Sunday, May 30, 2010


What a beautiful weekend! I love living in Michigan. You don't appreciate weekends like this unless you do. : ) Have so many things I want to get done this weekend but here I am instead.

We had another successful graduation and the Class of 2010 is on to bigger and better things. Graduation always comes at the right time--seniors are so ready to be done with high school rules, bathroom passes, tardy bells, etc. Not so sure if they are ready for reality, but many are well on their way. The rest of the students are done this Friday, and I work two more weeks.

I am very proud of myself these days for my lack of worrying. I am sure I will start obsessing again but for now, despite this concern in my left breast, I am not thinking about my cancer. Cancer yes, but not my cancer.

Very blessed to have a great husband, two great kids who use decent (not perfect) judgment, and to live in a great country.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

June is approaching

Changed my follow up appointment to a week earlier. June 17, another round of boob squishing. I have not been thinking about it at all, but then tonight I WAS thinking about it and am just not in the mood for any disruptions to my happy life. So that is that.

Stressful time for me right now. May is the best and worst month for high school principals. Kids graduate and kids DON'T graduate. So tough. Get me through Thursday and I can relax a little. We have our ceremony outdoors so weather is always tricky. Looks like rain for now, but I am still hopeful.

We have committed to June 18 for our trip the UP. Jim's entire immediate family is going. We are all about creating memories right now. Looking forward to laughing and just relaxing.

Not much else to say. Please pray for Johnny and all other cancer fighters!

Friday, May 14, 2010

A decent weekend?

Not so much cancer on the mind today. Sometimes you have to just not think about it. Glad the weekend brings sunshine. May have to do some antiquing for my new "guest" bedroom. Should also clean out Andrew's closet. He brought home a load of stuff this week...he is off to Louisville to see a friend and then returns to Goshen for his last week. He really needs to get a job that makes a lot of money.

Josh has a double header tomorrow. More baseball!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A fellow ACC sister

Tonight I was catching up with some ACC posts from a list serv and learned that Kelly, who was diagnosed with ACC/breast (at age 37) about a year ago, is now in hospice. Her ACC/breast has gone to her liver, and although they planned on surgery, it is now not possible. She has a 22 month old child.

I do not correspond with Kelly as I do a few other ACC sisters, but this is once again a reminder that this disease is insidious and can be relentless. I consider myself lucky so far. For a few moments, I sat stunned and staring at the computer. But now, after a few deep breaths, I am going to remind myself of my mantra "I am not going to die today" so I am not going to worry about this today either.


Sunday, May 9, 2010


Dealing with cancer fears is such a roller coaster. There are moments of shear terror, and then something happens and you just want to climb into a moment of joyfulness that hits you at the weirdest times. Today, for example, Sister Sue and I were refurbishing a mirror and an antique dresser/nightstand in the driveway, and while we were waiting to do a second coat, we sat in the sun on our back patio. Pure bliss. In the back of my mind, I was thinking "ok, five weeks until I might face another battle with breast cancer" but in those 15 minutes or so that we sat there, petting my goofy Shady Paige and listening to the birds, it didn't matter. Honestly, it was so peaceful. Whoever said "take time and smell the roses" really had something.

My sister is incredible, if you haven't figured that out yet. Such a good person, and talented in so many things. We are so much alike but I definitely didn't get the home decorator talents. I have good ideas, but she knows how to get it all done in a weekend. And she can shop like no other! Such a fun time we had.

Andrew also surprised me this weekend. I got up to let the dog out at 1:30 AM and he had taken a bouquet of wildflowers and placed them in a large plastic McDonald's cup, with a sign in crayon that said "Happy Mother's Day (cards are a waste of money) Love, Andrew" Next to the cup was a package of SHAM WOW thingies that he saw on TV. God love him. And Joshie, sweet Joshie, called from the mall and asked Jim what he should get me, and although Jim said nothing, I still appreciate that Josh would even think of it. Such good boys I have.

And then there is my husband...there's nobody better that is for sure!

Embrace it people, embrace everything you have because there are no guarantees.


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Follow up

My family doctor's office called today to follow up after he received the report of my mammogram. His nurse said she just wanted to make sure that I had my 6 week appointment scheduled. She sounded so hesitant that I panicked a bit. I am thinking I may go get a copy of the report. But, again, it is probably just good follow up--I hope!

Both boys have games today. Andrew is in Indy for the beginning (and likely the end for Goshen) of the MCC tournament. John and Ginger went down. I know Ginger needs to escape and I am glad baseball is there for her. I worry about her as she is trying to be strong for her kids and has to have the same heartache we all that lady.

Joshie is at the high school playing Sturgis. I am just tired, physically and emotionally so I came home. He was dh'ing. Not the best mom at the moment but he will forgive me.


Monday, May 3, 2010

Just really hating cancer more than anything.

My chest x-ray was clear. Just wanted to post that quickly. Now to get through the next 6 weeks for the re-check.

Counting blessings tonight and loving my family. The fight is NOT over nor will it ever be.


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Research into "probably benign"

One thing I learned in my bout (I almost wrote "first bout" but I am refusing to think there will be a second bout) with ACC /breast was that there are scores that radiologists give abnormal results on mammograms. In light of the note that Dr. E wrote Dr. Ansari with the words "probably benign" I decided to google those words and sure enough, that is how a Birad Score of 3 is described. What I also learned is that shorter intervals of re-imaging are recommended, and that greater than 90% of these issues are benign. That 10 percent is looming, but there was one article that said greater than 98% were benign on further testing. I prefer the second figure but
as you know with me, even 1 percent is too many so I don't care for any of it! But it is what it is.

Tonight, I worry about getting through tomorrow's fear of a call from Dr. A's office about my chest xray. He told me to call but I know I won't be able to bring myself to do it. I literally freeze about things like this. Ugh. I hate hate hate hate how cancer robs us of simple peace and calm!

Johnny also has his visit tomorrow. Prayers abound all over the world tonight for him!

Time to get myself together and get my mind off of the negatives.