Sunday, November 11, 2007

We stand corrected.

What is up with my insomnia? I slept until 1:30 p.m. yesterday and 11:30 today. I did go to bed later than normal, but always wake up with the darn dog--who then falls right back to sleep. I am not WIDE awake mind you...just half way between awake and solid sleep...wierd wierd dreams but always sort of knowing that I am still awake? I am not up thinking about cancer...but my mind races and I can't stop thinking about really dumb stuff. Strangely, when this is going on, I am not upset at all...I spend time thinking/dreaming about how lucky I am and how content.

It is just really strange and come morning I can't get up.

A couple things from my last blog that the publishers of this blog must correct: 1) Contrary to what I thought, Andrew "can't stand" my tuna fish casserole. And 2) Rick at 5/6 and 11 actually said we are going to have 84 inches of snow...which is MORE than normal. I think Mike Hoffman of WNDU says that we are having less. I prefer Rick's forecast (sorry, Lonnie, I KNOW you hate snow). As you all know, I LOVE snow.

And hello Kristina! Your new house sounds lovely! And you, as always, sound so upbeat and happy. You are almost at your 1 year "cancerversary" aren't you? If I remember, you were diagnosed in January of '07. Good for you. And still NED (no evidence of disease) right? We LOVE NED!!!

Tuna fish casserole hater wants to get on the computer and I need to do laundry...bbl.

Ok, back to Kristina, our New Jersey friend. The UP stands for the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, where my family has a cabin...well, two, actually. (We used to have three but one burned down and the local PO-LICE thought it was burned down for the funny is that? There was no insurance since it was empty and falling apart. It sits on the 500 acres that everyone hunts on) We all live in the Lower Peninsula, the one that is shaped like a mitten...and the UP is the upper part that Ii like to say is the scarf that goes with the mitten. When most people think if the UP they think of the Mackinac Bridge, which connects the peninsulas together. But for our cabin, it is quicker to go around Chicago, and up through Wisconsin to get to it. It takes about 9 hours...about twelve the other way. That is our geography lesson of the day.

Watched Dr. 90210 today...breast implants. They stuffed those things in like stuffing a turkey. One poor girl was about 23 and already had a bilateral mastectomy...I think her mom died of bc...but her first reconstruction wasn't she had it re-done. Once will be enough for me that is for sure. Rock boob is still standing strong by the way. You could bounce a basketball off of it and rebound right into the hoop the thing is so hard.

I also have a huge blemish under my nose right now. And yes, it did cross my mind that is was ACC of the skin. A girl can't have a normal zit under her nose these days. Zit is an ugly word, just like armpit. My ear is bothering me less and less now, but I have a nagging cough, which I think is related to my constant runny nose. And of course my hip still hurts, but very little pain in the boob area. No expansion this week. Woohoo.

I need some ideas of what to get my lovely offspring for Christmas. Josh wants Direct TV in his bedroom. (my kids have tv's in their rooms for videos but no stations--AGHAST are they!!!) Any ideas for two teenaged boys would be appreciated.

Suzy Homemaker needs to get the potatoes on. Blessings to all of you.


1 comment:

kristina said...

So very sad today. My coworkers husband who was diagnosed with lung cancer the same time as me is in the hospital dying as I write. It has been anguishing to watch her so through this with him, always hoping when he would recover for a short while. Both of us bonding over the ugliness of cancer. I was so upset last night when I got to work and heard I could barely concentrate. My eyes kept welling up and my heart racing. How very different my diagnosis could have gone and that could have been my family at my bedside waiting, watching as I took my last breathes. Cancer is such an ugly, ugly thing stealing into ordinary, everday lives and yanking the rug out from under you permanently changing the course of your life. I held her while she cried and stroked her face and kissed her forehead and let her cry trying to share her burden. But there is no sharing in that kind of burden, there is only loneliness and heartache for her lying there next to her husband watching him be taken from her. I left work last night at around 1am, his prognosis was worsening and they didnt think he would make it to the morning, his lungs filling up with fluid, the pneumonia slowly taking over. I dont have the heart to call the floor this morning to hear the inevitable news that he has passed and to know that Karen's (his wife) grief is beyond the depths of her soul. Her teenage children to watch their mother suffer and lose their father. Such sadness!!! Sorry to be such a downer today but I knew of no other place that would understand so my sadness. We are so fortunate to have survived, yet I feel quilty. I have survivor's guilt, why him and not me. We are both just regular people with loving families. It is all so random, life needs to be grabbed and cherished and held onto, it is so precious. Thank you for listening. Your blog is a gift.

Love to all,