Ok, first off--THANK YOU to all of you who have commented! I have been in Peru, Illinois with Andrew and had no Internet access so I couldn't blog until now. Your comments made my day!
Andrew's baseball team is 3-0 right now and tomorrow determines if they go to the semi-finals of the Regional Tournament. Tomorrow also determines my future, as I have to be at Bronson at 9:30 a.m. At 10:30, Dr. Nancy will do the sentinel node biopsy, that involves an incision right below my axillary hair line (axillary is a much prettier word than armpit so I feel inclined to use it.) I am SOOOO scared about this part because if there is cancer in this node, it is likely it has gone to other nodes and that puts my cancer at least a Stage III, which is way more serious and means CHEMO. BUT, as I said before, it is very rare that it goes to the nodes but I think odds suck when it comes to me, so there you have it. The other big issue about tomorrow is Dr. Nancy getting "clean margins." After the node biopsy, around 12:45, she removes what is left of the tumor. (at least 1 cm plus is still left by the pathologist's estimation.--sorry Sheryl M., I had to ask how big a cm. was!!!) Getting clean margins will be difficult for Dr. Nancy because this tumor doesn't look like other tumors and we already know that the tumor isn't all out, even though the "full body" scan I had didn't show anything in the boob. (the full body scan is called a PET Scan and is really cool. At my tumor board meeting they had this hologram type body image on the wall of MY innards--I had to stifle a laugh because the inside of this hologram WAS my body but the outside wasn't. They must have radiologists who airbrush off the layer of fat rolls because that hologram was skinny! Ginger and I laughed the whole way home because she thought the same thing.) Anyway, clean margins means removing tissue until she has at least an inch (I don't really know how much but I will just say that) of cancer free tissue that surrounds the tumor. That is the only way to "guess" that you get each and everyone of those damned pyscho cells. Now, in case you are wondering, if the node turns out positive, then she has to take out more lymph nodes...and that means I have a drain put in my arm for excess fluids. That will stink big time. So my mantra tonight is CLEAN MARGINS, NEGATIVE NODES.
I mentioned earlier about Ginger, my mother in law. She has been my rock through all of this--she has been at every single appointment with me. Some of you probably wonder why Jim is missing out on all the fun---he is STILL the best husband in the world but doesn't need details, where Ginger has gone through this with her parents and is pushy as hell. When I was first diagnosed, the earliest I could get in to see Dr. Nancy was Aug. 8. But the "bitchy mother-in-law" worked her magic and here I am having surgery tomorrow! Ginger's involvement also allows Jim to work and keep things as normal as possible with the kids. He is so freaking supportive about everything--I am very lucky to have him. Back to Ginger--I can't tell you how much we have laughed through all this. First of all she can do an awesome inpersonation of Dr. A's accent--she loves to repeat his comment: "You are very large breasted woman. You get lumpectomy, not mastectomy. You have mastectomy, you be lopsided." Also, bless her heart, when we were driving somewhere, she said "I just wish is was me who was going through this." And I said, "Hell no! That would be horrible!" After a pause I pointed at a dilapidated truck that was passing by with an elderly couple and I said "I want it to be somebody like them, who I don't know. (I know that is AWFUL, but I was being honest at the moment.) She got this sorrowful look of her face and said very seriously, "oh no, their truck is too run down. They couldn't make it to their appointments." We cracked up.
It is now 11:53 p.m. I can't have any water, food, nuttin' after midnite so I need to go take a big drink of water and go to bed. Yes, I am scared but mainly because I don't know the outcome. I will deal with whatever it is. Before I go, I must have one prideful mom moment--Andrew hit a grand slam last night, his first one since he was twelve. When we got back to the motel room he said, "that was for you mom."
I will post as soon as I can And please leave comments--it truly makes my day!
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