Friday, March 28, 2008


I have been avoiding blogging this week because what I am about to write may be seen as another "cry wolf" hypochondria entry but to tell you the truth, I am freaking out.

You know how I have mentioned this liver tumor fear? This is because I have had an achiness below my ribcage, sort of towards my side. For awhile it would come and go. Now, it feels like a persistent "cramp" and my lowest rib on my right side is very tender to the touch and looks swollen. I have had Jim feel it and he says he can't feel any difference between the swollen side and the non-swollen side, but when he touches both sides at once, I have that same strange pain I had in the boob. It just is scary.

I guess the good thing is I will know on Monday. When they did my chest x-ray they did a lateral view and I doubt if there IS anything on that rib it would be fact, it should show up since that is right where the beams of light hit...

I hate this --more so now because it robs me of peace and that affects Jim, my kids, etc! It seems like we (me) are always waiting for the other shoe to fall. Normally, on the beginning of Spring Break I am looking forward to a week of sleeping in, warmer weather, and fun days with the kids. Now I am just terrified of Monday.

In the mail today I got a letter from Memorial Lighthouse, which is where I had the chest x-ray done, along with the mammo. I was almost excited to open it, thinking I would have reports about BOTH scans, but no, it was just my negative mammo report, which I already knew and never feared in the first place. I started shaking, thinking WHY didn't they send the x-ray report?

I am sorry to be so dismal and depressing. I would love to type on Monday that everything is cool and I keep praying that I can. I won't even care if you call my a pyschochondriac. I would love to be one!

Cancer sucks and that is all I have to say.


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