The snow blew sideways last night which concerned Josh--he was convinced it would land in Edwardsburg and we wouldn't get our snow day, but we did...YIPPEE.
However, I must admit I feel a bit cheated of my day of lounging in my jammies, watching day time TV and drinking tea. I had to take Andrew for his MRI and because the roads were so bad we left at 11:00 a.m and didn't get home until 4:00. (of course we had our yummy trip to Olive Garden in there too.)
The whole MRI process took awhile. He first had dye injected in his shoulder area. He said that the area in the shoulder was heavy and a bit sore, but the MRI itself was fine, except he got bored. He did get a wierd rash from the dye on his right forearm, but I think it is gone now. I think he will be like me when it comes to reactions from things--I can't do anything with out a rash, an itch, a pain, a tumor, you know... We will not know the results of the MRI but for ONCE in my life, I predict it will be minor and maybe just resting it will solve it. (the rest period is the problem of course)
I have to tell you a strange story. I belong to a breast cancer support list serv and check it every day. It has been very helpful in terms of my mastectomy and reconstruction process--of course there is no one on there that has ACC/breast but the whole surgery issue is always addressed very well. Unfortunately, we get about 5 new members a week and one woman asked if there was anyone on there close to Grand Rapids. So I answered where I lived etc. Anyway, there is a woman name Mary Ann on there that has posted for a long time, as have I, and it turns out she used to live in Niles! She is the mother of two former NHS student, Jill and Christine Weiss, and after a few emails we realized we knew eachother. What a small world. She, bless her heart, is an 8 year survivor of Inflammatory Breast Cancer, which is a rough one but she is doing great. IBC survivors are such heroes in my mind as the prognosis starts out crappy but I now know TWO people who are already beating the odds. It just makes me proud to be in their same company.
Jim had to go to work this morning and heard on the news that Famous Dave's had burned down. So he calls and tells me, as we both know Josh will go into mourning when he hears the news. Josh had just come into my room when he called so I gave him the news and I will tell you he was more distraught than the day he got my cancer diagnosis. Ok, well, not that bad, but he literally GROANED loud enough to wake Shade from her drug induced stupor. I told him that it really doesn't look all that bad; with the exception of the big blue tarp over it, it looked fine.
Jim had lost almost 15 pounds on my pledge to beat cancer by getting healthy. I haven't started MY plan, but obviously it is working for him. I call it his celery and grapefruit diet,'cause that is all he eats. He DOES have a lot of willpower, damn him.
Kristina and I should be in an advertisement for Mucinex. Actually, I should write them and tell pay me for the free PR they are getting on this site.
Time to go. I have a sniffling 15 year old lurking over my shoulder wanting on the laptop, which he just said should read HIS laptop. JUST FINISH IT he says...MOM!!!! Ok, I'll shut up then he says...
GET OFF!!!!!
The joys of motherhood...
Molly
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
A 2 is uplifting, but who ever knows???
Thanks, Debbie for your blog address. I am having issues with "cookies" for some reason but look forward to reading your journey. I think no matter how we slice it, those of us who have cancer have similar fears, triumphs, sleep issues, family concerns, etc. It really interesting watching the human spirit of cancer survivors. And I am glad Debbie found blogging, as I know how much it helps me.
Today I got an email from Valerie, my ACC breast cancer sister in California. Speaking with ACC/breast people is always interesting since we are so unique. Anyway, she said that her oncologist told her that her chance of recurrance of her cancer on a scale of 1-10 is a 2! Granted, her tumor make up may be different than mine and I know for sure her tumor was smaller (I haven't found one bigger) but it still made me happy. And lately I have re-read the research that ACC/breast does have a more favorable prognosis than other cancers--but, as we all know, the ODDS mean nothing because if it is you, it is 100 percent.
We just had to drug Shade as thunder is coming through. She looks sleepy, but happy. Josh and I are doing a bit better with our stuffy nose issues, but he still looks awful but felt the need to go to Powderpuff volleyball tonight. I fear when the juniors play the freshmen my two will probably break out in a major Brawley brawl. Can't wait to get that phone call.
Jimmy is rubbing my feet right now.
Let's see, Bronson called today for the usual pre-op questions. The nurse read me my previous EKG test results (remember, I was abnormal) and was a bit alarmed because my unusual heart rythm "could not rule out a heart attack.' UH...what? But she called back later and said they looked at the other tests from a few years ago and remembered its just my weird heartbeat. I forgot about that so I too got a little alarmed. I also had to call for all of Andrew's MRI issues tomorrow. Jim will be taking him...which is a first and is very hard for me. (I decided I am needed at work as we have professional development) Anyway, Jim is taking him to Memorial for the MRi and now they are telling me they may not have to sedate him. That would make me feel better. Andrew claims not to be claustrophobic, but how do you know until you are in a tight space? jim's worst fear is all the paperwork. i reviewed our address with him just to be sure. : )
Have you noticed some of my letters are not capitalized? I am using my laptop and the keyboard is whacked. Our family PC got a virus from the internet and is in for repairs. I use this laptop for much of my post-graduate work but Josh uses it a lot too and gets ticked when I want it.
My mom is grumpy again. She is none too happy that she basically can eat only clear broth today because of her colonoscopy tomorrow. She (seriously) said "they are slowly starving me to death."
Not much else to say. Weather looks icy and cold for tonight.
later gaters--
Molly
Today I got an email from Valerie, my ACC breast cancer sister in California. Speaking with ACC/breast people is always interesting since we are so unique. Anyway, she said that her oncologist told her that her chance of recurrance of her cancer on a scale of 1-10 is a 2! Granted, her tumor make up may be different than mine and I know for sure her tumor was smaller (I haven't found one bigger) but it still made me happy. And lately I have re-read the research that ACC/breast does have a more favorable prognosis than other cancers--but, as we all know, the ODDS mean nothing because if it is you, it is 100 percent.
We just had to drug Shade as thunder is coming through. She looks sleepy, but happy. Josh and I are doing a bit better with our stuffy nose issues, but he still looks awful but felt the need to go to Powderpuff volleyball tonight. I fear when the juniors play the freshmen my two will probably break out in a major Brawley brawl. Can't wait to get that phone call.
Jimmy is rubbing my feet right now.
Let's see, Bronson called today for the usual pre-op questions. The nurse read me my previous EKG test results (remember, I was abnormal) and was a bit alarmed because my unusual heart rythm "could not rule out a heart attack.' UH...what? But she called back later and said they looked at the other tests from a few years ago and remembered its just my weird heartbeat. I forgot about that so I too got a little alarmed. I also had to call for all of Andrew's MRI issues tomorrow. Jim will be taking him...which is a first and is very hard for me. (I decided I am needed at work as we have professional development) Anyway, Jim is taking him to Memorial for the MRi and now they are telling me they may not have to sedate him. That would make me feel better. Andrew claims not to be claustrophobic, but how do you know until you are in a tight space? jim's worst fear is all the paperwork. i reviewed our address with him just to be sure. : )
Have you noticed some of my letters are not capitalized? I am using my laptop and the keyboard is whacked. Our family PC got a virus from the internet and is in for repairs. I use this laptop for much of my post-graduate work but Josh uses it a lot too and gets ticked when I want it.
My mom is grumpy again. She is none too happy that she basically can eat only clear broth today because of her colonoscopy tomorrow. She (seriously) said "they are slowly starving me to death."
Not much else to say. Weather looks icy and cold for tonight.
later gaters--
Molly
Monday, January 28, 2008
Thank goodness we have three holes in our face.
If I snort any more mucous I should be shot. Thank goodness I have a mouth or I would be dead of suffocation since the nose isn't working. I did buy some off brand Mucinex that everyone says is good...Josh needs it too. Andrew and Jim run from our sniffling.
Right now I am taking a class on GRADING. As parents, you all probably wonder how teachers come up with grades--well this class really offers food for thought. It talks much about how we as educators give grades more often for effort and behavior rather than student achievement. I think about some students who never did their homework but A'ced every test but couldn't get the A in the class as they didn't hand in their homework. These types of kids drive teachers crazy--they don't play the game and get C's but are probably better in math than the student who hands in his homework but can only get B's on tests. Obviously, there is a lot more to this class than that but I know as a teacher I continue to think about the hoops we make kids jump--mainly because colleges do too! : )
Today was Pajama Day at school and I must say that it was cheery to see such bright colors on those flannel pants.
This is a sad thing to say but Josh had to explain to me about the upcoming tax refund we will all be getting. He knew all about it from Channel One at school. I haven't read a newspaper in awhile...but Mr. Current Events has me up to date.
mbnmn smdnbmbb bmndj mndm bmmbndm . <--- That is what I sound like when I talk.
January flew by, didn't it. March 24 is approaching and then March 31 when I see Ansari again. I am already a wreck about it, even though I don't think I have cancer in my breast or my chest. Still terrified that it is in my bones/back/hip. Heavy sigh. My tailbone is awfully sore but maybe that is from sitting at a 1000 basketball games?
i seriously think I am drowning in no air. Time to drug it up! Love to you all. Don't forget to wash your hands often and check those boobies.
Molly
Right now I am taking a class on GRADING. As parents, you all probably wonder how teachers come up with grades--well this class really offers food for thought. It talks much about how we as educators give grades more often for effort and behavior rather than student achievement. I think about some students who never did their homework but A'ced every test but couldn't get the A in the class as they didn't hand in their homework. These types of kids drive teachers crazy--they don't play the game and get C's but are probably better in math than the student who hands in his homework but can only get B's on tests. Obviously, there is a lot more to this class than that but I know as a teacher I continue to think about the hoops we make kids jump--mainly because colleges do too! : )
Today was Pajama Day at school and I must say that it was cheery to see such bright colors on those flannel pants.
This is a sad thing to say but Josh had to explain to me about the upcoming tax refund we will all be getting. He knew all about it from Channel One at school. I haven't read a newspaper in awhile...but Mr. Current Events has me up to date.
mbnmn smdnbmbb bmndj mndm bmmbndm . <--- That is what I sound like when I talk.
January flew by, didn't it. March 24 is approaching and then March 31 when I see Ansari again. I am already a wreck about it, even though I don't think I have cancer in my breast or my chest. Still terrified that it is in my bones/back/hip. Heavy sigh. My tailbone is awfully sore but maybe that is from sitting at a 1000 basketball games?
i seriously think I am drowning in no air. Time to drug it up! Love to you all. Don't forget to wash your hands often and check those boobies.
Molly
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Another cold, another worry.
It's been a week since I have blogged...I am fighting another cold/sinus and the freezing cold weather makes me just want to curl up in a blanket. Josh is sick too.
My mom's PET scan showed some uptake in her colon so she has to have a colonoscopy on Wednesday. Her surgeon does not really think it is more cancer but he has to be sure so thus the scan. The chemo is now pushed back another week--to the week of my surgery. So Sue and I are making her stay home that day as we don't want her around germs while on chemo. She is doing ok mentally--still having issues with missing all the social things at her retirement village. But I love her positive attitude.
Guess what is coming back? My lovely rash on my shoulder near my expanded boob. It isn't exactly the same spot and hasn't progressed as much but I guess I can believe Dr. T when he says it is stress. A woman on a support site I visit has her two implants placed last week and says they are much more comfortable than the expander. She said it took the surgeon 90 minutes and she left the hospital 2. 5 hours later. I am not really thinking about it much--gotta get Andrew through his MRI on Wednesday. I really feel like his shoulder will be fine; I am just hoping Dr. Balint can give him some suggestions for easing the pain. We are hoping a lot less football throwing will rehabilitate it to its top strength for baseball.
The boys are watching Top Gun. What a great movie in its day. That and An Officer and a Gentleman. : )
I just bought Pillars of the Earth and will be starting it tonight. Betty also brought me a shorter book called the Middle Place about a woman who gets breast cancer and then her dad gets cancer. She said it is very uplifting. Of course i left it at school so it will have to wait. What good books are you all reading now? I love to hear. Last night I finished a trashy Sandra Brown novel but it was good just for an easy read.
Debbie, if you are reading, please send me your blog address. I hear you are doing great.
Not much more to say. Still feeling a little blue about cancer--I wish I could ignore all the aches and pains but every twinge causes worries. it is hard to shake
Keep the faith.
Molly
My mom's PET scan showed some uptake in her colon so she has to have a colonoscopy on Wednesday. Her surgeon does not really think it is more cancer but he has to be sure so thus the scan. The chemo is now pushed back another week--to the week of my surgery. So Sue and I are making her stay home that day as we don't want her around germs while on chemo. She is doing ok mentally--still having issues with missing all the social things at her retirement village. But I love her positive attitude.
Guess what is coming back? My lovely rash on my shoulder near my expanded boob. It isn't exactly the same spot and hasn't progressed as much but I guess I can believe Dr. T when he says it is stress. A woman on a support site I visit has her two implants placed last week and says they are much more comfortable than the expander. She said it took the surgeon 90 minutes and she left the hospital 2. 5 hours later. I am not really thinking about it much--gotta get Andrew through his MRI on Wednesday. I really feel like his shoulder will be fine; I am just hoping Dr. Balint can give him some suggestions for easing the pain. We are hoping a lot less football throwing will rehabilitate it to its top strength for baseball.
The boys are watching Top Gun. What a great movie in its day. That and An Officer and a Gentleman. : )
I just bought Pillars of the Earth and will be starting it tonight. Betty also brought me a shorter book called the Middle Place about a woman who gets breast cancer and then her dad gets cancer. She said it is very uplifting. Of course i left it at school so it will have to wait. What good books are you all reading now? I love to hear. Last night I finished a trashy Sandra Brown novel but it was good just for an easy read.
Debbie, if you are reading, please send me your blog address. I hear you are doing great.
Not much more to say. Still feeling a little blue about cancer--I wish I could ignore all the aches and pains but every twinge causes worries. it is hard to shake
Keep the faith.
Molly
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Winter Formal update.
Just a quick hello. Winter Formal was a success. Heather and I had our usual laughs...poor Jimmy got dissed by Josh when they went to Pizza Hut for dinner...Josh says 'why are you parking dad?' and Jim says 'well, I am going in' and Josh says "uh, no. Do you really have to?" Anyway, Jim came and had dinner at Joey Armadillo's with us and we had fun. josh and his 30 some friends stayed at Pizza Hut.
Dresses this year are what I call "baby doll dresses". Kait was absolutely stunning. Andrew was his typical handsome self (if I don't say so myself) but Kait was so adorable in her 'sherbet' dress. I wish I could show you Josh in his pink shirt and white tie but I only got a shot on my film camera...and only after I said "you have to let me take this picture for Grandma Kalamazoo (my mom)...she has cancer and wants a picture of you!" We did laugh at the freshmen...while I was there, Josh was literally running around. He did tell me this morning that he danced but waited until I left. It's interesting to watch the maturation level of kids. There were some there looking like 25 year olds and some looking like 10 year olds. But it was probably the largest Winter Formal I have been to...the -1 degree temps didn't stop anyone!
I am glad the kids have no school tomorrow. Josh has already gone back to bed and Andrew will be heading there I am sure as soon as he gets back from hitting practice. He was out way too late. But luckily, no one has much homework so sleep for two days will do them good.
The great thing about the dance last night was enjoying it and now worrying about cancer coming back. I didn't think of it once. So, that answers my question as to what to do to avoid worry. The answer is STAY BUSY.
My mom had her port put in Friday and as always, did great and says although it is tight, Tylenol is all she needs. I just pray she does well on chemo. She did learn that she does NOT have to have radiation, as the cancer did not spread as they previously were concerned about. But I think chemo starts next week.
Dresses this year are what I call "baby doll dresses". Kait was absolutely stunning. Andrew was his typical handsome self (if I don't say so myself) but Kait was so adorable in her 'sherbet' dress. I wish I could show you Josh in his pink shirt and white tie but I only got a shot on my film camera...and only after I said "you have to let me take this picture for Grandma Kalamazoo (my mom)...she has cancer and wants a picture of you!" We did laugh at the freshmen...while I was there, Josh was literally running around. He did tell me this morning that he danced but waited until I left. It's interesting to watch the maturation level of kids. There were some there looking like 25 year olds and some looking like 10 year olds. But it was probably the largest Winter Formal I have been to...the -1 degree temps didn't stop anyone!
I am glad the kids have no school tomorrow. Josh has already gone back to bed and Andrew will be heading there I am sure as soon as he gets back from hitting practice. He was out way too late. But luckily, no one has much homework so sleep for two days will do them good.
The great thing about the dance last night was enjoying it and now worrying about cancer coming back. I didn't think of it once. So, that answers my question as to what to do to avoid worry. The answer is STAY BUSY.
My mom had her port put in Friday and as always, did great and says although it is tight, Tylenol is all she needs. I just pray she does well on chemo. She did learn that she does NOT have to have radiation, as the cancer did not spread as they previously were concerned about. But I think chemo starts next week.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
BRRRR.
Brrr is the word of the day. Fittingly, this weekend is the Hunter Ice Festival here in Niles, and tonight is the high school's Winter Formal in South Bend at the College Football Hall of Fame. I think it is a whopping 9 degrees right now. I just plugged in the iron for both boy's dress shirts. Do you think they should know how to iron by now? 'Cuz they sure as heck don't. Neither does Jim come to think of it.
Our dryer broke Thursday. Doesn't that suck? Luckily, my Stanley's appliance got it fixed like they always do. We really need one of those super duper 26 pairs of jeans dryers...
If you read my comments lately, I hope you see Kristina's. My lovely Kristina, my ACC twin sister in the breast cancer world, is going through what I bet all cancer survivors go through...we just can't trust or have peace in our lives it seems. Sure we have a few good days...today I am having a good day...but I can hear her sadness and fears in her words and so understand. Kristina, your mammo is going to be CLEAR and so will any chest x rays. In the practical sense, our ACC doesn't come back quickly for the most part, so I think you truly have a reason to celebrate a year of survivorship. I know your life has changed--gawd, don't we know that--but try to think of all the good things right now. And then say FU%$ CANCER. (sorry, that is the closest I have come to saying that bad word, but FRICK IT doesn't sound right. ) : ) but darlin', I know exactly how you feel! Today is a day I won't think about cancer but even though Kristina and I haven't met, I am feeling proud of her and thank goodness we have met. She as always gives me hope.
First semester is over and Joshua has gone and gotten himself a 4.0 grade point average. His grades were amazing, and his work ethic outstanding. Andrew did fine too...pre-calculus will hopefully be his lowest grade...and he survived AP Biology. This by far has been his toughest semester. But I am proud of both of them.
Tonight I let Jim off the hook regarding going to the Winter Formal and am going with Heather. We are going to take Josh and his buddies so we can check out all of the girl's dresses. The boys just wear shirts/ties (no suits or tuxes) so it isn't as much of a big deal for them. Andrew has to drive Jim's Suburban as all 4 couples in his group want to drive together, and since Heather and I have to cart 4 boys, I will have to drive Andrew's truck. I just feel bad for the girl that has to get in the back row seat of the Suburban! I think Jim will probably enjoy his time away from us...
Happy birthday to Muhammad...what a great man you are and talk about PURPOSE! I see tonight they are broadcasting a bunch of Mr. A's old fights so I bet Jim will watch them. Muhammad has such a sense of peace about him, and his purpose in life is so clear. I am envious of people who know who they are and what they stand for. I was hoping at 40 that might happen to me but uh, no.
For all of you who know Andrew and any of the Brawleys, you know most of them are not too fashion savvy. Andrew looked cute as a bug yesterday as all varsity basketball players have to get dressed up, but as usual, he didn't tie his shoes. (yes his DRESS shoes) And then last night, during the varsity basketball game, he was at the line shooting free throws and the referree made him stop and tie his shoes. THE DUDE IS 17 years old. Will it ever get better? : )
Iron is now hot.
Stay warm.
Molly
Our dryer broke Thursday. Doesn't that suck? Luckily, my Stanley's appliance got it fixed like they always do. We really need one of those super duper 26 pairs of jeans dryers...
If you read my comments lately, I hope you see Kristina's. My lovely Kristina, my ACC twin sister in the breast cancer world, is going through what I bet all cancer survivors go through...we just can't trust or have peace in our lives it seems. Sure we have a few good days...today I am having a good day...but I can hear her sadness and fears in her words and so understand. Kristina, your mammo is going to be CLEAR and so will any chest x rays. In the practical sense, our ACC doesn't come back quickly for the most part, so I think you truly have a reason to celebrate a year of survivorship. I know your life has changed--gawd, don't we know that--but try to think of all the good things right now. And then say FU%$ CANCER. (sorry, that is the closest I have come to saying that bad word, but FRICK IT doesn't sound right. ) : ) but darlin', I know exactly how you feel! Today is a day I won't think about cancer but even though Kristina and I haven't met, I am feeling proud of her and thank goodness we have met. She as always gives me hope.
First semester is over and Joshua has gone and gotten himself a 4.0 grade point average. His grades were amazing, and his work ethic outstanding. Andrew did fine too...pre-calculus will hopefully be his lowest grade...and he survived AP Biology. This by far has been his toughest semester. But I am proud of both of them.
Tonight I let Jim off the hook regarding going to the Winter Formal and am going with Heather. We are going to take Josh and his buddies so we can check out all of the girl's dresses. The boys just wear shirts/ties (no suits or tuxes) so it isn't as much of a big deal for them. Andrew has to drive Jim's Suburban as all 4 couples in his group want to drive together, and since Heather and I have to cart 4 boys, I will have to drive Andrew's truck. I just feel bad for the girl that has to get in the back row seat of the Suburban! I think Jim will probably enjoy his time away from us...
Happy birthday to Muhammad...what a great man you are and talk about PURPOSE! I see tonight they are broadcasting a bunch of Mr. A's old fights so I bet Jim will watch them. Muhammad has such a sense of peace about him, and his purpose in life is so clear. I am envious of people who know who they are and what they stand for. I was hoping at 40 that might happen to me but uh, no.
For all of you who know Andrew and any of the Brawleys, you know most of them are not too fashion savvy. Andrew looked cute as a bug yesterday as all varsity basketball players have to get dressed up, but as usual, he didn't tie his shoes. (yes his DRESS shoes) And then last night, during the varsity basketball game, he was at the line shooting free throws and the referree made him stop and tie his shoes. THE DUDE IS 17 years old. Will it ever get better? : )
Iron is now hot.
Stay warm.
Molly
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
A blah Tuesday in January.
I am laying on the couch, knees up, wireless laptop on my lap. Just woke up from an evening nap. Today was doctor day, as I had my last injection and also had to take Andrew to the orthopedist for a very sore shoulder--something that has been bugging him since this past summer.
Dr. M's visit was quick and efficient and a celebration of sorts since it was my last expansion. He hugged me goodbye and about died when he felt my boob during the hug--he said "wow, that feels like a rock!" DUH. We laughed as he couldn't believe how bad it was. Right now, my upper back muscles are spasming, but are tolerable. I go back to Kalamazoo 2/7 for the implant placement. While there I couldn't think of any questions, so I guess I must be ready. Either way, it's going to happen.
Then I went back to work for a little while and then had to take Andrew to South Bend Orthopaedics for a shoulder consult. Dr. Balint thinks he has something called SLAP and it has to do with his bicep "peeling" away from the bone during certain motions--mainly throwing the football. Jim is mainly concerned about throwing the baseball since Andrew probably won't play football next year anyway, but we don't want to take any chances with baseball.Luckily, Andrew says the motion is worse with the football. ANYWAY, he has to have an MRI at the end of January. Just another thing to worry about!
My sis got me some lotion for Christmas that I am loving. It is Cherry blossom from Bath and Body Works. I just smelled it on my arm and felt the need to give you some smellainternet.
Josh had now decided to go to the Winter Formal and does NOT want to wear any old shirt of Andrew's so that means a trip to the mall between here and Saturday. I told him his indecisiveness is driving me nuts!
Kristina, I too have been sort of non-motivated and energy sapped--and more than normal concerned about returning cancer. Today I am ok, tomorrow who knows! One thing that helped was that Jim took Andrew, Asaad and Dan Holland to indoor hitting and it made me think SUMMER and BASEBALL!!!!! Even though January isn't just half over the sight of andrew's bat bag and glove in the middle of the floor was heart warming and reminds me summer is just around the corner. Maybe our spirits will lift then.
Have I confessed I am a reality show junkie? So yes, tonight I am glad American Idol is starting again. I think the best part is that I am home, wrapped in a blanket and warm. My feet froze all day today.
Since I really am not saying much, I guess I will go sniff out some dinner. i have no clue what anyone else ate tonight, so I guess I will be eating PB and J. Andrew is studying for his AP Biology exam and Mr. Straight A joshua is at the girls' basketball game. He has his math final tomorrow and has already figured he can get like a C on the final and still get an A in the class. he has missed NO points on any test so far this year so he thinks he has it covered. : )
Love to you all. Keep praying for everyone--and Debbie, you are in my thoughts tonight as I believe your surgery is tomorrw. In this case, just say YES to drugs.
Molly
Dr. M's visit was quick and efficient and a celebration of sorts since it was my last expansion. He hugged me goodbye and about died when he felt my boob during the hug--he said "wow, that feels like a rock!" DUH. We laughed as he couldn't believe how bad it was. Right now, my upper back muscles are spasming, but are tolerable. I go back to Kalamazoo 2/7 for the implant placement. While there I couldn't think of any questions, so I guess I must be ready. Either way, it's going to happen.
Then I went back to work for a little while and then had to take Andrew to South Bend Orthopaedics for a shoulder consult. Dr. Balint thinks he has something called SLAP and it has to do with his bicep "peeling" away from the bone during certain motions--mainly throwing the football. Jim is mainly concerned about throwing the baseball since Andrew probably won't play football next year anyway, but we don't want to take any chances with baseball.Luckily, Andrew says the motion is worse with the football. ANYWAY, he has to have an MRI at the end of January. Just another thing to worry about!
My sis got me some lotion for Christmas that I am loving. It is Cherry blossom from Bath and Body Works. I just smelled it on my arm and felt the need to give you some smellainternet.
Josh had now decided to go to the Winter Formal and does NOT want to wear any old shirt of Andrew's so that means a trip to the mall between here and Saturday. I told him his indecisiveness is driving me nuts!
Kristina, I too have been sort of non-motivated and energy sapped--and more than normal concerned about returning cancer. Today I am ok, tomorrow who knows! One thing that helped was that Jim took Andrew, Asaad and Dan Holland to indoor hitting and it made me think SUMMER and BASEBALL!!!!! Even though January isn't just half over the sight of andrew's bat bag and glove in the middle of the floor was heart warming and reminds me summer is just around the corner. Maybe our spirits will lift then.
Have I confessed I am a reality show junkie? So yes, tonight I am glad American Idol is starting again. I think the best part is that I am home, wrapped in a blanket and warm. My feet froze all day today.
Since I really am not saying much, I guess I will go sniff out some dinner. i have no clue what anyone else ate tonight, so I guess I will be eating PB and J. Andrew is studying for his AP Biology exam and Mr. Straight A joshua is at the girls' basketball game. He has his math final tomorrow and has already figured he can get like a C on the final and still get an A in the class. he has missed NO points on any test so far this year so he thinks he has it covered. : )
Love to you all. Keep praying for everyone--and Debbie, you are in my thoughts tonight as I believe your surgery is tomorrw. In this case, just say YES to drugs.
Molly
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Cough. Cancer. Cough. Cancer. That is my life.
I thought this week took forever. I needed sleep like grass needs sunshine and water. My sinus infection/cold was torture--poor Jim had to sleep with me looking sexy as heck with my Breathe Right nose strip and Vick's VapoRub slopped underneath my nose. Plus I would blow my nose as loudly and annoyingly as possible so I am sure he was ready to kick me out. (actually, he says no, since he hears NOTHING when he sleeps) Today seems better and perhaps I am jumping the gun on this, but I think my back, hips, and tailbone pain is better. I sure hope so. I am still such a worrier.
A n ACC/breast women emailed me today. She unfortunately has had a lung met. It occured three years after her mastectomy. She feels she had an aggressive type of tumor. Just another reason I wish I knew my tumor histology. But then again, maybe I don't want to know??
Kristina, hope you are doing well. Check in when you have a chance.
My mom had her onco. appointment and she is Stage III, and actually has 6 lymph nodes out of 26 that had a little cancer in them. (where she got two originally I do not know) She will have chemo 3 days on, a week off, 3 days on, a week off, etc. for 6 months. She does not know what drugs etc... I wish I had gone with her. She was a bit grouchy on the phone but I am not sure why as she didn't seem concerned about it. Perhaps it was my incessant questions about everything. One interesting thing was that the doctor asked if I had been genetically tested ...yeh, that is what I thought. Hmmmm. He said that I could call him anytime if I had questions about my mom...she wasn't sure WHY he thought I should be genetically tested, but he was very intrigued with the rareness of the neck tumor I had and now the ACC. Maybe I SHOULD make it a point to go to an appointment with her... Anyway, mom seems ok. She does have to have a PET scan next week, so now we get to worry about that. I thought that the CT they did before sort of covered it all, but I guess with 6 lymph nodes, they have to be worried it traveled to distant sites. Ugh.
A year ago on this date I knew very little about cancer, PET scans, stages, tumor markers, etc. Sigh.
I took the boys to the mall today to get Andrew a shirt/tie for Winter Formal which is next weekend. Josh is not sure he wants to go. That in itself is strange as he is my social butterfly. He said if he went he would probably just stand around so why waste the money? Not too many of his friends are going and he has no girlfriend so I appreciate him not wasting our money but hope he doesn't regret it. Andrew found two shirts and two ties...Kait is wearing an orange/coral/sherbet dress so rather than try to match it, he just bought something bright that would go with it. The Winter Formal is one of NHS's most popular dances. I will be sure to post some pictures if the brat will let me take some. (don't worry, I will)
It was fun at the mall. I shop more now than ever. One thing I have become addicted to is ordering USED books on line through Barnes and Noble. I have a few favorite authors and love to read their old stuff and of course can't find the old stuff so I look online and find quite a few books for 99 cents, etc. The shipping ends up being more than the book but it is a good way to find hard to find books. Has anyone read Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett? It looks so daunting but my friend Oprah said it is worth every minute of the reading.
Debbie, if you are reading this know that I am thinking about you constantly. I know your surgery is Wednesday and you will feel so much better when that cancer is OUT OF YOU. It hurts the first few days but take all the drugs you can and try to sleep. The drains aren't all that bad, I promise. The whole thing is doable, just relax, have faith, and let others pamper you. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. And call me anytime if you have questions. Linda, I haven't heard an update on you, but if you are ready this, you too have occupied my thoughts daily.
Hmmm. Slow news day. Final exams for kids next week, then a new semester. Andrew is almost a year and a half away from college. Holy toledo it has gone so fast. Basketball game tonight, Josh is disappointed we have lost all our snow (how 'bout that river tho'???) and Shade continues to sleep on the couch, one eye on Jim, who continues to cook in the kitchen.
Have a great Saturday. Your support continues to bolster me when that ugly cancer cloud appears.
Molly
A n ACC/breast women emailed me today. She unfortunately has had a lung met. It occured three years after her mastectomy. She feels she had an aggressive type of tumor. Just another reason I wish I knew my tumor histology. But then again, maybe I don't want to know??
Kristina, hope you are doing well. Check in when you have a chance.
My mom had her onco. appointment and she is Stage III, and actually has 6 lymph nodes out of 26 that had a little cancer in them. (where she got two originally I do not know) She will have chemo 3 days on, a week off, 3 days on, a week off, etc. for 6 months. She does not know what drugs etc... I wish I had gone with her. She was a bit grouchy on the phone but I am not sure why as she didn't seem concerned about it. Perhaps it was my incessant questions about everything. One interesting thing was that the doctor asked if I had been genetically tested ...yeh, that is what I thought. Hmmmm. He said that I could call him anytime if I had questions about my mom...she wasn't sure WHY he thought I should be genetically tested, but he was very intrigued with the rareness of the neck tumor I had and now the ACC. Maybe I SHOULD make it a point to go to an appointment with her... Anyway, mom seems ok. She does have to have a PET scan next week, so now we get to worry about that. I thought that the CT they did before sort of covered it all, but I guess with 6 lymph nodes, they have to be worried it traveled to distant sites. Ugh.
A year ago on this date I knew very little about cancer, PET scans, stages, tumor markers, etc. Sigh.
I took the boys to the mall today to get Andrew a shirt/tie for Winter Formal which is next weekend. Josh is not sure he wants to go. That in itself is strange as he is my social butterfly. He said if he went he would probably just stand around so why waste the money? Not too many of his friends are going and he has no girlfriend so I appreciate him not wasting our money but hope he doesn't regret it. Andrew found two shirts and two ties...Kait is wearing an orange/coral/sherbet dress so rather than try to match it, he just bought something bright that would go with it. The Winter Formal is one of NHS's most popular dances. I will be sure to post some pictures if the brat will let me take some. (don't worry, I will)
It was fun at the mall. I shop more now than ever. One thing I have become addicted to is ordering USED books on line through Barnes and Noble. I have a few favorite authors and love to read their old stuff and of course can't find the old stuff so I look online and find quite a few books for 99 cents, etc. The shipping ends up being more than the book but it is a good way to find hard to find books. Has anyone read Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett? It looks so daunting but my friend Oprah said it is worth every minute of the reading.
Debbie, if you are reading this know that I am thinking about you constantly. I know your surgery is Wednesday and you will feel so much better when that cancer is OUT OF YOU. It hurts the first few days but take all the drugs you can and try to sleep. The drains aren't all that bad, I promise. The whole thing is doable, just relax, have faith, and let others pamper you. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. And call me anytime if you have questions. Linda, I haven't heard an update on you, but if you are ready this, you too have occupied my thoughts daily.
Hmmm. Slow news day. Final exams for kids next week, then a new semester. Andrew is almost a year and a half away from college. Holy toledo it has gone so fast. Basketball game tonight, Josh is disappointed we have lost all our snow (how 'bout that river tho'???) and Shade continues to sleep on the couch, one eye on Jim, who continues to cook in the kitchen.
Have a great Saturday. Your support continues to bolster me when that ugly cancer cloud appears.
Molly
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Find your purpose.
Ouch. I just sneezed and my boob is ready to EXPLODE. I had my second to the last expansion today and I must say I can feel it all the way into my neck. It is screaming in pain. I see Dr. M next week for one last 60cc's injection and any last questions--then head in on 2/07/08 for the implant placement. He informed me today that he will NOT be able to take care of Mr. Pizza Pocket during the surgery--that will come later so this "event' in my life will continue longer than i thought. I also had to read a lot of research on the type of implant I am getting and sign off on all the 'risks' associate with them. Nothing too scary, but I was shocked to learn that 29 percent of reconstruction patients have to have MORE surgeries, and 49 percent have problems. Golly, those odds suck. But i have no options so...and, if the thing causes me issues that are not doable, SHE WILL COME ON OUT...and Ms. Sponge Boob can take her place.
My cold is knocking me out, and my back, hips, and tailbone are in a ton of pain. Not sure why but everything hurts. Lonnie, bless you for the massage--it will be needed regardless of whether this pain is gone. Now with the expansion my entire back is screaming, not just the lower back. I can't even hide the discrepancy between rock boob and saggy boob anymore--I don't care either. Wow, I am a whiny wimp aren't I? But the hip/back part scares me ...three months to Dr. Ansari again. ugh. I probably should have said "Please see me in 3 months."
Words can't even explain where my head is concerning our little Ava anymore. Right after she passed, the word "purpose" kept going through my head, and then at the service, the minister also brought that up. Without sounding too much like Oprah who also professes this, I DO think that we are all here for a purpose and we all need to figure out what ours is. Ava's purpose for me was to make me cherish what I have, appreciate ALL children, appreciate the support of family and friends, and to make sure that this happens forever, not just when the wounds are raw. I sometimes feel guilty that Ava's journey has made me, I think, a better person, and I feel very sound when I say that watching Jamie and Jamie endure this will also make my marriage stronger. What an incredible inspiration they are. I would gladly give up these lessons to bring Ava back but since I can't, I hope to live up to what her life meant to me. Amazing what a little life can do.
As for another purpose, I still worry about all the recent cancer diagnoses. I want to help in some way but everyone deals with their pain/fear in different ways. So here I am, just writing. As I have written lately the fears are back and I wish I could bravely tell you they aren't, but every ache and pain scares the hell out of me. I know I am not alone in this and after lots of thinking about it, I get tired of the worry and say TO HELL WITH IT, IF I DIE, I DIE. Goofy, I know.
Look around you and see if you know what others' purposes are...I look at Ginger and I know her purpose is FAMILY and giving to so many others(think of all those numerous fish frys they do!)...my Jim loves kids and making sure anyone who wants can and does play baseball...Lonnie, well, she is the most "purposeful" person I know...she is such a wonderful caretaker of everyone, not just Muhammad and Asaad, but so many people and CHILDREN all over the world. She is so clear her purpose. I think that 'purpose' is not just about taking care of our own families, but of giving to others in need. It is a given that any mother/father should have a purpose to take care of their children, but I want to be purposeful in my action for others. People were purposeful in their actions when I had surgery; people were purposeful in supporting Jamie and Jamie; Mimi is always purposeful in her traditions of ornaments for her neices and nephews--it doesn't have to be major; Betty is purposeful in always being my friend, even though we don't see each other enough; Sheryl is purposeful in making sure kids GET math...the list is endless! What I like most about purpose is that positives can come from tragedies IF we find a purpose for everything. Challenge yourself to be purposeful and to make a difference when you can.
Ok, do you think I am all on drugs? That whole paragraph above makes sense to me and has been swimming in my head since cancer, Ava, more cancer, etc....It may not make sense to you totally but I think you probably get the gist of it.
Find your purpose.
Molly
My cold is knocking me out, and my back, hips, and tailbone are in a ton of pain. Not sure why but everything hurts. Lonnie, bless you for the massage--it will be needed regardless of whether this pain is gone. Now with the expansion my entire back is screaming, not just the lower back. I can't even hide the discrepancy between rock boob and saggy boob anymore--I don't care either. Wow, I am a whiny wimp aren't I? But the hip/back part scares me ...three months to Dr. Ansari again. ugh. I probably should have said "Please see me in 3 months."
Words can't even explain where my head is concerning our little Ava anymore. Right after she passed, the word "purpose" kept going through my head, and then at the service, the minister also brought that up. Without sounding too much like Oprah who also professes this, I DO think that we are all here for a purpose and we all need to figure out what ours is. Ava's purpose for me was to make me cherish what I have, appreciate ALL children, appreciate the support of family and friends, and to make sure that this happens forever, not just when the wounds are raw. I sometimes feel guilty that Ava's journey has made me, I think, a better person, and I feel very sound when I say that watching Jamie and Jamie endure this will also make my marriage stronger. What an incredible inspiration they are. I would gladly give up these lessons to bring Ava back but since I can't, I hope to live up to what her life meant to me. Amazing what a little life can do.
As for another purpose, I still worry about all the recent cancer diagnoses. I want to help in some way but everyone deals with their pain/fear in different ways. So here I am, just writing. As I have written lately the fears are back and I wish I could bravely tell you they aren't, but every ache and pain scares the hell out of me. I know I am not alone in this and after lots of thinking about it, I get tired of the worry and say TO HELL WITH IT, IF I DIE, I DIE. Goofy, I know.
Look around you and see if you know what others' purposes are...I look at Ginger and I know her purpose is FAMILY and giving to so many others(think of all those numerous fish frys they do!)...my Jim loves kids and making sure anyone who wants can and does play baseball...Lonnie, well, she is the most "purposeful" person I know...she is such a wonderful caretaker of everyone, not just Muhammad and Asaad, but so many people and CHILDREN all over the world. She is so clear her purpose. I think that 'purpose' is not just about taking care of our own families, but of giving to others in need. It is a given that any mother/father should have a purpose to take care of their children, but I want to be purposeful in my action for others. People were purposeful in their actions when I had surgery; people were purposeful in supporting Jamie and Jamie; Mimi is always purposeful in her traditions of ornaments for her neices and nephews--it doesn't have to be major; Betty is purposeful in always being my friend, even though we don't see each other enough; Sheryl is purposeful in making sure kids GET math...the list is endless! What I like most about purpose is that positives can come from tragedies IF we find a purpose for everything. Challenge yourself to be purposeful and to make a difference when you can.
Ok, do you think I am all on drugs? That whole paragraph above makes sense to me and has been swimming in my head since cancer, Ava, more cancer, etc....It may not make sense to you totally but I think you probably get the gist of it.
Find your purpose.
Molly
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Messing with templates.
I decided I needed a new look for a new year. Although I should be talking about my body, I am talking about my blog. I have landed on this one for now, but may change my mind again. Don't think I am creative--these are all templates that someone else has created.
Winter break is over,which means getting up in the morning. I have slept terribly this whole break. I am reading a good book so there is some consulation to that.
Jim's cousins from Hawaii were here the last two days and Keanu, a 14 year old cousin who is son of Jim Hill, who is Ginger's FIRST cousin, got together withJosh and they had a grand time snowboarding and hanging out with Josh's friends. the family had been skiing in Lake Tahoe so we warned Keanu that Swiss Valley is more of a hill than a mountain but he ended up liking Swiss better because of all the friends they made. Jim Hill is from South Bend and moved to Hawaii and married a local Hawaiian girl named Eileen. Jim manages many awesome hotels on Maui. Anyway, we only see them once every two years (Two of their 5 kids graduated from Notre Dame) but Josh and Keanu are like best friends whenever they meet again. Keanu is named after HIS cousin, Keanu Reeves. (yes, the actor) I didn't even know Keanu Reeves was Hawaiian!
We all have colds in this house. I of course think I have a sinus tumor but everyone else has a simple cold.
Off to Andrew's game against Clay. It would be a really nice win if we can beat them. We have a good handle on Class B/C schools but getting Clay would be great!!
Molly
Winter break is over,which means getting up in the morning. I have slept terribly this whole break. I am reading a good book so there is some consulation to that.
Jim's cousins from Hawaii were here the last two days and Keanu, a 14 year old cousin who is son of Jim Hill, who is Ginger's FIRST cousin, got together withJosh and they had a grand time snowboarding and hanging out with Josh's friends. the family had been skiing in Lake Tahoe so we warned Keanu that Swiss Valley is more of a hill than a mountain but he ended up liking Swiss better because of all the friends they made. Jim Hill is from South Bend and moved to Hawaii and married a local Hawaiian girl named Eileen. Jim manages many awesome hotels on Maui. Anyway, we only see them once every two years (Two of their 5 kids graduated from Notre Dame) but Josh and Keanu are like best friends whenever they meet again. Keanu is named after HIS cousin, Keanu Reeves. (yes, the actor) I didn't even know Keanu Reeves was Hawaiian!
We all have colds in this house. I of course think I have a sinus tumor but everyone else has a simple cold.
Off to Andrew's game against Clay. It would be a really nice win if we can beat them. We have a good handle on Class B/C schools but getting Clay would be great!!
Molly
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Luncheon, Hearts of Hope, and Heather.
I just spoke with Heather and the after funeral luncheon will be held at the Seventh Day Adventist gymnasium on Niles Buchanan Road. People are volunteering to bring food. If you would like to help, you can contact Heather or Carol Eull, plus I think Michele Asmus and Barb Gararrd are also arranging food. I am sure if you have questions I can help too, so please feel free to leave messages here of give me a call. Also, donations in Ava's name will go to Hearts of Hope. I will try to find out more about this from the newspaper and I am sure Halbritters will have the "how to's' but Hearts of Hope was a group up at U of M that helped new families of babies with heart defects.
This is still so raw that it is hard to imagine the courage Jamie and Jamie have to muster up these past two days. I have not talked to them personally but am glad they have such a great support system in their family and their friends.
I am particularly proud and so impressed with my crazy Heather. Heather and I have known each other for years and have really gone through some funny and not so funny times together. Although I don't think she realizes what a rock she has been throughout this, she has been a wonderful caretaker to many. Not only is she an aunt and a sister, she has had to help her children and her husband through all of this. Heather, you have been remarkable and although you have claimed 'you can't do it" you DID do it and you are doing it. Both Jamies and Billy are lucky to have you, and if you can just keep that silly sense of humor about you, you will overcome this and will be even stronger for your family than you ever imagined. The sun will shine again some day soon and those few silly moments of giggles will come more often. It is ok to laugh and to love each other. That is what makes the Weaver-Zimmerman clan so unique.
There are days that I think Niles could use a good talking to in terms of certain issues, but when it comes to support of families in need, we are second to none. Thanks to all of you here and far away.
Molly
This is still so raw that it is hard to imagine the courage Jamie and Jamie have to muster up these past two days. I have not talked to them personally but am glad they have such a great support system in their family and their friends.
I am particularly proud and so impressed with my crazy Heather. Heather and I have known each other for years and have really gone through some funny and not so funny times together. Although I don't think she realizes what a rock she has been throughout this, she has been a wonderful caretaker to many. Not only is she an aunt and a sister, she has had to help her children and her husband through all of this. Heather, you have been remarkable and although you have claimed 'you can't do it" you DID do it and you are doing it. Both Jamies and Billy are lucky to have you, and if you can just keep that silly sense of humor about you, you will overcome this and will be even stronger for your family than you ever imagined. The sun will shine again some day soon and those few silly moments of giggles will come more often. It is ok to laugh and to love each other. That is what makes the Weaver-Zimmerman clan so unique.
There are days that I think Niles could use a good talking to in terms of certain issues, but when it comes to support of families in need, we are second to none. Thanks to all of you here and far away.
Molly
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Ava is our little angel.
Ava has gone on to heaven. Tracy, Ava's aunt, is updating her webpage. Ava fought until the end,but passed away peacefully in her parent's arms.
Molly
Molly
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Ava
Heather called this morning and Ava's infection is worse, and is throughout her body. Tomorrow they will take her off ECMO. The family is gathering so they can all be together with Ava.
Please pray for peace for everyone.
Molly
Please pray for peace for everyone.
Molly
Happy New Year
The new year is less than 2 hours old and already I think it is going to be a great year. As most of you know, I love snow...it brings me peace and contentment, so waking up to let the dog out, I was so pleased to see about 4-5 inches of the fluffy stuff on branches, blanketing my backyard, and coming down gently.
Happy New Year friends.
Molly
Happy New Year friends.
Molly
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