I must admit that Saturday was a day of depression. I couldn't shake it and had nothing positive to say so I stayed away from the blog. I am sure you are all sick of hearing about my aches and pains--just as much as I am about worrying about them. I spent a lot of time thinking about getting a second opinion, and although I know the treatment Dr. Ansari has recommended is 100 percent correct, I DON'T feel comfortable that he knows enough about my specific tumor and what the make up of the tumor predicts in terms of aggressiveness, etc. I don't know where to find anyone who would know so that is troubling me a bit.
Today I feel a lot better and I am not sure why but I won't question it. Slept in, did laundry, colored in my coloring book from Sue Phillips, and listened to my kids fight. Jim went golfing for the first time in about 10 years, and I am thankful he did. He is the absolute BEST husband through all of this. He knows when I am being truly tired or when I am just being down in the dumps...he rubs my feet without me asking...he just is the best thing since sliced bread.
One thing I know for sure is I hate bras now. Even cottony sports bras are irritating. I had to take a Darvocet last night because of muscle aches in my shoulders. I slept good and hard and muscles are a bit better today but I am about ready to whip this bra off...I only wore one today because we went out to breakfast with Danny, Aida and the kids.
Tomorrow is work. Yippee! I am excited like it is the first day of school. I went Friday for the pep rally and ended up staying all day. (I took a two hour nap when I got home, however.) My replacement, Mike, has to be the nicest guy on earth. I guess he is staying on until I am back full time, which is October 8. Not sure what office he will use.. : ) And, bless his heart, he watered my plants much better than I ever have. I do have to call Betty as I am feeling quite guilty already about taking meals from my friends when I am back to work. It feels wierd to be working at school and my great friends, who have worked ALL DAY, are making me dinner and I am only working a half day! Now, mind you, my husband and children are fearful that the meals will stop and are rationalizing why they should continue...we have had the BEST food the past two weeks it has been amazing.
Homecoming was a success despite losing the game. The junior float was awesome! Poor Danny is depressed too, but my goodness we are such a better football team than we were last year. They have made such a great turn around. But Danny knows he is judged on wins and losses... Our St. Joe friends tell us we gave them a great game, and for them being ranked in state, we did quite well. Andrew was a bit down about his defensive efforts but has rebounded this weekend and is looking forward to next game vs. Portage Northern.
Kristina, thank you for your comments. You know what this is like. I am so hopeful, and very sure, your MRI will be fine. Are you having a chest x-ray at any time? When i hear from you I realize I am not alone in this...and I know I am not...but it makes me realize it will be okay. I really am so glad we have found eachother--although I am sure I haven't been much help to you since I am such a whiner. : )
URGGH. My kids are fighting and I want to scream. Life is normal, isn't it?
Molly
3 comments:
Hi Molly, hope your first day back was awesome...and not too overwhelming. The "substitute" Asst. Principal IS the nicest guy in the world! Mike was my teacher and then my asst. principal. (I was NEVER in his office though..HA!) Tell him hello.
Just finished folding the RibFest invites...will mail tomorrow. Jim has his Bronze medal to uphold...hope you can make it!
Hang in there Molly, and do not overdo, listen to your body! You are (as Sheryl says) Awesome!
Good Morning Ms. Molly! Lisetta sent me, at my request,your blog site address, and I wanted to say hi. However.....you MUST be bored silly if you are excited about going back to school. :) Hold back though, and don't let your enthusiasm take too much of a toll on your strength, eh? :)
Hey,
Hope your first day went well. I can understand the need to get back to something normal, like work, it is good to feel productive and do something that doesnt have to do with cancer. I TOTALLY understand the depression. You are not whining, I felt the same way, some days were just awful and I was sure people were tired of hearing about my problems, my cancer. Well, there are a lot of people out there who get it. Just keep whining until you are all whined out. It is very hard dealing with everything, day in and day out and can feel very lonely. I am hear feeling your sadness also.
My MRI went very well. Yeah for Xanax, I pretty much slept through the whole thing. The preliminary reports looked good and I am sure the final report will agree. I am not afraid of the cancer now, I am more nervous about the future years. But, will deal with them as they come. Take it slow and listen to your body. Enjoy those meals as they come, I still have some of them frozen in my basement and they are such a pleasure to defrost and eat even now.
Oh yeah, forget the bra. I still dont wear one, mostly just an undershirt, the bra still bothers me and what do I care really. After your reconstruction you can just let them hang loose. Be thankful they are there to hang loose. LOL!!!
Kristina
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