Making stuffed peppers

Loading my car with groceries today--on this glorious fall evening, I was thinking about cancer and the research I read today. And I realized that I am no different than any other cancer survivor. It can always come back.

But I told myself that I have to live like it won't. No other choices.

Going to make stuffed peppers at my husband's request.

That is what life is about, if you carve away all the other stuff.

Molly

I don't believe them any more.

I am deliberating in my mind if I should no longer belong to some of the informational list servs that keep me in contact with ACC survivors. Today, another ACC breast cancer sister informed us that she has numerous lung mets. I do not know her whole story, but this is such disturbing news. My doctors paint such a great picture--as did her doctors--when in reality, this crappy cancer shows no mercy--including time.

It just sucks.

But, I am not going to die today from this disease, so what choice do I have but to just keep on keeping on.

Molly

Catching up

Cough. Sniff. Sneeze. Cough. Cough. cough...you get the drill. Stayed home one day last week with fever and the worst achy body I have had in years. Not sure if it was the flu, but it felt like a mild case at least. Should have stayed home another day but since my fever was only 99, and I was standing, I went to work. Anyway. Still coughing and now feel like I have a cold. Flu then cold. Doesn't seem fair.

I have been neglecting you dear ol' blog--yes, there is another woman...Facebook. I still LOVE blogging because I love writing but the nice thing about Facebook is the day to day interactions. The best thing about Facebook so far has been the memory trips she sends you on...I hooked up with some life time friends and have been smiling ever since. But, here I am, old faithful.

I do not believe I have shared what I think is amazing news in the cancer research field. It probably won't help me if I need it, but scientists have FINALLY discovered the gene that causes ACC. This is helpful in that ACC is often not diagnosed correctly at first, and now finding this specific gene will help, and secondly, those same scientists are saying that they can target therapies to turn "off" this gene in terms of treatment. I got an email about this not too long ago and then researched it myself....the scientists seem really excited so I am as well!

Andrew, who will NOT accept my as his friend on Facebook, has also banned me from talking about him on here. Seems someone at his college must have been surfing and found this site. I think it is funny. Poor Andrew. His mom never leaves him. BIG baby he is! Josh has no issues with me on Facebook, but probably will soon.

Football season is over so Jim is back to hunting for a few days. He starts basketball Monday at the middle school so it will be short lived.

Yesterday I baked an apple pie (yes, from scratch) and it was ok. The best part was the REAL whipped cream I made. I almost screwed that up howeve--didn't realize you need to add sugar but I did before it was too late so all was yummy. Even Josh liked it--he put it on brownies since he has aversion to fruits and veggies. (yet he is one skinny dude) I also made Chicken Ala King--which is a big deal because I have tried before and could never get a good gravy going. It ended up being pretty good!

Ok, the hunter is home so off I go.

Much love from boob central--

Molly

Dancing with NED and my new purse.

Schwew--what a busy weekend. At the last minute, Andrew decided he wanted me to come to his first "real" college baseball game (mainly because he is tired of driving and wanted a ride home) so early Saturday morning, I drove to Goshen and watched a whopping 7 hours of baseball. The Mapleleafs played Kalamazoo Valley, and I froze my patoot off, seeing as I wasn't prepared with enough warm clothing. The coach started the "varsity" team the first game, which they won, 9-3, and then the second game he switched all the players out, so Andrew didn't play. The team lost 20-12, which is why it took so long. Andrew played very well at short the first game, and did a nice job cheering the second game. I eventually went to my car I was so cold.

So, after freezing through two games, I finally brought him home for the night...and am currently finishing his laundry. He had three loads crammed into one small laundry basket...I am sending back a bigger one. He is definitely an expensive kid. This morning we went out to breakfast, then he needed a haircut, and then wanted his favorite bourbon chicken and strawberry/banana fruit smoothie from the mall...geesh. He is really doing well with HIS money at school but more than makes up for it when he comes home. This is his last week of fall ball so he is looking forward to having a lot more free time each day. Next Friday he is home for Fall Break for five days.

Although I didn't go to Johnny's golf outing, I heard it was a MAJOR success. That is wonderful news. The generousity of this community is so overwhelming. Jim said there were so many great friends there...people came from all over. I hope this helps Johnny and Pam pay off those medical bills. I just can't imagine what people do without insurance, as Pam has very good insurance but still loads of bills.

I forgot to say that I went and bought my new Vera Bradley today. I figured I would have heard by now if I wasn't NED (no evidence of disease). I ain't taking it back if I jumped the gun regardless! : ) When Ginger and I were at Dr. Ansari's office for me on Tuesday we probably counted at least 12 different women with Vera Bradley bags. I wanted to ask them if they bought them since they were NED? : )

Joshie needs to get on so off I go.

Love that Joshie.

Molly

If I had known

that I would not get my xray results today, I could have saved a night of worry. I thought for sure he would know as soon as I saw him; nope, gotta wait until the scan is read. So, tomorrow and the next day will be a day of being terrified every time the phone rings. He told me to call late tomorrow if I wanted to know...but I can't do that either. Too scary. So, as long as there is no call, all is fine. Frizzle. Hate this part.

On the good side, my blood work was all normal. I actually felt good about that as my new ACC sister who has liver mets said her mets actually DID show up in her liver blood work, which is unusual for ACC. So, a victory for that part at least.

I won't give you the details of the xray tech--you know how I read everything into what they say and how they look at me...but yeh, I walked out thinking OMG, she is freakin' out at what she sees...

Typical worry.

Ok, just wanted to get that all. My next appointment isn't until April. Please slip a prayer in for me if you can.

Love to you all--

M

Holy cow, I am a wreck.

Heavy sigh. I wish I could express this nervous feeling I have into words but I can't. Tomorrow is Dr. Ansari, a visit that could be dreadful, or wonderful. No control here on which it will be. I will have a chest xray and bloodwork--routine--but it has been 7 months since my last tests and as every cancer survivor fears, the routine scan will not be so routine. I think I might be overly sensitive to this scan because of the recent events with many ACC breast sisters who have learned they have mets after supposedly years of clean scans...and the other part of this is that from what I have read is that the aggressive ACC tumors often (well, sometimes) show up within the two year span. Well, I am just out of my two year time frame and want it to be CLEAR. I want to be the lucky one.

I continue to hope and pray that I am beating this but if I am honest, I continue to be scared every day. Prayers tonight would be appreciated. I want to be NED forever.

And, I need a new purse dammit! This pink summer one ain't getting it.

Love you all--please think of me!

Molly

Could we be any busier?

Hello. Can't believe it is Sunday already. I woke up yesterday and thought I had to go to work--best feeling in the world when you realize you don't.

Work has been incredibly busy. With Jim coaching football every night until 6-7, working from 5:30 a.m.--4:00, and also working out kids in baseball, we never see each other until we tumble into bed! As I have mentioned before, I am on the negotiation team a new teachers' contract, plus we have a new School improvement process that has required night meetings as of late. I too feel like I am working two jobs--for no extra pay! But it is all good...just tiring. I must give a shout out to Crazy MIL and FIL--they take care of Johnny one week and on non-chemo week they stop by my house and I usually come home to a clean kitchen and at least one less load of laundry to do. This week, John cleaned my linen closet. How nice is that? I think Ginger likes to stay really busy --1) to keep her mind off of negative things and 2) I think she would go bonkers just staying at home, and 3) because she is such a great person, she loves to help out her kids. I am sure she is stopping by Pooh's too. (don't think Danny gets left out...he has an awesome "nanny" who takes care of the house too--Aida's sister Lucy!) So, we are all very lucky.

I had the best surprise this week. I won't go on and on about how broke we are (but let's put it this way...we have 99.00 in our savings account) but paying bills literally makes me nauseated. This week, I was making sure all my electronic payments were good to go and realized I am a full month ahead of schedule on our mortage. (ok, for you savers, you probably don't think this is a big deal) but it was for me! So I basically get to skip a payment and get to use that to pay off some credit cards bills. Such a nice surpise when that happens!

The other good news is I think Andrew will be coming to Sunday dinner today. He went to Michigan State to see Kaitlyn this weekend and figured he would get up early and head here first before heading back to Goshen. He also wants his dad to give him some BP--he, again, thinks he is in a slump, since he went 0-4 in his first scrimmage game. He is one of two freshman who started for varsity so he is pleased with that, but really wants to earn his keep. He said he played well defensively. Anyway, regardless, I am excited to see him!

Was reading my numerous list serves (I belong to one for general breast cancer, Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma, and Colon cancer) and was pleased to read that Irene, a member of the colon cancer one, is celebrating 10 years post-diagnosis of colon cancer with mets to the lung and liver. She says she has been "bald and pukey" over the years but is doing great and living her life. And, on my ACC site, the ACC research foundation is now sending out a newsletter about all the breakthroughs they have had. Unfortunately, they still have no chemo to help, but are getting a better understanding of how this crazy-a@# tumor develops and grows. I really, really wish they had a chemo to help just in case...

My other kid, Joshua, continues his busy social life. He was really struggling on his pre-calc homework, but kicking bootay on tests...where he knows he has to take his time! Geesh. The kid could probably be over a 4.0 if he would just SLOOOOOW down. Loves his AP Pysch class. As usual, he is still sleeping on this foggy Sunday morning.


Today Jim and I are going to get flu shots. I should drag Andrew with us because I know he won't get one at his Health Center...maybe his coach will make them?

Tuesday is Ava Christine's birthday. She is celebrating her second birthday up in heaven with her Gram. Thinking of you, Jamie. Ava is still close to all of our hearts.

Love to you all--

M

Peace of mind

Dr. Ansari's office called Friday and we have to postpone my next appointment until October 6 because he will be out of town. So I can put off worrying for another week or so. Good news in my book.

Another scary ACC/breast story has reached me. Mets to the spine after a year of clear scans...Susan's back kept hurting to the point she couldn't walk so she had a test and there is a tumor (or more) on her spine. Crap. She also had clear margins and an encapsulated tumor to start with, which is about the best you could have. So there is no telling with cancer.

Cancer sucks.

On a good note, Andrew came home Friday night and we stayed up late talking and I finally got all my questions answered: he sees himself staying there four years; his favorite class is the Bible class; he doesn't always get up for breakfast but gets a smoothie from Java Junction, a coffee shop in his dorm that he can swipe his meal plan card for; it is NOT a dry campus although it is really really really supposed to be, which I thought was very interesting; two players on his team are married and three are engaged; he and his roommate get along fine--in fact, when Andrew was lamenting about some baseball issues (lack of hitting) Luke explained the story of Job to him, so Andrew now has a poster on his door that says "PLAY LIKE JOB" which he hits as he leaves his room everyday; roommate reads the Bible nightly and has helped Andrew with class; still thinks everyone is "the nicest people"; misses Kait; um...I think there is more but those were the biggies.

Jim and I bit the bullet and went and got two new phones for the kids on the Verizon network. Andrew had horrible service in Goshen on Nextel and Josh has wanted Verizon for some time, so we are now paying for two phones we won't be using. I may just break the contract with Nextel but will have to see how the costs work out. Jim and I are taking it down to him today...I will admit, i want a phone like it as it has the keyboard and I can fly when I text!

Happy Sunday to you. Appreciate your good health and worry free days, people. You never know when peace of mind is rocked. But also NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER give up.

M

Uh-oh--scratchy throat?

Jim is singing in the bathtub. Poor guy's arm is so sore from pitching baseballs to kiddies. He is such a hard worker.

Very nervous that I am coming down with the respiratory crap that everyone is dealing with at school. Both kids and teachers are falling like flies. My throat is scratchy and sort of sore..plus, that cough is coming on. I am drinking lots of Vitamin C...just cuz.

Now Jim just came out of the bathroom wearing my pajamas. Granted, they are sort of unisex but he is still making me laugh. Josh is at the volleyball game and better get home soon.

Andrew's doing great. Is still not sure about whether he will be on the jayvee team or varsity. Right now he is the leading shortstop for varsity but the regular season is not until Spring so a lot can change. He felt he was in a terrible batting slump but now is batting ok--5th in terms of average of all the players so that bodes well for varsity I would think. He still doesn't call...his cell phone reception is horrible...so horrible I might actually get him a new carrier and phone as it is not acceptable that I can't call him. Even texting is a problem. He is deep into homework and I had to proof a paper last night at 10:30. I decided he didn't learn a thing in high school. At least he did indent his paragraphs this time. : )

Time for my shower. Just stopping by to say hey. Almost one week until that chest xray. Sigh. But I won't think about that today, Rhett.

Molly

Sigh.

Cancer weighs heavily today. An ACC/breast sister was told by her doctor that when ACC/breast metaticizes to lungs (which hers did, three years after dx) it becomes very aggressive. She is terrified and seeking info. Nothing I have read says that...but obviously, you can go from Stage I to Stage IV in one routine x-ray! CRAP. My only solace with this stupid cancer is that it is supposed to be slow growing and NOT aggressive.

Secondly, my Velvet, who I met online, passed away yesterday. I honestly cried. She was so amazingly positive, living with Stage IV breast cancer for EIGHT years...in her bones, her brain, lungs, etc. She was so funny and brave and inspirational and just amazing. She truly was one who made me stronger throughout this.

On one good note, I was looking at an ACC site and a list of recommended ACC doctors and my doctor from U of M was one of them. Of course, he is a head and neck doctor, but at least he knows ACC.

Heavy heart today. It will get better. It usually does.

Mo

What? I forgot??

Please let me point out that I totally forgot that Monday was my two year cancer free anniversary! Yes, it was two years ago that the bad ol' boob was chopped off.

Rather amazing that I forgot the significance of the date. Of course, I remembered later, but was pleasantly surprised at how far I have come. Well, at least until the worrying starts in next week with my chest x-ray looming.

But until then, Happy Cancerversary to me!

Molly

Summer's last hurrah

After a long weekend camping, here we are on another eve of school. Not having Andrew to deal with will be easier, but I do miss the little (tall) guy. Saw him for one night camping but it was actually about 10 minutes total...he was too busy playing dodgeball, etc. He did say he really likes Goshen; his teachers are the "best" and "amazing", particularly his bible teacher. He had a quiz today on the 27 books of the old testament.

Camping was fun, as always. We don't do much but sit around and look forward to the next meal. We kept things simple this year. I made a big pot of chili Friday and then on Saturday all the Niles families had a HUGE potluck. I think there was close to 130 people there from Niles at our little potluck. Good food. You would never know we were camping with the yummy dishes everyone brought. Sunday we had shish-kabobs over the fire and filled in the rest of the meals with hotdogs, etc. Danny and family came down for the afternoon and the kids had a great time.

It rained last night so I slept really well. Shade was able to fall asleep to the raindrops without freaking out on us. I have the fan and the air conditioner going so she doesn't hear much outside the trailer. (I often run the furnace at the same time to keep it somewhat less damp.)

Oh GAWD! Today when we got home I was putting things away in my medicine cabinet in the bathroom and I looked at the window screen and there was this brown thing clinging to the screen. My first thought was a frog, but when I looked closer it was a freakin' BAT. AGAIN! I had a minor cardiac infarction and froze--telling Jim to get in there. The bat never moved so he was able to grab it with a towel and get it outside. He is convinced it is the same bat from the first time. Regardless, I am still shaking that image out of my head eight hours later. But Jimmy is my hero, once again.

Today was "read my old pathology report again" day. I do that about every 6 months. Today I researched p63 and p53 tumor markers, and got confused. I know the p53 expression is indicative of a poor prognosis, but that was never mentioned in my report but it's "family" member, the p63 WAS mentioned. I did learn that some 85 percent of all breast cancers have the p63 marker. This is when I shouldn't do research. : ) We do have a new member on the ACC site who is a doctor and he has been amazing in HIS research. He has ACC salivary gland but is doing a lot of research about the disease in general so the sharing of his wisdom has been very valuable.

So, September is here. School is here. Life continues and life is good.

Molly

From the Goshen Website

College boy. 1/2 an empty nest. And even the bat is gone.

Andrew and his entourage (Jim, Molly, John and Ginger) left for Goshen College this morning at the crack of dawn---finally got dorm keys around 9:30 after an amazingly efficient check in process. The frosting on the cake was the yummy muffins, cinnamon rolls, bagels, juices, coffees and glass bottled soft drinks they provided to all of us...students, parents, and the occasional grandparent and sibling. I swear every important person at that college was working...we talked to the dean of student life, the dean of financial aide, the head honcho admissions person, etc. They just all were helping.

Moving into the dorm room was easy peasy chicken weasy. I think Andrew had ten different people helping him carry his things to his room so it took no time at all. Andrew is on the second floor but it was only about 5 steps up the way the building was built. He was the first to arrive so he ended up picking the bottom bunk and after some thought, chose his desk. Compared to all the girls' rooms I have seen, and even some of the boys on his floor, his room is a bit "plain." I've included some pictures...you'll be relieve to know his bed looks a lot better now...he forgot his pillow, which we went home and got, and I have also switched the bedding around. Ginger wanted it all to match so his quilt was turned upside down but I thought it looked hideous (the quilt is about 15 years old) so he doesn't match the purple blanket but it does look better. He also now has a small table that his alarm clock sits on.

How pathetic is his closet? When we went back to get the pillow we got more clothes, some posters (notice the Tin Cup poster==you can't see his Hoosiers poster), more food, etc. I didn't take enough pictures but at least there are a few. I was also lucky to snap one of Josh in Andrew's closet, scratching his deodorant sticker! (Josh couldn't escape me!!!) Also, look at the pretty view he has! The parking lot in the distance is where his truck is.

Anyway, one last thing. We had a bat in our house the other night sans Jim, so of course, every one ran around panicked and the bat disappeared into the basement. Jim wisely brought in a tennis racket and tonight, while I was typing this, the bat came flying up and all around the family room. Tyler Fisher, if you know him, is my hero. He went after the bat with the tennis racket but then suddenly got really freaked out, so Jim stunned the sucker and was able to get him off the top of a cupboard--using a towel of course. So even the bat has left the nest.

Well, I survived Andrew leaving. He is only an hour away so that helps immensely. I honestly think I am more sad about not having Kait around... : (

Ah well, it's why we raise them.

TTFN.

Mom of a Mapleleaf.

Tick tick tick. Clock is ticking.

I have been lurking on Josh's Facebook (Andrew banned me) and I am sooooooooooooo jealous of all the girls' dorm rooms! The pictures are fabulous. Obviously, hot pink and black are the colors of the year. I tried to look closely at all of the pictures to see little things that Andrew would need...I did see some Wonder Hangers, which I did purchase prior to the lurking. (However, I am not sure Andrew needs them for his lack of clothing choices.) Andrew's bedspread choice is an old cotton quilt that he likes--he didn't want anything new--but Kaitlyn also just gave him a great crocheted quilt in purple and white so he will have that too. The two of them are going out for a nice dinner tonight. It is going to be very tough on them since they have spent so much time together for the last two years. We will miss seeing her everyday too!

I still have some things to get for Andrew (yes, I will be doing the shopping Thursday night). I know for sure we need a surge protector, some jeans that actually fit him (he is finally gaining some weight), at least one extension cord, school supplies like binders and folders, more toiletries, etc. We haven't even tackled the food/snack issues yet. I will get that stuff down there. The plan is to bring sort of the minimum on Saturday...and then see what his roommate has...and then we will bring the rest on Sunday. We have meetings with advisers on Saturday, and then on Sunday we return for a brunch with the students and then we will attend church, too. Andrew says we don't have to come but nuh uh, I am going!!!!! Right now, I am in denial that he is leaving. What an exciting time for him.

NHS Freshman Orientation is done--check! Always good to get that over with--it went very well and most freshmen were successful. I saw a few meltdowns of girls with their moms..."don't wallk with me!!!! I can find it!!!!" etc.

Off to go check out the varsity band. Tonight is their last night of band camp.

Friday night brings Viking football! I believe the girl's basketball team is selling port-a-pit chicken at the tailgate so make sure you stop by to support them. We have a really good chance to beat Coldwater--finally, an opening game that we should win. Go VIKES!!!!!!

Molly

It's Friday and I'm not happy????

Happy Friday night. Try not to laugh at this, but I am sort of disappointed it is Friday just because work has been so busy(like I don't take a breath busy) and I leave each day with a feeling of accomplishment. I definitely like work better than housework and as I glance around at the ever-increasing clutter--work sounds better!

I got a hair in my craw to strip my bedroom's wallpaper. But I don't want to put any time into it so I peel off sections at a time. And of course, the sections come off in tiny pieces. The wallpaper is ancient--the paper comes off pretty easily but the glue is still there. A few nights ago Josh decided to "help" and all on his own, Googled what to do. So at 10:00 at night, he is in my room with soapy hot water paint rollering water on the walls. He said he would do the entire room for 50 bucks. Yes, that lasted one panel as the tiny flecks of paper wouldn't come off.... but now we have a deal that the just wet the walls an hour before I come home from work and I will work on the rest. So far we have about 1/100th of the room done. Jim just shakes his head at me. I know I should be using DIF, or a steamer, or vinegar, or whatever, but like I said, that would require effort and thought and I just like picking at it.

Another scary thing is Andrew has become extremely likeable. I wanted to continue to be happy that he is leaving but now suddenly, he is NOT fighting with his brother, he does his chores without being asked, he laughs, he jokes, AND he finished a book already for his English class. We are down to a week from tomorrow in the countdown.

Yesterday, and this may have something to do with his good mood today, he went to a workout with his Goshen teammates at Goshen. In his mind, he feels like he has a good chance to start. He felt he hit the ball well-- he hit the 396 sign marker. Success really motivates Andrew so I glad it went well for him. He wasn't perfect--said the coach hits grounders like no other--but he seemed challenged by that. I am so pleased. He also got an email from his R. A., who is one of the players that we met on his last recruiting visit so he is happy about that.

Next Friday is our first football game. It will be nice just to worry about Danny and the team==not my own kid. We are feeling pretty confident about the season--the schedule is a bit different, and making the playoffs is feasable. Plus, some good returning kids. Can't wait!

Today I attended a meeting about our Instant Alert system that we will be using in Niles. It will allow all kinds of messages to be sent to your email, your cell, your home phone, etc. Messages like school cancellations, event reminders, etc. It was cool to see all that we will be able to do.

Freshman Orientation is Monday night. Always fun to see the new kids, although they crack me up because most don't want to appear that they know nothing...and then there are the few who panic that they don't think they can handle it. Our goal is to have them know where to show up the first hour of the day, and where their lockers are. This is the Class of 2013 for those of you keeping track.

The kids saw Johnny today and said he is doing great.. TGIF for him.

Goofy pain under my boob is back...doesn't scare me anymore but still have no clue what it is. I am a month away from my next set of scans. Yes, obsessive worrying is about to commence I am sure.

TTFN...Harry Potter is calling me.

M

Count down starts. GO to the FIGHTING TOAD, too.

Insomnia has invaded the over 40 female in this household. I have not slept for more than a few hours the last two nights. My mind is thinking about all of things I need to take care of at work, and with the addition of my iced tea addiction, caffeine is also the culprit. I fall asleep for the most part...but by 1:00 AM, I am up, talking to the kids and petting my dog.

Andrew is pleasantly pleasing me these days. Wonder if he is beginning to appreciate the ol' 'rents? I brought some boxes home today from work to help him get organized. Still need a power strip and bathroom items. And I am sure some other things. He actually went out and bought himself a $9 backpack. Nine days 'til he leaves.

I am on Harry Potter 3 now. Also reading a Sandra Brown book. I go from smut to magic with the flip of the page.

Johnny's port is infected. Please visit Pam's site and say hello. It helps so much...even if it is just a "thinking about you." I can't wait for Friday for them. then they have about 8 days of normalcy. And you do appreciate "normalcy" with a cancer diagnosis.

I have met another lady on line who is in her young 30's that was recently diagnosed with ACC in her salivary glands. Just after surgery and as she prepared for mega-radiation, her two year old son was diagnosed with cancer. I can't remember the type but the tumor was in the belly area, and although it was caught early, he has to go through chemo. I just shake my head and admire all cancer survivors--and my goodness, your child??? (If I already wrote about this, I am sorry)

Gotta get Josh's chaffuer directions to the fair. That would be Dominick.

M

The taboo subject.

I am not allowed to talk about you know who's you know what that he/she had done today. You know who has no interest in having his/her health issues broadcast on my blog. However, I will say that his you know what was clean as a whistle and the you know what went very well. He, or she, said he/she would like to do it once a month so he/she can detox the you know what.
Got that?

M

Summer is over...or is it?

Today is the last official day of summer break for me. But this year, I am making the purposeful decision that I am still of vacation but just have to go to work from 7:30 until 3 or so...that way, summer won't end. Then, when the kids start, I will officially be back to work.

As always, I am always sort of glad to go back. I love my job. This is going to be an exciting year as we have a new assistant, and Josh is now firmly established as a junior. And, best of all, I only have ONE kid to get up in the morning!

Andrew is at Cedar Point for the day/night. He doesn't know this yet, but this really needs to be his last hurrah for the summer as the money can't keep flowing out of the ATM like it has been. He used his own money but I told him I would pay him back if he was a good boy. How is that for bribing? I can't figure this child out...he is never home but claims we don't let him do anything...he says he is bored at home at that is our fault...OMG. I guess this is the way kids transition to college because 3 months ago I was weepy thinking about him leaving and now they are tears of joy. And I think he feels the same, but a wise person suggested to me that it could be ANXIETY that is causing his bad attitude when it comes to the family. Jeesh. It never gets easier.

Josh on the other hand is just a delight. He has me busy reading Harry Potter Book 2 and is so pleasant to be around. I am writing this as proof that he is a nice kid. If he Sybils on me his senior year, I will know it is related to just getting older.

Jim started Job 2 yesterday as a freshman football coach. Gosh, what long days for him. He goes from work to practice until 9 PM. Yawn.

I got my answer about the WalMart parking lot from Johnny. It is employees. I guess there was a complaint that they were taking up the good spots so they now have to park way out yonder. I didn't imagine there were so many cars. Mimi also answered my Riverfront walking question but since I haven't been back there, it doesn't matter.

I am not liking to have our air on all day and night. I really prefer a fan in the window at night but it's too dang hot. Last year around this time I had my power shut off--remember that fiasco??? My my.

Rambling...so time to go. No coughing or chest pain these days.

Molly

No such thing as a free lunch.

Just a quick post.

My ads are gone. Yes, it was too good to be true. Google Ad Sense decided one of two things: my ads have invalid clicking or my blog is associated with another site that has invalid clicking. What that means is this: They decided that I had too many clicks from the same IP addresses (or that the other site did). Which is really the truth, so I can't be mad, although one day I had only 9 clicks which is less than I had had in the past, but what the heck, they're the boss. In the fine print of all of the ad contracts we signed, it does say that you are not suppose to do anything to cause "invalid clicking" because, if it happens, they can cancel at anytime. Something triggered them to realize that I had invalid clicking. The really bad part of it is that I lost all my money that was saved up on the account...almost $300.

For me, this is no big deal. Yes, I give my money to charity (although this time charity might have been the Andrew Brawley College fund) but now I am so paranoid about the same thing happening to Mimi so I quickly warned her. But Mimi has had intense ad clicking since the inception of her blog, so there shouldn't be red flags. My blog's intense clicking just started so there probably was a red flag. I am not clicking on Mimi's ads until she gets her first check, as I do not want to be associated with her blog for fear they will cancel hers for being related to a site that has invalid clicking.

Just proves there is really is no such thing as a free lunch.

Molly

The GIANT

I just have to post this as it is rather ironic. Do you remember me writing about the GIANT who I had to stand behind at the Billy Joel/Elton John concert? (See my post from July 19)

So, today, Jim is watching TV in the living room and I am in the kitchen. He yells "Come here come here come here!" and there, on the TV, is the Giant!!!!

His name is Jared Allen and he is a football player for the Minnesota Vikings. To ensure that it was him, I did some google research and sure enough, it was him. He even talked about going to the concert in some of the articles about him. This guy is quite popular and quite good (pro-Bowler) it looks like--crazy, fun loving type of guy...and into hunting (he has a hunting hat on as you can see. I took this picture because I wanted to show people how big he was, but this doesn't do his size justice) Like I said, Pooh on steroids.

So, when you are watching football this season, and you hear all kinds of stuff about the intensity of this guy, you can rest assured he is a nice nice guy who knew the lyrics to every single song that Elton John and Billy Joel sang.

When you know the world's greatest athlete and his world's greatest wife, nothing impresses you too much, but I will say that this guy was fun and standing behind his giant self was just part of the experience. (And yes, that is the hottie girlfriend who I think wore about 9 inch heels.)

A small but GIANT world.

Molly

Inquiring minds want to know.

I have a couple questions that have been hanging out in my brain. If you know the answers, please let me know.

First of all, if you are a Wal-Mart customer, have you noticed the number of cars that are parked in the parking lot, near the road? They don't appear to be shoppers. I am so curious as to why they are all parked there. Any ideas?

Secondly, we walked down by the Riverfront and are curious as to the mileage that a loop on the side walk is...yes, there are markers but they make no sense to us. The markers have different colored arrows and a number by them but don't seem to equate to mileage at all. Hmmm. Any walkers out there?

Also, yesterday I become a member of Sam's Club. I am a true adult now. But now I need advice. I was there for about 20 minutes and wasn't sure what the big deal of belonging is...do you all save money by buying bulk? Is that it? Is meat cheaper? Better? I just walked away thinking it wasn't that big deal. But I know people love it and go there often. So help me love it.

I am obsessed with making fudge these days. I make Brooke's recipe (a secret family recipe) but wouldn't mind trying another just to see if it can hold up to Brooke's. I am headed to the food network to see if they have any intriguing recipes. The funny thing is, except for licking the spoon, I don't really eat much of it. (Brooke is Matt B.'s girlfriend in case you were wondering. We love Brooke. (Crazy FIL calls her "Crick"--as in "crook" as in a small river, like a brook.)

And, at the risk of sounding like a crazed fan, I am ticked off that Paula Abdul is not coming back to American Idol. I do NOT LIKE KARA. Grrr. I may not watch. : )

Ok, off to lunch with my wonderful friend Betty! Can't wait to crack up and have good conversation.

Molly

An 11 year undertaking.

Good Afternoon. I got up at 11:00 this morning and I am proud of it. Not really. I feel like a teenager but I was up late reading and our dog was pacing all night for some reason. She was anxious about nothing.

Ok, 11 years have passed and I have finally read Book 1 of Harry Potter. I could never get into it before but I started it Sunday night and finished it is the wee hours last night. It was quite entertaining, so much that I will probably now read the second one. I know, I am somewhat of an anomaly but at least I have now read it. Josh is so proud of me.

Josh is at MSU and although he says he is bored, I think he is enjoying it. His roommate is from Battle Creek Central and it sounds like they are getting along nicely. So nicely they ordered a pizza last night to split. I will go pick him up on Thursday. He said he isn't homesick but being away from home has made him appreciate home. This is Josh's first "camp" so to speak and I am so glad he is liking it enough.

Andrew got his game schedule from his coach this week and he has 62 games in the spring--including a week in Florida. : ) He does have a few games this fall as well.

Molly

Take Two on the experiment

Ok, the experiment failed. But now I am trying Mimi's suggestion of one post a day. Let's talk about sunshiny things.

I love puppies. I love caramel corn. I love to sit in the sun at the beach. I love to read late into the night. I love sleeping in when it rains.

Perhaps now I will have less depressing ads. Oops, there is that word depressing. You know the computer will pick up on that! : )

M

An experiment

I am going to do a little experiment today to see if the ads pick up strange words and then decide what ads to put on our sites. I am sore of tired of "lung cancer diagnosis?"

I will try to be as random as possible:

dishwasher
envelopes
pottery collecting
antiques
Lake Michigan
Young Americans
fois gras
recipes
manicures
Michigan State
mice
rats
Babe Ruth
painting your bedroom
Wonder Hangers (I did buy some of these yesterday)
Crayola Markers

Let's see what that brings. Hee hee.

Molly

Doctors and parenting. I think I need drugs.

I've decided I have a terrible case of "white coat syndrome." Went with Jim to his doctor's appointment and shook like a leaf (my mom's saying) the entire length of the appointment. It went well; Jim liked the doctor and the doc didn't freak out about the lump in his side. They are going to "watch it", (where have I heard those words before???) and then if it grows too much I guess we will go to a surgeon. Jim said the doc debated but said it was really rubbery (good), moveable (good), and smooth edges (good). Funny, the night before, I had told Jim all those things. Again, credit must go to my University of Google medical degree. Anyway, he had and EKG, etc and is now scheduled for the colonoscopy next Friday with the same doctor who did Johnny's. I figured he would be extra diligent and not take anything for granted with Jim. Jim talked to Danny last night and Danny will be going in as soon as football season is over--now we just need to see what Pooh is planning on doing.

Andrew is ready for college and we are ready for Andrew to go to college. If you have smallish children, appreciate them 'cause they do grow up and become MONSTERS. : ) I love the kid dearly but it is time...

Joshie is going to journalism camp Sunday through Thursday and is so excited. He is delightful that way. I just spent the morning trying to download the camp packet and it took forever 'cause my printer is all jacked up. You are probably wondering why Josh didn't do it--well, probably because he is NEVER home and I like to be prepared. Andrew's Goshen adviser called last night (he wasn't home) but told me that he is sooooooooo on the ball about getting all the paperwork, etc. in to come to Goshen next month. Of course, that would be ME that is on the ball. There is a part of me who wants to stop helping--just so he can figure out how good he has it. I also thought about telling him he can't take the truck he calls "his"...wouldn't that rock his bada#$ attitude. Ha! And how about figuring out how to pay for his books? Hmmm... not so bada#$ anymore I bet.

Parenting can suck big time.

On the bright side, well, I can't think of anything that bright, except that Johnny has worked for three days now. That is a victory!!!

Keep clicking those ads...each click is worth about 50 cents on average. Amazing. As Pam told Jake, "it's the great American way."

Molly

One organ is clear.

This is going to be a short post but I want to say that:

I have no signs of cancer in my cervix. How's that for putting it out there??? With all the cancer talk and worries, I am doing a happy dance at that good news. All you cancer worriers understand the small victories. And no, I wasn't worried but getting the all clear is a reason to celebrate.

And my goodness, I hate to benefit from Pam and Johnny's cancer fight right now, but this clicking business is making me a profit as well. I think I made over $12 today alone. I can't imagine Pam's profits, as she had people checking in from, and I mean this literally, ALL OVER THE WORLD. Just what those advertisers want too.

Jim's doctor's appointment is tomorrow. I accidentally scared Andrew about it...it's a long story...but I felt during a particular conversation we were having that he needed to know about Jim's lump in his side. Andrew got extremely upset...which he never does....but I felt I needed to tell him for many different reasons. He is ok now and I don't regret telling him as he is a bit self-centered these days-- but he took it much harder than I intended. I spent a half hour back peddling and trying to tell him it is most likely nothing. Sigh.

Headed to bed to read for awhile and then wonderful sleep.

Thanks for clicking and visiting. Mucho adore'.

Molly

A nice Sunday

As you can see, I added new ads to my blog. Didn't know you could do that! I appreciate you clicking and also urge you to click on Pam's site. They will be using the money to help with expenses related to Johnny's travel for the liver surgery.

Today is the official first day of no baseball. Andrew lost yesterday (blessing in disguise since the team that beat us KILLED us and we would most likely have no chance at state) Now I just have to do laundry to get all of his various uniforms ready to be turned in tomorrow at his banquet.

We are starting Sunday dinners at MIL and FIL's again today. Potato soup is on the menu (at Jim's suggestion). Perfect for a hot summer day. : ) Jim talked to Johnny this morning and he sounds much better. Relief.

Josh went to Relay for Life last night and hasn't gone to sleep yet. He is acting like it as well. Jim is mowing the lawn. Andrew is sleeping, as always, after a night of poker at a friend's house. The life of a teenager.

My chest pain is definitely better, as is my cough but both are still there. I am deciding it is allergies. And I really think they might be from my basement since I have ignored the laundry for most of this week and things are better.

We are trying to cut costs in our house and just cancelled all our movie channels. In doing so, I cut WGN, which carries the Cubs. That lasted for about two days. Just got them back on, but was able to do so without adding the expensive stuff. I am happy with the Food Network, HGTV, and the locals...

Tomorrow I am going to Kalamazoo to see my parents. Work is looming!

Molly

Conflicted

I feel like it is super early--it's already after 9 AM but I am the only one up. Josh and I were up with Psycho Dog at 2:30 AM (I was reading, he was watching some TV show) when the storms hit so I think it was after 3 when I finally fell asleep. I think Andrew needs to be up for his game so that is the only reason I am up. Stoned little Shady is outside, experiencing wet grass and gray skies in her stupor.

Today is Relay for Life. If you have ever attended, it is a very emotional experience whether you have had cancer or not--and with cancer, ...well darn, it's achingly hard. But sometimes a good cry is good for the soul? Anyway, we are not sure if we are going. There is a part of me that feels I MUST go and the other part scares me to go. Then I have feelings of overwhelming gratitude to the people who work so hard for it. I imagine after Andrew's game we will go. I am proud to get survivor t-shirt and the luminary lighting is amazing. I hate being conflicted. I guess I will know tonight what I need to do.

Today is the regional championships for American Legion baseball. I think we play a team from Blissfield, but luckily our regional is here in St. Joe so no travel for us. (that is a first) If you recall, Blissfield is the team Andrew's 16 year old team beat to go the to Michigan State championships (and then later the World Series) so we know they are very, very good. Plus, if I am right, they were runners up for the high school state championships this year. Ameican Legion World Series is in Fargo, North Dakota so that would be really interesting if we went that far! : )

Thanks to you who keep clicking on my ads on this blog. I am up to almost another $70 just because of your clicking. Mimi, you should put ads on your blog...I would click all day and you could use the money for whatever is needed, or donate it. It's a very easy gig and why not "use" the advertisers?

Finished Stalking Susan and have now started a Stephen White book called Missing Persons. Jim just finished for the fourth time, the third Harry Potter book. He is now going to read the Half-Blood Prince again.

I am considering taking another class soon.

Must get Andrew up. Here's to a day of energy and calm stomaches for Johnny.

Molly

Now I get to worry about Jim

Worry wart here.

Jim got his doctor's appointment for Tuesday. They did not ask him one question about his medical history so the receptionist who told me that the doctor would look it over and then they would call didn't know what she was talking about. Unless, and I doubt this, maybe me telling her about Johnny led to a discussion with the doctor and he said get him in.

I am less worried about Jim's colon than I am about this lump he has had for about a year now just below his boob, if he had a boob. He has strange lumps in his body...I think a doctor years ago told him another lump was a fatty lipoma so that is what I have been thinking it was. But now, it of course scares me. It has also grown and isn't rubbery like I want it to be but does feel like the fatty lipoma on my neck. Sheesh. Either way, he is seeing a doctor so...I can't even think about it!

My cough comes and goes but isn't getting worse. What is worse is this upper chest pain...like heartburn. Don't have it in the morning...just as the day goes on. It is decent when I am laying down...oh hell, who the hell cares!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (remember, I write this down so I can remember when things happen...not just because I am insane)

I also learned yesterday, my Uncle Bill, my dad's sister's husband has colon cancer. I think he is in his early 80's. Do not confuse this with Uncle Bill Brawley! Rumors would spread like wild fire, wouldn't they?

Andrew actually took Josh and his friends out for pizza. He must have been hungry to do anything nice for his bro.

Reading a new author--Julie Cramer. Book is called Stalking Susan. Another mystery.

The Discover Card people called me today to encourage me to use my card more. I wanted to tell them we were on the verge of bankruptcy. How nuts is that.

Jim was able to give blood for the first time yesterday for the Ava Christine blood drive. I was approved to give until I got to the question about tattoos. I thought I had gotten my areola tattooed in February, but it was actually last August (thanks blog) so I just missed being about to give by about a week. Next year. I think Jamie was pleased with the turnout. She has to know that none of us will ever forget Ava angel.

Ok, need to quit hacking at this.

Molly

Today the battle begins! Johnny is already kicking cancer's ass as we speak. Hopefully, Crazy MIL is playing lots of BrainAge on her Nintendo DS and Pam is reading wine magazines. Johnny is probably talking fishing with some older gentleman. Regardless, the bad cells are getting KILLED.

Shade woke me up this morning in an anxious fit. Have no idea why. But that was at 4:00. I was still up when Jim got up at 5:30 but feel back asleep and didn't get up until 10. Oops. I have a lunch meeting today with our administrative staff so I am heading out soon.

My job this morning was to get Jim a doctor's appointment. Jim is suddenly very interested in this, which is understandable. Besides the colon issues, he has had a growing lump near his rib cage/breast area. This whole time we have been thinking it was a fatty lipoma, as he has a another in another spot--and he has had this for years but now it has gotten our attention. Instead of going to my doctor, we decided it might be better to go to Johnny's doctor so we get the same doc to do the colonoscopy, etc. As we know with me, getting doctor's appointments is never easy as JIM has to be the one to set the appointment up. Luckily, the receptionist said getting into Dr. Al-Fahdl is fairly fast--I am assuming he is new. Pam loves him therefore I love him. Anyway, Jim will call this afternoon. I tried to tell the receptionist about Johnny and why we were in a hurry and she understood, but still couldn't take Jim's history from me. Ok. He will call tonight.

Jim hit a deer yesterday and did $1000 worth of damage to his car. That was according to Tyler's. Another body shop in Niles said it was $2400 worth. I didn't even ask. We are going to Tyler's.

Still coughing and chest hurts. It has to be allergies.

Love to all. Please pray that strongman Johnny has few side effects from this chemo.

Molly

The beat goes on.

Good morning. I just spent the last hour reading over old posts from two years ago as I prepared for my results from Dr. Ansari. I am sick to my stomach with anxiety for Johnny and Pam--I know a bit how they are feeling and can't help. I wish I could but I can't. But I can say this. Dr. Ansari will have a plan when they are done and then the battle begins.

Two years ago yesterday was my diagnosis. And here I am still worried. My chest does not feel as bad today because I haven't coughed as much but it was killing me last night. Luckily, I sleep well.

I promised Josh I would take him and his friends to Cici's Pizza today. I want to get some new sheets so I am headed to Target--lots on sale.

Please, please, please bring some peace to Johnny and Pam today!

Molly

Edgy.

Good Sunday to you.

Thursday was a busy day. I had my doctor's appointment with Dr. T--which was uneventful. I did tell him about my coughing and he couldn't offer me much more than "take Clariton and 'forgedda 'bout it', which is what he said. He said my lungs sounded "great" and that I had some clear crap running in my nose--but everything else was fine. However, I must say that his words did NOT reassure me as I am still sort of wheezy and my chest hurts a bit and I keep coughing. I did buy some Clariton (goodness, is that stuff expensive! 24 pills was $20 at WalMart) and am on day 2 of it. Still coughing and chest hurts, and my throat hurts a little too. Andrew is also taking the Claritin for his runny nose--I know this could all be allergies but it is so scary and of course, I have seen a million ads for lung cancer, lung cancer symptoms, etc. I also notice that when I am sitting down it is sometimes hard to talk--like I can't get air in. Could just be my fat belly squeezing something but it is bothersome. I am also having all kinds of wierd aches and pains everywhere...never a day without worry. I am seriously thinking about taking Xanax until these things subside. I just feel so edgy.

I am obviously sensitive to Johnny's issues as well. In fact, Dr. T asked me how I was doing with the whole cancer thing so I told him about Johnny. Because of that he decided that, to further ease ANY fears that I might have, I should do the whole "blood in stool test" using these little cards. I am NOT concerned about that for me...but what the hell, it can't hurt. I appreciated his concern for my "sensitivity" (his word) to the cancer issues but haven't done the stool thing.

After the doctor's appointment, off we went to Chicago. Concert was marvelous. We sang lots and stood the whole time. I had a GIANT of a guy standing in front of me that looked sort of like Pooh--just on major steroids. This guy was so nice though--he and his buddy were with what I called the "Kardashian sisters"--two really cute dark haired hotties that weighed about 100 pounds tops. We were actually sore from standing so much and felt like we had performed. Our seats were awesome and it was just a nice night. Thank you my Lonnie, as always.

This weekend Andrew's baseball team won the District tournament for American Legion baseball so his season continues. He plays again this coming Saturday at what is called the "Zone", or regionals. If they were to win that, he would go to the State Championships, which is the following week. Andrew had the game winning hit in the semis, so it was an exciting night. Once he is done playing, he has to start conditioning BIG TIME for college ball so he hopes to keep winning. : ) I just sent off a check to Goshen to take care of his tuition that isn't covered by scholarship. Good to have that done!

Jim and I are getting old...we have taken to going for a nightly drive to look for deer. It is crazy how many deer are out by Johnny and Pam's house around 9 PM. We just put the car in park and watch them. Last night, there was another car doing the same thing. I do not think I could ever shoot one--but don't blame those that do since I have seen the damage they do, plus the surplus of them is not good for the food chain.

Johnny hears from Dr. A tomorrow about his PET/CT scan and what the plan is to get chemo started. I just feel good about the PET report so hopefully, chemo will quickly be started. Please, tonight, say extra prayers that Johnny and Pam have strength to get through the appointment and that the news is good. They are in such good hands but getting there is the worst part...they will leave armed and ready to fight!

Molly

Amazing talent. Amazing strength.

C is for Chicago tomorrow.

You are probably wondering why that little drop of blood is my new icon photo--well, as I looked for a saved picture of me I found it and thought she was so cute. Her name is Ruby and she graced our halls at NHS during a recent blood drive. No, it isn't me in the costume (HA) but I still think she is cute so what the heck, she will be my photo.

Wow, it is suddenly really hot and humid. We do not have the air on today--I swear it makes my cough worse. My cough is still around...most of the time I think it is sinus issues but still get scared. UGH.

Tomorrow is a busy but exciting day! In the a.m., I have contract negotiations, then a doctors appointment for the annual annoying exam, and then Jim and I, along with Johnny and Pam, are going to see Elton John and Billy Joel in Chicago. Our blessed Berrien Springs angel got the tickets for us and we are so excited! Our angel wanted Danny to go too but he has football camp and feels he needs to stay back here--and, yes, that is the responsible thing to do I am sure! I think Pam's sister and her husband are now going so it will be lots of fun! Weather looks good. The concert is at Wrigley Field and Lonnie says it is 4 hours long so it will be a late night. I hope the night allows us all to forget about the c word if even for just a few hours.

The other good news of the day is I finished two of my classes that I have been taking. I just have to get them mailed off. Then I have to decide the next one I am going to take. The two I just finished were about motivating the unmotivated student (ironic it took me 10 months to get it done) and the other one was about stress relief. Most of my stress this summer was worrying about gettting that class done so now I have one less thing to worry about so I guess the class worked. (that is a joke)

Made yummy fudge the other day. Still eating it. I almost doubled the recipe. Thank goodness I didn't.

I bought Ginger a Nintendo DS game with the Brain Age game and she is as addicted as I am. She called today to say her brain age is 26. She is an overachiever!

When I post next I hopefully will have some pictures from the concert. I also have to get Jim that doctor's appointment SOON.

Love to you all. Keep praying and sending out positive vibes! Anything is appreciated!

Molly

Relay for Life is July 25

Hello all. We are doing just fine today. Sunny, light breeze, won a baseball game, and we have a family cookout this afternoon. We are enjoying today!

My cough is not worse, but still there. Andrew has the same cough so maybe we just have some allergy bug or something. I still have some chest discomfort but minimal. As usual, cancer continues to scare and loom, but as I tell myself, "I am not going to die today." It always sucks.

Cubs are winning. Another good reason to enjoy.

I need to make an appointment for Josh's driving test but I suppose he and I are going to have to go out and practice some more in my car.

I have a busy week this week--two doctors appointments (dentist is one) and two sessions of contract negotiations. I think I am back at work one month from tomorrow. Time has FLOWN.

I also have to get Jim in to a doctor. I think I may try to get him in to Johnny's internist, and then have him schedule the colonoscopy with the same doctor who did Johnny's. Jim has not been to the doctor in at least a decade I would guess.

Relay for Life is coming up...hope many of you can attend.

Molly

Cough again--still--crap.

We had a nice storm this morning and I was forced to drug my dog at 6:00 this a.m. but went back to bed and slept until noon! Very rare for me but we all must have needed it as Jim just got back up too. Of course, he was out with the brothers carp shooting (don't ask) and didn't get home until almost 2:00. He said it was very fun and they laughed a lot. I hope it re-energized them to see that Johnny is the same Johnny and will remain so!

At the risk of sounding like a whiner, I am coughing chronically again. Been going on for about three weeks. You know how that scares me. I told myself to quit drinking ice tea (I think that bothers me) and that didn't help, and I thought going up north would get me away from what ever allergen was bugging me and that didn't help, and now I am home and it continues. I will say I do have the lovely PND from the sniffer, but I am not sure. I have my lovely annual exam on Thursday with my family doctor so I will mention it. I am absolutely terrified to have a chest xray so I hope he can just look in my throat and say "you have a cold dearie" and not insist on an xray.

Josh got Jim the funniest, most crude t-shirt from the Cubs game. Jim had to act like he thought it was the most hilarious thing on earth but says to me"where can I wear this?" Gotta love Josh.

Speaking of my Joshmeister, I didn't mention that he FAILED his driver's test up in the UP. I have permission to talk about this from him so I am not humiliating him without his knowledge but yes, he ran over a pylon in the parking test and never even got to go on the road. Those of you who have kids know the agony of this with a young driver. In his defense, he WAS driving the biggest car we own, the Suburban, so that was a big problem. But the sad thing is, in his practicing, he was doing so well...way better than many adults can park. He just sort of panicked. So, now we schedule one down here and he takes either my Malibu or Ginger's clown car. (it is really really small) Poor Josh.

As mentioned in previous UP blogs, we all paint bricks on the barn when we are up there and Josh painted a big red F on his...with a car driving over a pylon. I did a brick for Andrew that read Goshen College and also one for breast cancer--complete with my favorite phrase 'feel your boobies" and "save 2nd base." I should have taken pictures before we left.

Must get ready for a few grad parties today--and Andrew has two baseball games tonight, If I didn't mention it before, we have decided that his wrist is fine. Dr. B wanted us to do an MRI to see if the tendons were messed up but Andrew says they are fine so we cancelled. Hope it doesn't come back to haunt us. So he plays with the bone fracture that Dr. B said was nothing to worry about.

More later. Keep praying for good reports for Johnny and some calmness for the whole family. Thank you much for that!

Molly

The Fighting Toad

My brother-n-law Johnny was diagnosed with colon cancer two days ago. There are some spots on his liver as well. He turned 43 yesterday. Pam, who many call Mimi, has started a blog to keep us all posted. The blog is called www.the fightingtoad.blogspot.com. Please visit, say lots of prayers, and give them as much support as you have given me. We will have prayers around the world!

I am numb about all of this. I just can't stand to know what they are going through. Johnny is so strong so I am less worried about him than I am Pam and Ginger. Both are two of the strongest people I know--and I know will fight this--but it hurts me to know the pain they are feeling. No one should have to feel this way. It honestly feels like someone has kicked you in the stomach and you can't breath. They are at the oncologist right now so we will know more later. Ginger and John are on their way home from the UP on Sunday. Please please please send Pam your love via her blog--it was amazing how everyone's thoughts helped me heal.

We had a good week in the U.P. but I am not up to writing about it right now. I will be back.

Molly

Fractured wrist.

Yesterday, Andrew broke his wrist. Uh oh. The knobby part of the outside of his wrist was hit by a pitch and his reaction was quite obvious that it HURT. But he finished the game and on the way home he said "I want to wait 24 hours but I think my wrist might be broken." It was slightly red and a tad swollen so I said ok, we will wait. But then about 4 hours later he put on his flip flops and said "will you take me to the emergency room?" So, yes, we did, and yes, it was. It is just a "chip fracture" and it is in a temporary cast until we see the orthopedist on Tuesday. My googling has learned that it should be 4-6 weeks in the best case scenario...and surgery in the worst. I asked for a copy of the xray to expedite the process with Dr. Balint, his ortho., and you can see the piece of bone that chipped off...right next to the ulna. It looks very minor to me but what do I know?

So, no baseball for awhile, which is ok, since we are going on vacation this coming Thursday anyway. But Jim is terrified it will some how affect fall ball at Goshen. Dr. Balint has treated Andrew two times before for sports injuries (same broken wrist during football) and a torn something in his throwing arm...) and he is fantastic, so I am not worried. Luckily, they squeezed us in tomorrow since Dr. B is leaving for vacation Wednesday as well.

Other than that, still doing laundry. Excited to get away to the UP--to read, sleep, and of course eat. : )

More later--

Molly

Summer time!

A couple people asked me for the link to Goshen's website...I have given you the link to the baseball signing page....scroll down and you will see Andrew. Also, his roommate is Lucas Hucker if you want to check him out. He'e a very nice young man.

http://www.goleafs.net/baseball/

Ok, today it is Pool Day! I have told Sheryl I would be over for how many summers now? Ten probably? And today we are going! Weather is supposed to be hot hot hot so that makes it perfect. This morning I dug out the old bathing suits and although I think I may have worn it once since losing the boobie, this is definitely the first time I have worn it since reconstruction was finished. I don't think anyone will be able to tell; but fake boobie is definitely a bit smaller than the other. But it does its job--putting mounds in the suit like it should. I am one white woman so I feel bad for everyone there who I will blind..............gotta wear the sunscreen though. Days of frying are over for me.

Someone left our refrig door open all night...not happy as everything is sweating, but luckily not ruined.

I must admit that I watched Jon and Kate last night although I had sworn I was NOT going to...I am so ticked off that they didn't do counseling, or try harder, or whatever. Like it is ANY of my business...I didn't watch the first half but then Josh was watching and both Jim and I got sucked in. I will say this...I thought they were pretty candid...I just want to know WHY they didn't go to counseling, although I suspect the answer is that Jon said "GET ME OUT OF HERE!" and has no desire to save the marriage. Anyway, I doubt I will watch the show much now but maybe it could be a story of how to be good parents who are divorced. Yes, I am giving this way too much blog time.

Not much else here. A new sister on the ACC/breast site from Germany is now telling us that the doctors in Germany INSIST that chemo is a must with ACC/breast. Starts to make you second guess everything. Hmm. It never ends.

Molly

Parent advice

Hi.

If you are a parent, please read this carefully:

Make your kids hang up their wet towels.

That is my piece of wisdom for today.

Now, on to other important things. Like what should we have for dinner. I am sort of into making pasta salads these days. I may try a new recipe. Josh of course won't eat it but that isn't anything new. Both boys have games tonight--Andrew is in Decatur and Josh is home. I may not go to either of them.

I realize it is really, really hot out, but I actually feel like it is finally summer. So no complaints here.

That is all for now. AGain, follow my advice and make those kids hang up those towels. Otherwise, you will want to scream at the top of your lungs EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE.

Molly

I love a rainy night...um...no.

two blogs in a row. I am on a roll.

Shade is living the life of a junkie. With all these storms, she has about lost her mind so we had to give her another pill today.  WILL IT EVER BE SUMMER??

Did some thinking about Andrew's registration yesterday and I don't think I expressed how well it went.  I was so impressed with the personal service we got.  I think back to my orientation at Western and what a fiasco it was--especially when it came to choosing my classes. I remember being in the dorm room in 100 degree weather trying to even read the darn catalog.  I did ok, but after four years of being at WMU, I think I graduated with about 40 credits too many--in other words...took the WRONG classes a few times.  Many have spoken about the benefits of a small school and for Andrew, I think it should be a good start. I am not naive to think that he may not enjoy it, but he sure seems happy now.  (there was one girl there that was NOT happy she had to go there--she wanted to go to Bethel but ended up at Goshen as they have a top-rated nursing program)  Also,  and this was really strange, there was a incoming freshman there who was about 7 months pregnant.  So, I had a feeling she had to fudge a little on the whole premarital sex "agreement" that all Goshen kids have to sign.  I am NOT being judgmental...more power to her to show up and continue her education...but based on the Goshen College "community standards" it was just a surprise.  Also, while there, Andrew saw another basketball player from Portage Northern who he played against. So in actuality, there are about 5 kids there he knows from previous competition. Small world.

I really, really, really need to finish a class I have been working on for about 9 months.  Yes, we get a year to complete it but I have very little left to do so why am I procrastinating. I think that will be my goal for early next week.  

i need to go rescue Jim, who is battling Crazy Shady upstairs. I keep hearing him yell Ouch!  Dammit!  which means Shade is clawing him because she is so afraid of the thunder and lightening.  

Love to all--

Molly

Goshen registration

Today Andrew had registration at Goshen College. I must say it went quite well. He quickly figured out that there was a 60-40 ratio of girls to boys...many athletes were at this session and he actually ended up sitting by his future roommate at lunch. Very nice young man but sort of quiet. Andrew DID venture out and went to talk to other kids--I was proud of that--and ended up making some friends already who are in his dorm. His session with the academic counselor went really well; he and I had looked over some classes awhile ago and had a tentative schedule sort of figured out and the counselor was thrilled at what we had done. Although he does have an 8:00 MWF, he is done at noon and only has one class on Tuesdays. Thursdays are longer because he has that one class, plus a freshman seminar, and then a biology lab at night. But overall, it looked ok.

He took a placement test in Spanish and said he would be lucky to be allowed to take Spanish. He said it was crazy hard--but everyone agreed with him so we shall see. (I remember the same thing from my placement test--in fact, I walked out of mine!) Again, he left there excited and very happy with how nice everyone was. However, now that he is home, he is back being a grouch and complaining that we don't let him do anything...ugh. August 29 can't come fast enough right now!

I personally am excited to go shopping for his dorm room stuff. He does have bunk beds, which is sort of interesting. I am thinking he should probably be on the bottom bunk since he is 6'3" and his roomate is about 5'7"...but who knows. They both have refrigerators--but I think Andrew is going to get a microwave. The rooms are carpeted and I am still really pleased with how clean everything was/is, especially the bathrooms! Oh, also, we didn't know this, but the dorms are air conditioned! And they have their own thermostat so that is nice.

Despite his crappy attitude right now, we had a really good day.

Ok, time to hit the showers and get prepared to read my book, I am trying a new author--Lisa Unger--and so far, so good.

Much love!

Molly

Letting go.

I am going to whine a bit today so be prepared. I must say that Control Freak Molly Elizabeth Brawley is not doing well with the "letting go" of my 18 year old son...and he ain't doing too well dealing with me! I want him to be the good little boy that never questioned what we said. Advice is welcome--short of shooting him, how did you experts handle the so- called adult in your house? Curfews? Chores? Money? UGH. Really not much else to say about that but dang, I'm ready to ship him to Goshen NOW.

I am now waiting for the plumber to arrive to install a new water heater. We thought about attempting to put it in ourselves--for about 10 seconds--and then called our local plumber. I have no idea what it is going to cost, but we have water all over our basement from the leak--the thing is over 20 years old so in my research, I think we got our money's worth in terms of that. I hate when installers are here...half the time I feel like i should entertain them by watching and asking questions when I really don't care. : ) Just make sure no leaks and plenty of hot water.

On the good news side, our softball team was crowned State champs this past weekend. It was very exciting and the girls are incredible! They represented Niles so well. Also, this weekend was opening ceremonies for Sportsfest, a regional all-star Olympics or sorts. Andrew was selected to play on both the football and baseball teams. Tonight is baseball...if they win, they play again Thursday. Then Saturday is the one football game. Josh has a Niles Nuts game with Jim tonight...I will go to Andrew's game at Bethel College, although I hear the rain is coming.

Yesterday I had a six month check up appointment with Dr. Nancy in Kalamazoo. She was my surgeon if you recall.I was quite shocked when she told me I no longer needed to see her. I honestly thought I would see her forever. She said that "I graduated" and that Dr. Ansari should be doing breast exams every 6 months now instead of her. Not sure I like that, although driving to Kalamazoo was a pain. So, I guess that is a good thing.

I do not feel well today. I can't shake a queasy stomach for some reason. This has been going on for about a week, off and on.

Today we start interviews for our new assistant principal. Busy!

Molly

Remiss

Ah, I am remiss in my postings. Life is slowing down just a bit so here I am.

Graduation is done. High school baseball is done. I have 7 days left to get up until I am on vacation. (yes, I do have to work some in the later summer but it won't be at the crack of dawn so its not so bad)

We have finally landed on July 5 to head up north. If you are a creeper, please don't rob my house. It is armed and alarmed. : )

Andrew thinks he is Mr. Social and has no responsibilities these days. He will hate it when I am home and give him a to do list. Come to think of it, Josh seems to think the same thing.I think both have stayed up way too late so far and sleep in way too late as well. Teen-agers.

Andrew did learn about his roommate. He is from a very very tiny school of 90 boys (I think around 90 girls too) and graduated with a 4.0. That is a good sign for Andrew! He is an infielder and a pitcher for the Goshen baseball team.

Craving hot dogs on the grill. Jim is giving a baseball lesson right now. Josh is asleep on the big comfy couch and I have no clue where Andrew is. I need to put a GPS beacon in his car so i can locate him.

More later...enjoy your night.

Molly

He's done.

Love him. love him, love him! He is now officially graduated. Now on to college and a little bit of reality.

It's hard to have an 18 year old when you are a control freak.

Hi everyone! Long time. Two weeks to be exact. Crazy.

Let's see. Andrew no longer attends Niles High School on a daily basis. He was exempt from all his finals, which is probably a good thing, because if you could die from senioritis, he would be six feet under. Geesh. I won't mention the number of conversations we have had about "finishing strong" and doing it for pride, integrity, etc. Umm... his response is..."are you kidding me?" Tomorrow is the Honor's Reception, where he will receive his Honor Cords, National Honor Society Cords, and his Board Scholar Cords. The Class of 2009 is filled with many honor students. More than half. They truly have been a great class, and there has been very little "I can't wait to get out of this place" attitude--in fact, just the opposite. What really, really nice kids they are. Then Wednesday night is Baccalaureate, and then Thursday is the big night--Graduation, followed by Project Graduation.

Beckie Hamm recommended a book to me called Belong to Me by Maria de la Santos and it was such a great read! The writing was so poetic...good story line too...reminded me of Jody Picault. Read it if you can.

Josh is going to go to journalism camp this summer at Michigan State. He is excited, as are we. It's expensive, but we will figure it out. He is going to be the Sports Editor next year.

I set three goals this morning: get both bathrooms clean, and my bedroom, by noon. Yes, I was successful. I still have the ping pong table mess all over the place--still working on the photo spread for Andrew's party, and now Jim has me working on something for Senior Night for baseball.

A new ACC breast cancer sister from Germany logged on to the ACC site and is telling us that the German doctors ALWAYS recommend chemo for ACC/breast. While I know there is no research out there that I know of of its success, it makes me pause to think "should I have?". But then the others all say NO--in fact, one woman says she got leukemia from it...and a heart condition. She is cancer free, however.

Pulled pork sandwiches for dinner tonight.

Love to you all--and thanks for stopping by. It is good to hear from you.

Molly

Getting stressed. But it's all ok.

It was a stressful week at work--so many meetings to sit through when I really needed to be in my office, door shut, working on the master schedule (which is what teachers teach what classes on what day). Friday afternoon was the first time I could do that and I ended up working until after 5 and forgot to pick up Josh from practice. Working until after 5 doesn't seem like much of a big deal to the rest of you, but getting to work before 7, staying up late and attending freezing baseball games makes for a grumpy Molly. : )

I went to Gordon's today and bought lots of yellow and white paper products for Andrew's graduation party. The tent we rented is yellow and white striped and I think navy is too dark so we are going with the yellow theme. May is going to be super duper stressful I predict as I have to finish the master schedule, plan graduation (which is almost done), get my own child graduated, and have his party. Schwewee. Thank goodness for my in-laws!

I am playing phone tag with the admissions counselor at Goshen. I am just going to have to call her from work. I never do that --always feel guilty on work time, but it is so hard to get ahold of people! Did I mention that Andrew and I tentatively chose his classes? That was an interesting process. With it being such a small school, there is not a lot to chose from but in a way, that makes things easier. He is taking his first Bible class....has to take two while he is there. I think it will be good for him.

Josh is doing really well with baseball. This week he is home so I will see a few more of his games. Andrew has eight games this week--finally--most teams have played almost 20 games and we have just played 11 I think--and it showed vs. St. Joe. We now have only two losses, which to many is a surprise, but Jim has always said that this group of kids is pretty darn good. We do not have the pitching we had last year but hitting wise we are much much better so it sort of evens out. Enough boring sports talk.

Tomorrow is the Senior Athlete Recognition dinner. We are looking forward to it but we also have a bridal shower for a Brawley cousin so it will be a busy day!

I am addicted to iced tea--last summer it was sweetened but I am going for just the clear, crisp taste of regular now. Yum.

Beep beep. Laundry is done. Off I go.

M.

Wind and rain

Hello. A little disappointed in the weather today. Too many storms! Cancelled games and a crazy dog are the result.

Josh still isn't home from the Coldwater tournament. Andrew just left for Kait's and Jim went to Vota's house for a cook out. I am just too tired. With the storms at night I don't get any sleep because of the dog. How ridiculous. Last night I put her down stairs and Andrew locked her in a room to leave him alone. We did better that way.

My house, since Spring Break, looks like a tornado hit it. The ping pong table is filled with thousands of pictures, uniforms, newpaper clippings, UGH. I need summer to get it all taken care of.......

Andrew bought a book yesterday called "How to Survive your Freshman Year in College." It is just a book filled with pieces of advice from college students. He is almost done and I am on Chapter 8. It is a super duper easy read and I recommend it to anyone going off to college.

It's sort of amazing how I haven't been complaining about any crazy symptoms lately, isn't it. Amazing what a clear scan will do for you. Other than being TIRED all the time, I feel great. Shade and I need to take a walk.

That's all for now. Hope all is well with the world.

M

2009 Outstanding Youth Leader--my kid

Today, Andrew was named the winner of the Berrien County Outstanding Youth Leadership award. To say he was totally shocked was an understatement. He is standing here with Margaret Clayborn and her CEO from Lakeland Hospital. Andrew wins a $1000 scholarship. There were 14 students nominated. A girl from Dowagiac was named the winner of the Outstanding Volunteer award--get this, she designs her own line of purses and donates all the proceeds to a charity. When Andrew read her profile, he said "she will win." Little did he know, there were TWO awards and he got the other one! I've also posted a picture of Andrew and Zach Payne, the other Niles nominee.

He's a Maple Leaf

Andrew signed his Letter of Intent today. Finally, the process is over. Coach Vota is on the left, Andrew, and then Coach Keister, the head coach at Goshen College.

A few prom pictures.

The first picture is of Andrew and Kait, and Sarah and Zach. Are they not beautiful people? I love the second picture, even though you can't see much of Kait's dress (and Andrew is squinting) I will post more later.

Molly

Lemon custard isn't my first choice.

Hello. Break is officially over. It was a good break, although my list still remains long. I did finish some things for Andrew's graduation party and had a delightful time with Josh and my dog, not to mention the husband. We just went to Sonny's for dinner tonight. Have to pick Andrew up at the airport around 11:00 tonight. I just checked his flight status in Atlanta and he is awaiting take off.

I am being quite crafty with this graduation party stuff. Ok, so that is an exaggeration but I am painting a box thingy to put cards in. And I am still all sticky from spray adhesive from the photo collages I am making. We found the funniest picture of Josh. When Niles went to state in basketball back in 2000 the boys shaved their heads for Uncle Matt, who was also bald. Josh looks hilarious in this one picture. When you come to the party, you will have to look for it among the million others.

Today I was craving a custard filled donut and Krispy Creme was calling me when I was in Mishawaka being crafty. I went in to get one, and the girl behind the counter said they had none. But the boy who waited on me said "How many do you need?" I said six, and six original. So he takes the chocolate covered ones and inserts custard for me. I was excited but then realized when I got home that is was lemon custard, which isn't horrible, but still not what I was hoping for. Jim then came home and was THRILLED I had bought them, as he too was having the same craving. Needless to say, the donuts are all gone now, despite the lemon addition. Josh ate up all the originals I believe.

I think we have seven weeks of school left when we get back. Amazing. I have so much to do when I get back but although it is insanely busy, it flies by. UGH. I just got that "gpong back to chaos" feeling in the pit of my stomach. It will be ok, it always is.

Haven't heard from my ACC/breast sisters--I am assuming everyone is just living their lives like I am.

Love to you all--and Happy Easter, of course.

Molly

The Last Lecture

Today I started the gathering of photos for Andrew's graduation party. Josh and I have been cracking up at the funny things we have done in the past. I have sticky adhesive all over my hands. Not even half way done but it is a start and something else I can (sort of) cross off my Spring Break list. Luckily, there are very few photos of me.

Jim talked to Andrew in Florida and needs to learn how to ask questions. All I got out of the conversation was that Andrew is staying out of the sun and having fun. Women are such better communicators.

There are two new ACC/breast members on my ACC site. Meredith is trying to decide if she wants the lumpectomy or mastectomy. I told her I had the decision taken away from me, which was a good thing I would guess, for me anyway.

Shady Paige has been outside all day. She looks like she is sunbathing.

Jim does not have to work tomorrow so we are taking Josh to Famous Dave's for dinner tonight. Tomorrow night Jim wants to go watch Lakeshore play baseball in LaPorte. It is an 8:30 PM start time so we will freeze. I wonder if there is a mall nearby? Josh had practice today--a good day with lots of sun.

I want to be a good mom and get my kids Easter Baskets but don't want to waste money. They don't like all that much candy--and get tons from Grandma--and I don't want to buy CD's or gift cards or anything that expensive. Maybe I will buy them beef jerky, They love beek jerky and always ask for it when we are in line at the $100 store, Wal-Mart.

I want to go camping. I should see if there are any campgroungs near Goshen College. Heck, Twin Mills is near there.

I was checking out my areola tattoo and it is really faded and the nipple itself if very small too. It doesn't look like the other one much anymore. It's fine, but definitely very light.

I forgot to mention that I finally read "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I read it yesterday so that shows you what a quick read it is. I enjoyed it very much and admire his attitude towards dying. I related very well to the day he learned his cancer was back and completely out of control. He said to his wife "I am not going to die today. And I am not going to die tomorrow. So let's get through these days." That is my mantra when I worry. Anyway, healthy people should read this book too. It's not heavy...just a nice reminder to LIVE and enjoy what time you have. I am making Jim read it so he doesn't freak out when Andrew misses a practice or the kids get a B on something.

Josh wants to get on so off I go.

Molly

Almost there.

I have about three minutes to type this. I am waiting for Andrew to get home from picking up his buddy Zach. Then we are heading to the South Bend airport to hopefully catch a stand by flight to Florida. The boys and the Alis are not scheduled to fly until 5 PM but Lonnie put in some calls and they are hoping to get on this flight. If not, the boys will at least check their luggage until the later flight.

Andrew has verbally committed to Goshen College. Our visit went well. He left saying that the people there are probably the nicest people on earth. I think he was sold when he met with the players for lunch. While they are probably a LOT nicer than his friends, he seemed to feel at home with them as much as you can the first time you meet someone. It was interesting to watch the dynamics as they were trying to figure each other out. At the last minute, just before meeting the coach to see the final offer, one kid, who I thought was adorable, blurted out "if you are worried about chapel, it's no big deal." And that sold Andrew. When Andrew gets back from Spring Break, he will officially "sign" his letter of intent, if that is what you call it! : )

We did meet this hilarious girl from Grand Rapids names Karis, who was just a high school junior, but went on the tour with us, along with her friend and mom. She's thinking about Goshen and is checking colleges out early. (her mom must have read the pamphlet to do that! Unlike us!) Anyway, she had bright red hair, a funky little outfit on and never shut up. She basically interviewed Andrew about everything. One funny part was one she asked him what he was interested in...and guess what he said? BASEBALL. Not teaching, not saving the world, but BASEBALL. Luckily, the admisssions counselors who were listening to this dialogue laughed out loud when he said that. Anyway, she kept me entertained the whole tour and although Andrew tried to act like she was wierd, he was entertained by her too.

Ok, it is now 12:56 and they didn't get seats on the noon flight so they are back on for 5:00. Lonnie just called and they were going to get something to eat and then decide if they will come back to Niles before the next flight.

I need to find my Spring Break list to see if I can cross anything else off. I did work on one of my classes--but still need to write a four page paper and keep a stress log. Stress log will be easy I would imagine!

Josh wants Pizza Hut. I did promise him Famous Daves this week sometime but that is all. Wonder what I should make for dinner?

TTFN. At least the college decision is over.

Ah, Spring Break!

Happy Spring Break. I love vacations when I am not thinking about cancer. And, I am NOT thinking about cancer. So there.

I officially switched over to my happy Vera spring purse. I love the print but am not too sure of the style. Way small for me. But I had so much crap in my other one perhaps this will be good for me.

Cold today. Andrew and Jim just went off to practice so it's just Joshie and me hanging out until they get home. We are then going to take a drive down to Goshen to try to catch the second game of Goshen's double header vs. Spring Arbor. It will give Andrew a chance to see the college, see the team, and give US a chance to get out of the house. I just want to go somewhere, even if it is just Goshen, IN.

How 'bout that forecast? SNOW. I remember having a snow day at Western back in the college days on April 4. We lost all the electricity in the dorms. It was a one day crazy snowstorm. If the snow comes Monday and Tuesday like it is suppose to, I would assume Andrew's baseball game on Tuesday will be cancelled. He leaves for Florida Tuesday night with his buddies and Lonnie. How jealous can I be???? But I do have so much to do this week, plus their weather looks a bit cool for me. But still, there are a bunch of fun families down there that I would laugh with. Ah well, we can't afford it anyway.

Took Andrew to get measured for his tux today. He had no interest whatsoever to even be there. But that is off my Spring Break list so good for us. JIm and I made a spring break list and so far, we've crossed off the tux. I want to put things on there like "get up" just so I feel like I have accomplished something. Getting the patio furniture out is one thing but with snow coming, maybe we need to postpone that.

Josh was chosen as Sports Editor for the high school paper next year. And to think he threw the biggest fit about me "making" him take this class. It is now going to be his career choice and he's an awesome writer so I do sometimes know what I am talking about.

I am finishing a Lisa Gardner book right now and just purchased a new (paperback) Harlen Coben so I can't wait to start that. And no, I still have not finished Pillars of the Earth.

TTFN--happy spring, despite dumb temps!

Molly

It's never easy.

Can life get any busier? But the sun is shining and life is good.

However, it is getting complicated. Andrew is going to have to tell some coaches soon about his decision. The two hardest will be the football coach at North Park and the baseball coach at Olivet. And today Uncle Danny said the Olivet football coach is really looking forward to him coming. I just checked my email and the North Park coach emailed me to give to Andrew "you are a huge part of our future plans and we really need you on the squad" It went on to say that they will work around baseball with him too if that is what it took. Andrew is at National Honor Society tonight so he has not read the email and doesn't know the Olivet coach called. This is going to be very, very hard for him. But maybe once he signs (if he does) with Goshen he at least has a good reason--and that reason is MONEY. I feel bad for the D III schools as they just can't compete with schools that can give athletic scholarships. I did tell Andrew that these schools lose recruits all the time.

Also today, Goshen sent all kind of literature about their school. They seem very similar to K-College in many ways. They have the study abroad program--80 percent of their students go for 13 weeks (either their junior or sophomore year )to a foreign country and live with a family and study. That scared Andrew when we talked about K but now that he is less worried about money, it intrigues him. Also, the brochures were cool--for as small as it is, there seems to be a lot to do there. I keep reminding him that he is sacrificing attending college football games and that type of atmosphere--I keep telling him all the negatives of a small school--just so I know he has thought this through. I also pointed out all the side burns in the photos and he just laughed. I loved his attitude when he said, "mom, church can't hurt me. You have always wanted us to choose our paths when it comes to our faith. This will be fine." Such a smart boy. I am so proud of him and think he is handling this all very well.

Josh got all A's for the marking period. Sometimes I want to smack him because he could have all A's all the time if he would JUST work at it. Andrew did fine after three weeks of my nagging to get his Teaching Academy done. He was just a few points away from an A- in AP Psych which is unheard of for him!

Haven't thought much about cancer lately. I feel I deserve that.

Sigh. Life is good but it is complicated.

Molly
Future mom of a Maple Leaf?

Will Andrew become a Goshen Maple Leaf?

Good morning. I am waiting for Josh to get ready for school. Now that baseball has started our house is an even bigger mess than usual and I should be picking up the trail of clothes from the bathroom to all points elsewhere.

On the college scene, Andrew is now leaning towards Goshen College. He met with the coach, got a preliminary offer and since it is what we were hoping for, we are going to try to visit Monday of Spring Break. The coach was super to Andrew and it is very, very clear that they want him. I can't say money is no longer a worry because we still will need loans, but Goshen will definitely become the most affordable.

However, Andrew has to feel comfortable, so we must visit first, before he signs.

Off to school (and work) we go...

Molly

K College

Good Tuesday to you all. Such a windy day. Ruins the 65 degree temps. But I now have our bedroom window open at night and love the cool night air.

Andrew got the big fat envelope from K-College yesterday; yes, he was accepted and got quite a nice "scholarship" but not in an amount big enough for us to afford. (K is over $40 grand year) However, he did say, "maybe i should go visit again." as his acceptance gave him more confidence. What a great admissions process they have. It took them awhile but they make you feel like they KNOW you, that is for sure.

The Goshen coach is coming to see Andrew again so his lack of hitting well must not have scared them off. I think he is coming Friday. First game is Thursday for both boys. Andrew is home against Buchanan and Josh is away. Not sure how we will do. I would imagine everyone is rusty!

Friday night is the Project Graduation Fish Fry for NHS. Crazy Mil and Crazy Fil are fryin' up some blue gills...down at the Eagles. $7 all you can eat. I sound sort of like a hick right now.

What else. Not much. Ta ta from the one ta ta woman.

Molly

DFP for ACC! Tears of joy for MEB!!!!

I am sooo happy to report that the Drug Free Players organization at Niles High School has just cut a check for $1000 to the Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma Research Foundation!!! I can't tell you how that makes me feel. They raised the money back in the fall during the high school's breast cancer awareness festivities and after trying for months to figure out who to donate to--that had a local flavor--they settled on the ACCRF. I spoke at length with Karissa Y., the adviser, about this organization and she decided that although it is not just research for breast cancer, it obviously has a local connection. The thing about ACC is that no major cancer organization (American Cancer Society or the National Cancer Institute) donates any money for research for this type of cancer. ACC is just too rare. So off she sent the check to the foundation, which I think is located in Virginia. You may remember me emailing their lead researcher when I was first diagnosed--and he emailed me back within a day. Also, Dr. Wolf at U of M said doctors are more and more intrigued with this type of cancer because of its unique characteristics. (slow growth, but very lethal if it comes back) This is the same group I sent my blog check too.

Thanks for clicking as always. I am making about $1 a day with your clicks. Amazing. But you know, there is money in advertising. Have you noticed that the ads change based on what I write? Must be computerized system that picks up key words. Who cares, it makes money and for that, I love you!

Andrew's scouting practice yesterday did not go as well as we hoped--at least in Jim's eyes. Jim said he bobbled two at short, and hit ok, but not as well as he could. So who knows. For me, it was disappointing, but sort of a relief. I am still scared of the "fit" for Andrew. Olivet just makes ME more comfortable. Andrew, however, felt ok about it, but wishes he had hit better.

Is anyone else having a ladybug problem? This happens just about every spring at our house. In the southeast corner, ladybugs SWARM inside. By swarm I mean gather on any sunny spot. In our upstairs bathroom, there has to be 50 (ok, maybe 20) of them living in one corner. Jim will vacuum them up, let them go outside, and sure enough, they are back, or at least their relatives are, by the next night. If it is not sunny, they don't come out. I guess they are in the wood of the house--yes, our house is over 120 years old, so that is a lot of lady bugs. Last night one was crawling on my arm while I was reading in bed. I kn0w they don't harm anything, but it creeps me out!

I still love the sunshine, ladybugs or not.

Again, save the date for Andrew's graduation Open House--May 24!

TTFN.

Molly

CLICK CLICK CLICK

Just real quick--since my last post, you all clicked enough to earn $13 on my website. How easy is that? In case you are wondering, I can't click on my own ads. I am just shocked how much we earned!

Gotta love it.

Molly

Where is the time going?

Yup, I got a new purse. You knew it was coming didn't you? Got me a new Vera Bradley. It's not long strapped so I may have to get used to that, but I love the new flowery pattern. Don't even know what it is called. I have not switched out of my winter purse yet. But I can't wait. I love 6 month "all clears". Just an excuse to go shopping.

Today the boys' new cleats arrived in the mail. You should see Josh's. They are sort of a royal blue and they look like something Shaquille O'Neal would wear. They are HUGE. I can't imagine that they will fit Josh's foot--he IS a size 14 but these suckers are monstorous! Andrew's are a respectable size 12.

Tomorrow the Goshen coach is coming to scout Andrew. Jim is more nervous than Andrew. This NAIA school stuff is all new to us. I thought only D I and D II schools could give money for athletics--how nice to see that isn't the case. We have pretty much eliminated North Park as their financial aide was much less than Olivet's. The football coach called Andrew and said that he wasn't going to give up just yet--and that Andrew should expect to hear from them again. So the next night the financial aide office called and wanted to go over what Olivet offered. Interesting. I should have said a "full ride". The lady didn't make any changes but said she would get back with us if anything did change. So, we are getting closer to Olivet being it...but now Jim is questioning whether Andrew should play football there. Jim is so fickle. He was all over that football stuff in the fall when they came calling! But now it is baseball season. I say Andrew tries BOTH and then decides. I hate to close any doors but realize he will miss fall baseball and that may hurt him for the Spring. We will have to wait and see. And who knows if Goshen will mix things up a bit. Andrew is now trying to grow side burns to fit in there. (HA--God don't strike me dead)

I am amazed that we are already to March 20. Where is this time going? There are days when I can't wait for my kids to be grown, but then I start to get sad. Today I observed a class that Andrew was in --Creative Writing--and he actually wrote something very funny. (they have to read aloud) I think he was hoping I would leave the class before it was his turn but I stayed just for that. His paper was titled "Someone Stole My Dr. Pepper." It was a hoot. He hardly acknowledged I was there. In comparison, if I ever observe Josh's class, he practically sits in my lap he is so happy to see me. I have raised Oil and Vinegar that is for sure.

Must go now. The furry daughter is yet again demanding me to let her in the house.

Molly

Clean and CLICK!!!!

Cleaning is the word of the day. And spending $200 at Walmart. I must have bought $40 worth of food an $160 worth of cleaning supplies. I bought myself a fancy dancy Swiffer sweeper thingy. I was tired of getting down on my knees to clean in small places. It worked like a charm.

I can't describe how the sunshine makes me feel.

Jim took the boys up to take ground balls. All is well with our world.

Spaghetti for dinner tonight. I should be making the sauce but have been internet surfing.

I sent my first check to the Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma Foundation. That money came from YOU all clicking on my ads in the upper right corner of this blog. How amazing is that? Free money is the way I look at it. I am so proud to send it to the ACCF. It won't cure cancer but it MIGHT.

So click away some more, people!

Happy day to you all!

Molly

A wonderful Saturday with no worries. First in awhile.

Wow, what a glorious day. Jim and I drove down to Goshen College to check it out. The baseball coach called Andrew last week and because it is an NAIA school, he can give athletic scholarships, along with merit scholarships. That would have to be the case as it costs $30 grand to go there. We knew NOTHING about the college but it looked good on the internet, offers Andrew's program, and is fairly close, so off we went. I was pleased with how it looks; it is VERY small but kids were out playing frisbee, running, etc. The baseball team was also playing so Jim went and introduced himself during warmups and the coach was (I am sure) surprised to see him. Goofball Andrew was NOT with us, just wants to visit it once. So, we have to set up a date for that. One majorly interesting thing about the college is it is Mennonite. Whatever that means! I told Jim that they don't allow cars on campus but do allow horse and buggies. I think I will probably be struck dead by God himself for that comment. (God has a sense of humor doesn't he????)

Ironically, about 6 months ago we saw a restaurant on Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives and it was about 2 minutes from the college. It is called the South Side Diner so we went in just to check it out. I had a brownie sundae, and Jim had a clam roll. It was definitely a "diner" but we could tell the food was good. We saw the owner who was a big feature on Guy's show.

So, baseball has started and Jim is in his glory. So are the boys too. Scary this is Andrew's last season as a Viking. The boys had practice this morning at 7 a.m.

What else. I spoke with Valerie in California who is a ACC/breast survivor who had a recurrence a few months ago. She is doing fine and is coming up to her six month check up since the recurrence. She is having an MRI.

I'm thinking about calling Dr. Ansari's office to get copies of the PET/CT report. I like to have those to read. I don't think I saw the CT report--in the past, it has been the same report, but the report Dr. A showed me on his computer just referred to the glucose levels (sugar water) and said that there was no uptake. I also want reassurances about masses.

I am still somewhat skeptical that nothing showed in my neck area. My ear and throat areas are always in pain. I wonder if it is my wisdom teeth? Maybe I WILL have to have those suckers out.

My chest achiness is still there. It must just be muscles stretching or something.

But overall, I can't wait to buy my new purse! I may even get two.

Thanks for all of your "ears" and prayers!

Molly

All clear.

My scans were all clear. I have very little time to post but wanted to get it in writing! Dr. Ansari showed me the report and there was no evidence of uptake anywhere...wahoo. The report also used words like meticulus about the screening and scanning, especially in my neck area.

Mammo in a year...chest x-ray and blood work in 6 months.

Off to Lansing tonight to watch the Lady Vikes BEAT East Lansing!!!! (fingers crossed)

Enjoy your night--I know I will!

Molly

The waiting begins.

Believe it or not, I am not freaking about this PET/CT scan results yet. It was miserable though--at first, I was so proud of myself for not needing any drugs to get through it, but then I was starting to hold my breath and hyperventilate trying to lay still--so I was a bundle of nerves when it was over. Try laying on your back in a small tube with your arms over your shoulders for a 1/2 hour. It was torture towards the end. They first scanned my whole body--from my eyebrows to my mid thigh--but then he did a second scan of my neck and ear area. That was pre-planned from Dr. Wolf wanting the closer look at the area of the schwannoma (and of course that is where ACC normally grows). I will not be one bit surprised if they find something there based on the overall pain I have in that ear/neck. I am not saying its cancer, but it has to be something. Still worried about burning boob area but at least I will know.

Mammo on Monday. First mammo on bad breast side. I hope they don't pop my implant!

Niles is winning lots of basketball lately. Our girls were just crowned District Champs--and the boys beat a team that had previously killed them. It was Andrew's Senior Night so it was a great night. Monday he plays in the first district game--we have not won a district game in 4-5 years so it would be great if we could. If not, Andrew's basketball career is over and baseball begins.

Josh went on a Youth Retreat last night and sprained his wrist. We had it xrayed and the ER doctor said that he has "6 to 8 inches of growth left". Does that make any sense??????????????? That was looking at his wrist. He will have monkey arms if the rest doesn't grow with him. I don't know much about growth plates but that is what the DR said.

Had to drug Shade for the storms this morning. She got me up hours before I wanted to.

I will keep you posted. Prayers for a clean report would be greatly appreciated.

Molly

My college boy

Yes, I must admit I had major anxiety dropping Andrew off at North Park yesterday. He took his little overnight bag (ok, a Nike bag) into the Rec center and I was distraught. Being the control freak that I am, I wanted him to call me at every stage of the game, but we didn't hear from him until noon this morning.

So, as of now, Olivet is still his first choice. He had a great time but isn't ready to give up baseball yet and he feels he would have to do that to go to North Park because football is very serious business there. He really liked all the players--although he said one was sort of rude to him--the kid is the current backup quarterback to Shelby Wood (a Berrien Springs grad). Andrew said "I honestly think he was intimidated by me!" Anyway, he still really likes the coaches and thinks that he would definitely be able to play in a year...he couldn't work out with the team last night...it's against NCAA rules...but he did get to throw a football around with some other recruits and he got to watch the team in action. Ironically, other than the linemen, he was one of the taller ones there.

What else. The Olivet visit went very well too. We spent a ton of time with the baseball coach who told Andrew that he really wanted him as he has room for infielders right now. One of the football coaches stopped by too so that was nice. We also met with the admissions people and we now know where we stand financially. Andrew will get some merit aid, which is wonderful, but it only covers about 25 percent of what he needs, so that means he will have to take a loan out, AND we will have to pay quite a bit as well. (which means we will have to take loans out too.) But, it does seem like we are getting closer to a decision. Andrew wants to wait to see what North Park offers him, and today he got some more scholarship offers from Central, so if they offer enough to get him even lower than going to Olivet, you never know, he could end up there. But I doubt it. He really wants to play sports.

Jim and I found a great deal on a hotel in Skokie--it was a Hampton Inn--and for just over $100 we got a HUGE room with a full kitchen, separate bedroom, two flat screen TV's--a free in room movie, and a $25 gift card to Ruby Tuesdays, which was the hotel's restaurant, plus a hot breakfast! I felt like I was the shopper of the century. We even said that we were going to MAKE Andrew go to North Park because we liked the hotel so much and would stay there for game days. The Illinois State High School Diving Championships were near by so we had a bunch of bald header divers all over the place but it really was quiet anyway. Josh stayed home with a friend.

PET/CT scan this Friday, mammo on Monday, and Dr. Ansari on Thursday. I am trying NOT to think about it AT ALL.

Molly

Ah, the weekend.

Burning boob is back, just in case you are wondering. Two weeks to Dr. Ansari. Scares me.

Grumpy Andrew is not 100 percent yet, but is at least vertical. Today we have to take up some old lockers we have in our garage to the high school. They will be props in the upcoming high school production of GREASE. Andrew is thinking that if he were IN the musical he could understand why he had to help but since he isn't, he shouldn't have to help load them up. What logic. Of course he is helping, but not until I told him my implant might burst if I lift anything too heavy.

Josh, again, is at Riley's.

Tonight is the Winter Bash, a dance to raise money for Project Graduation. Can't wait to get my groove on. (ok, you know I am kidding) I am going to stand at the bar and drink Bloody Mary's all night long. (ok, you know I am kidding again.)

Tuesday is another visit to Olivet. We are meeting with the baseball coach. We have not heard from the football coach lately which is somewhat of a concern. K-College is really the only one that is actively pursuing him for both baseball and football. Olivet says they are, as does North Park, but we haven't heard from the North Park baseball coach in awhile nor the Olivet football coach. Supposedly, we are to receive our financial aide packages from both NP and Olivet in early March.

We have this new channel on our Direct TV called MLB, for Major League Baseball. I am now beating my head up against the wall watching games from 1977. Jim is in his glory.

'Bout it for this blustery Saturday. I think we are going to go look at new cell phones for the boys--why, I couldn't tell you--except to get them to quit complaining how cheap their phones are and that they don't work.

Can you say SPOILED????

Molly

Strep. : (

Just a quick blog...

Andrew is home with strep. Hopefully, he will feel well enough to go back to school tomorrow. Doc says he will be ok then (kept him home for two days). It has been so long since my kids have been on antibiotics...he just has three pills, albeit BIG pills, to take. What happened to the days of spoonfuls of pink bubble gum flavored liquid? Waiting for the rest of us to come down with it but knocking on wood it won't happen.

On the good news side, got both boy's ACT scores back and Andrew went up again and Josh is just one point below him--don't think Josh didn't mention that! Also, Josh's reading scores could get him into Michigan so he is super excited he is in that range at this point! I am very proud of Andrew for taking advantage of the test. Although he has gotten in everywhere so far (still no word from K), the higher ACT will help with scholarships.

The North Park coach called again...told Andrew that he doubted he would play his freshman year, but saw him playing his sophomore year. Not sure how we feel about that. I don't think a coach should promise ANYTHING based on a DVD and some stats.

That's about it.

Molly

Sunday Sunday Sunday!!!!

Avoiding...well...everything right now. Ginger has been coming all week--cleaning my house, doing my laundry, you name it. Yes, you read that right. She goes to all of our homes (of her sons) and helps out. CAN YOU SAY MOTHER IN LAW OF THE CENTURY???? Anyway, she cleaned my laundry room so I have to keep up with the laundry or her efforts are wasted. And John, my FIL, matched all our socks!!!! Andrew's college crap is all over our house. A friend of mine has a nice little binder of her son's letters--and then there's me, whose binder is any flat surface available.



Andrew is sick--coughing, headache, sore throat. I sure hope this will pass. Josh is tired from spending the night at a friend's house but is at least upright. Andrew continues to sleep while we watch old movies on TV.

Did a little research into student loans today and am feeling somewhat better that Andrew will at least have THAT option. I hate to saddle him with loans but that is how I got through school. He also did one scholarship app today (well, sort of. He at least knows what he has to write)

Still looking for a good hotel rate for Chicago. We want to go back to the Hyatt Regency again but the rates had gone up $100 a night. Now they are only up $80--leading me to believe that they will continue to go down the closer we get to the arrival date. If we were going next Friday the rate is only $99 which is amazing for this hotel. I am getting smarter in my old age. I am looking forward to going again, but will be sad Andrew will be staying at the college. But we will have Joshie to entertain us. My boss told me of a good restaurant to check out--last time we checked out Manny's and had fun. I can't for the life of me remember the name of what Doug suggested. I keep thinking the Great Discovery??? I know that isn't it. Google, here we come.

Did any of you happen to see Lonnie on TV the other night? She accepted an award on Muhammad's behalf and gave a great speech about volunterism. I did not see it but co-workers told me there was not a dry eye in the house as everyone watched Mr. A. Jennifer Hudson sand him a song. And Lonnie is so right, we all need to volunteer more. I am going to try to You-Tube it and see if I can see it. We were at the basketball game as usual.

Speaking of volunteers, tomorrow night is the Annual Project Graduation Basketball game when teachers play teachers to raise money. It's hilarious. Then Saturday is the dance I wrote about earlier--I hope many of you go. I plan to drink a Bloody Mary. I drink about once a year--so this is quite rebellious for me! Then, in March, the 27th I think, we are having a Brawley Family Fish Fry to help raise money for the same cause. Lots to do.

Ok, time to get clean sheets on our bed. Such a good feeling.

Hugs--

Jane (I love the name Jane so will be Jane today)

The Mail Bag

The mail this week has been interesting First, the negative.



Michiana Hematology and Oncology. A reminder slip of my upcoming PET/CT to see if I have cancer growing in my body. WHAT? I thought it was the end of March! Nope, March 6. I really should be happy about that--the sooner the better with all my worries--but it still freaks the bejeezies out of me. I try to tell myselg that it will bring peace but worry worry worry. And yes, this was regularly scheduled--I just thought it was much later in the month.



Now the positive.



Michigan State University. Took their sweet little time about it, but Andrew got the CONGRATULATIONS letter we've been waiting for. The last line said "If you are not going to attend MSU, please let us know so we can give your spot to someone." Yeh, we will get right on that. Just kidding. Andrew was pleased as he is 100 percent acceptance rate now. However, we haven't heard from Brainiac K, so that rate may decline.



The K-football coach did send Andrew's tapes back and in a very positive recruiting move wrote Andrew the greatest letter about the tapes, making it obvious to Andrew that he watched the film. Ended the letter with lots of "you will make an outstanding K-College quarterback!" Ah, those recruiters.



Trine University sent Andrew a letter congratulating and awarding him with a $10,000 renewable scholarship. He hasn't even applied there.



North Park also sent a letter awarding Andrew some money for his grades, but it isn't enough to sneeze at. It was a form letter and said that it does not mean that is all the aide he will get. Sure as heck hope not!



What else. Happy Valentines to you all. Jim, Josh and I went to see Gran Torino. We liked it very much. Jim loves Clint so I knew he would love it. I liked it too, as did Josh. Gotta love that Niles' theatre! Only $15.50 for all of us, with drinks and popcorn too. Andrew and Kait are hanging out watching TV. Nothing too exciting for any of us on this romantic day.



Feeling a bit asthmatic today--which causes worryworryworryworry. My herniated disc is flaring up again too so Iwalk all hunched over. And I sound like I am 84 years old.



Love to you all--



MO Double L Y.

Implants and Tribal Wars

According to the Michigan State Website, a decision has been made on Andrew Brawley's acceptance. It was mailed yesterday. Do you know how upset I will be if he doesn't get in? His ACT, class rank, high school curriculum and overall gpa, are higher than those that have already been admitted. The funny thing is, he is NOT going to go there but I am being grumpy about it. I will keep you posted if any of you care about the MSU saga. : )

Tomorrow is implant check up with Dr. Messinger. I think it will be my last appointment for at least a year. I pray that is the case. I keep having these fears that they will have to take the implant out after my scans in March because I have chest cancer.

I have not written much about my chest/boob pains lately because, yes, it subsided for about a week. But now it is back again. Not as severe but it is that burning feeling. So now my mind thinks that when it hurts, the cancer is growing. Amazing how the mind works. Most ACC is NOT painful unless it gets in your nerves. The exception of course is some breast ACC tumors that are painful for no reason. And remember, my tumor was really painful. I pray that there was not nerve invasion--no one ever told me--nerve invasion means it travels much more easily. ACC lesson of the day--most cancers spread through the lymph systems. ACC and ACC breast rarely do, but do travel along nerve paths. Just in case you were up late wondering.

So as you see, cancer still weighs on my mind.

Ava Christine's great grandmother Leona Weaver, who has been like a mother to Jamie and Heather is very very ill. They expect her to pass any moment. Say a prayer for peace for them and that Leona gets to hold our precious Ava when she gets to heaven.

Andrew is still being recruited heavily by North Park and -K-College. North Park especially, which make Andrew like them even more. The quarterback coach called last night and they talked for quite awhile; when Andrew goes for his overnight, the team will be having Tribal Warfares, which are Survivor like events for the team--it's a competition. We aren't sure if Andrew can legally participate but he hopes so. The coach also asked Andrew if he had made up his mind yet and Andrew said no. The coach then asked what will determine it, and Andrew said "money." Glad he said that! : ) Andrew also has his visit with the Olivet baseball coach.

I was whining about our "expected family contribution" to Andrew's education the other night and still am in shock by it. Andrew is already working on scholarships applications. I hate this!

What else? Jim is making my favorite home made potato chips.

Joshie B is sleeping on the big red comfy couch--par for the course.

Off I go. GLad to be home for the night. Loy Norrix for a game tomorrow night and then Friday the girls play Benton Harbor.

HEY!! Also, don't forget to buy your tickets for the Project Graduation dance (adults only) We are all going to try to go. I may have to go in my pajamas as I turn into Pajama Queen on weekends but I do want to go!

ADIOS-

Molly

Expanders HURT

Hello. My poor Cyndi is experiencing post-mastectomy pain from that damned expander. Remember me wanting to rip the thing out? There were nights it didn't seem worth it, but now, when I look at that scarred football shaped beauty I say "WOW, thanks cancer for giving me this thing. " Yes, I am being sarcastic, because no matter how we try to sugar coat it, this fake boob still represents cancer. And cancer sucks.

On a more positive note, we won our homecoming game Friday night and I must say it was one of the most amazing games I have ever watched. The team we played was 10-2, and we were 2-11, so no one expected us to win. But we led the whole way and basically played out of our minds. Andrew played well--he's really rebounding well--still can't make a basket to save his soul--but that really isn't his job--and never has been. Regardless, our student sections was fabulous--without them, we never would have won the game. As you can see in this picture, the kids were pretty excited and ran onto the court. I was just a proud mom in the stands. : ) We now have to get the kids to come out for the girl's game Friday night vs. Benton Harbor.

The Kalamazoo College baseball coach called for Andrew this weekend. Still no word from them on an acceptance, but we did learn that he got into North Park. Still no word from the Spartans in East Lansing. Figures. Andrew took the ACT for the third time this weekend to try to up his score as we are finding the higher the ACT, the more $$$ he gets from both North Park and Olivet. I did our FAFSA this weekend and became very depressed as to how much they expect the family to contribute. It's basically 2/3 of Jim's salary. We do not have that kind of money. How in the heck do people pay for college? What really worries me is that Andrew may not even qualify for his own loans--WE (mom and dad) may have to take out the Parent Plus loans. Wow.
Of course we feel guilty for not having saved enough. Those many years of baseball travel leagues were fun, but perhaps they should have been going into college funds.

Josh took the ACT this weekend and actually liked doing it. He is very anxious for his scores. I wouldn't be surprised if he beat Andrew in some areas--like the English and reading sections. Andrew thought the math was harder this time.

Went to book a hotel room for Chicago for Andrew's overnight and the room rate went up $100 from the last time we went. Crazy. I am hoping to get a better rate later in the month, closer to the date.

For the first time since 8th grade, we are letting Andrew go on Spring Break. He will be going with his buddies and Lonnie--and won't be going until AFTER his spring break baseball game. Jim is being a poop about it--thinks he needs to stay home and live in the batting cage--but Andrew was adament about wanting to go, and afterall, it will only be 4 days when all is said and done.

Andrew needs the computer for some reason so off I go. Chicken Enchiladas for dinner.

Molly

A night in.

I forgot that yesterday was my two year anniversary of finding my painful lump. Must've been caught up in that Super Bowl game. We always watch the first half at Jim's parents--when we came home, I went upstairs to read and ended up getting sucked back into the game. I had no desired outcome, but as the clock ticked off I was getting nervous for both teams. It was a really good game.

Anyway. Andrew plans to do two more visits to Olivet and North Park. Both will be the last week of February and while Olivet will be to meet with the baseball coach for the day, North Park will be an overnight visit. (yippee! Another Chicago trip for me!) The NP coached seemed a bit worried about Andrew playing both baseball and football there--it was a rather vague email so that is something Andrew will have to figure out. Jim's philosophy is that if he can get the same amount of money for baseball, why play both? But I think Andrew really wants to try football. I just am not sure if he will want to put in the time to possibly not play for two years, if ever. Again, another issue for Andrew to resolve.

We still can't get our FAFSA filled out because Jim lost his coaching W-2's so we have to wait for them to be faxed to me at work. Silly Nimmee--he threw them out we think. Although we know we won't qualify for much if any aid, these private schools have to have the FAFSA to figure out how much they need to give you. Jim and I have always said that if Andrew has to take loans out, he will have to do that. I had loans and although Jim's parents paid for his education, we both feel we will help as much as we can but loans are a good possibility.

I still don't know what to think about this pain in my chest muscle. I know I am beating a dead horse right now by still talking about it since I have made no move to resolve it, but it is so intermittent and unpredictable! And I really think it has been so long it just is part of my day. I will say the god awful heartburn is gone for the most part.

Homecoming week this week. Both boys are up at school playing Powderpuff Volleyball. Andrew asked me three times to go (which is amazing in itself) but tonight is the only night I will be home this week so I decided to stay in. Tomorrow night we travel to Portage Northern and then Wednesday Jim and I both have to work the concession stand for the wrestling match.

I am totally going on about nothing so instead, I think I will go do some more laundry. Thank goodness for caller ID--the Marines are calling!

Love to all--

Molly

Status quo

hi.

I have a few minutes before Andrew's game against Penn High School. We have to transport kids because we have cut some Saturday sports bus runs in Niles to save money. Josh has gone skiing so it is just Jim and me--well, Andrew too, or course.

Andrew was not too thrilled with Albion. The visit itself was very nice and I loved the school and even the players who gave us a tour, but Andrew did not feel "wanted" like he did from the other three schools. Today he and I went to Olive Garden (we left a VERY grumpy Jim at home who was on a psycho-mom cleaning frenzy--he was freaking out because he found a plate under the couch) Ok, I regress. Anyway, Andrew kept asking me where I wanted him to go so we chatted about the pros and cons about both North Park and Olivet and I think, for now, he is settled on Olivet. So K-College and Albion are out for sure. Olivet is winning the race as they say. But I still want that overnight to North Park just in case. (I really just want an excuse to go to Chicago again

I did not call the doctor obviously. I really had a somewhat pain free week but today I can feel that burning feeling again. Last night I stayed home and fell asleep with a slight fever. That scared me. I do see Dr. Messenger on February 12 so I will make him make me call the doctor if things are still bad.

Andrew was chosen for the area's Sports Fest sponsored by the South Bend Tribune. He will be playing on the Michigan Football All-Star Team. He is pleased with that. He hopes to get picked for baseball too.

We are experiencing major data issues at school with our new student information system. For the most part, everything is accurate on the latest rounds of report cards for first semester, but it has to be 100 percent accurate as we base class rank and gpa's on these reports. I think I spent almost 100 percent of my work time crunching numbers last week. And the little percent that I wasn't doing that was spent counseling squabbling girls. Monday we should be all set to print report cards finally.

Next week is Winter Homecoming. Monday is Pajama Day, Tuesday is Bad Tie Day, Wednesday is Fake Tattoo Day, Thursday is Class Villain Day, and Friday is Spirit Day. This year's theme is Villains--the seniors are doing The Wicked Witch, which is very appropriate since they all went to Wicked. (The vocal music department has also chosen a song from that musical that the seniors will sing at graduation)

I made a bet with the seniors that if I didn't have to suspend any of them over the course of this senior year, I would give them all a pizza party. Guess what? I haven't suspended any of them yet! They are a really great class.

Ok, gotta run! Game time.

Molly

Just a peek at Winter Formal

Andrew and Kait before Winter Formal. They are looking so old. I think Andrew's sweater in too big. Kait is darling, as always. As usual, I have no pictures of Josh but trust me when I say we was adorable and ooooooooooh so grown up. : (

Pathfinders Computer Repair--Niles

For those of you who live in Niles and ever have any computer problems, we have discovered a good place here that sure seems to know what they are doing. It is called Pathfinders and it's right on 11th street (out by Wendy's) and they have solved one very horrible problem for us (VIRUS!!!!) for $90 and then a simple problem that they didn't charge us. We are pretty good at using computers but not fixing them so we were very pleased to find them. I have no affiliations with them at all but when I find something I like, I think it is good to share the news!

Molly

Formal.

Good morning. I really should be cleaning this house. It looks like a tornado has blown through. Our ping pong table has become a catch all of course and laundry, baseball equipment, chem binders, socks, dog, food, you name it is on it. ARGGH.

Yesterday I decided to call Dr. Ansari on Tuesday. I was in terrible pain and when I got home from the mall with Andrew it felt like I was barely able to breathe. Today, the underlying pain is still there so the phone call is still on, but I do feel a little better. There is a part of me that is hoping (because it is less serious) that my implant is causing all this and that I also have a cold at the same time. I am tired of thinking about it right now so we will change subjects.

The trip to the mall for tonight's Winter Formal was quite enjoyable with my oldest son. We never argued once, which is unusual. Olive Garden, our tradition, was packed, so we headed over to Famous Dave's and had some savory ribs and funny conversations. Then we went to the mall and looked everywhere BUT JC Penney's for dress shirts and ties and couldn't find what he/I wanted. So we ended up at JC Penney and spent $190 for both boys. OUCH. (I rationalized that by thinking of the girls who probably spent that on a dress.) Andrew ended up with his normal light blue sweater, cream dress shirt and a really cool tie, and I got Joshie a cream/light blue argyle sweater with a striped shirt so no need for a tie for him. They are both color coordinated and no one argued about it!!!! Andrew is going with Kait of course, but Josh is hanging with a group of people. Andrew's group is going to Villa Macri's for dinner, while Josh's gang is taking it more casual and is going to Texas Road House. Winter Formal is way less fancy than prom, thank goodness. My next goal is to talk Jim into going for a little while to check everyone out. Some of my ninth grade girls who I have grown very fond of have asked me to come and take pictures so I think I need to go. I do love seeing them all.

Might sneak out to the girls game soon. They are playing very early today so they have time to get ready for formal.

Extra prayers for me if you don't mind. Love to you all.

Molly

WHOOSH. That was my week.

Wow, I am tired. I have sat in meetings almost all week and got very little energy from my students this week...listened to adults speak on a variety of things and while it was very, very good, I always miss the interaction with students as they are the reason for what I do.

Ignoring pains still.

This week has gone very quickly and tomorrow is Friday. The students started second semester. Andrew is taking an online class called The Mathematics of Baseball. How's that for an accelerated senior year? He really is interested in it so what the heck. He also has creative writing so I am glad as that should be a bit easier than his College Writing class. He did finally get his WalMart paper done, but we had so many technology problems with it that he finally claimed that the ghost of Sam Walton was cursing him. He should get an A in the class but who knows how he did on this last paper. But at least he knows how to cite sources and format a research paper.

We (Andrew and I) head to Albion on Monday--but we aren't all that enthused which is probably a good thing, since we can't be disappointed then. Andrew got a wonderful had written letter from the K-College coach--talking about how much they can't wait to see him in the orange and black uniform, etc. Andrew has basically eliminated them however, and is scared to talk to the coach because they have become buddies through the recruitment process. But he isn't talling anybody ANYTHING until he has to. Tonight he is up hitting for baseball and I can tell in his head he has moved on to that now. North Park has called nightly to see where he stands in the application process...we think he has everything in now. I was reading about D III recruitment and some sources were saying that it is an "exhaustive" process and that ain't no joke. Would be much easier to just say Hey, I am going to CMU! Another coach was telling Jim tonight that some D I and D II schools lose players to D III schools because they can offer so much more if the player is right. I sure hope that happens! : ) Andrew managed to pull out AP Psych with an "average" grade--otherwise he had a pretty decent report card--all A's and a B+ except for the "average" grade in AP. (I am not saying a C because I am praying that is what it is...he isn't sure!!!..EEEK!)
Anyway, Josh did well too. His Algebra II grade is his only B.

What else. I think Karen has surgery tomorrow. Lots of positive energy to you my dear! Cyndi, let me know your next steps. You are handling this all so well and before you know it you will have a nice rock boob like I did. (don't worry, squishy boob comes soon enough)

I am chilly willy right now so time to take a shower and go to bed. I haven't read in weeks--other than college catalogs!

Much love to all--I still need each and everyone of you. You are my very cheap therapy but worth a priceless amount!

Moi

Damn

Cyndi did not get clean margins. She now has to decide the whole reconstruction thing and what is next but the breast has to come off. Remember my days of getting the news of no clean margins? It just STINKS. I am praying for her right now...I just want to her to get the sense of peace that will come when she has a plan. When we were busy making appointments was the easy time for me...I was soooo busy and couldn't even think about dying. It was just like having my toe operated on or something. I just detached myself from it for that whole period. And it worked for me. That, and a little bit of Xanax.

Quickly, Andrew liked Olivet and felt they really liked him. Right now, before any scholarship offers come in, he is still leaning towards North Park but said that the money would have to be worth it. To complicate things, the North Park baseball coach called today and really wants to meet him and to have him visit. He was quite upset that he was not contacted that Andrew was there. And then, the Albion College football coach called tonight and wants him to come to visit next Monday. When it rains it pours. Andrew is getting a bit confused I think so it will be nice to just get back to school for a few days.

Feeling very proud to be an American today. No matter how you voted, I think we all felt a sense of pride as we watched history being made. And wasn't Michelle's suit gorgeous? : )

Cyndi, I am thinking of you. And Karen, you too. You both need to keep me posted! Prayers to all my sisters and angels as we support eachother.

Molly

Decisions, decisions. Olivet tomorrow.

Hi Hi.

Home sweet home. Jim and I were the first up today at the hotel--I think the boys would have slept until tomorrow if we had let them. We got home before noon.

Andrew was very satisfied with his visit but now things get complicated. Luckily, his visit with Olivet is tomorrow so we will have at least three options to mull over before he makes any decisions. Jim is taking him to this visit, along with cousin Matt, who played basketball at Olivet. I filled out the FAFSA today--at least part of it--and although I know we won't get any aide, it is a requirement of the colleges he is looking at. Both North Park and Olivet have merit scholarships--many of which Andrew is qualified for--but none of them add up enough to make equal the cost of say going to Michigan State (which we still haven't heard from since the higher ACT score was sent it!) or Central for example. Matt Brawley is convinced he will get good money at Olivet; Matt said the football coach was surprised Andrew would even consider Olivet after looking at his films, but we know how that goes....When we left North Park the assistant head coach pulled Andrew aside and said "I will be recruiting you hard" so we will be talking soon. I told Josh and Jim he probably said that to everyone and Josh said no, he didn't, I listened to what he said to each quarterback and he only said that to Andrew. Gotta love Joshie. When we were waiting for visit to start yesterday, the offensive line coach who played five years in the NFL came up and walked quickly by Andrew, straight to Josh, and said "Finally! I have finally found my offensive lineman I have been looking for!" Those of you who know Josh know he is one scrawny string bean. He was wearing his glasses, playing with his I pod looking way more like Bill Gates than a football player.

We have decided Andrew will have to do an overnight at North Park to keep it on the list. The campus is not very pretty, but with all the snow, it was hard to see what it really looked like. It has 1800 students, which is about 800 more than Olivet. We have two former NHS students who go there so Andrew is trying to get in contact with them through Facebook. When we were driving around, we drove into a nearby neighborhood and it was definitely filled with many temples and synagogues that were just starting worship so we saw lots of beards, black coats and hats. What a different and interesting world it will be for Andrew if he goes there. The coach's wife also told us about all the ethnic festivals nearby.

Josh is skiing--Andrew and Jim are napping. Off to make pork chops for dinner.

Chest is still burning--but it comes and goes which I can't figure out!!!!

Molly

K takes a hit

To quote Andrew Brawley, K took a hit today. Andrew really really really liked what he found at North Park. The visit was very different from our visit to Kalamazoo, and the university is very different as well. We got here very early...found our hotel first (sort of) and then headed up to find the university, which is about 15 minutes north on Lakeshore Drive and then you head west ( if you head east you obviously go into Lake Michigan)

North Park is not K-College in terms of the beautiful campus. There are no fireplaces lit all over the campus, no marble floors, no brand new cafeterias. But it just fit Andrew so much better. First of all, the coaches were really approachable, very down to earth with the kids, and set us at ease right away. We didn't start with admissions like we did with K--spent most time with the coaches. Each one came around and spoke with us, the college VP did as well...then we did the tour, met with the admissions lady, talked financial aide (North Park is about $10 grand cheaper than K) and even met the head coach's wife. At lunch, Andrew sat with an education professor and football players, who were extremely outgoing. Andrew felt the cafeteria food was better than K, but I think that was because he was having a much better time.

After the visit, we came back and checked in and Jim had his first stress meltdown trying to find where to park here at the hotel. Then, we upgraded our room for $9 and got a wonderful view of a very soon to be frozen Lake Michigan. We are on the 33rd floor and have special keys to the "Club", which gives us free sodas, breakfast, wine, etc....all for that $9 upgrade! Tells me this place is NOT sold out We are at the Hyatt Regency by the way.

For dinner, friends had recommended Manny's, which is a deli cafeteria that features corned beef and pastrami sandwiches. YUMMY. They were awesome! We took a cab there as Jim was not about to try to find it after our parking fiasco with the hotel.

Tonight we watched "Slumdog Millionairre" in our hotel room--for a nice $12.99. (we figured it was cheaper than going to the movies, even the Ready) I think I liked it...it was way different than anything I have ever seen. Movies like this I have to wait to decide if i liked it. It won a Golden Globe for Best Drama and although it was good, I am not sure it was that good.

Missing my dog. Trying not to think of cancer. Praying for Cyndi's clean margins.

Molly

College Visit Weekend

It is 6:19 AM and I am waiting for Jim to get home from getting gas and McDonald's for Andrew. We are headed to Chicago--North Park University-- for the night. I am glad to get away as it allows me to deny this burning issue in my chest. Last night, when I went to bed I thought it felt good when I layed down, but now it's there, feeling like a knawing little pain behind the implant.

Andrew's visit to K-College went very well, although I doubt he will end up there. It was a fantastic experience for him (and Jim and me) and I am glad we did it. I will update later on it as I don't have time now, but it was a fun day for all of us---I only wanted to kill Andrew once--when he asked ME to fill out an information form for him! Will this child ever make it without me? One of the best things about the day was that the baseball coach wants him to come for an overnight visit so Andrew feels like he is really interested. The admission counselor was very good too--she is brand new but was so genuine and sincere. But again, doubt he will end up there.

Josh is also going with us today. He spent the night at a friend's and stayed up all night so Josh and no sleep and Andrew grumpy in the morning is going to prove for an interesting drive to Chicago. The drive to Kalamazoo yesterday was harrowing to say the least. I was like a statute driving along 1-94. Luckily, Jim's boss let him off early so he got to go too. Yes, we had another snow day on Friday--that's 5 days off so far this year. I think we might have one more before we have to make them up. My prognosticator husband predicted seven.

Shade is visiting her favorite friend Al (Ginger and John's dog) for the night. I haven't said how much I appreciate my in-laws lately. They are the best!!! I miss Shade already. She is my blood pressure lowerer. : )

Again, I will update College Visit Weekend soon. Also, Andrew is headed to Olivet on Monday to meet with the football coach and yesterday got a hand written letter from the head Olivet baseball coach wanting him to come up. Thanks sooooooooooooooo much to Andrew's NHS baseball coach Mike for sending out what we are hearing is a wonderful letter about Andrew.

But to keep Andrew's ego in check, we lost to Lakeshore in basketball last night. What else is new>

Off to the Windy City. Weather,com says it is a whopping 11 degrees--with a -4 wind chill,

Love to all those with boobs, flat or not.

Molly

Yes, a snow day.

Snow Day Snow Day What a Wonderful Snow Day! My beautiful Shady checks out the newly fallen snow this morning. The trees were gorgeous! We now have probably two feet of snow in the backyard and it makes for difficult pottying for the pup. But she loves it and plays for quite awhile. More later!

The No Mo Blizzard Blues

BRRR. I have to admit I am rather sad our blizzard watch is canceled. I love blizzards. We are supposed to get some lake effect snow starting tomorrow some time. The timing doesn't look good for a snow day but I guess that is ok because we need to finish exams so we might at well get it over with. We dismissed an hour early today to make sure the busses got to the elementaries as soon as possible--which they did. Andrew's game was canceled and I have to admit I for one was not disappointed. American Idol starts tonight and we always laugh at it so it will be a nice family activity.

Still not feeling well. I think Tylenol and Advil take the edge off and then I forget about it, but then if breathe deeply or move a certain way I feel the ache. I keep asking myself what I am so afraid of--it is what it is--but going to the doctor will set into place numerous tests and since this pain is definitely SOMETHING, bad news could really ruin my day, you know? Egads. Enough already. My only other option is that my implant is really pulling on my muscles. Every other thing I can think of is too scary.

Josh is laying here on my lap practically and needs to quit reading this. He spent 3 hours at his Algebra II teacher's house tonight to review for his final. She always goes the extra mile and has kids over in groups. He now went to get his typical dinner, a frozen pizza. Jim made the rest of us miniburgers on his little griddle grill.

Andrew has to finish his WalMart paper this week and he will be done with his College Writing class. Next semester he has Creative Writing. Josh is excited because he gets to take our Leisure Sports class...they do all kinds of fun things. First thing is skiing!

We are hooked on Two and a Half Men these days.

Cyndi is having her surgery Thursday. Here's to clean margins and little pain!!!!!

Molly

Of course they're fake. The other ones tried to kill me.

This was on a t-shirt on a breast cancer website. LOVE IT!!!!!

You should see me trying to decide on a hotel in Chicago. I think I have some "can't make a decision disease". (here i go again, looking for some disease) Finally, after almost 10 hours of trying to decide, we made our reservations at the Hyatt Regency, where I have stayed before. We were all set on this W Lakeshore but some of the reviews indicated the pool was being fixed. The funny thing is we will probably be in the hotel for about 12 hours! And won't go to the pool either. I was psyched that they allow pets until I thought "heck no, I am not taking that dog!" What was I thinking.

Josh is hitting the slopes as we speak. I am cooking my spiral ham. Last night Shade ate the whole loaf of rye bread. WOW. She is working her way up to Marley status.

Andrew is studying. If studying means watching the NFL game and then running back to the computer to study his on-line notes. I sure hope the on-line notes are what he needs to study because that is all he is looking at--I can't wait for this semester to be over.

We went out for breakfast with Dan and Aida and the kids. Skyler is well aware that Objagina (sounds like ob-ja-vagina) is going to be our new president. We laughed! Talon declared that HE was our next president. Willow just ate her hot dog and smiled the whole time. You never know what she is thinking!

We are preparing for bitter cold temperatures this week. Andrew keeps checking the weather report in his itouch. For as much as he loves snow, he really needs to be a teacher in the hopes of future snow days.

Josh's middle school English teacher has asked him to enter a writing contest about a novella by Ayn Rand. He is pretty excited about it but hasn't put the time in yet so who knows how long that excitement will last. In case you haven't read it, Josh wrote a controversial article for our school paper about his dislike for cheerleaders. It was quite tongue and cheek but of course upset some (less than you would expect) cheerleaders and a few others. I would not have published it had I been the adviser as I was quite conservative and hate hurting anyone's feelings, but they did publish it with a rebuttal from a cheerleader so it was pretty balanced. Josh got all kinds of praise as well so overall, it was a good experience for him. Now he really looks for controversial topics. He told me yesterday that he was most recently assigned a story on "gay people." Oh lordy....why me???

Not much else to say. Chest barely hurt when I got up but the burning is starting again.

Stay warm.

Mrs. Molly Elizabeth Holdship Brawley
The One Boob Wonder

Same pain, different day.

Good afternoon on this snowy, snowy Saturday. We're getting ready to go to a family birthday party for Chase, Matt's son, who is two. I want to pull my hair out as Andrew is doing everything to avoid studying for his AP Psychology exam. He really has to do well on the exam to salvage a decent semester grade. I am just mad at him in general these days. The whole college search thing is occupying his mind--so much, he is forgetting he has to finish high school first. His MME scores waived him out of all of his final exams, but in AP he does have to take it...........Josh only has his Chemistry final and says he will Ace it. We shall see! : )

I am going to get this over with: my chest still hurts. The whole week of school I doctored with Advil and Pepcid AC --thought it helped some--even wanted to say to people "I think this is better!" but today that burning spot deep in my implant area is definitely there. It is so reminiscent of the burn the ACC tumor had-but also reminds me of pains I had years ago that we think we related to birth control pills. So I don't have to go on and on about this, I will say that when it's time to call the doctor, I will know it. I guess I am not there yet. Or am I just too scared to do it? You know, someone said heartburn is related to menopause? But this isn't just heartburn--and it seems to be too high up to be an ulcer. And I have no reason to have an ulcer. (HA!)

Andrew has his K-College visit Friday--I am going with him. The visit will last until 2:00 or so, and we are thinking about letting him skip basketball practice so we can head to Chicago Friday night for his North Park University visit on Saturday. I am googling hotels--we are thinking about staying by Navy Pier. North Park is way north of the city but easy to get to from Lakeshore Drive. We stayed the Hyatt once and it was very nice. I think as a family it will be good to get away and this visit is a good excuse.

The Olivet College coach also called. One of my best friends from high school is married to his brother so we sort of know him. We have not picked a visit date yet--the coaches are out of town this week so it will probably be later this month. Jim will go to that visit. We don't even know if parents are supposed to go to these things or not--I can always go to my mom and dad's during the K-College visit.

Jim made venison stew yesterday and we are planning on having it for dinner. I still struggling eating venison but will try it. He, as always, used no recipe, which means it will have some really strong flavors. I bought a spiral ham today to cook for tomorrow. Also bought stuff for ham and swiss sandwiches.

Must go to the party. Happy Birthday Chase!

What do you think of Wal Mart?

Getting up today was easier than expected but I think I might have had my first hot flash. I felt miserable for about 10 minutes--do you feel nauseated too? 'Cause I sure did! But once I was up and about, I felt much better. Chest still hurts but my mind didn't focus on it too often at work. i was busy--we are getting ready for exam week next week and I was working on second semester schedules for both students and teachers. A good day at school means less focus on cancer.

I spoke with another ACC sister on the phone last night. It's amazing the bond you have with someone when you have this lousy diagnosis. I hope to help my sisters not worry but that is sometimes very hard for me to do because as we all know, WORRY is my middle name. (I think I posted that one or two times, huh?) This chest pain has me all discombobulated. Even sitting here typing this I can feel it burning and my shoulders tensing. The only time the pain dissipates is when I am laying in bed. No wonder I want to be there all the time! : )

Andrew is at Kait's game tonight. They are such a darling couple. Andrew spoke to a few kids at school today and found three who have lower gpa's and the same ACT that he has (one had a lower gpa AND a lower ACT) who all got into Michigan State. NONE of them have the activities and sports that he has. I looked over class lists etc. and there is no rhyme or reason for him not to get in with his latest ACT so we shall see. It's amazing the opinions i have heard from various parents about the admissions process at State.

What else? Have I mentioned my chest/lung hurts?

Another school called Andrew today from Chicago. North Park University (College??) saw his game film and wants him to come visit. Andrew did not get home in time to call the coach back but will tomorrow. He is intrigued with this place only because it is in the heart of Wrigleyville! He so wants to play baseball somewhere so it is ironic the sudden interest in his football career. I know at K-college they basically said he could play baseball there--or at least be on the team.

My mom called today and said there was a front page article in the Kalamazoo Gazette tonight about Kalamazoo College and other elite private schools and how their applications are down. K-college is down like 7 percent. No wonder they want Andrew! : ) The article of course focused on the crazy costs to go there but K -College is working on more financial aide packages so maybe there is hope for Mr. Andrew.

Andrew has to write his final College Writing paper on whether or not WalMart is good for society. He is taking the angle that it really depends on who you ask. He actually started it tonight before Kait's game and has a good direction. If you have an opinion about that topic, feel free to post it on my blog because he wants to interview some people for the section on the consumer's perception and reality of WalMart. Interestingly enough, the students are directed to use the Internet for all their research so you posting your opinion on my blog counts!

If you watch the Food Network, Aida, Danny's wife was on again tonight. I say again because she is in one episode of a cake baking competition as a judge. (she works for Whirlpool, who sponsored the competition) We have to watch it until we see her eating the Grape and Lemon Cake. Danny makes fun of us because he now realizes how often we watch that channel.

Ok, back to my mantra. I am NOT going to die today.

Love to you all and special prayers for Cyndi as she waits for results--peace out sister--it WILL get easier.

Molly

Oh lordy, pass the Kleenex.

If you are a dog lover, you have to see Marley and Me. Jim and I went last night and I sobbed. Jim was sitting next to me and I could feel his arm trembling up and down and when I looked at him we both started cracking up at our blubbering. It has a really sad part but the movie itself is a very happy story. I loved Jennifer Aniston as the mom, and Owen Wilson was fine, although his voice bugs me sometimes. But we loved it and talked about it all night. Not sure if Dan and Aida liked it as much as we did, but they don't have a dog so maybe that makes a difference.

Before the movie we took Josh and all the nephews (sans Talon of course) to Swiss Valley to snowboard. Quinn has gone once before but Jake and Zack were rookies so we stayed to watch their first run. We have had some icy weather conditions so the snow on the slopes was iffy at best. Jake and Quinn struggled their first run, but made it down relatively easy. Poor Zack somehow slid off to the side of the slope and ended up tumbling like a two ton tumbleweed just about the whole way down. Needless to say, when he finally reached the bottom he had sworn off snowboarding for life. But we made him stick it out--he rested for awhile in the lodge--got brave again and ended up liking it. I so hope they like it as Josh LOVES it and the more family into it, the better. I would love to take a family weekend trip to Boyne. Pam and I can drink in the lodge and send the guys out with the kids. Knowing Mimi, with her "I won't wear any more granny panties" New year's resolution, she would probably actually SKI. Not me, my implant would probably bust open. Or perhaps it would act as an airbag? Forgive me, I digress. : )

Today I got my haircut and came home and had to take a nap. I am never going to be able to get up once school starts on Monday. Andrew has a game tonight (we are going to get creamed I am afraid) so we are headed there at 6:00 with Jim's parents. Josh and I went to Wings for lunch and now my chest/lung issues are even worse because of heartburn. I am wondering if my chest aches are from the implant? It seems almost like a deep deep muscle pull--the thought that cancer has embedded itself in my chest wall scares me, as the feeling is very similar to the overall pain I had with the lump--but then again, I realize my implant is under one of the chest muscles so maybe it is just stretching. By the way, for my long time readers, I still get that liver/gall bladder pain every once in awhile. Just another Molly Obsession.

A fellow teacher passed away this weekend from her battle with cancer. Shelly Wilder taught at our early elementary child center and was loved, loved, loved. She fought one hell of a fight based on what I knew. Say a prayer for her family. They knew this was coming but it has to hurt like crazy. I am sure Shelly is in a better place.

I hate to say this but I really want another dog. Wouldn't Shady love a new playmate? We could get a yellow lab like Marley (well, better behaved) and we could call her Sunny. You know, if I begged I could get one from my husband. I should strike now while Jim is feeling sentimental about the movie. I love dogs that is all there is to it.

Ah well, I should probably put on some sort if makeup and comb my hair. My day of laying on the couch watching The Real Housewives marathons is over. (as opposed to Jim, who got up at 7 to go hit baseballs with Andrew, then had basketball practice with his 7th graders, then went to help Zech process his venison and now is ready for the game)

Vacation is over. UGH.

Peace out,
yours in boobdom,
adios,
farewell,
Pasta Linguine,

Molly

Two posts in one day.

Hello all--Happy New Year--again.

I posted some new photos I took today with my handy dandy new camera that Nimmy got for me for Christmas. I just need a bigger memory card as the one that came with the camera fills up too fast.

I also posted two links to two ACC sisters blogs. Follow them if you would like. Also, one more plea to you all to remember to click on my ads that are somewhere on this site--I should probably move them. I think each click earns me about $2 and that adds up fast. Remember, money is being sent to a group that deals with ACC.

Today was relatively uneventful, other than our Christmas celebration. Josh pooled all his money and gift cards (I had to buy one from him) but all in all, he had enough to buy an Ipod Touch, which is what Andrew got from us. So they are both happy and therefore, I am happy.

Our large screen tv is on the fritz. We called a local TV repair man who grumbled throughout the repair about what a piece of crap our TV was. It was so funny that Jim just laughed and laughed. We think it is the bulb for the LCD--we knew when we bought the sucker this day would come. So the repair guy left grumbling about having to go find it and mumbling why anyone would ever want a SONY tv. It was quite funny as he reminded me of my dad.

Andrew is asleep again from his all night party. I want to thank the parents who hosted this last night--they know who they are--I know my kid was safe and that they don't provide alcohol to high school kids/minors--which seems to be popular these days. Having as many kids has they did has to be a pain in the neck but knowing he was there, having a great time, makes things easy on parents. Josh had fun snowboarding--is taking all his cousins tomorrow.

Much love to you all. Chest still hurts--almost like major asthma attack but not.

Molly

2009

Happy New Year! I think, for the first time in my whole life, I moved into a new year alone! Isn't that weird? Jim left at 11:45 to pick up Josh from the slopes...oh well, I didn't even watch the ball drop either. Shade is here though, going nutso because someone let off some firecrackers nearby and it is freaking her out. Love my doggy.

So, a new year. As I type this, I am plagued with some really odd chest/muscle pains in my upper back and chest area. This is about day 5 of it. Have decided that if it still hurts next week I will call. Last night the pain was so bad I actually took something for it and some Xanax--that helped. But there is something going on for sure. Pray it is nothing serious, ok? I want a cancer-worry free year!

Andrew is going on a "visit" to Kalamazoo College January 16. He has spoken with the coach a few times and they seem to get along famously--we shall see. I say it has to be a LOT of financial aid to go there--Andrew is afraid he isn't smart enough but I say pfshhh to that...he would do wonderfully if he actually worked at it. My parents would flip if he went there...in a good way. They've even driven around the campus to check things out. Ginger's mom used to be the admissions secretary at K-college for DECADES so we think it would be fitting if he went there.

Did I tell you that I have to go back to see Dr. M in February? He wants to look at the nipple again (which looks really really good by the way) and I have to do some sort of form filling out for my implant. I am in that 10 year study remember.

I am watching the Girls Next Door. What an exciting life I lead. Ok, now Jay Leno.

Since I am rambling, I will end here. Happy New Year to all...here's to a better 2009 than ever imagined and peace for everyone!

Molly

Welcome Karen

With mixed feelings, I welcome yet another ACC/breast sister to my blog. I met Karen on my rare cancer forum. I am so glad we have all found each other but it is with heavy heart that yet another woman, or anyone for that matter, has to deal with such a scary journey.

We MUST find a cure for cancer. I bet there is not one of you out there who has not been impacted by it at some level. Let's hope 2009 brings us closer to a cure.


Molly

Welcome Cyndi

I really have so much to do but must blog about Cyndi, who you can see posted a comment on my last post. She too is a newbie to ACC/breast. Can you believe it? I would say almost 10 people have been diagnosed during the duration of my journey. And that is all that I KNOW about. Wonder if they will ever not call it rare?

Cyndi, there are at least two other ACC'rs who read this blog. Stephanie, who was diagnosed about 6 months ago (right Steph?) and Kristina, who was my angel, who is about three years out now? Feel free to ask any question as Kristina had the lumpectomy, I had the mastectomy, and Stephanie had a bilateral. So we've got you covered in the procedure department. It is always interesting to see what others' doctors do as well.

My news for the day is I met with my PS, Dr. Messinger. My nipple really looks about perfect--still a few stitches here and there but they are disappearing daily. Both the doc and I wish the left breast was a perky as the right but it isn't too be. Luckily, all looks fine in a bra.

Also, Andrew's ACT score went up and puts him the range of what MSU wants. Doesn't mean he'll get in for sure as they compare him to all applicants, but at least he improved. He was happy it went up--still wants to take it again believe it or not--but doesn't seem to interested in MSU anymore. He has to meet with the Kalamazoo College coach soon--that could prove very interesting.

More later.

Molly

Rachel Ort Leazenby

I have just learned that a former student of mine, Rachel Ort Leazenby, was killed in a car accident Christmas Eve. I am just stunned. She was actually a Brandywine student, but took my Teaching Academy class at NHS. She married her high school sweetheart, Jon, who was also an NHS student and really great "kid." They were two perfect young adults with a wonderful world ahead of them. Rachel most recently was subbing at area schools and when I last saw her, which was about a month ago, she asked how I was doing--said she prayed for me often. Thank God for her faith--and Jon's too--as I know it will be the only thing to get him through this tragedy. Just an awful awful shame. She was always bubbly, full of energy, smiling and POSITIVE.

Just another reminder to live, laugh and love everyday.

Molly

I was right.

Hello friends--

Happy post-Christmas day. Jim just came back from errands and said the roads are terrible. Andrew is at basketball practice--eek. Hope he managed the icy roads. Speaking of Andrew, sitting on the table right now is a very thin letter from Michigan State Admissions office. I am guessing he did not get in as there is just one piece of paper in there. I am sure it is his ACT scores. I am glad this is is not his first choice for schools--but at least it would have been ANOTHER choice.

Christmas was nice. But I swear there is something about grandparents houses that produce HEAT. It is so hot at John and Ginger's that we actually had to have the door open and it was still steaming. Andrew thinks John keeps it hot so people won't stay long. They rarely use real heat--just their wood burning fireplace. Then my parents yesterday was like a major hot flash. Their apartment faces south and the sun was beating in--so we opened their sliding door too. I fnally said I had to go I was too hot.

Ok--I was right. Andrew just got home. They want a second score on his ACT. So, if he really wants to go there, he needs to have done better this last time. So, the waiting game continues. Times sure have changed--even 5 years ago Andrew could have gotten in with no problem. The counselors at NHS said Grand Valley was much more selective than Michigan State and he got in there....ah well, I must be having problems with rejection as Andrew doesn't even seem to care at the moment. As I said, it isn't his first choice--CMU is--and CMU gave him money maybe that is a sign? : )

Andrew said the roads are the worst he has ever been. He said they only had seven at practice.

Making a pot roast today. We had ham yesterday and it was yummy! Munched on ham sandwiches last night and my sister's Chex Mix concoction.

Hope everyone got what they wanted from Santa.

Molly

A productive day.

Today was productive. If you call swiping my little plastic card productive, then that was ME! Started out heading to the mall but remembered I had a birthday gift card for Kohl's so I headed there and was quite successful. But they didn't have the grill I wanted to get for Josh (I know, a dopey gift) so I had to get that elsewhere. Had a nice little trip to Target too. The only thing left to get is stocking stuffers and I may put Jim in charge of that...or, I might even be lazy and get the kids an extra $50 instead. Much of their stuffers end up all over the house. About the only thing they really like is beef jerky.

Tonight was a practice of sorts of Christmas Eve. Ginger decided to have all the kids over to make gingerbread houses. What fun was that! First to arrive was cousin Lizzie, who needs to act or something. She is so articulate and creative for her 3 1/2 years. The houses turned out so cute. Barb brought empty milk cartons from school and the kids each decorated their own after sugar gluing on graham crackers. Each little kid had a big kid helper so it was a group effort. Lizzie, who never gets candy, discovered candy for the first time and went to town. As always, Ginger out did herself making special memories for all of us. I think we all got stuck at some point in the front yard...it's icy under that fluffing snow. Jim and Andrew left early to go hit baseballs.

I cleaned the heck out of my kitchen yesterday. REALLY cleaned the fridge, to the point I was sore last night from bending all over the place. Don't you just love a clean fridge?

Still feeling worried about cancer but am trying not to think about it.

Today I also went to the eye doctor. If you need an eye doctor, I recommend Dr. Becraft here in Niles. What a nice man and ver knowledgable. He is the one that spotted my Horner's Syndrome right away years ago at an appointment for Josh, and picked it up again today. I don't need "real" glasses yet---just readers---but I did order a pair from them. I still have 20/20 at a distance so no need there yet.

One thing that you may end up noticing about me is that he told me to no longer use Visine like I have been. My right eye is redder than red first thing in the morning so for the past seven years I have been using Visine, which is really bad for your eyes on a regular basis. The Horner's Syndrome causes the redness/dryness so now I have to switch over to artificial tears, which will take a few weeks to correct the problem. So when you see One Red Eye Molly walking around you will know it is me. He said he wanted to try the over the counter stuff first before we get to the prescribed drugs. He did talk about the ACC, which can be found in the lacrimal gland, (in your eye) but my eyes all looked good.

So, that is it here. Nipple is looking fabulous by the way.

HO HO HO!

M

Depressed

Another ACC sister is in her last lap of her cancer journey. Her lung mets are so extensive and all the surgeries that she has had can't keep up with the growing, numerous tumors. She was diagnosed in 2001 and then had the mets in 2004. They just keep growing.

So a second person I know through cyberspace is dying. This leaves me depressed. I want to believe that I have the best kind of cancer and it won't kill me. Then I realize it is CANCER not some fantasy journey I have been on these past two years.

Damn.

Molly

BRR. It's blizzard

My goal today was to not go outside and it is already 5:00 and I haven't! I see that the winter storm warning has changed to a blizzard warning so you know that makes me happy. But then I felt bad when I read my pal Debbie's blog and her hubby Brian has to drive to WISCONSIN in this mess. Ok, so I want my blizzard but not for poor Brian.

Pooh is still in southern Indiana. I won't even tell you how much money he makes in one day. But you would understand why he will willingly miss Christmas if power is still out for people. He calls daily...he and Jim are very close. Ginger has Zack and Zoe for the most part.

i haven't mentioned my aches and pains lately, but my focus now is on my neck/throat/ear area. It still hurts...what has it been, about a year? When I read ACC websites I freak as that type of pain is so symptomatic of ACC in the neck...

I have actually wrapped a few presents. Still not done with the nephews, but Jim is taking care of that. I also want to get the boys a few more things. We are buying Josh a countertop grill...we had an old George Foreman but Jim pitched it. It was too big and we want one that the plates can go in the dishwasher. The reason we are getting it for Josh is because he uses it all the time. He rarely eats what we eat so he often fixes himself a steak. (we get the cheapy ones from Hardings--he's not picky!) Speaking of steak, Andrew went to Ruth Christ with his girlfriend's family. I have never been there but he says it is amazing! Jim is hunting and Josh just went to Wings with some buddies. So it's me and my lovely black daughter, Shady Paige.

Yesterday a letter arrived from Michigan State University addressed to James Andrew Brawley. I got all excited as the letter was thick, so I hoped it had housing info in it--if it was an acceptance letter. Well, it ended up being a survey for Michigan fishermen! Andrew was disappointed too. Maybe they are waiting for his ACT retakes? Andrew thinks he will need to take the ACT again, does not feel well about the last retake.

Jim marinated some venison steak this morning and we will be having Venison Fajitas for dinner. I sent him to the store to get ingredients for a pot roast, potato soup, and goulash for dinner this week. I cook all the time when I am on break...makes up for the rest of the year.

Josh has his sports physical tomorrow, which means we have to get up. That is good though. I don't want to slee.p my break away.

I am giving Pillars a break right now and feel so guilty about it. But I ordered a new Nora Roberts book from a used seller and started it and like it. I am also half way through New Moon, in the Twilight series.

TTFN. Happy blizzarding!!!!

Molly

An early vacation!

Well, I got my snow day today! WOOHOO!

I did not work yesterday; I was/am so very sore from falling and also had my appointment with Dr. Nancy in Kalamazoo. She is sooo great. I trust her so much. When she examines your breasts, she shuts her eyes. It is sort of funny but it helps her concentrate on what she is feeling. She also said my nipple looks fantastic! She was going on and on about it and was saying that the PS's have come so far in their craft when it comes to reconstruction. She said Dr. M especially takes pride in his work. She also said that it would sink in a little, which was a pleasant surprise. Nothing suspicious in the exam. She was a bit upset that Memorial didn't have my orders for the right MRI last September--told me next time to just tell them to call her office. But she also said that having the clear MRI on the left breast was really important.

On the sad side, a women on my ACC/breast list serv is getting close to passing away from numerous mets. She was first diagnosed in 1993 and ten years later thought she had arthritis in her back and hips and it turned out to be mets to the spine and iliac joint. That was a year ago. Now she has numerous lung mets--which makes my chest hurt just thinking about it. Her husband says they are just hoping she makes it through Christmas. FRICKING CANCER!!!

Today we made our traditional snow day trip to Olive Garden. Josh and Andrew take full advantage of the Olive Garden theme "we treat you like family"by fighting the entire time we are there. I wanted to take a breadstick and shove 'em in my ears. Then we went to the mall and I bought myself three new tops and two Yankee Candles. The kids both wanted puzzles of all things, so I let them pick out one each. Neither have much to open on Christmas so that will help. Josh is using his Christmas present right now...snowboarding at Swiss Valley for the evening. Andrew is playing ping pong with his buddy Dan who is home from college.

We had to cancel our family Christmas for tomorrow because Pooh, who works for AEP, had to go to mid-southern Indiana to help with this ice storm. We were going to celebrate with Jim's parents and brothers tomorrow but now are postponing it. Also, poor great grandma Brawley fell and broke a bone in her neck and will not be able to join us for the extended Brawley Christmas on Christmas Eve. Santa is coming at 5:00 and after we open gifts and eat I think the whole crew is going to go see her in the nursing home. She's in a lot of pain and is pretty doped up. Bill, Robyn and Lizzie will be here from California which is always fun. Lizzie is amazingly smart.

This year the family has adopted a family from Cass. Matt B knows them and I guess their house recently burned down. They have three kids. We do this instead of exchanging gifts for the adults. The kids still draw names. This year we have Talon and Chase, which is really easy. Both are the cutest little boys! While I love all my nieces and nephews I have this crazy attachment to Talon that started his first summer in the UP...I am addicted to that little boy.

Still loving my washer and dryer.

Did I tell you Jim and I are going to make a prime rib this holiday break? We have made one before but over cooked it, so want to try to do it again. Also looking to make some really good and new to us side dishes. If you have any suggestions, please suggest away!

Wow, two weeks off. How wonderful is that?

Molly

ICY.

Monday night walking into Andrew's basketball game, with Andrew, I fell on slippery ice and banged up my right knee and scraped my hands. Andrew did a nice job of not laughing (he did snicker) and although I was sore, nothing was too hurt but my pride. Then today I was walking out to my car at school and said hello to a boy walking in and BOOM, down goes Brawley. This collapse was much worse...no blood, but both knees are already black and blue and I definitely did something to my wrists and left arm. WOW. What a bozo I am. As I sit and type this, I am stiffening up like crazy. The poor boy who witnessed it didn't know what to do...I just told him not to tell anyone (I was kidding--trying to lighten the mood) I went to my meeting in Kalamazoo soaking wet and now my pants have little sidewalk salt rings all over them! Just add that to another embarrassing moment in the life of Molly.

I see Dr. Nancy tomorrow. This is my breast exam that I will have every 6 months. Nellie New Nipple is looking snazzy--she really does look fine now. She just doesn't match my other one. Tina Tattoo is pretty faded but overall, Boobie looks pretty good!

Still need to do some Christmas shopping. SOME is an understatement. I need to do almost ALL of my Christmas shopping. I got my mom the same thing I always get her--flowers of the month--but this year I went with flowering plants. She loves getting a delivery each month. Got my dad the proverbial sweater. I give up trying to get him anything creative.

Andrew has a concert tonight. We are all very tired. Keeping an eye on the potential storm for Friday. : )

M

Healing.

Ok, so today it looks better. My gauze stuff keeps falling off and it doesn't bother me so I guess I am healing well. Still some blood around the incision (about the size of a dime) and those lovely stitches are sticking out, but overall it does sort of look like a nipple! As I said, nipples aren't really attractive anyway, but when I look in the mirror, it does sort of look like the other one. And that is the whole reason I did this....that glance in the mirror. And guess who thinks it looks fine? Yup, always supportive Jimmy.

Angie--Apples to Apples is a board game where you get seven red cards with terms on them, and then the dealer turns over a green card, and those with the red cards try to pick the red card that best represents the term on the green card. It is simple but really for tweeners and up...not for little kids, although in the UP, third grade Conner played and did really well. We just explained what some words meant. But it is fun and funny!

I can not tell you how liberating our new washer and dryer are. I didn't realize how crappy my previous appliances were until now. My laundry time is cut in half I would say. Aida should hire me for a commercial at Whirlpool. Jim and I have decided it is definitely the deal of the century.

Brandywine tomorrow night for the boy's basketball team. After the first game, both Jim and I felt like we should forfeit the season and just start baseball--that's how bad the team played. But the second game, despite still losing, the team looked much better--just not tons of talent.

Not much else to report. Did FINALLY get some ornaments on the tree.

Still looking for that blizzard!

M

A blob of chewed gum

It's even uglier today. Looks like a hideous glob of chewed gum sitting on a mound. But then when you look at any nipple, they aren't exactly attractive either. My poor Pj's--cancer surgery has resulted in many ruined tops! I didn't think I would bleed much but sure enough, I did. I am still really tired from it all I think. Just tired period of is ALL.

Had our Freund family Christmas tonight. That is Ginger's side of the family. It was very fun. We do the whole get a gift, steal a gift thing. I came home with nothing. Jim and I gave our gifts away. The kids got a pair of Niles football sweats and a Sports Illustrated trivia game. They weren't even there which is the sad part! Andrew left to go hang with his girlfriend and Josh had had plans to ski for weeks now. Jim has just left to go pick him up. Andrew and Kait just went out to dinner. We also played Apples to Apples at the party==that was funny. I refereed rather than played.

The box or ornaments is now upstairs sitting in front of the tree. That is a start.

Love to you all--going to find some clean pajamas and might just go to bed to read. Finally getting into the depths of Pillars of the Earth--this is taking me forever, but I really really like it.

Molly

A witch's wart with hair

My new nipple is the most hideous thing I have ever seen. When Dr. M said look at your new nipple I had to crack up at it...it looks like the end of a tied balloon...sitting there on top of tattoo with little hairs (stitches) poking out all over the place. It was so funny and ugly looking. He quickly gauzed it up so i don't have to look at it again until Sunday when I can take a shower. it took about an hour--didn't hurt but my whole body was like jelly when I was finished from the stress of trying to be still. Glad it is over. Have to go back in two weeks.

One interesting thing that happened was that we were discussing my reconstruction process and the nurse, who was new, asked me about my diagnosis. We talked about the rarity of it and I said that I thought that going through the cancer was "good for me', meaning that reconstruction was therapeutic, etc. Dr. M said "I am glad this has been good for you, because you have been very good for me." I am very happy about that because as you all know, my goal is to help people understand this RARE cancer and maybe help others. I'm not sure what he exactly meant but either way, I am glad.

We got our new washer and dryer today. I keep standing down there watching it. We got the DUETs from Whirlpool and since they were show washers, we got them well...almost free for the most part. I am actually looking forward to doing laundry tomorrow.

Andrew got into Central Michigan and is also the recipient of their Elite Scholars scholarship, which is a renewable $3000 scholarship as long as he maintains good grades. He was excited about that as we were. Still haven't heard from those darn Spartans in East Lansing! Tomorrow he is re-taking the ACT so we have to get up early.

Still no ornaments on our tree. We have the Freund side of the family Christmas tomorrow. Still need to buy 4 $20 gifts for that. I really want to get the Chia head for the fun of it.

Again, nipple is U-G-L -Y

M

A bit grinchy, I am

Bah humbug. I can not get into the Christmas spirit. My tree is up with the lights on but I still have not put the ornaments on yet. I have a pre-lit tree and only one strand of lights worked. So instead of trying to fix them, I went to Wally World and bought 5 new strands and wallah, it looks great! : ) No one else seems to mind. We were talking at work about how the older the kids get the less they care about things like decorating the tree. I've done no shopping--well, we got Josh his snowboarding clothes already--which he is already wearing--and that is it. UGH. Last year, I was all about Christmas. Now, I just can't get as excited. Maybe it is because work continues to be so stressful--not necessarily bad stress--but just a lot of work.

New nipple comes Friday. Not even thinking about it really. I also see Dr. Kalinowski next week for a breast exam. Then March for scary scary tests.

On the good news, my friend at work, whose tumor might have grown a bit last scan, has since learned that the tumor is shrinking now. Isn't that awesome! I am so happy for her. What a gift she has been given...we celebrate three months of reprieve between tests.

We are getting a new front door. Much to our dismay, we didn't realize our 1898 built house needs a non-standard door, tripling the price! Not what we were hoping for. But we really need the new door, plus a new storm door. Our front door is super tall. Who knew? : )

Do I even need to tell you how awesome WICKED was? If you have not seen it, it is worth it if you like musicals. I really would love to take Josh and Jim in to see it. It was very funny too and I loved how it connected the dots with Wizard of Oz.

Still no word from Michigan State or CMU for Andrew. At least State's website tells us the status--I think I really need to call CMU. We need to do some college visits soon.

We are all still coughing around here. It's nice I don't think CANCER all the time but it still weighs on you.

I want a snow day. Or better yet, a blizzard. I know I am nuts but significant snow lowers my blood pressure. Really. I really think it does.

Mucho love to you all. Check in if all is well. Sorry for lack of blogging. I will be sure to write lots over break.

Molly

Fast words for you.

Last year I was all about UP pictures. Didn't take any this year. It was the year of puking and small bucks but was also fun. Everyone got the coughs and then the stomach flu for a few...Josh is still hacking up his lungs and Andrew is starting. So far, I am avoiding it. I did get my flu shot so I am happy about that.

Tomorrow is Wicked. Kids are excited. I sure hope we are ready!

Three more women joined the ACC/breast site. It's been about one a week this past month. CRAZY.

Gotta run. My kids are driving me nutso!!!!!!

Molly

For Karen.

Since there is a new "sister" in this ACC fight, I thought I would save her some time reading through my numerous, lengthy, sometimes stuid, sometimes whiny, posts and just write some facts about ACC as I know them. So Karen, here it is in a nutshell.

ACC in the breast has a way better prognosis than ACC in the salivary gland. Do not get the two confused.

The reason, doctors say, is because the chances of getting clear margins in the breast are way better than in the neck area. The most important thing as they get all of the tumor. My tumor was so big that I had to had a mastectomy.

PET/CT scans are the best way to see if it has spread. However, PET scans don't pick up slow growing cancers very easily so the CT is important.

I was never told the GRADE of my tumor. I would ask if you can. Stage is interesting--just basically goes on size to tell you the truth.

It isn't likely that your tumor has gone to the lymph nodes but I still recommend a sentinel node biopsy.

I was going to have a lumpectomy but when they couldn't get clear margins I had the mastectomy. I 100 percent recommend the mastectomy--radiation might work but getting the tumor out is the only way to go.

I "googled" "adenoid cystic carcinoma of the breast" at least 2938597934 times. I learned a lot. Much of it very positive. But there are no guarantees with ANY cancer. But the odds are better with this cancer for the most part.

Chemo does NOT work on this cancer and if you have a doctor who tells you otherwise, ASK for the research that shows that it works. There is none. Chemo is nothing to take lightly.

My biggest fear is lung mets. That is where the cancer will typically spread. Most likely, it hasn't. So far, my lungs are clear.

I see my onco every six months.

More later.

molly

Another ACC 'r

I just got an email from my rare cancer forum and there is a new member who is 43 and was just diagnosed. I know how scared she is and wish i could make it go away. I hope she visits my blog so she can see that there is life during and after cancer and it is going to be ok.

Having said that, yeh, I still worry. A new thing for me though is to not obsess over physical changes. i have had this ear ache for ever, and now I get minor spells of dizziness when I turn my head...so I have decided I have some sort of fluid in my ear. Good enough for me.

Jim got his new (used) car yesterday. Its a black Yukon XL which is very similar to his other car, just younger and nicer. He seems happy and i like how slippery the seats are and how clean it is. Nice thing about totaling your car--you get a new, clean one! : )

Kalamazoo College is coming to school Monday to talk to Andrew and another senior football player about their program. The coach said that there are 13 football players that also play baseball so that has gotten Andrew's attention. K-college is 30K a year so this will be an interesting conversation! : )

That's all for now!

Molly

Settling.

We did survive last week's car issues and already have a settlement on Jim's car. We felt it was fair based on all my research and on Monday, the money should be deposited in our checking account. We have our buddy Tim looking for either a Yukon XL or Suburban for us...my only requirement is a DVD player--we seem to take long trips in it so that would be nice. Even so, we could always just buy personal DVD players for the kids.

Discussions in our household have turned to who is going to the UP with whom. Right now, the plan is that Josh will drive up with Uncle Johnny and his boys the Friday before Thanksgiving. I am worried about his missing his math class, but he swears he has it under control. Then, on Tuesday, Andrew will drive up with Chris and Tate, after the boys are done with basketball. As of now, Aida and the kids are driving up on Tuesday--brave Aida--and then Jim, Danny, myself and Shady will come up Wednesday. I am not sure what Matt and Brooke are doing--they may even go with us on Wednesday. Not sure if Chase is going. Aunt Pam is not going this year--she is on call--so that is a major bummer. Ginger loves having us all up there--and as you all know, I love it too!!!

Danny nominated Andrew for the Moose Krause Scholar Athlete award for football this year. The nominees come mainly from Indiana I think. It's quite an honor to win it, but most kids who win it have a near perfect gpa....the award focuses more on academic achievements than athletic. I guess there is a really nice dinner with a good speaker that Andrew will be invited to attend. Regardless of if he wins, it is nice that Danny did this for him.

Josh learned to cook French toast this morning. The house is smoky right now! : ) He liked it though. Just one more thing to add to his cooking repertoire. Andrew still can't cook much of anything but today he did prove to me he knows how to run the dryer. (this is not as easy as it sounds in our house--the on/off knob is broken so he has to use pliers to turn the machine on!)

Andrew's dead week(s) are over as basketball tryouts start this week. Josh has another story due for the Niles Daily Star so life stays busy.

Must go finish laundry.

M.

BOOM. TWICE BOOM.

WOW. Just when life gets smooth and maybe even mundane, BOOM! Bambi's large overgrown father decides to slam into Molly's car, causing $3200 worth of damage--and get this--three days later the love of my life TOTALS our Suburban.

Yup, Friday night, coming home from my mom's surgery I hit a deer--well actually, it hit me. I couldn't even get out of my car to see the damage--but a man at the gas station that I was able to drive to--said "man, your car is messed up! And you should see all the fur!" So, yesterday, I spend all day on the phone with my insurance company but do get an estimate for fixing it--a nice $3200.

And then tonight, Jim is on his way to job number 2, coaching little 7th graders in basketball, and a truck slams into him in an intersection. The SUV is totaled--he is ok--but somehow, he ended up with the ticket. When he called me to tell me he said that the guy that hit him told him he (jim) ran a red light--honestly, I think he was stunned as all the airbags went off--and then the cop told him that since he wasn't there, and jim wasn't sure what happened jim ends up with the ticket....needless to say, we are going to fight it, as the more Jim reviewed it in his head, he thinks there is no way it happened the way the guy said. The guy also ran to Jim first, saying he was ok, and "the light was red, buddy" to Jim...almost like he was convincing Jim of it. Then, the guy let the ambulance take him away. All Jim worried about was his basketball players. Poor Jim. If you know him, he HATES conflict and is the nicest man on Earth, so he would never argue with anyone...but now he is pretty upset. So. Didn't our day just suck. But thank heavens, he is ok, and so is the other man.

To make matters worse, my mom is really struggling with her surgery. The surgery was supposed to take 2-4 hours and took 5--then when she was in recovery, she was filled with all kinds of fluid and it caused her all kinds of problems that were near life threatening. Once she overcame that obstacle, she was ok for one day, but then started vomiting so much they took her off all liquids (she hadn't even started food yet) and now she has an NG tube to keep emptying her stomach of the bile her gallbladder is sending it. Oh yeh, in the surgery, they found that she has lots of gallstones but her surgeon decided not to take it out as the surgery was already so extensive. So that sucks too. I don't even want to call her because she is so grumpy.

Again, we are all alive but gosh, what a few days it has been. We still have to figure out cars to drive--thank goodness for great family members.

Maybe tomorrow i will have something nice to say.

Molly

Another rare cancer.

My pal Debbie's cousin was DX'd with a rare "phyllode's tumor" breast cancer this week. Very similar to mine in that it is really, really rare and doesn't respond to chemo. "Cure" (and I use that term with hope and reality) is surgery. What is in the water here in Niles? She was diagnosed at Lakeland and for them to diagnose two really rare cancers must have had them talking the the lab! Today was her surgery I think...a lumpectomy so far. I hope all went well.

Jim is at basketball practice for his 7th graders. He is such a good guy. Took work off to get to his game on time but then the game got canceled. Lucky me, he had time to clean the house though!
He could have easily canceled practice but he's such a work horse. Last week a couple of his baseball players from way back at Howard Little league wanted to know when he would start working out with them again...he just loves coaching.

Still have not heard from MSU for Andrew. Nor CMU.

This week and next are "dead weeks" for high school so Andrew actually has some nights off. Josh got a detention today,which he deserved. If I was his teacher he would drive me nuts i think. Talks too much and likes to negotiate everything. But gosh, he sure brings a smile to my face when I see him.

John and Crazy Mil are back in the UP until after Thanksgiving. I will try not to talk so much about my love for the Up this coming season. But I am excited.

tomorrow my mom is having her colostomy reversal...she will be in the hospital for about 5 days. I am going up after lunch tomorrow.

Nice chatting with you--
molly

Life is going well.

Hi! The sounds of ping pong balls are pinging throughout my house. Jim's buddy Rick is over and Connor, the kid's cousin, plus Kait. Notre Dame football is on, the house is fairly clean and I cleaned the freezer I think for the first time since we owned this freezer. Josh is getting ready to go on a "double date" to the Haunted House. Josh still does not want his driver's license. Isn't that strange? He could have it since he is 16.

The first marking period is over here for the kids and both could have done better...I hate B+'s--I know that sounds strange, but for the most part, my kids don't work that hard and both boys said they could get better grades if they wanted to....arggh. Andrew is just making it in AP Psych. Luckily both kids are still on the honor roll but I wish they would work harder.

Check out this link of the photography studio where Andrew had his pictures taken.

http://harringtonpix.com

Then go the BLOG and scroll down until you see him.

Andrew did learn he was accepted at Western Michigan University as well as GVSU, but we are still waiting on Central Michigan and Michigan State. Then it is visit time.

Andrew also learned this week that he made All-Conference as a quarterback. He was disappointed that it was only honorable mention but there are two really good quarterbacks in his conference--both going D-1--so I am proud of him.

My mom is having surgery this Friday to reattach her colostomy "stuff." She will be in the hospital for 4 days...I am going to take Friday off I think. I have not missed any school this year and should sit with my dad as he gets pretty nervous about the surgery. My mom's pet/ct were clear-no hot spots so the chemo worked. She is getting stronger everyday.

Debbie F had her implant placed this week and is doing very well. Good for her.

thanks for visiting!..

Molly

The Village Idiot

Kinda crazy that it has been two weeks since I last blogged. Amazing! I was taking a shower last night and realized that I had not thought of cancer ONCE the entire day. That is a first.

Football is over for Andrew and I am so pleased he had such a successful season. For someone who wasn't going to play to someone who played just about every down on both sides of the ball, I am so proud of his attitude-- he went into the season with no expectations of any playing time but believed in himself and ended up having a great time. I am very proud of him not for scoring touchdowns and making great passes, but for not giving up.

Andrew has also learned that he has been accepted at Grand Valley. We were looking over dorm options just to get a sense of what is out there. We are waiting mainly for Michigan State now--I am pretty confident he will get accepted at WMU and CMU so once we know all, we will do some visits. He thinks I want him to go to Michigan State--I do think it is a really neat campus--but want him to go where he wants. He keeps wondering where all his friends are going--I do not want him to make a decision based on that. Luckily, all four are decent teaching colleges.

I can't remember if I told you that I am scheduled to "build" my nipple on December 12. Dr. M still wants the tattooed area to "settle"--it looks settled to me--so we wait. I am also supposed to see Dr. Nancy soon--I probably should call.

How about those wonderful snowflakes last night? Andrew is already thinking snow days.

My Joshie had his first article published in the Niles Daily Star. He did a great job--he is my natural writer, where Andrew is creative as heck, but thinks commas are optional! Josh did such a good job and had so many compliments. He has decided he wants to be a journalist--will probably end up majoring in English just like I did. He loves to talk about theme and symbolism and all kind of literary things.

One last thing I must confess to ONCE AGAIN make you realize that you are not that big of an idiot. I, Molly Elizabeth Holdship Brawley have that covered. As you know, I had the fiasco with my electricity but have things completely under control, even paying bills EARLY. One really hectic morning the first week of October I knew I needed to get Andrew a class t-shirt but had no cash or checks in my purse so I quick grabbed a new set of checks from the stack and off I went. Paid for Andrew's shirt, a fundraiser for three different thing at NHS, Josh's lunches, y dental deductable, etc. RARELY do I write checks but wrote 12 from October 1 thru Oct 15. Oct 16 my dentist calls to tell me my checked bounced. NO WAY. I had lots of money in my checking account for once...I knew there had to be a bank error. I was armed with all my statements and my meanest voice ever when I called........

Yup, I had grabbed a check book that was from a closed account. ARGGGHHHHH!

Someday, I will have my act together. Just think, they put me in charge of YOUR CHILDREN!

Molly

A Fabulous Group of People

This is the staff at Niles High School. We wore our breast cancer t-shirts for THINK PINK week.

A plethora of nothingness,,,, again.

Lazy day. We didn't even have dinner tonight. And of course I am hungry now! Will have to check out the pantry.

Niles lost again last night but had a really good showing against Lakeshore--even though Lakeshore is claiming they put in their second string the whole time. Ah well...Andrew played well, no serious injuries on our team. One of Andrew's summer baseball teammates from Lakeshore may have torn his ACL though. Not good, I hate to see any athlete get hurt.

I met with Dr. M this week and I will be having the sewn nipple procedure in December. We decided the tattoo is good enough. It is an in office procedure so I assume will be fairly easy.

Today and yesterday I have had some of those weird lightening bolt burns in my implant boob. It really reminds me of the day I found my lump. I think early next week I will call Dr.Nancy. I am supposed to go in soon anyway, and i think I will request an MRI. The pain comes and goes more than it did on that fateful day but it is still bothersome. there are other things it could be...fluids...nerve endings, etc...but the pain is so familiar.

I missed my friend Cindy''s birthday party last night. I need to call her and get her a card!

What else. Andrew's still waiting to hear on some college apps..he still has a few more to apply to and is retaking the ACT this coming weekend. His ACT is decent but may hurt him in some cases. I am worried about it way more than he is. He still just wants to be a senior. i guess I should let him for now.

going to go sniff for food. Love to you all. Don't forget to click on my ads up there! It is an easy way to earn money!

Molly

Here are two more pictures of Andrew. Click on them to see them better. I am a dork and can't fix them!

220 kids headed to Wicked!

What a wonderful weekend...could it be any prettier out? How great it is to see the leaves changing but also have 80 degree temps!

I have a doctor's appointment this week with my plastic surgeon. Not sure what he will be doing since it is just a 15 minute appointment--I think. I know we have to darken the areola again, and then talk about actually sewing the nipple part. Probably another wasted drive, but as Ginger says, it's a lunch out! : )

The Vikes won Friday night so that was a great start to this weekend. The mood is always so much brighter when we win. We always eat breakfast with Danny and Aida and our kids on Sundays during football season--the nice thing about it is by Sunday, everyone is looking forward to the next game. We have the Lakeshore Lancers coming to town next week. Andrew played baseball with about 5 starters on their team, including their quarterback, so it will be fun to see them again. They are a fabulous football team so we will have to be perfect to beat them. Stranger things have happened that is for sure!

The other fantastic news this weekend was the surprise we got to tell the senior class on Friday. Lonnie Ali has always wanted to do something special for Asaad's class since he was a freshman here and we have finally put something together. She wanted it to be something cultural and memorable for every child, regardless of means. So, she and Muhammad will be sending the entire senior class to Chicago by charter bus to see the Broadway play Wicked. We will first eat lunch at The Hard Rock Cafe--Chicago and then head to the play. All expenses paid by the Ali's.

You can imagine the reaction we got when we told the seniors on Friday. The best part for me was seeing every child, from every walk of life, excited about it. We are going December 3, and thanks to Signal Travel in Niles, we (NHS) don't have to worry about all the arrangements, as they agreed to take care of it for free. Of course, we still have a lot of logistics to do, permission slips, bus assignments, preparing the kids to dress appropriately, etc. but that is all fun stuff. Can you tell I am excited too? Just another reason I love Lonnie and Muhammad.

I spent all afternoon paying bills. Not fun, but a good feeling when we actually have money left over! We ate a LOT this weekend and it wasn't cheap.

Andrew's senior pix are done...I should be able to pick them up this week. I plan to scan some so you all can see.

Much love to you all--please don't forget this is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Wear pink and BE HAPPY!

Molly

Stephanie's decision

As I mentioned, Stephanie is another ACC/breast sister who was diagnosed this summer. She lives in Port Huron. Stephanie had a bilateral mastectomy because there were issues in her non-cancerous breast that I am unsure of, but regardless, she got to have both off. (I say "got to" because if Dr. Ansari had recommended it, I would have too!) Anyway, the problem is this...
Some of her doctors are recommending chemo. I know all of you who have read this blog know that this goes against everything I have learned, and what my doctors have told me. But I so understand why she is second guessing herself...she IS leaning to no chemo, but because she was aggressive in having both breasts off she feels she might regret not having chemo. Kristina left her a wonderfully informative message on her blog (the wonders of the internet!!!!!!!) so I hope that helps and I hope that no matter what she decides, she finds peace with it. I still think about not having chemo and wishing I could have but still remember Dr. M and Dr. Nancy saying "NO! you do not want chemo". There is also another bc sister on another listserv who got leukemia from her chemo, which I did not know could happen. Scary stuff. Anyway, pray for Stephanie to make a good decision for HER.

Josh is really enjoying the homecoming festivities this year. He worked on the float a lot, and is MR. Competitive in all the dress up days. Today he dressed as Sleepy, for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs....Andrew hasn't done much...he's sooooo exhausted from football...more so than any year. He is playing quarterback still but is also going to play corner tomorrow night, so that means another game of non-stop play. But he loves it. And this was a kid who in early August wasn't sure he was even going to play. This weekend I am giving Kait some money to take Andrew shopping because if he wears gold Niles baseball/basketball/football shorts (he has like 10 pair) one more day I think I will scream. For one thing, the shorts are too short so he looks goofy and no matter what t-shirt he wears, nothing matches. Kait will be his fashion consultant! :)

My job has been crazy. I swear you couldn't make up half the stuff that we see in our offices. We really have the BEST kids, but we also have some nutty situations we deal with. Did I ever tell you about the girl who thought she was a vampire? That was like my first year as an admin. She would actually try to bite people. You'll be glad to know she has since graduated and outgrew her vampire stage.

I think i will watch the debates tonight. I'm not Miss Politics but like to stay informed. I also want to be able to understand the pundits!

I hope every is doing well out there. I am up to $70 some dollars all thanks to you clicking on my ads--so thank you for clicking away!

Molly

Fall is here I think.

This will be a quick post.

Suddenly getting hit with the reality that Andrew needs to apply to colleges. We have determined that he will apply to Central, Western, Michigan State, and Grand Valley. He is re-taking the ACT in October but I think he will still be ok for Central and Western with his current score. I am glad his College Writing class required him to write college essays as what he wrote will cover most of the essays of these schools. It gives him a good start on the tough part of the apps...the online part is really rather easy. Especially since I can look it over before he sends it in!

Still coughing. It is homecoming week at NHS. And of course the cold bad weather decides to hit. Tomorrow night is the Powderpuff game and then Friday is pep rally, parade, game and dance. We have lost our last two games and it has been quite sad in our house.

Just wanted to mention that today is our angel Ava Christine's birthday. Ava continues to hold a special place in my heart as an everyday reminder to love all children and to appreciate all that we hold dear to us. Happy Heavenly Birthday Ava, you will never, ever be forgotten.

ok, must go cough some more.

Love to you all!

Molly

Poop. The Vikes lose a tough tough one

What a downer last night was. We lost 20-16 to Marshall, which in any other year would have been a decent showing but we were up 16-0 going into the 4th quarter. This is one of those losses that is hard to shake...three touchdowns were called back, and two of them were horrible, film proven, mistakes by the refs. You just sit there and think "what if". The problem being married to a coach and in a family of coaches is that I KNOW what this loss means--most likely our playoff chances are done. It will take a hellacious effort for us to beat two of the three games vs. Lakeshore, St. Joe and Portage Northern. ARGHHKK...I don't want to even think about it. Andrew again had to play both offense and defense and against a physical team like Marshall, I think the kids playing both ways got tired and I know it affected Andrew. He is walking like a 90 year old man today. But you know, it isn't all that serious and as teenagers always do, we will recover!

I have been in bed almost all day because I definitely have a terrible chest/throat infection. i am coughing like crazy--sweating--blowing my nose--uck. I think Andrew is getting better as is Josh. Josh came home from school early on Friday and slept all day. Jim is the only one that doesn't have it.

Still upset about Valerie. And wondering about Stephanie, whose doctor is recommending chemo. Just curious about her path report--makes me think she has some other mixture of wierd cells in her tumor.

I need to take a shower. My cold sweat is beginning to be annoying.

Molly

Valerie's ACC is back.

Valerie is an ACC/breast survivor I met online. She was diagnosed a little bit after I was and had a mastectomy with no other treatment. Just this last week she went to see her surgeon about a cyst on her back and he noticed two small lumps in an area above the mastectomy site. They were painful. Yup, her ACC is back. Her news sent me reeling into reality. This is cancer we are talking about and no matter what my attitude is, no matter what my tests reveal, etc., it still could come back. Valerie has had such great attitude--never once worried out loud to me anyway--and went about her life. She did go visit Dr. Helen Chew who is supposedly the ACC/breast guru on the West coast when she was first diagnosed. Dr. Chew said she was good to go.

The good news is the prelim MRI's are showing those two lumps only so I think it just means more surgery for her. I don't think she had reconstruction. Sigh. And I was feeling so good!

Going to run up to watch the love of my life coach. Such a good wife I am!

M

Day TWO of no school. Mike I, read this.

Day Two of no school. There is a dam on the north side of Niles that the authorities were concerned may break..it was built in the early 1920's and they are not sure how much she can hold. Well, here it is the afternoon and she is ok...thank goodness. I got an email from my superintendent and we have re-routed some buses so we WILL have school tomorrow. Goodness. Two days off already. Andrew is thrilled because as a senior he doesn't have to make up any days --just in case we get many snow days. I think we have enough time to have 4-5 snow days...and rain days I guess!

Mike I--I have been meaning to tell you this for about a month! Every year the Daily Star does a BEST...restaurant, doctor, hair salon, etc. This year they had BEST teacher and you were nominated! I thought that was so cool. There were about 10 nominations...I was flattered to be nominated too..along with Jenny Nate...but I just thought it was neat that someone who had moved away was nominated. Someone is still thinking about you!( Because Danny B was also nominated for BEST COACH, I think Ginger probably did all the nominating of us Brawleys. : )

Took the kids to Hacienda for lunch. Why I even order any food is beyond me...I usually eat all the chips. The area where the restaurant is was under a no boil order because of the water and we first got our pop and it was awful...when we asked why, she said it was from a 2 liter. Now for most of you, this is no big deal, but those of you who know me well, know my vice is my Diet Pepsi (or Coke) fountain pop. It has to be fountain pop. I don't like cans, or bottles. Luckily, she said, they were just trying to use up the 2 liters but that the fountain pop was working. Such trauma for me.

My kids are obsessed with ping pong. Jim is supposedly getting a ping pong table from a friend and we are going to put it in our...well kitchen/family room area. It will look ridiculous but Andrew is only here for another year, and I really don't care, so what the heck? Cancer allows us to do silly things like put a ping pong table in the middle of the family room and kitchen.

Both Andrew and Josh have awful colds or snotty heads...not sure what it is, but I am becoming OCD with my Bath and Body Work antibacterial hand serum....ugh. Andrew was up all night and is much worse than Josh. They both slept in so that should help a little.

Not much else to say. Love to you all!

Molly

Where is the Ark?

HI HI HI HI HI!

Today was a "no day", not a "snow day" of school. Niles sits in two counties and one of the counties, Cass, was flooded so badly that the road commissioners said that they would not allow buses to travel their roads...thus, we were canceled today. I normally love snow days, but mentally didn't really need the day off...mid-week cancellations are the best, but I guess I shouldn't complain. The rain was insane this weekend. Both kids decided not to go to the Notre Dame game, that was how bad it was!

Slept in 'til 8 AM and continued trying to dry out our basement. I know we aren't any worse off than some people, but our basement smells wet, looks wet, and IS wet. I hate going down there but laundry must be done. Tonight when Jim gets home from work we will continue to try to dry things out. We have a carpet remnant near the machines that is soaking wet. Our two dehumidifiers are working overtime! I can imagine the bacteria and mold growing down there. Maybe I need to wear a mask?

I must say that I am very happy and calm these days. Hardly thinking about cancer...I am still wheezing a little bit...but so is Andrew so I think we are just suffering from allergies. I am just happy and pretty much ignoring anything physical --LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!

My bc sister Stephanie had to have her tissue expanders removed because she wasn't healing. Gosh, that would have been terrible. It's hard to believe that I am over a year away...was home on mastectomy leave this time last year...wow, it went fast. Steph, I bet healing goes much better this time. Keep up the good work.

Kristina, I am so jealous you went to Europe! Congrats girl!

What else? The Vikes won another game last Friday--against my alma mater, Kalamazoo Central. We played very well offensively and seemed pretty confident. But, once again, another team awaits us--Marshall--and they are always really good and physical. Andrew is at practice as we speak. Sports must continue despite flooding, of course.

Today was a great day. I am so happy I am off the worry kick, even if I know it is short lived.

TTFN.

Molly

Don't ever forget.

Well hello there...

Long time. Doing well. Still no phone call from Dr. A so I am not really thinking about it. I still have allergies though...Andrew is suffering from the same thing I am.

I am loving the cooler weather. Hard to believe as I am a summer lover, but it has been too hot at school and getting ready in the morning brings me what feels like hot flashes. This is tough time of year to figure out what to wear. Cold in the morning, hot by afternoon.

Today I got in a physical altercation with our copier machine at work. Somehow I became the goddess of all printing and had to print 1400 letters to parents about how to access grades on line. That in itself takes time because I have to watch the letters come off the printer or they fly all over the place! The BAD part of it today was the order before mine kept jamming and after 7 times of sticking my hands in to get the flippin' jams out , I posted a big sign on the thing that read "I am EVIL." But of course, Marcia, my secretary fixed it all and I calmed down. I think the whole process took about two hours. Not the best use of my time.

Today is 9/11. I always pause on this day as I do NOT want any of us to forget about this day. I know we all remember what we were doing and where we were.

Jim is in Kalamazoo coaching and Josh is at home driving me nuts. Right now he is taking a straw and putting it under his armpit, and then running to the bathroom, slamming the door, and making awful noises. He is also filming this on a digital camera. Why are boys so silly??? Andrew is at practice and team dinner...not sure what Josh and I are going to have. Now Josh is taking Combo pretzels and putting a straw through th cheesy part of the combo... so he has a "combo tree."

Not much else to say, believe it or not. Looking forward to the weekend but always seem to have growing piles of laundry.

Check those boobies out tonight if you haven't in awhile.

M.

No news is good news...I hope

Hello--Well, no phone call from Dr. A's office. He said they would call if it was anything to be concerned about. No call. Hopefully, they have the report and found no reason to call. I started to second guess myself about what he said to me...I know he told me to call on Friday if I wanted...otherwise, I wouldn't hear from them unless there was something to be concerned about. So I took that to mean they would call me on Friday. But maybe they are waiting until Monday? See, that is how my brain works. But yesterday, I was ok until I started playing things over in my head. I did NOT want to call..I literally FREEZE when I am waiting for results. So I am going on the assumption that all is well. My sister said Dr. A probably saw the results himself since the xray was in his office so she thinks I for sure would have heard by now.

So today I am buying a new purse. My second NED (no evidence of disease)purse. I need to get a fall Vera Bradley...my summer one...well, I used it every single day and it is getting ugly from dirt...yes, I did wash it...but the purse getting dirty is a great reason to get a new one don't you think?

I did not see Stand up for Cancer last night on TV but heard it was great. It is about time we did something like that. I am not insensitive to the AIDS dilemma but have always felt, even before I was diagnosed that CANCER should also have the same fund raising efforts on such a celebrity scale. I hope it went well. On a sad note, a fellow BC sister on my Yahoo list group died this week. She was 42. They posted her obit on the list serv and I about freaked when I saw her...she looked JUST LIKE ME. Dark curly hair, a bit on the larger size. Plus she was triple negative. She didn't have ACC, and her mets came exactly one year after her diagnosis. Triple Negative is a very serious breast cancer. I am triple negative but all ACC is but it is still considered a slow growing cancer...most triple negative breast cancer is aggressive.

Andrew won last night! He had a great game personally, but got a 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty! so not like Andrew. I was actually proud that he showed some emotion. Not much rattle him. Supposedly what happened is a kid tackled him and said "take that! In fact, you are gonna be takin' it all night long"--the kid was in his face, spitting etc. So Andrew said, with his arms open, "well, you'd better start now 'cause it's 6 -0 already." Well, the ref saw and heard that part, but not the other. (I still think Andrew must have dropped the F bomb but was too embarrassed to tell me) We ended up winning 34-0. They took Andrew out when it was 28-0 but he finished with a touchdown, and two touchdown passes. So a good night. (next week will be much tougher so trust me, I need to brag when I can)

We are not doing much today except cleaning...all the mess we haven't touched all week. The bathrooms are disgusting. We have this awful rusty water and it is really ticking me off with my new white tiled showers. the bathroom is less than three years old but it looks 20 years old with the tile. YUCK. Any good products out there? We do soften our water with rust salt.

Today is the first Notre Dame game...we will watch that. I don't think Andrew is going. He likes going but also likes watching the game in the comfort of his own home. I can't stand the crowds...but man, ND fans are loyal! Anyway, I hope the Irish kick some butt today.

TTFN...like I said, no news is good news. That's what I keep praying for anyway.

Molly

A good report....but.......

I am going to try to be detailed here because this post will be one that I will probably refer to as I continue this cancer journey. Especially if everything turns out okay.

Today I had a 6 month check up with Dr. Ansari, my oncologist. Everything was fine--I will say that so you don't worry as you read this--BUT, because of my annoying cough, he decided to do a chest x-ray. I will not know my results until tomorrow. Ok...now that I got that out there you know my frame of mind. Feeling really good about the visit but worried about the chest ray results.

So I get there and I first have blood work. Easy. Then I ended up waiting quite awhile to see Dr. Ansari. While I was waiting for him in the patient room, I freaked myself out for a moment because the nurse had the computer screen turned on...I immediately thought he was going to show me something in my breast MRI, when actually, she was just typing in data. I didn't remember the computer screen thingy being in the other rooms I was in so my mind assumed I was in the "I have bad news" room. Silly.

So I waited some more. I could hear Dr. A with a patient next to me...I knew he was a new patient as I heard him make introductions. I figured the poor guy needed lots of time so I certainly wasn't upset or anything. Finally, Dr. A came in and said hello, and started reading my charts, etc. He ALWAYS stops at the letter from Dr. Wolf, my ENT at U of M, and makes mention of it. (Like it is the first time we have ever talked about the letter that is almost a year old). Anyway, then he finds my MRI report and says "normal" so that is good. Then he says he needs to examine me and "'when we are done we will talk." His exam was basically a pat down through my clothes and all over my neck and shoulders...I don't know what he was feeling for (I don't mean to suggest there was anything inappropriate about it..it was just weird) When he was done, I asked him to double check my neck area and explained how bad it always hurt and he said anything that was hurting me was related to my schwannoma removal in 2001...I asked him if there was any research to show ACC breast metting (my shortened word for metasticizing) to neck and he said NONE. (which I have found as well but it was nice to hear it from him) He then said 'but we will do a PET/CT in 6 months, not for the cancer but because Dr. Wolf wants to see if the schwannoma has returned. So that was something I didn't expect him to say.

Then he sat back and said "so how are you doing?" I said "physically, I think I am doing well, but HOW IN THE HECK DO I DEAL WITH ALL THE WORRY OVER EVERY LITTLE SYMPTOM???? I explained how I thought I had liver cancer, (he smiled) how I thought my neck was filled with ACC, and now that I have had a minor cough for three weeks, i thought I had lung cancer. As soon as I mentioned that, he said "then we do a routine chest xray. that is easy" He knew I was very nervous about it but obviously, it is the thing to do since chest xrays are no big deal in terms of cost or radiation. He said " we do today. i will only call you if there is an issue. But you can call tomorrow if you want." (he knows me!) He then talked to me for about 15 minutes about how normal I am, that most of his patients feel good every week prior to visits with him except to the week just prior, and how good they feel when they leave him. (that is me to a T) He was very understanding and said that in time, it will get easier. I pointed out that my cancer comes back YEARS later and he said "do not confuse ACC/breast with ACC elsewhere. They are two different things. With ACC/breast you are "surgically cured" as you had clear margins" (that was nice to hear too, but i know better but will hang my hat on it after tomorrow's results!) I then told him I thought I should see him every 4 months and he smiled and said "you call me whenever you want, but I do not need to see you every 4 months. " He explained that it simply wasn't necessary and that it could cause me more anxiety than I already am having, He did say "I would never refuse to see you". I then said "well, it sounds like I am more worried than you are." And he said "I am not worried." So that was that.

I did have my chest xray right there...after it was done, the tech was calling the place I had my previous xray so i am guessing that that is routine, OR, he saw something, which easily could be that granuloma. That freaked me out a bit but I am just hopeful it was routine and that they just want to double check on the granuloma. It just has to be normal. Oh, by the way, after I told him that part of my problem with worry was not trusting him (as i don't see him very often) he said he would ALWAYS tell me the truth and never hides anything. I assumed that to be true but it was nice he verbalized it.

The other slightly interesting thing was that in March, I WILL have a bilateral mammogram. I didn't think they did that with implants but they do. So I have that a few days after my PET/CT, and then I will see him again somewhere around March 10. Gosh, it will be so nice to go through Christmas without doctor's appointments to worry about.

So as I type this, I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest. It could be worry, or my jalapeno peppers on my sandwich at lunch today...or maybe allergies. Or maybe a heart attack. Hopefully it will pass. I am still coughing but I can contribute it to post nasal crap...it certainly isn't awful...and normally, i wouldn't think anything of it....but,,,,,,,,,,,,

ANYWAY. That is my report. I walked into house today after school and literally tip-toed into the room where the answering machine is...no one had called from his office so I feel good about today at least. I will probably die of a heart attack if they call tomorrow. ARGH. Can"t think about that now>

Josh is at the freshman game...Jim is coaching...Andrew went to dinner with the football team at Pete's Patio (YUM!) and I have made pork chops that are simmering with some red potatoes. Glad the rain is here finally...just hope it clears up for tomorrow night's game.

Pray for a clear chest xray for me...it sure can't hurt can it???

MUCHO LOVE to you all!

Molly

Last day of summer

Hi there. It is Sunday night. I quickly posted some pictures from the weekend just to see if I could do it and I can. Weekend was fun, as always. Andrew lost his game...boo...but my Pollyanna attitude was glad 1) we scored (we didn't last year) and 2) no one got hurt. Andrew did fine...the whole team has many things to work on so maybe THIS Friday night will be the night to get our first victory. We play at Sturgis.

What a wonderful weatherwise weekend. Sunny and not too humid. Jim and I hung around at our campsite most of the time--took Shade on a few walks--she is sleeping and will probably sleep for weeks now. Camping wears her out. I think the kids had fun...they are both at the age where I don't worry too much about them when they are out wandering, but the Twin Mills Security people were out in masses which was new for Twin Mills.






Just a few photos from a great weekend. More later.

Nervous mom and annoying cough

Super super quick blog!

It's Friday afternoon and we are home for Andrew's game tonight. Josh and I stayed at the campground last night and weathered a hellacious thunder/lightening storm. WOW. It hit about 5 a.m. and lasted for about 2 hours...everything was soaked outside, but Josh and I were snug as a bug in a rug. When we left to head back to Niles, the sun was coming out and the forecast looks great for the rest of the holiday weekend.

I m very nervous about tonight for Andrew. He seems fine, but Jim keeps sighing heavily. Danny (his uncle and head coach) has called already to go over things. Andrew hung up the phone and said I think he is more nervous than I am. Andrew is starting tonight at quarterback, his first start since his junior varsity season since he broke his arm. Although winning is obviously the goal, I am praying for a fantastic showing by the Vikes, and no injuries.

After the game we will head back to Twin Mills with about 6 extra kids and the dog. Won't pull in until about midnight, but the rest of the weekend is ours.

Oh, by the way, my nipple/areola is fine. Dr. M said it looked great...the stuff on my shirt was ointment, not ink, and many times tattoos do not scab. Moisturizing lotion is all the care I need now. But, in 6 weeks I go back for some secondary color. It is a bit pale, but who cares at this point.

I am battling an annoying cough. Yes of course I think it is a lung met or tumor. But it could be allergies. I keep clearing my throat too. I will definitely mention it to Dr. Ansari on Thursday. Dreading the MRI on Tuesday but won't think about it until Monday night.

The game will refocus my nerves and probably cause me to want to drink. But at least it is just a game, not cancer.

Hugs!

Molly

Revenue. How fun is that?

Howdy. Guess what? I went from $3.08 to over $10 because you are clicking and reading my blog! That just made my day. I should go to the library and click all day to earn money. That would be cheating and I am a rule follower so i guess I can't do that! : ) But continue to click.

So that is exciting. Tonight I went out to where we store our trailer and got a bee stuck in my sandal--ouch! It sent shivers all through me. When I was a kid I was stung by a bee and ended up on crutches for two weeks because of a reaction. That sting was between my toes too. Right now, it just hurts a little but doesn't seem to be swelling. Anyway, I did an inventory of what we needed...I had planned to clean the trailer, but my foot hurt so much and i imagined the poison traveling to my heart and killing me so I came home. HA...but actually, it did cause weird things. But I really am ok.

An expected mother gave me some nursing pads today which is helping me with my tattoo issues. But again, too late today. Ruined another shirt for the day. But I had a vest on and luckily no one could see it.

I met another woman on line who had both a schwanomma and ACC of the trachea. She has made 4 more benign tumors in her body, and so far, for 19 years, she is ACC free. She too was told by her doctor that having a schwanomma and ACC is doubly rare...but her doc agreed we have gene issues. Figures. I guess I can pray that i just make benign tumors? Unfortunately, benign tumors can kill you too...particularly in the brain. Ugh. No more thinking about that.

i am having a hard time sleeping these days. My mind runs 100 miles a minute, and although i am exhausted, I can't turn off the brain. I am not thinking about cancer per se, just a lot of school stuff and Andrew and josh and Shade and Jim...Andrew has his first varsity game Friday night as a starter...you get nervous for your kids...sigh. I hope Niles wins. That would just make it all so great. And for Danny too...talk about pressure!

Tomorrow is take the trailer to Howe, In day. Camping at Twin Mills is a blast. So Jim and I will set it up for the most part, then on Thursday after by doctor's appointment (NIPPLE CHECK!) Josh and I will go back and do all the grocery shopping, etc. I am pretty sure we will come back to Niles Thursday night, although I might try to talk Josh in to staying down there over Thursday night. If I know the weather will be good on Friday, I want to hang at the pool and then come back to Niles in the late afternoon.

The Brawley family will be celebrating cousin Connor's birthday at a tailgate before the game Friday. We always miss his birthday because we are camping so this works well. I sort of dread this football season because I don't get to sit with Jim, as he has to be in the booth thingy watching plays and talking to the coaches on the sidelines. That leaves me to stress about Andrew alone. I do have friends I can sit with of course, but watching without Jim will be hard. He would rather coach though--he gets nervous too.

Not much else to say. Less than a week until MRI's. bluhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That is how i feel about that.

Molly