I am fluctuating between happiness and worry about my aching back, gut, hips, etc. Damn, I so know how you are all tired of hearing about it, but I STILL AM IN PAIN AND IT ISN'T GOING AWAY. Ok, sorry about that. But I constantly, for a long time, feel like I have low back labor type pain, plus period type cramps in the front, plus nerve like pain in my hips, and horrible tailbone pain. Granted, this is not the first time I have had any of this, in fact, I have had all of these over the course of 10 years, at different times, but it just seems like none of it is going away. And I keep telling myself that my ultrasound two years ago showed nothing, my back MRI a few years ago showed bulging discs, and my PET/CT scan showed nothing. To avoid thinking of all the cancer I could have, I have diagnosed myself with some type of sciatica combined with pending menopausal endometrial swelling, which is a term I made up.
I think I want to become addicted to painkillers. Perhaps a little exercise would help, huh? Naw, painkillers are easier. I should NOT kid about that, but I can't stand taking much more than Tylenol for any length of time, plus I always have stupid side effects like itiching and headaches so I can't take much anyway.
UNO! Did you all see that cute little beagle that won best of show at the AKC championship? I want him. Shade is jealous and is outside trying to sit on top of a dog house, baying at the moon just like beagles do... (not really, but she is outside, barking at nothing, as usual.)
I have not yet mentioned the book The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan that Betty gave me. It is about a 34 year old mom who has breast cancer and then her own dad is diagnosed with prostate cancer. I started the book Monday night and stayed up until 1 a.m. to finish it. I laughed out loud numerous times and cried in a few spots. It is the book I wished I had written. Part of it was that Kelly graduated in 1984 from high school, which makes her a tad younger than I, but some of her memories from high school were so spot on, I had to laugh.
One funny thing that I laughed out loud at involved her going out for the first time without hair...she wore a scarf to take her kids to the park and picked up a few other kids...it took her some time to be brave to leave the house so when one of the kids (who was like 4) told her she looked like a monster, she broke down, got some other mom to take the kids, and then called her husband, sobbing. Not knowing what to say, the husband was so mad he yelled "THAT LITTLE FUCKER" about the 4 year old, which made Kelly laugh so hard she forgot about the sadness. It just made me want to wake Jim up and tell him how great HE is, and that I, along with Kelly, am lucky to have such a great support system.
Oh, yes my follow up appointment with Dr. M took about 4 minutes. He said he WAS going to take care of Mr. Pizza Pocket, but we needed to let Boobie settle in a bit. So I go back in one month. I still have the steri-strips on, can take them off in a few days. I asked if I needed to massage her, like I had read, and he said, nope, just let her do her thing. : )
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. It is fun to watch all the flowers being delivered at school. Andrew is Mr. Romance suddenly but couldn't understand why I couldn't sign the card for his girlfriend--he said my handwriting was better. I think that is so funny. He now realizes that flowers are EXPENSIVE. (when Jim and I were dating, and his parents owned the florist shop, I got DOZEN of roses BUT they were wholesale roses, which meant there were about 8 zillion of 'em wrapped in cellophane and I had to clean them, 48 zillion thorns as well. Regardless, I loved them.) Now I get flowers for being a brave cancer girlie and I still love them. (I got a yummy spring flower basket yesterday from my bosses and the flowers have filled my house with the most delightful SPRING aroma!!!)
I guess I should go now...enough rambling for one evening. Hugs to all of you.
(that was my nickname in junior high--just feeling nostalgic)