Monday, July 28, 2008

Warning. This is a "fear" post.

In March I first started mentioning my rib/liver pain area and today I will admit that I am once again obsessed with it. I am totally freaked that my side hurts and that there is this strange, dull sensation under my rib cage, which is where your liver is. None of these pains are excruciating, just "there." I am constantly rubbing the liver area and although it doesn't feel all that tender, it does hurt in certain spots. I am scared and that's about it. i am almost to the point of calling Dr. Ansari but not quite there yet. It's not THAT painful but I did have Jim rub my ribs last night and that felt good. Perhaps that means it is muscle? Of course I have looked up liver cancer symptoms and of course I think I have all of them. Liver mets was depressing too. But I don't think my eyes are yellow. (ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

Let's change subjects. Tomorrow is colonoscopy so today I am drinking nothing but certain liquids. No food for me. I have had iced tea so far and stomach is starting to feel queasy...I can have popsicles and can't wait for that! Tonight at 6:00 PM I start the pills...most people have to drink a liquid but I get to do the pills which they say make it a bit more tolerable. Scan is early tomorrow thank goodness. I am thinking about have Dr. B (colon DR) push around in the liver area to see what he thinks but that is not what I am going for, so who knows. See, here i am, back to cancer again.

Went to work this morning and tried to not think about it but found myself rubbing it. Just like i used to with my tumor. Sitting here right now I hardly feel it but ...

For those of you reading this, I am sorry. This writing is really just about me getting my fears on paper which in the past has been good therapy for me.

i think I will go eat a popsicle.



Anonymous said...

Enjoy your popsicle Molly. Just want you to know I am still reading your blogs and praying that all of your worries turn out to be nothing. If the thoughts get to you CALL YOUR DOCTOR. It may help put you at ease. Take care.
Beth A.

Debbie said...

I think you should call Dr. Ansari, tell him your fears and let him do his magic. I think he is a great guy, and is very compassionate.

Good luck with the butt light, been there, done that, and need to do it again.

Tomorrow's blog should be pretty interesting....

Anonymous said...

You should really call your Dr. that is why they get paid the big bucks! Thought about you this weekend and Relay for Life. We have missed it the last two years beacause of baseball. This year Brendon was playing in the Ohio Valley Regional in Kokomo, they did really well. They won their first 2, then lost 3-0 againist Kentucky and 5-4 againist Ohio. The only game that we did not do our best was the Ohio game. We ending up placing 5 out of 10 teams.
Troy is doing well. The Dr in Indy told us the most critical time for relapse is the first 9 months. The end of August will be 9 months "cancer free". He goes each month for a chest XR and blood work. I still worry about every cough- mets is common to the lungs with testicular cancer. Cancer is still thought about daily at our house too.
Okay I will stop blabbing...CALL THE DR!!
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Take care,