Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Googling at 3 A.M.

Today is hard to describe. I was somewhat emotional today--from the moment a colleague upset me--to meeting with a fabulous teacher who had a bad day--it was just strange. I also know I am so tired--woke up last night and started googling crazy things about breast cancer and rashes on shoulders at 2:30 a.m.--no wonder I just want to sleep! This rash on my shoulder/breast is scaring me--no one in their right mind would think it was breast cancer, but then again, I am not sure I am in my right mind. I probably have cancer in my right mind, right? ARGHHH. That is how I think. I did go with dear Jimmy and buy groceries for dinner, along with some cortisone cream. I sure hope this starts to clear up--just to ease the worry. It really isn't bothersome, itches a bit, but it scares me. (my buddy Jenny F. told me today that if it is another breast cancer, I might as well sail away to Bermuda and live the high life! Poor Jenny, she has to listen to me about all my hypocondria notions)

Back to work. I need work so bad. I know I am needed and helping others is what keeps me going. We have such a great teaching staff--everyone is so kind--and when the kids come back on Tuesday, I will even smile MORE. But trying to get everything to make everyone happy is tough. I so appreciate the positive attitudes from staff members who can find a reason to be positive about ANY situation and those who look for solutions, rather than just complain. Can you tell I love our staff? And Jenny Nate, if you are reading this you are THE BEST!!!!

I need to go school supply shopping for my kids. I will probably have to buy the $4.97 binders since we are so late and all the 97 cent binders are sold out. I figure between Josh and Andrew we will need at least 12 binders. Andrew's schedule is pretty tough this year--I hope he doesn't let this cancer thing distract him. So far, I think he is handling it well, but he doesn't talk about it much, while Josh is open about what he is thinking. (sorry teachers who have Josh, he never hesitates to share his opinion!) I am sad I don't get to watch Josh adjust to the high school--only for three days I guess I do--but I was so looking forward to a child who would actually, and likely, come up to me and say "Hey mom!"while the other child ( my darling and so affectionate (hrmmph)Andrew) would hide behind his binder and wave a tiny pinky finger as he walked by lest any one figure out I was his mother.

I want to go back to Maine to escape the looming September 7. I am hopeful that this rash will clear up by this weekend so I can enjoy camping without constantly running to the mirror to see if it is fading. Perhaps Woody, plastic surgeon, will ease my mind on Thursday.

Time to eat some tacos.

Hanging in there...I promise.

Molly

9 comments:

sheryl said...

Molly you are awesome!!!! I look at you and think how can she be functioning the way she is. You know that I am going to miss you terribly. You keep our building running. I will keep your email full!!! Don't worry about Andrew. By the time this year is over with I will be begging to teach Pre-Calc. I will be a math god someday!!!!

It does feel good to be back to school. Busy is good. When I got home my blood report was back for my yearly check up. I looked my #'s up online and they don't look good. Total Cholesterol 135, Triglyceride 245, HDL - 38, LDL - 98 Ratio 4.9 Help me Dr. Molly and Dr. Pam. Not good huh!!! I know I need to start eating better and lose weight. Meeting Rick at Hacienda for dinner - Think I will just drink my dinner!!!!!

XOXO

Sheryl

kim said...

Molly today in the staff meeting you were on fire. I mean the comments you made without hesitation were hilarious. You were thorough but quick (until I needed repeating) Did I really say out loud "tattoo your boobs?"

I think you may be losing boobs but gaining balls? Is this possible? Look it up on the internet tonight! (wink -wink)

Love ya more after today.

Jen said...

Mol Brawl...I so enjoy your company! How will we live without you for so many weeks to bounce our frustrations off of and gain back our sanity in return???? I'll always listen to you and your fears anytime. My denial is good for you, I just know it! :) Thanks for always listening. Back to laughs!

Love, love, love,
Jen

Pam A said...

Hey Molly, Angie told me about your blog yesterday..... you need to put this into a book when everything has settled down. What a hoot! You are amazing! Of course it's really not funny, but laughter is truly the best medicine - especially for Andrew and Josh. Remember when Gerry had cancer(lymphoma)when Amy was a senior and Bobby was a freshman? Patty was in 7th. Gerry really worried it would completely ruin Amy's senior year, but all 3 kids told us - don't lie to us and we'll be ok. As "grown up kids" - lol - they didn't want to feel like the adults around them knew more than they did about their dad. So we told them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Some people might argue with that but it was the right decision for us. They didn't want to walk around with their teachers or other adults whispering behind their backs about their poor sick dad. Knowledge is power - and that helped them get through it. Hard to believe that was 4 years ago. Andrew and Josh will be fine.... just look at you - you are one strong lady! And by the way - know that you will be greatly missed at the high school. You are a keeper of the peace like no other. I am officially putting tape across my mouth until you return - and for a few months after - just to give you a break - lol! I will be reading your blog - hang in there!
Pam

PK said...

Hold on tight while riding this roller coaster, Ms. Molly. You're so dedicated & available to all of us at school -but please shut your door on us a couple times a day & close your eyes or listen to music or even go walk around the block. Stress is not your friend and there's only so much you have control over right now...create those small moments to de-stress whenever you can. (Could rash be stress related??)
I love Pam's approach of full disclosure with the kids - they know when things aren't right and tend to blame themselves if they don't understand what's going on.

Watching Oprah late night: Dr. Oz said to read food labels & avoid the words enriched, hydrogenated, sugar/fructose, sodium, and another one I can't remember right now. Eat fresh fruits & vegies, waterwaterwater, fish. And walk / lift weights. Sounds so easy doesn't it?? And they did the whole show without mentioning chocolate - what's with that?
PK

Laura said...

Molly, I love the blog. You are loved by your co-workers, family and friends and you have the love and support of so many. You are right that something good will come of it. (but while you're going thru it, it sure makes you wonder, doesn't it?) You seem to be keeping your spirits up, and staying active. Good for you! I can't see anything getting the best of Molly. Everyone is cheering you on. My thoughts and prayers are with you! Smile - you are loved.
-Laura

Anonymous said...

Molly-A wise and wonderful friend of mine said something that stuck with me yesterday and always will.."you can't react what other people do or things that happen to you, but you can control how you react to them." You are the best!! I will miss you when you're not here, but I will be thinking about you everyday and waiting for you to get back so that we can give you looks during meetings and make you laugh. I will be fine. Please no worries. People like you inspire the rest of us. Problems are so small when you see the big picture (which I see when I read your blog). We are all blessed to have each other...good friends, great family, and our lives each day! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!

Meg Comerford said...

Hey... Just read you blog and I am sorry to hear all the troubles you have been facing but - you have a great sense of humor about it.
By the way did i see you were excited about camping? Bri took me camping last weekend and I was anything but excited at the chance to go again. Did you know you have to share a public restroom they whole time - sleep in a tent (YUK)- make all the meals over a campfire? (Clearly I was not prepared for this adventure) And then the my dh (darling husband) looks shocked when i am drinking by noon! (I was hoping a glass of wine would help me think of camping as rustic and charming not smelly and buggy - can you tell I am not a girl scout?). By the way the perfume of choice is OFF! (I didn't know that) Well I am coming into town this weekend so hopefully i will see you and good luck camping (better you than me babe LOL)

Love ya,
Meg

Michele said...

Molly;

I was pretty surprised yesterday to hear this, and absolutely amazed by your strength! Positive people do so much better with this crap, don't you think? Keep believing in your own powerful way and you will be fine. I truly believe in mind over matter. You know all you have to do is ask if you need anything, you have a whole staff of people that would be happy to help you.

Stay strong this weekend! I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.

Michele