Still freaking out. But I do have moments of calm and this is one of them.
This weekend was a weekend of firsts. Friday, Jim and I went to Barnes and Noble, my favorite place to go. Bought $95 worth of books--none about cancer mind you. Then, we went to Panera, which was a first for both of us (I had gone in once but never bought anything.) We rather enjoyed it. Then Saturday I "made" Jim go to the Farmer's Market in Elkhart--which was about 1/2 hour away. This place is HUGE...but since it is still cold, didn't have much in the way of veggies and fruits. The best part was the "food court"--which was mainly Amish people making homemade goodies. I bought $7 worth of home churned butter, and the BEST homemade soft pretzels...Jim got a butter pecan ice cream cone--homemade--and then I brought the boys home some cinnamon rolls and two hot out-of-the-fryer doughnuts. YUM. The retail stuff was ok...I won't go back until summer but it was a fun diversion for us. We ran into Carla from work who had also dragged her husband there. We called it our Spring Break trip--both of us wanted some where warm but settled for the Amish Farmer's Market. : )
Today I went to Wal-Mart and bought $100 worth of plastic--shower gel, soap, laundry detergent, razers, shampoo, conditioner, etc. I bought doubles of everything since we have two bathrooms--Jim primarily just uses the upstairs one but lately I have been forced to as well since the kids are always taking showers it seems! The red clay from the baseball field has already permeated my bathtub and my carpeting.
Kristina, thanks for your words. I know you understand and it helps to know I am not alone. I know this cancer is slow growing but it is also unpredictable so I don't think anyone even knows what to expect. I do need to ask Dr. Ansari some more questions about my pathology report (e.g is there anything to indicate the tumor histology is aggressive) and does the size scare him more than if it were smaller--which is really a dumb question but there is some research to show that the size doesn't matter as long as the main form isn't aggressive. I just wonder how long I had the darn thing.
Never did hear about my chest x-ray. But I have had tests before and other than the mammo letters, I usually only hear results from my doctors so I am not that freaked about that. Just your everyday "freaked."
As always, I keep telling myself, "I am not going to die today."