavily. Danny (his uncle and head coach) has called already to go over things. Andrew hung up the phone and said I think he is more nervous than I am. Andrew is starting tonight at quarterback, his first start since his junior varsity season since he broke his arm. Although winning is obviously the goal, I am praying for a fantastic showing by the Vikes, and no injuries.

After the game we will head back to Twin Mills with about 6 extra kids and the dog. Won't pull in until about midnight, but the rest of the weekend is ours.

Oh, by the way, my nipple/areola is fine. Dr. M said it looked great...the stuff on my shirt was ointment, not ink, and many times tattoos do not scab. Moisturizing lotion is all the care I need now. But, in 6 weeks I go back for some secondary color. It is a bit pale, but who cares at this point.

I am battling an annoying cough. Yes of course I think it is a lung met or tumor. But it could be allergies. I keep clearing my throat too. I will definitely mention it to Dr. Ansari on Thursday. Dreading the MRI on Tuesday but won't think about it until Monday night.

The game will refocus my nerves and probably cause me to want to drink. But at least it is just a game, not cancer.

Hugs!

Molly

Revenue. How fun is that?

Howdy. Guess what? I went from $3.08 to over $10 because you are clicking and reading my blog! That just made my day. I should go to the library and click all day to earn money. That would be cheating and I am a rule follower so i guess I can't do that! : ) But continue to click.

So that is exciting. Tonight I went out to where we store our trailer and got a bee stuck in my sandal--ouch! It sent shivers all through me. When I was a kid I was stung by a bee and ended up on crutches for two weeks because of a reaction. That sting was between my toes too. Right now, it just hurts a little but doesn't seem to be swelling. Anyway, I did an inventory of what we needed...I had planned to clean the trailer, but my foot hurt so much and i imagined the poison traveling to my heart and killing me so I came home. HA...but actually, it did cause weird things. But I really am ok.

An expected mother gave me some nursing pads today which is helping me with my tattoo issues. But again, too late today. Ruined another shirt for the day. But I had a vest on and luckily no one could see it.

I met another woman on line who had both a schwanomma and ACC of the trachea. She has made 4 more benign tumors in her body, and so far, for 19 years, she is ACC free. She too was told by her doctor that having a schwanomma and ACC is doubly rare...but her doc agreed we have gene issues. Figures. I guess I can pray that i just make benign tumors? Unfortunately, benign tumors can kill you too...particularly in the brain. Ugh. No more thinking about that.

i am having a hard time sleeping these days. My mind runs 100 miles a minute, and although i am exhausted, I can't turn off the brain. I am not thinking about cancer per se, just a lot of school stuff and Andrew and josh and Shade and Jim...Andrew has his first varsity game Friday night as a starter...you get nervous for your kids...sigh. I hope Niles wins. That would just make it all so great. And for Danny too...talk about pressure!

Tomorrow is take the trailer to Howe, In day. Camping at Twin Mills is a blast. So Jim and I will set it up for the most part, then on Thursday after by doctor's appointment (NIPPLE CHECK!) Josh and I will go back and do all the grocery shopping, etc. I am pretty sure we will come back to Niles Thursday night, although I might try to talk Josh in to staying down there over Thursday night. If I know the weather will be good on Friday, I want to hang at the pool and then come back to Niles in the late afternoon.

The Brawley family will be celebrating cousin Connor's birthday at a tailgate before the game Friday. We always miss his birthday because we are camping so this works well. I sort of dread this football season because I don't get to sit with Jim, as he has to be in the booth thingy watching plays and talking to the coaches on the sidelines. That leaves me to stress about Andrew alone. I do have friends I can sit with of course, but watching without Jim will be hard. He would rather coach though--he gets nervous too.

Not much else to say. Less than a week until MRI's. bluhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That is how i feel about that.

Molly

Click on Ads. Cure cancer.

Hello--wow, tired. I thought i had solved my lactating issues (my ink tattoo leaking) but no, once again today I had a lovely yellow spot right smack on my boob. I think it is more antibiotic ointment than anything else but it sure is embarrassing. I walk around like I am pledging allegiance to the flag. HA!

I want you to know that I have earned $3.08 on my ads. if you click on the ad, (I can't) I earn even more money. Click away. All money, all $3.08, will go to ACC research. (the ad people only send you a check every $100 ) Click away and cure cancer. (how is that for a guilt trip!) Also every time my page laods (you visit my blog0 I get like .0001 cents. My page has been looked at 500 plus times since August 1st...that is fun to keep track of too.

I love Julie Isabel! She is letting me borrow her canopy for our camping trip this weekend. I am excited. I am a bit apprehensive about the weather now, looks like rain for Friday--well actually, I just checked the 10 day and now it looks sunny everyday. That would make my summer. : )

Had some really good conversations with our teachers today. Our MME scores were really improved and above state average...we learned today that Niles High School, when compared to schools of its size with similar demographics in Michigan, ranks 4th in terms of student achievement. That makes me so proud of our students, teacher, and school! I hope our superintendent publishes that fact-- it really is something to be proud of...I think he said we are 4th of 70 schools. Pretty darn good.

We are still dealing with locker combo data entry issues. Sigh. But you know, we probably had those same issues in the past, I just wasn't aware of them. So much to do still to get ready for next Tuesday.

My throat and ear continue to hurt. There are days when I consider asking to have a pain block injection--that is how bad it is. I just wonder if they could give me 100 percent assurance that it is not ACC if I could handle the pain better. It hurts like heck most of the time.

Short post tonight. I want to shower, and try to finish one of my many novels I have been reading. Bet I am asleep by 10:00.

Molly

School is creeping near.

A quick blog.

I just took a two hour nap. Jim is still napping. Nap was wonderful! But here it is 4;30 and I haven't accomplished much.

Our goals this weekend are to get our trailer all set for camping. When we went last, we blew a fuse in the outside plugs, which we use a lot to make breakfast. It is normally easily fixed except when we tried to fix it, it didn't work. So we have to do that, and I need to do an inventory of blankets, paper products, that kind of stuff.

I am excited about camping, but we are trying to figure out when we can actually get there. We have to take the trailer down Wednesday night, just to get it there, and then Thursday after work I will go done and get it all set up...but we still can't spend the night until Friday, after Rew's football game. But after the game, I can't wait to relax and do NOTHING. (ok, nothing is an extreme, if you camp, you know there are some work involved!)

WARNING: graphic description to follow

Let's talk about this nipple business. It seems to not be working. Part of the problem is I don't think I have been taking care of it appropriately. My nurse told me to use this stuff called "Adaptic", which is a non-stick dressing/gauze type thing. Well, I went to Wal-Mart and the pharmacist said she had never heard of it, but had non-stick gauze. So I have been using that. And without exception, I have had major issues with ink/ointment oozes on every shirt I have worn. The areola looks like it has a film of some type over it; it looks like sticky stuff from a bandaid. But I think a scab is supposed to be building and that just isn't happening. In fact, the filmy stuff got stuck on the non-stick gauze and started bleeding profusely. Lordy. So today we went to Walgreens and they had the Adaptic stuff. We will see if that changes anything. I did do lots of research and it says to just keep it moist with antibiotic ointment and covered--and that is what I am doing. I see Dr. M on Friday and we shall see what he says. Again, as of now, I do not want to do that next phase of getting a sewn nipple nubby thing.

I am less than two weeks away from my breast MRI's and a visit with Dr. Ansari. Without Ginger here, I don't know how I will cope through this. I am less concerned about the breast MRI's for some reason than the chest x-ray --which is crazy--because the chance of recurrance is just as bad as mets--plus, with my remaining DENSE breast, who knows if the MRI will pick up anything. Here I go again, talking myself into being a worrier.

Thanks to all your support concerning the utilities fiasco. You will be happy to note that Niles City has returned my online check...which they received the day they turned off the power. I am also well aware of autopay, and do it with many things, but not with bills that vary in amount. Plus, autopay assumes you have money in your account. That could be a problem...........: )

Another goal this weekend is to finish my class on "Grading". I have one four page paper to write and then I am done. I already have enrolled in two more classes, one is about stress in the school workplace and how to alleviate it (for everyone, teachers, admins, students, etc) and the the other one is abut motivating the unmotivated child. I am looking forward to that one because it stumps many of us . Promising a high school diploma doesn't cut it for some kids.

Time to get Jim up. Love to you all.

Molly

Lights out.

Remember when I started blogging and I said I just wanted to help someone if she ever went through what I was going through? Well, my new ACC/breast cancer sister Stephanie has also started a blog about her journey at www.smacneil.blogspot.com I am so glad I have been of some help. She too had a painful area in her breast, and if you read her blog, we have so much in common. Except she is a skinny blonde and I am a fatty fatty two by four with a brillo pad for hair but WHO IS JEALOUS????????????????? : )

My day was the most insane, outrageous day. I will share this with you because then you won't feel so bad about your own day when you hear how stupid this day was.

It's sort of a long story, but I promise you will finish and say "Ok. That family is nuts. Thank god mine(yours) is sane"

On Sunday, I always pay bills. I am going through bills this past Sunday and I find our utility bill that is waaaaay over due. First I have seen of it, so I get a little snotty and tell Jim to PLEASE not get the mail as it gets lost in my paper piles, as I am now late on this bill. He says no problem and I pay this waaaaay overdue bill electronically. Fearful that my payment may not reach the city utility gods in time, I called and left a message that I had paid the complete bill and they should be receiving it electronically at any time. Enough said. I forget about it.

Today at work I am meeting with my boss and Andrew calls to ask if it is ok to take a shower if we have no power. I said yes, sure, wonder what happened? (We often lose power in short bursts, particularly in the summer for some reason, but it usually takes a few hours to come back on.) I go on with my meeting and the day ends.

Today was also order Andrew's senior picture day. My pal (and school counselor) Jenny went with me...I called Josh to see if he wanted to go but got no answer, nor did I get the answering machine. I even said to Jenny, well that is odd...I had completely forgotten about the power.

So we get to the studio and I get all weepy seeing Andrew's pictures on this 55 inch screen. I am loving all of them...Jenny and I agree on almost every single picture and we work to eliminate a few. Then my phone rings. I thought about ignoring it, but get nervous when it might be my kids...it is Jim.

"Um...what the heck is going on with the power????" he yells at me.

"Wow, do we still not have it?" I ask, thinking it is strange he would call me about that.

"WELL DID YOU CALL ABOUT IT?" he yells

"Um, no, I never call. It will come back on." I say calmly, wondering why the heck he is so upset and interrupting my wonderful moments with my smiling senior.

Then the light bulb goes off in my head....I basically gasped into the phone and said

"They didn't turn it off did they???"

"&^*%&, ^&*%&#( $%^&#" Jim says.

"But I paid it!!!! I even left a message!" I say. By this time, the photog lady is looking at me, I am sure seeing her sales go down the drain....Jenny is just looking at me like you nutso lady.

*^&%^ &*%*&#@#@" Jim says.

At this point, i am so embarrassed so I tell to Jim to handle it and I get off that phone fast. Looking like a beet, I explain to Jenny and the photog lady my issue and try to laugh about it. Inside I am cringing.

MY FREAKING POWER WAS TURNED OFF BECAUSE I DIDN'T PAY THE BILL! I have a flipping master's degree and I can't manage my bills.

Anyway, needless to say, after I finished my wish list of pictures and it was $1600 I gasped again and said, 'uh, no'. I wanted to cry at this point. How can I leave these gorgeous photos of my gorgeous son in some computer file??? After all was said and done, we got it down to $600, and will be getting about 8 pictures, plus the wallets. It really was outrageous, but oh, he was sooooo cute.

After I paid the photography bill, I had to call Jim to see what I was going to walk into when I got home:

"*$%^ )(#$ !@#@ I went and paid it. They got no message, $%^#@ cost us $100 to turn it back on &%^#&" he says.

So yeh, Miss Professional Pants here got her power turned off. How sad is that? Jim has since apologized for his crazy behavior (if you know Jim NOTHING upsets him, well nothing except having to go pay the electric bill 'cause your wife didn't) and power is restored and all is good.

What a dumb day. Now you know your day was just fine, wasn't it?

Molly

Just a lot of nothing.

What a quiet household. Jim is snoring on the couch next to me, Andrew is at practice, and Josh went for a bike ride. Jim has practice in 20 minutes. Jim is quite stinky right now; he has a terrible pain in his neck and back and has some type of rub on...WOW my eyes are watering from the stench. Josh went bike riding even though we don't own a bike. Hmmm. Not sure how he is doing that but I did tell him to be VERY VERY careful. I'm such a good mom.

Christina Applegate is recovering from a double mastectomy. I smiled when she said she has laughed more in the last three weeks. Why does cancer do that? I laughed so much during that time. Maybe it is some protective instinct we have built in to keep us sane. Or perhaps it is good drugs! : )

Today we had a very nice lunch with all the new teachers. We have 17 new teachers in the district...but only 3 in our building. Many were math teachers. I love seeing how excited they are. Tomorrow we bore the heck out of them with rules, procedures, and the ins and outs of our building. No matter how thorough we think we are being, it all goes over their heads because they are on major information overload.

Frosh orientation was last night. Went well, except for one huginormous glitch. All the locks were on the students' lockers backwards. So the poor 9th graders, who are terrified of this building anyway, are practically standing on their heads to try their locker combos. One wonders why this happened...let's just say something got lost in communication. Most parents I talked to thought it was just a way to give the students their first "challenge"--truth be told, we just forgot to turn them back over after cleaning and inventory. Heavy sigh. I about flipped a lid when I saw kids struggling. But, all in all, it was ok.

Tomorrow is the ordering of the senior pictures. I've been told I could end up spending as much as $1800 on them MY LORD. I just don't think I like Andrew that much! I know me though, I will want to go hog wild and know it is ridiculous to do so. I think I will make a list of what I want BEFORE I go and not be tempted by all the special things they offer. They do not give you a price list prior to ordering..aren't they just little sneaky people. Andrew is now telling me he is NOT going so I will be doing this by myself. Maybe I can make Joshie go. I can usually get him to do anything if I promise him a Dr. Pepper.

I really want to take a nap but won't be able to get to sleep tonight if I do. Jim can sleep any where, any time. Not me. I need to wake him up in three minutes.

I love my job. I work with some really fun people and of course I love the kids.

I am craving goulash. We had soup today at our luncheon and it reminded me of it --it was sort of meatball minestrone type soup. It was yummy.

I think I found someone who has a canopy that we can borrow for camping. I am excited!

ok, Rambling Rose must go. Hugs to all of you and kisses to the special people. HA!

Moi

Leroy Sievers

This is my third post of the day but I feel inclined to write about a man named Leroy Sievers who passed away today. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2006--given six months to live. He worked for NPR and wrote the most incredible blog that I just found today. I don't even know this man but reading through his posts was amazing! He was funny, serious, thought provoking, amazing! His wife occasionally posts as well.

I only wish I could write like he did--and be as "aware" of myself as he was. If you want to read anything by him, just google "MY CANCER".

He was my kind of guy--suggesting that cancer patients be given their own lanes of traffic through toll booths since we have less time than others. Gotta love that cancer card!

Without even knowing him, and just reading him today, I hope he is at peace now

Molly

Going blogbuggy........

Ok, as you can see I am messing with my templates again. Also, Google is now putting ads on my blog and supposedly I will get paid for it. If it amounts to more than .07 cents I will give all the money to ACC research. Based on what I have read, I might make about a dollar a month. HA!

Give some love to Stephanie who is another ACC breast survivor who I have formed a bc sisterhood with--she lives in Port Huron. She is starting here own blog too! Kristina My Bina, where are you these days? Hopefully busy living your life. Check in when you can!

Molls

No cancer in colon. So that is good.

Good afternoon peeps.

Today was football scrimmage day. Rather uneventful for Andrew. I have no clue if the team looked good or not. He played more defense than offense so I would imagine that is where he will be playing. What a sunny, beautiful day!

Finally got my polyp biopsy and there was no cancer. However, the type of polyp was adenomatous, which means these polyps can turn into cancer. I was sort of surprised that the letter said I wouldn't need another colonoscopy for 5 years, Dr. B said it would be either 3 or 5 years so based on that, I am guessing although my polyps were adenomatous in nature, they weren't villous, which have a higher malignancy chance. Thank you Dr. Molly Google.

I am craving the chips and salsa from El Rodeo in Benton Harbor. Josh is at the fair with some buddies and Andrew and Dan went fishing. Jim is preparing to build some pallet tops--a side job he and his brother do every once in awhile. So its me and doggy dear.

Just got off the phone with my mom and her blood counts are still really bad. They are even thinking about giving her a platelet transfusion. Docs are saying the chemo is what caused this--it makes me nervous her cancer is still there but she doesn't seem nervous. It has only been less than two weeks so I guess she needs more time.

I haven't changed my bandage yet on Tattoo Tina. It doesn't hurt but it is aching a little bit...

Ok, off to clean the house.

M.

A bloody mess!.

Got the nipple tattoo today. Easy peasy chicken weazy, except i was
NOT prepared for the blood! Of course there would be blood, but dumb
me thought It would just be painted on or something!

Dr. M used an EKG pad to draw my nipple circle on, which i thought was
quite creative. Then he injected me with lots of pokes of a local,
then used this vibrating pen-looking thing that was actually a 9
pronged needle to get the ink it. I couldn't really see what he was
doing, but feeling and seeing what I could see reminded me of a three
year old holding a crayon and coloring--it certainly wasn't a finely
detailed drawing that is for sure. Just sort of scribbling like!
Dr. M says he prefers to do the tattoos himself but often, the nurse does
it or a med assistant.

So now i am bandaged up...when you are diagnosed with breast cancer
you should buy stock in gauze since that seems to be part of my
regular wardrobe these days. I leave the gauze on for about two weeks
(i change it daily) to help the scab build. When i see PS in two
weeks, he will then decide if the color is good, or if he has to add
more. i have no clue what it looks like now though. Then I will have
to decide if I want the sewn nipple or not. Not sure on that
yet--concerned i will feel like i have a permanent head light on!

One funny thing, I went back to work after my procedure and didn't think much of it. But when I got home, I went to the rest room and had a bg ol' splotch of blood
soaking through my white shirt right at the nipple area! I laughed
out loud. Can you imagine the people who i talked to that didn't know what was up? They probably left and said "my god, i think that lady was shot in her boob!" Gawd, what we endure for this craziness!

I am in no pain now and hope to remain that way. I did have my
usual back spasms when he was doing the procedure and I think this
sucker may itch, but the local is still working.

Molly

Fatigued

Molly Elizabeth is exhausted...sitting here in my pj's, mainly because I was not in the mood for a bra, but have to get dressed to go to Subway for what seems to be a nightly visit of the $5 Footlong...we are just too tired to cook. At 9:30 last night Jim was cooking Andrew bacon, eggs, and toast when they both got home from football practice. I had gone upstairs to read, ended up turning on the Olympics, and stayed up until almost 1 AM. Sheesh.

Work flew by today...got lots accomplished in the scheduling aspect. I hope I can go back to work after my tattooing. I have a meeting at 7:30 tomorrow morning, then ad staff for an hour, and then I am on the road at 9:30.

I still have not heard on my polyp biopsies. They said they would send a letter--I am assuming they would have called had they been malignant--and I know they haven't called as I check Caller ID every day when I get home because my kids may forget to give me messages... I know I should call but haven't made the time. I figure no news is good news. I told myself I will call Monday.

My liver/rib pain IS better but not gone completely. At some point, you just get sick of thinking about this stuff. My new reality is worry all the time. But then I have to mentally NOT ALLOW it, which is easier said than done. But it can be done and does work for me, although you all hear the worst. But today--thought of cancer maybe three/four times total until now. That is amazing for me.

I am so tired I feel almost drunk.

Going to get moving or my entire family will starve.

Hugs--

MEB