Saturday, September 15, 2007

No offense intended.

I feel like I am among the living these days, which is such a good feeling. We went to a family birthday party today (Emerson is 1! Happy Birthday Emme!) and when we came home I really needed to lay down, but only needed about 10 minutes and now I am up again. So that is getting better. I even went to Walmart but when I came home that shower was calling me--and my pj's.

Went to the game last night with about 10 layers of clothes on. I used gauze to stuff the right side of my bra (I really needed a tissue during the windy game andt forgot about my secret stash!) and wore a few shirts and no one was the wiser. But honestly, today I have gone bra less as I don't really need one and it hurts sort of to wear one. When I got home from the game I was really sore--it felt like I had a really bad underwire bra on--so I took my Darvocet and went to bed. I have been having some really wierd muscle twitches during the night, which I notice as I fall asleep and last night Jim woke me up thinking something was wrong. I feel fine, but I have twitches all over my body about every 30 seconds. So today I googled "Darvocet side effects", and sure enough muscle twitching and sweating are two on the "less common" side effect...and as Josh says "uncommon" is my middle name... Needless to say, I am going to try strictly Tylenol from now on.

I had Jim check out my incisions--I have six of them if you count my sentinel node incision and the worst one is the one under the reduced breast, as it goes all the way under the breast area. Jim cringed when he saw it--he feels so bad about all this--but I assured him the pain isn't all that bad. Again, my tonsillectomy at 38 was WAY worse.

At the game I talked to quite a few people who have read my blog and I thank you for all of your kind comments. I forget that not just my women friends and women in general read this. But if you haven't figured it out yet, I am a pretty honest person and I hope I write nothing here that is offensive to anyone. I know I have some students reading this, and I hope your image of me as an adult in your life is not compromised. I probably should think twice about what I do write about this, as boobs are sort of taboo for "us school folk", but I just want to hope that my message might help someone--maybe not today, or tomorrow, but maybe ten years from now, when they are doing a breast exam and feel something that no one can see. I have also fully determined that breast cancer has nothing to do with the breast as any type of sexual object; instead it is about women and feeling like a whole person, even with a ski slope and a Pizza pocket on my chest! This is so not about anything obsence or bad--and I hope I am portraying that and not anything else. What I want to portray is courage, honesty, faith, love, friendship, and hope. (with a little of my hypochondriac self thrown in for humility!)

Another interesting thing about this surgery as I got to meet my stomach again. It ain't so pretty I must admit, but seeing it again was surprising, but it was rather nice not to have all that fat mess laying on top of it (my old boobs). Now Nancy B. is insisting on me walking for exercise so I must now live up to my promise to myself (and Lonnie, remember when I said I was going to be looking "hot" next summer when we start travel ball again?) and want to start the whole exercise, veggie, fruit, lean meat, etc. routine. Oh gosh, now that I have put it in print...I think I need a bowl of ice cream....

thanks pals--thanks for listening.



Betty said...

Mol, Glad to hear you are getting out and about. Returning to "your place" at the football game had to feel good, not only for you, but also for everyone who saw or talked with you there:)

Your portrayal on the blog goes beyond "courage, honesty, faith, love, friendship, and hope". Your entries certainly also include humaness and humor. Your readers are enriched. No need to fret about it.

When you're ready, give me a call and we can walk together. Picture this: the two of us strolling along the riverfront wearing our "Save 2nd Base" shirts. Gotta smile about that image!

Liz still luvs ya.


Rikki Jones said...

Molly, I stumbled across your page by accident while checking Dennis Haimbaugh's updates. I have always had deep respect for you since high school when you had me in the Teacher Academy. I had no idea that life had thrown a curve ball your way, but I am glad to hear how you've stepped up to the plate. Reading your blogs with their honesty and cander has enlightened me to the fact that we are all in this together. I wish you all the best. You and your family will be in my thoughts, but most of all, in my prayers. Sincerely,
Rikki (Kaup) Jones

Mimi said...

Molly Elizabeth,

The fact that you are concerned about offending people on YOUR BLOG just shows what an incredible person you are. A blog is like a diary. You are putting your thoughts, prayers, wishes, hopes, fears, stress, and every other emotion out there for friends and strangers alike to read. If anyone ever gets offended, they never have to come back to read YOUR BLOG again!

Don't let your fear of the possibility of offending people allow you to be less honest or inhibit what you may really want to express. Your honesty and unconstrained approach to your experience are what will truly help those who come here seeking answers.

And if anyone gives you shit about it, I'll go all "Tonya Harding" on their kneecaps! ;)

Love you, and your FANTASTIC BLOG!

Pamela Jamie

Pam A said...

I'm so glad to hear you're doing well! Your willingness to share your experience - especially with young women - is the greatest gift. Most teens tune out talk of "breast cancer" awareness - but mention "boobs" and suddenly you've got listeners. This may be the background knowledge many young girls refer to down the road. So keep up the "boob talk" - because it keeps the young girls talking and that's what we want!

On a side note, Gerry saw Dr. Tacket last week as a new patient. He felt like his post-cancer concerns were taken very seriously and was quite happy with the appointment. From your previous blogs I know you had some reservations about the office, so just thought I'd share a positive experience.

Keep on blogging, Molly. Don't change a thing! And keep on getting better every day!

kristina said...

Molly, you just keep on blogging any old way you want. I think that it is awesome that you are so honest. I love hearing so many of my feelings expressed so candidly, some I wasnt even able to put into words and you are doing it for me. If for noone else your blog has become a lifline in my recovery. I am having my first followup breast MRI Friday and am a little nervous as the day approaches. First of all the MRI sucked for me, being almost an hour and a half and very unconfortable. I was not prepared last time and totally freaked out with my new diagnosis so I am sure that added to it. I am better prepared this week with a Xanax prescription and hopefully a clean bill of health afterwards. My followup is so far a Mammo/Ultrasound last month on the left breast which came back negative and then this MRI. Then every six months one or the other for pretty much forever. I also think I am going to ask for a yearly chest x-ray since I have read that the most common place for this cancer to metastize is the lung. I am sure as time passes I will start to relax about it coming back?!? Go braless, I have not worn a bra since my surgeries and I dont miss them at all. I just wear undershirts like when I was a little girl and I LOVE the freedom. Convention be damned, I challenge anyone to say anything to me, I am thrilled to have any boobs to let float free! Hopefully this comment will go through because I have written a few that wouldnt publish. Is the email address I have your work one?

Keep on keeping on,


Kelly said...

Your blog, Offensive!? Get Real. Actually that is exactly the word for it...REAL. Real courage, Real honesty, Real Faith, Real love, Real friendship, and Real hope. Not to metion Real Education. Talk about a real life skill, anyone who reads this learns and at some point in their life will be able to call upon that if and when necessary.

Keep being real Molly~ it is what makes you such a gift to us all!