Nice.

June 1st--and summer feels like it is here. Nine days left of work. No getting kids up, no asking about homework, no worrying about cancer...uh, well no, but summer means a lot more relaxing!

I don't mind working these last few days--my colleagues are fun to work with and we go out for lunch. : ) I still glad I am not a full year employee--although right now I sure could use the extra $20, 000 or whatever it is. These next two weeks I will be getting ready for fall--cleaning out files, finishing scheduling, interviewing new teachers, making room assignment changes, those types of things. I also have my evaluation with my boss (the superintendent). He always asks us what our highlight of the year was...every year I have to think about it, and every year it is similar to the previous year. My highlights are never major, but are rather the little things that no one ever recognizes or necessarily knows about. One such highlight happened this year just after graduation had ended and I was watching the seniors get on the Project Graduation busses. A mom of a graduate came up to me and thanked me for helping her daughter graduate. Her daughter had stopped coming and I made phone call home to see if I could try to talk her into coming in at least for a meeting...she did, we talked, I encouraged, and she graduated. I did NOT do anything all that special, but just did what any one would do. So yup, she graduated. I am amazed with some students who give up with just weeks left to go. Anyway, that was minor but still made me happy. That is why we go into teaching, I think. The little things.

Yesterday I got attacked by allergies at our girl's softball games. I could not breathe all night. My eyes were watering, my nose running...arggh. But I took a Benadryl and woke up fine. Congrats to our girl's softball team for winning districts. They are ranked number 1 in the state and are on a roll. Also, the team that beat us in baseball also won districts which made us bittersweet....at least we got beat by the best.

I am actually making dinner so must go.

Ah summer. Gotta love it.

Molly

School's out for the summer!

Sigh of relief--the year is over and calmness should be restored to school and my household. No more waking the boys up each morning and waking them up again...and again..GET UP!!!!!!!!!! (in my best mother screech!) No more...for a few months anyway. I have two more weeks.

Jim is off helping a little league team in Edwardsburg. He is so good with little kids. He took Andrew and his buddies with him to help. It looks like it may storm so I expect them home soon. Jim wants to go out to eat for dinner...the Cubs are on TV and we don't get the game so that is why. : ) Joshie is announcing at a different little league game.

Just did my monthly googling of ACC...no new documents or research. Didn't learn anything new. My mom is back on chemo--just half the dosage--she is back eating and her hands are not peeling anymore.

I think both boys did well grade wise..unfortunately, Josh ended up with his first A-....no more perfect gpa. Andrew's gpa should actually go up, but when he said "I know I got three right" on his calculus test I'm not so sure....there were 50 questions. Ugh. I am hoping next year's math will go better. Even though he hovered in the B range most of the year, he claims he has no idea what he was doing all year. Next year's teacher is very diligent on "understanding" so I think it will be better. Andrew used the "I don't get it so why try?" crutch too often.

I am watching Friends right now and that show just makes me laugh. Especially Ross.

I've babbled on long enough about nothing. I know I need a haircut so if you see me, just know that I know it. : )

Love to you all-

Moi

Crying in Mudville.

Wow. Long time.

Tonight, there is no joy in Mudville. Vikes lost to Lakeshore in the district game, in extra innings. I am just weepy for the seniors. Andrew has another year left but it still is hurting him to see his friends sad. The Lakeshore coach is one of Andrew's summer coaches and a great guy...I am just glad it was a good game and we did well for the most part. But damn I wanted to beat them!!!

My surgery on pizza pocket is in July. They slice it off. Ugh. My nipple is built from skin that is on my breast area--not Pizza Pocket fat. How is that for a visual?

Graduation was wonderful. Stressful, but wonderful. Two more days that I have to get the kids up. I am finished June 12 and really need a good summer vacation since last year pretty much sucked.

Shade ran away last week and ended up in the pokey--yup, the mean old dog catcher got 'er. She was missing all day and when I finally found out, I said 'maybe she's at the pound?" and sure enough, she was. They were about to close so she had to spend the night. Of course, last night I wanted to send her back because she was all nutso over the storm. I died laughing at Jim trying to get her under the bed. Our bedroom has a wooden floor so it is very slippery so Jim would slide her under, she would crawl out, he would slide her back, she would crawl out, he would slide her back. Our floor no longer needs to be dusted.

Doesn't the weather stink? I truly think I suffer from SAD, but only when it is supposed to be summer-like. I am fine with snowstorms, but this cold weather makes me depressed. I just want sunny skies, a pool, a good book, and a large iced tea with lemon.

Thanks for checking in. I still need each and everyone one of you.

Mollyfofollyfeefifofolly

Summer surgery

Short and quick.

Saw Dr. Messinger and he assures me losing Pizza Pocket is an office procedure that just requires a local anesthetic. And, get this, he will sew me up a new nipple using my current skin right there on the table! He drew on me...I will have two more scars, but I am so mutilated now, who cares I guess. I had the surgery scheduled for July 25 but they called back to re-schedule, which I can't remember to do. Nevertheless, surgery will be this summer.

Honor's Reception is done...Baccalaureate is Wednesday, Graduation Thursday. Exams for underclassmen start Friday...and then four more days! How fast of a year it has been.

I have been overwhelmed with things at work, unexpected things that don't allow me to do my regular job. But we are getting there. I get to work at 7:00 and today was the earliest I have left in weeks. We do have a board meeting tonight so work really isn't done yet for the day. Life is still good.

I went to see my mom this weekend and she is now wearing a wig and looks much better than the last time I saw her. Her wig is sort of a sandy brown...a wierd switch for her--all of us have pretty dark hair, with mine being the lightest. Her fingers looked horrible...red and peeling, but healing better than before. She is dreading her next chemo and has mentioned a few times "people who have just stopped it." I don't think she wants to do it, but not eating and having painful fingers and feet has to be miserable. She has lost 23 pounds. She's a much smaller person than I am--only about 5'6" and much littler all around. She still has her booty (a family trait) and the docs don't want her losing any more weight. She's still tough but manage to go to Panera with us and ate some chicken broth. She manages to get down about 700 calories a day, mainly Ensure. Sister Sue and my daddy take good care of her.

TTFN. Cancer sits but doesn't influence.

Molly

Pizza and Thyroid

Pizza Pocket lives on in case you had forgotten. Tuesday I am heading back to Kalamazoo to see Woody to decide if we want to slice Pizza Pocket off or not. A BC sister on the Internet told me it was an out patient procedure but she came home with 2 drains and an incision that went nearly to her back shoulder blade. UGH........that makes me want to say NO. But I will see what dear Woody says. He hasn't done anything too painful to me so I will trust his opinion. By the way, Miss Boobie is doing ok--my incision still itches and there is a rough spot that I itch too much so I have a really red area. But all in all, she's doing her thing, hanging around like a good boobie does.

I also met with Dr. T this week to go over additional bloodwork. All is fine there. He does want me to see a colon doctor (that is easier to spell than gastroendommmmmmblahblahblah) just to see what I should do about early screening. So I do that June 5th. I do not know the results of my thyroid test. I am hoping they say "WOW! No wonder you are fat!!!" and tell me my thyroid is really out of whack...it is out of whack, but I think the meds are working just fine, unfortunately. : )

Seniors are almost done. Andrew will be lost without his senior buddies. I used to make fun of my friends who are all weepy about their senior kids but I am right there with them now, thinking about senior pictures, graduation, etc. I do think this summer we need Andrew to really commit to where he wants to visit. He has no interest in going out of state as of now.

TTFN. Jim made wonderful steaks. It's 9:12 and I am about to eat half a cow.

"WOW! No wonder I'm fat."

Hugs,

Molly

Fist fights in the office

I'm sure no one is reading anymore--don't blame ya one bit. I honestly haven't had time to even think about blogging, but here I am, saying hello: HELLO

Nothing really exciting or new right now. My mom has hit the chemo wall as they say, and now has every crappy side effect she could have. Her lips are so cracked and peeling--she can hardly eat--and the nausea has started. Her hands are a mess too--cracked and splitting, along with a little neuropathy (tingling). They've totally taken her off one drug, and are lowering the dosage of the other. She has lost 20 pounds and is sustaining her current weight with Ensure.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I am feeling very guilty about not going to see her, but Jim got Cubs' tickets and we really need to spend time together as a family. With his helping with baseball, and my schedule, we are seeing more of each other driving by than at home. Andrew's team lost again today, so Jim is in a funk...Josh's team hardly ever wins so no funk going on there! Jim feels bad for missing Josh's games, and Josh LOVES to make him feel guilty...Andrew is bumming because he isn't playing at all defensively (but is the DH) so people are just a bit grouchy around here! We are going to have DQ tonight so at least I will be happy. : )

Let's see. I lost my debit card. PANIC city for me. I think I left it in one of the machines that keeps it...my bank's machine is just a swiper so when I went to the keeper one, I just drove off. I have already ordered another one, but since Jim and I never have cash I thought I would starve or something. : ) We got gas last night in Coldwater, MI and the pump stopped at $100 for the Yukon. Then I got gas today in my tiny Malibu and it was $50. Arggggghhhhhhh.

The seniors are done on Wednesday. Amazing. This year has to be the fastest year ever. 'course I spent much of it at doctor's appointments.

Yesterday, our Student Council sponsored a Pancake Breakfast for Relay for Life. They made $500. The kids loved it--missing seminar to eat! While this was going on, my two polite young children were in my office asking for money and actually got in a fist fight while I was getting it for them. I bet that has not happened in too many principals' offices anywhere in the world. What was worse was I was on the phone with a parent--luckily, she is a friend of mine and laughed it off but I about suspended both of them. I called Jim at work and told him I should get extra duty mother pay for having to be with them 24-7. He at least gets to go to work to avoid them for a few hours. : )

MMMMM. Time to run. Cancer is about 5th on the "topics on my brain" list.

That's a good thing.

Molly
Mother and Dog Owner of the Year

Long hours.

Hi all--I am a neglectful blogger. So busy this week--worked 11-12 hour days last week on a new scheduling program. The trainer was here from Colorado so I needed to make the most of having her here. The middle school also had training but their schedule is so much simpler than the high school's so luckily they didn't need the trainer as much as I did. The program is actually very user friendly but doesn't solve the problem schedule that we offer. No one cares now but when Joe Schmoe can't get Calculus because he has AP Biology--well, it makes parents mad. But, truth be told, figuring out the schedule is like solving a complicated puzzle and can be fun and challenging. (I know you are thinking well, don't offer AP Biology the same time as Calculus, but when I move AP Bio it conflicts with Band...see the problem?)

This week we will be starting teacher interviews...we are looking for a math/science teacher combo. Any future teachers out there? Math and science is where to head...

Not much else to report. Jim took Dan Holland and Andrew to the Notre Dame baseball game. Josh and I are hanging out. I paid bills today and was able to actually pay some EARLY. Jim will be proud. : )

Just in case you were concerned about my relationship with my dog based on the our latest round of storms...I finally convinced her to get under the bed. Jim had to deal with her for awhile--talk about no patience!!!!...but once Jim falls asleep, he is out...so I was left with her trying to crawl inside me with the ol' paw scratching the heck out of my face and her hot, stinky breath all over me. So I went to the window and stood there and lo and behold, Shade followed me, couldn't stand the noise, so she got under the bed. I think she stayed there the rest of the night.

On a good note, I have removed myself from the Breast Cancer listserv email group that I joined right after DX. I couldn't keep up with the number of emails. Why is this good? Because I am not so focused on cancer. Have had some wierd dreams about my mom, though. She is doing ok, but her skin is troublesome right now from a certain drug. So they have stopped it for the time being. I need to go see her soon. They are still very busy with their retirement activities so that is good.

Life seems normal.

Molly

Earthquakes and Prom 2008

Just real quick--it is midnite--I am waiting for Andrew to get home from his prom...he is spending the night with his baseball team at the coach's house and he needs directions. You would think with the coach being his uncle (well, actually his cousin but the age thing confuses all the kids) he would know how to get there. He's been there numerous times but is directionally challenge.

Andrew is definitely a Brawley. Would much rather have been in a baseball uniform and when he got to prom he asked if it would be ok if Kait drove my car home. He HATES to drive. Poor Kait, she does not know how typical this is for a Brawley...well, at least my husband!

All the kids were gorgeous, the colors vibrant and amazing. So many different types of dresses...tuxes were pretty standard. I went to dinner with my pals Betty and Robert. When Andrew said he wouldn't dance until I left, that was my cue. I think I drive him nuts but the feeling is mutual.

On a different note, the earthquake this morning was felt by my husband who was just leaving for work. He called me after he got to work when he heard it was an earthquake. GET THIS--when he felt the quake he thought it must have been me, JUMPING ON OUR BED!!!! How many 45 year olds do you know who jump on their bed at 5:40 in the morning?????

Silly Nimmy.

Love to you all--

Molly

A shady relationship is hitting the rocks!

My dog and I are experiencing some relationship issues. She is driving me insane. First of all, we had to drug her earlier this week because of storms. You know how I used to feel bad about that? Well, I am about ready to do it ALL THE TIME. (not really, you PETA fans out there!) The real issue is at night--she gets me up every two hours. What she does is she hits our closet doorknob with her nose and then sits and looks in this antique full length mirror. She can see me in bed that way--she won't come on the bed--but just sits and whines as she looks in the mirror. If I don't get up, she keeps hitting the doorknob with her snout.

This morning she was sound asleep when Jim got up to go hit with Andrew. I told him to take her out and give her a treat, so she would leave me alone. She refused to budge. Jim leaves about 20 minutes later and lo and behold, Shade is nudging that damn doorknob. I am a poster parent for HOW TO LET YOUR DOG CONTROL YOU.

Ok, if I am honest, the reason she is doing this is because we are not home until 7-8 at night and she is bored out of her skull. But dang, I am losing sleep like a newborn's mother. I am sure she sleeps all day when we are gone, and with baseball, we just aren't home. This coming week will be just as bad--we have something every night except Monday. So that is my sad tale about the dog I love so much.

Speaking of baseball, the Varsity Vikes are doing pretty well--I think we are 4-1. Andrew watches the weather report every day like its his job--he loves the game so much and can't stand when anything is cancelled. Thank goodness we had nothing scheduled this weekend. Josh is quite disappointed--his team has only been able to practice on a baseball field three times and any scheduled game he has had has been cancelled. He is convinced they will "stink" so I hope they can get a game or at least some solid practrices under their belts SOON.

The weather looks like it might be better for next week--Prom day looks rainy but that is a week off as it is. I have to call my dear friend Betty to see if she is still my date. We have been prom dates for at least 7 years in a row. I won't let her off the hook yet. ; )

It is snowing right now. My lovely black lab is sound asleep on the big comfy couch--Josh is still in bed. Jim and Andrew are the worker bees--they've been gone to Dowagiac to hit since 8:00 this morning. I am still in my jammies but did start some laundry. Dinner today at John and Ginger's at 12:30. I wonder what we are having? I bet a fish fry since they had some left over fish from the Brian Parker Foundation fish fry. They made over $2000 but since they had to bread the fish early to be ready, there was some left over. Fried blue gill are great, but I am just not in the mood. I love Ginger's soups so maybe she will have a big pot of her famous Potato Soup in addition to the fish.

Much to do today. Yesterday was a big comfy couch day, reading and watching the Masters. I love to do that. I told Jim the course at the Masters would be a wonderful campground. He looked at me like I said something against God himself and that I was headed straight to hell.

Much love to you all.

Molly Elizabeth Brawley, Dog Owner Extraordinaire

Uneventful day--isn't that nice?

Spring Break is officially over--just in time for the sun to come out tomorrow! Woohoo...high of 62. The Vikings have their first game (finally) starting at 10 a.m. in South Bend. I guess Andrew is playing first base, which is strange but he can pretty much play anywhere in the infield so whatever is best for the team. Josh doesn't play for awhile.

I have become addicted to McDonald's Sweet Tea. I grew up drinking regular ice tea--my mom always made sun tea--and my neighbor across the street Felicia (I called her Fi, short for FiFi) always had sweet tea that her mom made and it was the BEST. So Mickey D's tea reminds me of that. Yummy.

I have not done much constructive today except laundry. The house is picked up (notice I didn't say clean) but since Andrew cleaned out the bottom of his closet the laundry will never end. Normally, I clean closets on Spring Break but never did.

Did I tell you I love my purse?

Andrew and Kait got his tux. It is black with turquoise tie, etc...It's a regular tie. I asked Andrew if the turquoise matched Kait's dress and he said "she said it did, so yeh, I guess." I asked him where they were going to dinner and he said "Kait knows." I asked him who they were going with and he said "uh...Kait knows." Poor Kait. What a nub he is. He IS very excited and asked me a few questions about prom in general but he sure isn't into details.

After practice today many of the team went to shave their heads. They had mentioned mohawks so I reminded Andrew of prom...I sure hope he comes home with some hair.

Spaghetti for dinner tonight.

Life is good.

Molly

Let me tell you about my purse.

Interesting day today. I went to Kalamazoo to sit with my mom during her all day chemo session. I am so glad I did as it opens my eyes to other aspects of this terrible disease that I have been lucky to avoid. The place was WAAAAY too busy...mom said it was actually pretty empty compared to other Wednesdays. Maybe everyone is on Spring Break? There were some pretty amazing people there...fighting the good fight. A couple women there with no hair--such a telltale sign of breast cancer. One lady near my mom has been coming to the Cancer center since 1999...she was about 50. Wow.

My mom looks good, albeit her hair has gotten so gray! She used to dye it and since cancer decided what the hell...she hates it but since it IS thinning a little bit she doesn't want to harm it any more by putting chemicals on it. She looked little to me...she says she has lost 10 pounds but only right after surgery--she has lost no weight on chemo but sure looked tiny. I think she is doing fine, but not as well as she portrays. Bless her for that tho'--she doesn't want me to worry down here so tells me everything is fine. My dad takes such good care of her. They both enjoyed their Subway subs for lunch--mom could only eat 1/4 of hers but had eaten lots of cookies that the "coffee cart" had brought around. There was also a woman there who gave massages...even to visitors. It was actually a very nice place but one that no one wants to visit!

The car ride was filled with singing and open windows. Just me and my XM radio listening to the Pina Colada song. I had forgetten the story of that song...I think back in the day I never listened to lyrics, just sang. It's a silly song but fun.

Let me tell you about my purse. I am making a big deal out of it because it is something I have wanted for years. My friends Marcia and Betty will understand...I bought my first Vera Bradley purse! Now, mind you, some people think these purses are for old ladies and don't understand the attraction for this cloth thing...but I have wanted one for a long time, so if they are for old ladies, well, then I am an old lady and happy to be one! I also splurged and got a wallet in the same pattern. This was my 6 month NED (no evidence of disease)purchase. (One woman I know goes on a great vacation every year she is NED. We love NED.) So, what I like about the purse besides its bright and sunny pattern is that I can actually see in it...no more dark leather that was vinyl anyway. : )

Did you notice my little quiz in the upper right hand corner of the blog site? It's something new that the blog site is offering so I thought I would try it out. Answer if you know...and even if you don't. I will tell the answer in a few days. Also, by now you have noticed I changed the blog template again. I was getting tired of it. Someone needs to design some other templates I think. : )

That is all for now. Such a wonderful day. Appreciate your good health each and every day!

Molly

Perfectly normal!

Mary from Dr. Ansari's office just called and said:

Dr. Ansari got your report and your CT scan is "perfectly normal". She then said that for sure it is "just an old granuloma"...it is NOT cancer.

I am shaking as I type this. Now I have things to do to enjoy the rest of my Spring Break!

I think I will go shopping.

Thanks to all of you who have listened, and I know will continue to listen to me. This journey is far from over but I think making it 6 months is worthy of a celebration--like spending money.

Hugs to all of you!!!!!

Kristina, special thanks to you. You know why, my sister.

Molly

Still waiting....

Of course no one called. So I just called and got put through to the triage nurse voice mail--left my message and now get to wait for someone to call me back. GAWD! There should be some law against this. This takes me back to waiting for Dr. H to call after that loooooonnnng weekend and he never called either. So unless you want to hear me whine and worry, I wouldn't read any further.

I thought I would sleep good last night but the dog and Jim had other ideas. Jim is in this crazed sleep mode--as in "I attack my wife in my sleep" mode. He doesn't really attack me but turns over and comes towards my side of the bed really quickly with his arms flailing. Scares me awake each and every time. He is sound asleep through the whole thing--plus he has that big ol' breathing thing going on that could wake someone in Montana. And Shade was a bit out of sorts last night from the storm so she too woke me up...laid right next to my head and panted and kept offering the paw. So of course when I wake up I get to thinking and I kept thinking that the radiologist who read the initial chest x-ray should have had access to the PET/CT that Memorial ran--it wasn't the same site, but the same network. So if he HAD the access, did he denote THIS nodule as something different? And did Dr. Ansari tell me the whole truth and nothing else? I have a tendency to make things up when I don't know the whole story... And then the worrying starts...

I am just awful at this.

And then I try to tell myself the good things:

1) I KNEW something would show up because it always does.
2) Dr. Ansari said 95 percent sure it was the same nodule.
3) Dr. Ansari did not mention any thing else showing up and at least in my mind there should have been two things mentioned if there was something new.
4) He told me to make an appointment for 6 months.
5)uh...that's all I can think of right now.

And I guess what I have to believe is this: It is what it is.

I shall return, of course. If someone EVER calls me back!

Molly

Only I can be so complicated.

Ok--there is a 1 cm nodule in the upper right lobe of my lung--Dr. Ansari is 95 percent sure it is the same nodule that was found in my PET/CT scan in July that is thought to be a "granuloma", which is basically scar tissue. (I am pretty sure I have had the granuloma for years--I remember when Dr. Stanley found it when Josh was just a toddler. I think she said it was caused by scarring from bronchitis type stuff)

Anyway, the nodule is in the same spot (upper right lobe) but to be sure, Dr. Ansari ordered a chest CT with dye, which I had today right in the same office. He said he would know the results either later today or tomorrow and that he would call me, but if I hadn't heard from him, I should call him tomorrow around 1:00. (I will run around naked if he actually calls me--no one ever does that so I am sure I will have to call there) When I told the tech who did the CT that Dr. Ansari wanted the results right away he seemed rather surprised but asked the other tech if there was a stat order on it --I didn't hear what he said but assumed he said yes because the tech said "ok." But who knows, the other tech probably shook his head no, like I was just another crazed cancer paranoid witch! : ) With my luck, they won't know tomorrow as it is! : (

But this is what is keeping me from freaking out: On every chest x-ray I have had in the last 10 years a nodule has shown up--and on this most recent x-ray, it is the ONLY thing (unless Dr. Ansari did not tell me) showing up, so it has to be the same thing, right??? I just don't remember it being 1 cm--but back in the day, 1 cm was SMALL to me so maybe I am not remembering correctly. 1 cm seems huges now to me now that I know what cm means. UGH.

The other thing that relaxed me just a bit was there was just one nodule at all. If ACC is aggressive, often times numerous lesions or nodules appear, so if worst case scenario comes to fruition, at least there is one for now.

But again, I am just praying it is the original granuloma. Dr. A said he believes 95 percent that is what it is, but wanted a "Chest CT with Dye" as a baseline anyway, as "this thing will continue to show up and he will at least know what he is dealing with." So I would guess that if it were to grow, we would know we have issues. I wanted him to just call and ask to see my other chest x-rays but he seemed pretty adament about gettting the chest CT as it shows better I guess. Sigh.

So, there you have it. Not GREAT news but not devastating news either. I guess when a doctor tells me 95 percent sure it is nothing most of us would believe him, but Miss RAREISMYFRICKINGMIDDLENAME doesn't trust any percents when applied to me. But deep down, I think I will be able to sleep tonight.

The rest of the appointment was fine--all my bloodwork was "normal." Hell, I don't even know what he was looking for. Secondly, I do not have to see him until September and that is after an MRI of my GOOD BREAST. I thought it would be of the bad breast, but he said no, there is nothing to image there--it would be looking for something in the "ocean when it was dark". That surprised me and I will have to check with my BC sisters if this is protocol. The lady who scheduled me for the MRI said that with reconstruction, they don't image it. But I still don't know how they would catch a recurrence, unless it is just with a lump or something. So, on the first day of school next year I have an MRI, and then two days later see Dr. A. Won't Jim Knoll love me for getting out of the first day of school? : ) Luckily, he is a great boss and always lets me take care of my boobs when needed.

So, with the moment of chaos concerning the nodule, I asked no other questions, like should I have a colonoscopy, why does my rib/liver/fat on my side hurt, why does my hip hurt, why am I a hypochondriac, was my tumor an aggressive kind, yada yada. But perhaps the fact he doesn't want to see me until September should tell me not to worry about those things. I also know that Sharon, the ACC/breast guru, says that with ACC, until symptoms are present, LIVE YOUR LIFE.

TTFN. If Dr. Ansari's office calls watch out for the fat lady running down Grant Street butt naked.

Molly

In less than 24 hours, I will know.

Hello--

Still freaking out. But I do have moments of calm and this is one of them.

This weekend was a weekend of firsts. Friday, Jim and I went to Barnes and Noble, my favorite place to go. Bought $95 worth of books--none about cancer mind you. Then, we went to Panera, which was a first for both of us (I had gone in once but never bought anything.) We rather enjoyed it. Then Saturday I "made" Jim go to the Farmer's Market in Elkhart--which was about 1/2 hour away. This place is HUGE...but since it is still cold, didn't have much in the way of veggies and fruits. The best part was the "food court"--which was mainly Amish people making homemade goodies. I bought $7 worth of home churned butter, and the BEST homemade soft pretzels...Jim got a butter pecan ice cream cone--homemade--and then I brought the boys home some cinnamon rolls and two hot out-of-the-fryer doughnuts. YUM. The retail stuff was ok...I won't go back until summer but it was a fun diversion for us. We ran into Carla from work who had also dragged her husband there. We called it our Spring Break trip--both of us wanted some where warm but settled for the Amish Farmer's Market. : )

Today I went to Wal-Mart and bought $100 worth of plastic--shower gel, soap, laundry detergent, razers, shampoo, conditioner, etc. I bought doubles of everything since we have two bathrooms--Jim primarily just uses the upstairs one but lately I have been forced to as well since the kids are always taking showers it seems! The red clay from the baseball field has already permeated my bathtub and my carpeting.

Kristina, thanks for your words. I know you understand and it helps to know I am not alone. I know this cancer is slow growing but it is also unpredictable so I don't think anyone even knows what to expect. I do need to ask Dr. Ansari some more questions about my pathology report (e.g is there anything to indicate the tumor histology is aggressive) and does the size scare him more than if it were smaller--which is really a dumb question but there is some research to show that the size doesn't matter as long as the main form isn't aggressive. I just wonder how long I had the darn thing.

Never did hear about my chest x-ray. But I have had tests before and other than the mammo letters, I usually only hear results from my doctors so I am not that freaked about that. Just your everyday "freaked."

As always, I keep telling myself, "I am not going to die today."

Molly

A bit calmer.

Ok, I needed to write again to say that I think I am feeling better about things. My worries are all still there but I just feel ok. Sorry about the dramatics--I don't mean to be that way but cancer does that to me.

I wish I could always put on an awesome front but tonight I couldn't.

Again, I am doing ok. Getting ready to go to my safe haven of my bed to read a new book I got today. You will think I am crazy(ier) but the book is about sea turtles. It is quite sappy but takes place in the Carolinas and I am enthralled with the southern east coast these day.

Thanks for listening (dear diary). (HA! I used to write that back in the day!)

Smooches to all of you.

Molly

Terrified.

I have been avoiding blogging this week because what I am about to write may be seen as another "cry wolf" hypochondria entry but to tell you the truth, I am freaking out.

You know how I have mentioned this liver tumor fear? This is because I have had an achiness below my ribcage, sort of towards my side. For awhile it would come and go. Now, it feels like a persistent "cramp" and my lowest rib on my right side is very tender to the touch and looks swollen. I have had Jim feel it and he says he can't feel any difference between the swollen side and the non-swollen side, but when he touches both sides at once, I have that same strange pain I had in the boob. It just is scary.

I guess the good thing is I will know on Monday. When they did my chest x-ray they did a lateral view and I doubt if there IS anything on that rib it would be missed....in fact, it should show up since that is right where the beams of light hit...

I hate this --more so now because it robs me of peace and that affects Jim, my kids, etc! It seems like we (me) are always waiting for the other shoe to fall. Normally, on the beginning of Spring Break I am looking forward to a week of sleeping in, warmer weather, and fun days with the kids. Now I am just terrified of Monday.

In the mail today I got a letter from Memorial Lighthouse, which is where I had the chest x-ray done, along with the mammo. I was almost excited to open it, thinking I would have reports about BOTH scans, but no, it was just my negative mammo report, which I already knew and never feared in the first place. I started shaking, thinking WHY didn't they send the x-ray report?

I am sorry to be so dismal and depressing. I would love to type on Monday that everything is cool and I keep praying that I can. I won't even care if you call my a pyschochondriac. I would love to be one!

Cancer sucks and that is all I have to say.

Molly

Waiting

What an agonizing day. In a nutshell, I DO know that "reduced" cancer -free boob "looks great" according to the radiologist. And that man must have taken hours to read the thing or so it seemed. I even had to go back for additional views. The problem was that my OLD mammos are of BIG UGLY FAT breast and the new boob is smaller so he had to do some comparing of apples to oranges...or rather watermelons to muskmelons. Nevertheless, all is good with that boob.

And that is all I know so far. They took my chest x-ray and it too seemed like it took forever to tell me the films were ok...in terms of a clear shot--NOT that they were clear. Those films will not be read until later. I swear (when I was waiting for her to come tell me she needed no additional views)that she was calling all the doctors in to look at the big, huge mass in this lady's lung...your mind just goes nuts. She did carry the film with her when we walked to theboob squisher area and the one part I saw looked clear, except for this HUGE white looking thing in the middle that I am guessing was my heart...she said she had to take lateral views for that. At least she wasn't hiding them under her shirt or anything.

It was just agony letting my mind wander. I tried to eavesdrop on all the nurses thinking they were calling Dr. Ansari...gawd, I hate that! The good thing is, coming home, I felt relief. But I still don't know if my worst fear will be realized and that is again causing some angst. But at least there is no cancer in reduced boob. One small victory.

And then even if my lungs are clear, I worry about the ache in my liver area, my jaw, my tailbone,...I just need to go on some heavy drugs I think!
Seeing Dr. Ansari should help with the crazy worrying. That is one week from today.

Thanks for listening. I think I can move on now. Well, at least until after dinner.

Hugs--

Molly

Potato chips, red eye, and snow storms.

How ridiculous is this impending snow storm we are about to get? 6-8"!!! Is that nuts or what? And we were supposed to play baseball...which is sad...and also no chance of a snow day as snow won't come until after we are in school. Actually, I need to be in school tomorrow as I have so much to do on a small timeline.

Tailbone hurts again and I have what in psychochondriacville is like a liver tumor. There. I wrote it down. Now I must move on.

Jim Brawley makes the best potato chips ever. He is a french fry freak but one day made some awesome potato chips instead and they are so yummy so I ask for them often. That's all I ate for dinner. No wonder I am so healthy.

Prom preparations are beginning. Kait and Andrew are going tux shopping this weekend. Prom is April 18 at the Century Center in South Bend. I have chaperoned...well..let's see...21 proms. I think I missed one year when I was preggers with Josh. It is absolutely amazing that my own son will now be in attendance. I do not know "after prom" plans...eek!

My mom's chemo scores were much better (as in normal) so she is back, doing her thing with the drugs. She has two red dots above each eyebrow that are considered a side effect. Nuts.

As you know, my tumor surgery back in 2001 left me with two syndromes--one is this first bite syndrome and the other, which I talk about rarely, is called Horner's Syndrome. If you see me in the afternoon my right eye is usually red and a bit droopy looking. Both first bite and Horner's Syndrome are caused by the severing of a nerve in my neck when they took out the tumor. The nerve could have possibly grown back together but hasn't. Why I am bringing this up now is that in a moment of googling addiction (I need a 12 step program for sure!) I googled both of them and for the most part, my schwannoma was listed as an underlying cause, but you guessed it, ACC was also listed. Now, the OLD me would have panicked, but the SMART me knows that surgery caused this, not the ACC or really even the schwannomma. But damn, why I am I so flippin' strange? Horner's syndrome is rare of course, but not to people who have their necks slashed open. I was thinking today that I need to slice my body in half vertically as all the bad crap is on the right side.

Tonight is a good night to feel those boobies...feel free to recruit a loved one if necessary.

Happy trails....

M

A message from Ava Christine's mom

For my new readers, you may not know that Ava Christine Zimmerman blessed this earth for such a very short time but impacted people around the WORLD for an eternity. Her loving parents asked that I post some information about an upcoming event. I am honored to do so and to say that I think of Ava's impact on this community daily as I am sure most of you do as well.

From "Girl" Jamie:

This month Jamie, Brayden and I are doing a Walk 4 Kids fundraiser in Ann Arbor. Here is the information I took from the website:Date: March 29Time: 9:15am registration begins/walk begins at 10a.m. Location: Downtown Ann Arbor - DTE Parking lot. We invite you to join in a magical day of fitness and fun at the Ann Arbor Walk 4 Kids on March 29, 2008. It was a natural fit for four special children’s agencies in Ann Arbor to come together to Walk 4 Kids! The Make-A-Wish Foundation® of Michigan, UM Comprehensive Cancer Center, Ronald McDonald House of Ann Arbor, UM C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital and Women’s Hospital collectively make a difference. Together we can help special children in our community. There is strength in numbers and we are joining forces to make a difference for our kids.Many of you have asked us since Ava's death if there is anything you can do. Please consider sponsoring us for this walk as two of these foundations made such a difference in our lives. Even a small amount makes a difference. (By the way, I promise not to ask for handouts all the time!) You can send the money to us at 16030 Rivershore Ln in Buchanan or get it to Michelle Asmus by Friday, March 28th. If you would like to write a check you can make it out to The Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Today I embarrassed myself so badly at lunch I still can't stop blushing. I can't share the whole story but it involved me confessing to needing my parents to help me in the bathroom when I was about five. So that doesn't seem all that embarrassing, but I just blurted it out like I was telling people about eye color or something mundane like that. The looks on their faces STILL make me cringe. GAWD, sometimes I forget I am "Boss Man Molly" (as my friend Jenny says) and I say the DUMBEST things. Anyway, we laughed so hard we cried.

One week from today is MY testing. Still some lung/chest/asthma type pain and of course my ear and glands in my face hurt. But remember when I thought I had cancer in my hips, gut, back etc? That has pretty much resolved itself.

Everyone is at baseball freezing their cleats off. Jim is helping Coach Vota if I hadn't mentioned that before. He is so excited but that puts me in charge of dinner. Which means we are having left over steak for Josh, Spinach Salad for Skinny Jim, Asian Chicken and Rice for Andrew (out of a box) and cheesecake for me! : ) Sounds good, doesn't it.

Are you all as broke as we are? It's freaking me out a little bit. You would think with two college degrees in the house we would be smarter and spend less. And I don't feel like we spend money on stupid things but apparently we do since I am not sure where our money is. I keep telling Jim it is gas prices. He says it is eating out so much. But I like to eat out... as in "I have cancer, can't we eat out?"

Hmmm. I guess that is all!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Molly

Community efforts

Feeling worried today...I have this spot behind my new boob that aches...could be muscle pain, could be asthma type symptoms (I keep sneezing), but is just a pinpointed pain...and of course I think tumor. Ok, I feel better now that I have typed that.

What a beautiful sunny day. The frost on the ground is a bummer, but at least the sun is here. We colored Easter Eggs yesterday at John and Ginger's; Bill, Robyn and Lizzie were in town--they are on their way to Holland, Mi for another Young American's tour--they just got back from Australia. Andrew missed out the festivities as he was sleeping from an early 6 AM baseball practice (parents love that as we get our kids home earlier!) but everyone else was there for the most part, so it was its usual craziness. The younger Brawley off shoots are so darn funny. Today, we are all having brunch so once again, I don't have to cook...well, breakfast anyway!

I forgot to tell you all that my mom couldn't do chemo for the last two weeks because her white count was not where it needed to be...doc was not worried at all...just says the chemo is working...but he doesn't want her to get an infection. She says she feels fine, but I haven't seen her. I hope to go up there over Spring break, but if I am honest, I am scared to think about Spring Break as I am afraid Dr.Ansari will find lots of bad things at my March 31 appointment. I am glad my break is pretty much after that appointment--if it's bad, it's bad, but if (WHEN) it is good, I will really be able to relax and enjoy the time off.

Andrew has a baseball game in less than a week. I will be shocked if he actually gets to play it. Not sure why they schedule them so early, but the season is a short one as it is. But who knows with Michigan weather--it might be 70 degrees!

As you may or may not know, a teacher here in Niles was on Oprah's GIVE BIG show and recently completed his "mission" of raising money for a needy cause. He chose a family here in Niles who was in financial trouble because of the death of the father by suicide, and their 10 year old daughter who suffered from a rare illness that requires much travel and drugs, etc. The premise of GIVE BIG is to raise as much money as you can in one week--this teacher, and this small community of Niles--raised $60,000 for this family. Is that not amazing?? I was so proud that the high school raised $2600 at our "throwback carnival" (cotton candy was the biggest seller, along with the cake walk). It warms my heart that this community can do that. Doesn't surprise me, though--I see it all the time.

Testing went well. This junior class is sooooo good. Not sure how smart they are but they sure are well behaved! : ) The testing is just so tense--I hate to see the worry on the kids' faces...especially some of our Special Education kids who know their 4th grade reading level is certainly a detriment. But it is over.

Ginger finished Pillars of the Earth--it's off to Aunt Georgia and then I plan to read it as soon as I finish the book I am reading now. I keep reading these quick reads so I haven't gotten to it yet. Ginger said it was incredible.

Laundry day. Nothing else to report in this domestic life of mine!

Molly

Still need to "settle"

'allo--

This is a quickie.

Testing went very, very well thanks to awesome teachers. When I arrived back from my doctor's appointment, I saw a car parked in front of the school that had the State Department of Education placard on its side...uh oh...

So I find the other principals and learn that we were picked to "monitor" (randomly they say) so we had a guy with a clipboard going from room to room making sure desks were three feet apart, kids had no water bottles and the appropriate calculators, etc. It had to be absolutely nerve BUSTING for those teachers...but, guess what? NO ERRORS! We passed with flying colors and around 1:00 all kids were done.

Andrew did NOT seem as confident coming out as he did going in...I hate when he says "I did alright"...that means bad usually. He did say he felt best about science. Hmmm. We shall see. Tomorrow/Thursday is two easier tests and then a regular school day. All the juniors get school off Friday for their efforts. Andrew is planning to hang out with his girlfriend and hit the mall. Josh has to go to school but had today off.

Dr. M's visit was once again uneventful. We need two more months to "settle". In the next two months I have to decide on if I want a nipple and if I want him to make Mr. Pizza Pocket to LOOK better or to FEEL better. I think if it looks better it will feel better. It's almost like having something under your armpit--ooops, I don't say armpit--I say axillary area, remember?

Also had the toofers cleaned today. Nothing too exciting there...when you have cancer, even a trip to the dentist is a victory. As you know I examine my mouth for salivary gland bumps about every time I look in the mirror. Dr. Lisa says teeth are good and healthy.

Hi Ed. Ed is my friend I went to college with who said he is reading my blog. I think he is probably just looking at the pictures so this is a test. Ed was, and continues to be, one of the funniest people I have ever met. So there you go Ed, props to you!

Mike I., I love hearing from you. Remember all our lounge chats? Me being paranoid about everything and you saying RELAX. We still laugh about lunches, etc. Some things never change.
I do like my male readers but have to remind myself not to get too specific about nipples and saggy boobs. (ah, that is so NOT true...don't care who reads about them...or even sees them for that matter!)

Going to make some soup. Only Shade and I are here for dinner. She is having this really yummy dish called PURINA DOG CHOW, and I am having Italian Wedding Soup and long grain rice.

Love to all--

Molly

$4000 at stake

Don't you just love a job that is so busy you have no idea what time it is and then it is time to go home? ENOUGH ALREADY. Week #2 of craziness started today. Checked a kid for lice (she was clean) stopped a minor fight and inadvertently got hit in Boobie (she didn't pop, thank goodness) But had fun watching all of our kids who did well this weekend...Kenyon won state...Taylor Robson won Mr. Blossomtime...our cheerleaders took first in a national competition (although Andrew tells me they were the only team in their division???) and we had three students who won state for FFA. Cool beans. Minor things like lice quickly disappear. ( I am the resident lice checker...the other AP is terrified and won't touch it! Lice is no big deal checking it, especially at the secondary level, where were rarely have it) Just another day in paradise.

Made meatloaf for dinner. Both boys are at baseball tryouts. Josh is so gosh darn excited he couldn't contain himself this morning. Josh does not have the exposure that Andrew has had in terms of number of games and competition played, and obviously needs to grow, but he is pretty good too! Andrew, for the past hour, was showing his swing to his dad...nothing like walking through the house dodging a metal baseball bat!

Tomorrow is the big STATE testing, starting with the ACT. I remember taking the ACT on a Saturday morning, the night after homecoming, and not caring two hoots about it...and I was an honors student! I truly think we have prepared the kids as much as possible, but who knows. I keep telling Andrew to predict his opponents' arguments in the writing part of the Merit Exam...I have told him so many times I think he wants to shoot me. He is NOT a good test taker but says he feels confident, particularly about math--which scares me since his PSAT math score was lower than we expected as is his pre-calculus grade...nerve racking! I know Andrew can get into a state school, and that is fine by us, but in case you didn't know it, in Michigan, you can get $4000 if you meet certain standards on the test. Money for college, of course. So I want the $4000! : ) Josh actually gets the day off.

I see Dr. Messinger tomorrow. I wonder if Boobie has "settled" enough? Wonder if yet another surgery is in my future? I really don't know what to expect. And again, March 24 is mammo and chest x--ray. I am scared of course.

All for now...need to mash the potatoes. House is quiet with both boys gone. I am sure Jim and Shade are snoozing on the couch.

Over and out.

M.

We have a State Champion!

Kenyon Ellison won the Wrestling Michigan State Championship at 285 pounds today. He defeated his opponent 4-1! WAHOO! Congrats Kenyon, you make NHS proud!

Sloppy Joe Spaghetti

Thank goodness the craziest week of the year is over...Friday came and by 3:00 p.m. I was almost asleep at my desk. I was out of there by 3:10 and asleep on the couch by 3:45...woke up at 6:00--Jim and I watched two good movies--Fracture and Babel--and then I was asleep by 11:00, with BOTH kids home, sleeping as well. A wonderful Friday night. We even had popcorn!

Babel was very interesting. I remember it was a Best Picture nominee but knew nothing else about it. It reminded me of Crash with an international flair. Fracture was a repeat for Jim--he watched it on the plane while we were grounded at Logan International-- while I talked that doctor's ear off about my cancer--remember that? It makes me smile thinking about it! (Josh said he could hear me talking so loud--he would hear "pain in boob" "doctor says I have large breasts so lumpectomy should have been ok" etc. ) You know me, not too shy about the mamms!

Today was a car wash day. I think I am Hot $%^# driving around in my clean black Malibu. Not to be braggin', but DANG, I have a lot of people comment on that car. Rather strange. And like I said, I think I am just too cool in it. (can 45 year- old overweight, saggy boobed assistant principal be cool??) HA!

Oh! I have forgotten to say...March 22 will not work for me for the Chicago or Bust trip. Andrew has a baseball tournament, believe it or not. I know you are thinking "miss a damn tournament chickie poo", but I just can't. And with my luck it will get canceled anyway...but if he does play, I want to be there. With Josh playing freshmen ball, I will have to split my time anyway, so this way I can see Andrew play. He is working so hard...Jim says he is hitting the ball very well and has been having this guy named Tex who throws HARD come and throw to Andrew and Dan Hollland. They are finally getting that curveball down. Can't wait for baseball!

Yes, I cooked today. Mind you, it was just sloppy joes. I have craved them for about three weeks and last week Jim decided to make some but he is on this "use every thing in the 'fridge and pantry before we buy more food" kick and we ended up with what tasted like spaghetti sauce sloppy joes with bbq sauce thrown in for good measure. So, that was somewhat disappointing for my craving. And then, since most of us didn't eat those 'joes, he made spaghetti sauce out of it and yes, we had spaghetti that tasted like sloppy joes. But I can't really complain since he is cooking, right? Then he made what he called venison stroganoff, which was actually venison alfredo because he found some alfredo sauce deep in the caverns of the pantry. So that wasn't very good either. (he does not read my blog so I can complain here) I of course try to be polite but the kids tell him straight up "yuk, what is this???" ... Anyway, I made "normal" sloppy joes today and also made him his favorite, favorite thing, cheesecake. Cheesecake is actually very easy to make--I follow a recipe from the Food Network from Tyler's Ultimate shows and this cheesecake IS really yummy. It's just your traditional cheesecake--my favorite--but Jim always puts fresh strawberries on his. It is baking right now, but then has to cool for 4 hours.

I keep checking the Michigan High School Athletic Association website because we have a senior who is wrestling for the state championship today. He is a heavyweight and came in 5th last year...it has been many years since Niles has had a wrestling champion--it would be so awesome if he were to win. Even second place is remarkable! We had two other wrestlers go as well but neither placed...but we are very proud of them.

Shade and Jim went for a walk in Zech's woods--looking for deer antlers (called "Sheds" because the deer shed them.) Shade is attached to the hip to Jim--loves him as much as I do.

Hope all is well with all of you. I have my worries of course but am just tired of thinking about them.

Until next time.

Molly

Putting out fires--literally.

Toilets set on fire. My life as an administrator--never a dull moment. Yes, someone set a toilet on fire today in the boy's restroom. The toilet is not worth a crap anymore. (SOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry, but I couldn't resist) Caused lots of excited kids. Now there is a big ol' sign plastered on the door offering up to $5000 reward for the arsonist. We will get the person I am sure.

Jim pulled a calf muscle trying to be Michael Jordan the other night. He is walking around upstairs like Fred Munster----drag, shuffle, drag, shuffle. Poor guy can't walk. Love him.

My mom is still kicking cancer's booty--not having any issues with her chemo so she says. She does have this awful problem with her fingers "splitting" in the winter time so the chemo nurses got her some good cream called "Nu skin" or something like that and she loves it. She swears it is not from chemo but it sounds pretty bad. She is the oldest person at her chemo sessions. Everyone else was under 50.

Work has been insane. I am still not sleeping all that well and need every minute. I know I should be over this whole surgery thing but want to sleep in like crazy. Tomorrow is Breakfast of Champions--Josh got a 4.0 so he gets to go (don't ask about Andrew) so we have to get up even EARLIER than our normal 6:15.

On that note, I should go to bed. Sorry so short and boring. Oh, please add Ron O to your prayer list. Ron was diagnosed with colon cancer (STage III) His wife Sandy is a secretary at Northside and they are just super people. Ron is a tough nut so I bet he will fight this like crazy!

Hugs to all of you...

Molly

March madness

It's been an entire week that I have not blogged.

As you all know, I am a member of the Yahoo Breast Cancer Support Group--which basically means I get emails everyday from women all over the world who have/had breast cancer...we ask zillions of questions, tell our tales, answer questions for newbies, etc., and generally feel like sisters in this crazy world of a cancer diagnosis. Last week, we all received word from Loraine's son that she had passed away. That email sent most of us reeling because less than a month ago she was this vibrant, helpful, wise soul giving all of us hope, advice, and support. I didn't even know she was Stage 4...anyway, it brought home the reality of this. It WILL kill many women.

But I remain hopeful, I really do.

March is my milestone month. On March 24 I have a round of tests--mammo and chest xray--and then I see Dr. Ansari March 31. Believe it or not, I am not good at waiting for things (Major understatement) and this month will be awful as we move closer. I don't worry about the mammo as much as I do the chest xray. I do see Dr. M, my plastic surgeon, again on March 11 to discuss Mr. Pizza Pocket. I just hope if all my scans are clear that I can try to not worry so much for the next 6 months.

Last night we went to see our high school musical Brigadoon, which was nicely done. Best part of the evening was dinner out with Josh. This is the first year Andrew did not go with us since he was five years old. He went to the matinee today with his girlfriend.

The melting snow and somewhat sunny skies were such a nice perk today. However, our basement is leaking from all the melting. I don't realize how much I want to spring and warmth to be here until days like today. Jim has already watched 3 Cubs games on t.v.--too bad they are losing as usual.

I really need to call my mom to see how she is doing. She had her third chemo this week and I haven't checked in yet. My sister is now home from Hawaii so that will make both my parents happy.

March is also going to be a very busy month for me, as we (Niles High) are adopting a new computer software program for all of our student information systems, which includes scheduling, of which I am in charge. I am excited about the process but get anxious about not being able to get the rest of my job done...like teacher evaluations that are also due this month. I plan to get into classrooms this week...and then next week is the ACT and Michigan Merit Exam. ARGGHHHHHHHHHHH. Luckily, I am not in charge of that! : )

TTFN...it is only 6:30 but I am ready for my jammies. Only one more load of wash to do and cleaning the kitchen.

Molly

Pollyanna or Doomsday Diane?

You know one of the best feelings in the world is when you feel bad and then you feel good. I had a hellacious migraine-type headache this morning and after 800 mg of ibuprofen and a bowl of hot Italian Wedding Soup for breakfast, I can cope. I thought my brain was going to explode.

The SECRET--if you read my comments, someone wrote that I should read the book called The Secret. I have not read it but saw it on Oprah, have read many excerpts, and feel I know the basic premise of the book. And I agree. We all do need to BELIEVE in good, BELIEVE in cures, BELIEVE in positivity, BELIEVE in ourselves, etc. But...and I have a big one...(pun intended) it takes TIME to get there. Overall, I think I am a pretty positive person. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't laugh and love, and if I am being honest, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder if this cancer is going to kill me. That is where this blog comes in. The Blog is my mini-version of the SECRET, as it allows me a place to get rid of the negativity and focus on all things positive. So if it seems like I am Doomsday Diane, I really am not. Even when I am scared out of my wits (in the doctor's office when he says "it's cancer") I am still ME, still in love with my life, in love with my world, in love with everything. It is not death that scares me, but missing out on such great stuff.

Having said that, I probably will read The Secret as I am all for learning and trying to worry less. I just hope you all don't think I am this black cloud who walks around being Negative Nancy. But I doubt I will ever be able to lie about how I am feeling--if I am feeling blue--yup, you are going to hear about it. 'Cause the god lord doesn't need me getting an ulcer on top of this yukky thing called cancer.

Happy sunny Sunday.

Molly

March 22 is the date--

I love weekends. And weekends that precede two days that I can sleep in. Why am I not an adult like my parents who get up, no matter what they are doing, by no later than 6:00 a.m.? I slept until after 9 this morning, which is better than the noonish, which I did two weeks in a row after my surgery.

We are looking at March 22 for the BOOBS or BUST train trip to Chicago. Julie has to tell them how many are coming so now is time for 100 percent commitment. Plan on the whole day...we plan to leave in the morning from the South Shore station, get to the place (I think it is called
MyIntimacy.com if you want to check it out on the Internet) get our super duper lifting over the shoulder boulder holders and then have a fabulous lunch and then head back. I also could use your email address as the place has asked for it for some reason. I know some of you have to make work arrangements so please let me know if you really want to go. March 22...the end of saggy boobs.

My mom has had one side effect of her chemo--a bright red rash across her cheeks that isn't TOO bothersome. So far so good. My sister is in Hawaii. The life of a single girl is quite envious sometimes. But who would rub my feet?

Zech and Alyse are coming for dinner--we are having steak sandwiches and home made onion rings. I made some fresh salsa so we are all set. Then we are off to Andrew's last home basketball game for the year. I am so flippin' amazed at how fast this school year has gone. My kid will be in college before I know it.

Speaking of college, Andrew announced yesterday morning that he is not sure he wants to be a teacher because they don't make enough money. WOW. He has wanted to be a teacher since ...well.. forever. NOW WHAT? He had at one time considered being a weather man, which still interests him, and now he is thinking maybe pharmacy, but is afraid he would be bored not working with lots of people. Jim and I gave him suggestions and tips about the pros of teaching...so I think he is now convinced he can make a DECENT living teaching, particularly since he wants to coach, too. He also says he wants to be an administrator like his mom. : ) We shall see. Next year he is taking Teaching Academy, which will certainly open his eyes to the ins and outs and the STRESSES of working with kids. But there are so many great things too about it.

It really can be difficult being an administrator's kid. Both boys have to listen to people who are angry with me...one student called me a really NASTY name on their website because I had to give them a detention, and my kids heard about it. Luckily, they know it doesn't bother me much so they aren't off running to defend their mom, but I think it must bother them a little to have people say stuff. But Andrew has the right attitude--he says "who cares? They are jerks." I worry more about Josh who is so darn sensitive.

Anyway. That is about it for my words of wisdom.

Mrs. Brawley

A plethora of nothingness

If you haven't already, make sure you check out Debbie Floor's "bald is beautiful" pictures at her site. She is in control of her cancer journey and looks amazing. I would have had so many divets and craters in my head...God knew not to give me a cancer that involved losing my hair.

We are seriously looking at a Saturday date in March to take our "Boobs or BUST" trip to the bra fitting place in Chicago. We have not contacted the place yet but are looking at either the 15th or 22. If that doesn't work, we thought the second Saturday in April (after Spring Break) Let me know if you have preference. We have lots of interested people (with all different boob sizes) so please join us. More details to come. But give me date preferences.

I am very busy at school right now, so when I come home I just decompress. I didn't even go to Andrew's game last night...and if you know me, I don't miss much unless I have had my boobs stuffed or cut off. Two more games and then districts. I just was not up to traveling to Marshall. He, of course, was exhausted this morning and griped the whole time he was searching for matching socks, his shoes, etc. Josh and I just get the heck out of the house when he is like that.

The flu is hitting NHS hard...lots of teachers out for multiple days and kiddies, too. I swear by my flu shot, you know. But I still knock on wood. I do not want to get sick.

I am still reading and searching for info on ACC/breast. You know, stop it Molly. Just shut up about it.

We had really good mahi mahi with snap peas tonight for dinner, along with Jim's favorite french fries. I like fries, but not all that much so the ol' fishi fishi and peas did NOT fill me up. I hate that. And we have no yummy snacky type foods. I may just starve to death like my mom. Speaking of Barbara, I need to call her tonight. She started Round 2 of chemo today. Please pray it goes as well as last time.

As usual, the clan is napping and here it is, only 7:00. Andrew went to the girl's basketball game and hopefully will be calling to say our girls are headed to another district championship. That will be fun. I don't think our boys can do it, but you never know.

We need to speed winter along and get me to a sunny, HOT baseball game.

That is all I have to say.

Molly

Joshua Brawley for President

Good evening, kiddies. Rather an uneventful day today...typical domestic issues such as laundry, dishes, HGTV...some crazy reality tv to make me shake my head. I am about to get to it on my class I am taking, but this is more fun.

Sheryl suggested in a previous comment that a bunch of us ladies take the Southshore into Chicago to have bra fittings at Oprah's store...well, at least the one she recommends. Anyone interested? We are thinking some Saturday--we will do lunch too--and all come home with better fitting bras and I am sure many, many laughs. Julie, at work, is checking with the boutique to see the best dates so I will keep you posted. EVERYONE is welcome.

Debbie, next time you are on, post your blog address. As usual, I can't find it or i would post it myself. Debbie is going through chemo and has such a wonderful attitude. You know, the more i think of it, most of us out here with cancer have pretty good attitudes. We sure as hell have our moments, but for the most part, you just kinda...live.

Friday night Jim, Josh and I went out to dinner at Mark III in St. Joe, or is it Lakeshore? Anyway, we had such a delightful conversation with Josh. Jim thinks Josh should run for president as he is well-rounded, likes a variety of people, is intelligent and has opinions to share with anyone who asks...or doesn't ask. We asked him where he stood on the issues...he thinks we need to finish up in Iraq and get the heck out of there, his economic plan revolves around something to do with him causing a depression and then solving it so he will be really popular, he thinks global warming is overated (this is the same kid who stayed up ALL night back in the day watching the whole "chad" contoversy in Florida...sorry Al Gore, he seems to have forgotten you), he has a plan for health care involving not quite done doctors who have to serve the country for free...so there you have it. What is strange about all this is that Jim and I are certainly non-partisan and his opinions are HIS opinions...but he is at least informed that there are issues out there. If we asked Andrew the same questions he would probably say the biggest issue facing the country is whether Roger Clemens used steroids. : ) (or worse, he would just stare at us blankly and say "what's for dinner?")

This is the time of year that I start jonesin' for some type of vacation. And since I just finished a book with the setting of Savannah, GA I want to go there. When, who knows. But I did check out vacation rentals...I want to be on the beach and that is all that is needed...but alas, baseball means no vacations. Not to mention the fact that we are so broke...gawd, why is that? I would love to just go somewhere warm for a few days. And this is from someone who LOVES watching the light fluffy snow coming down.

Tomorrow dinner at the IL's will be quesadillas. I think my husband chose that one. We all take turns choosing. I think Ginger will spice things up by getting a variety of fillings. It's a nice way to end the weekend.

Weather report had been threatening another snowy storm but it looks like rain will be the biggest issue. I do not think we have gone to school for a full week in about 3-4 weeks. The boss says we have room for one more snow day before we have to make up any time. This year is zoom zoom 'ing...I hope warm sunny days get here soon.

Time to do some intellectual reading about why the way we grade students these days does more to harm learning than to help it. It really is fascinating.

TTFN

M o double L Y

HOTY!!!!

Who has the greatest husband in the universe? Yup, this ol' gal.

Jim and I do not celebrate holidays for each other so today is no big day--we love each other DEARLY but everyday is special, so today is no big deal. But when I got home from school he was in the kitchen and made me a 4 course meal:

First course: Bleu cheese/bacon salad YUM.
Second course: French Onion Soup with fresh guyere cheese. YUMMY!
Third course: Shrimp scampi with linguine. More than Yummmm
Dessert: Pecan Pie (ok, that wasn't homemade but everything else was!) haven't had any yet --too full!

Is he not the best? He let me hang out with the dog/kids/newspapers/Oprah while he cooked. I plannned to clean the kitchen but he even helped with that.

He is HOTY! (husband of the year)

On a lighter, funnier note, that may not be so funny, he has lost his hearing in one ear. Just all of a sudden...he says it feels clogged and he really can't hear. I put some wax (TMI I know) removing ear drops in but so far not much has changed. Poor guy.

I took the steri-strips off Boobie and she is a bit yellowish-bruised and still a little flat. I hope she rounds out a little. But she sure looks ok in a bra. Pizza Pocket has to go tho'--he has worn out his welcome.

I am now taking 800 mg of Ibuprofen to help with the pelvic pain...it helps a lot.
My blood pressure will probably spike again but at this point, I don't care. I am really thinking this might be related to the monthly curse--my face is so oily right now I feel like I am in junior high. Am I crazy to wish for menopause?

If you have read my posts, you have seen Stacey, who I met on my breast cancer site. She doesn't have ACC but is newly diagnosed. She is also a control freak like me and we found we had lots in common! She has surgery on Monday so let's wish her well and add her to prayers and positive thinking. Also, Mike, good to hear from you too. You would tell me to STOP WORRYING I know.
And Lori Anne, you are too funny! You elementary teachers sacrifice a lot in the line of duty. And as always, my Kristina--I am so sorry about the flu...gawd, I am knocking on wood that I haven't had that.

My mom, as always, is doing fine. She either is doing awesome or lying to me; but she really does seem ok. She got a second drug this week and so far no side effects...I keep praying it will go well for her. Debbie, I am reading YOUR blog and you are a perfect example of attitude is everything! Can't wait to see your mohawk!

Ok--i need to do some research on how to get Andrew to PT tomorrow. Ginger is taking him but we have never been there. She was rejected for jury duty by the way. I am glad the judge dismissed her--we all need her too much.

Hugs and kisses on Valentine's Day. Tonight is a good night to do a boob check--don't forget!

Molly

Typical whining and rubbish.

Howdy.

I am fluctuating between happiness and worry about my aching back, gut, hips, etc. Damn, I so know how you are all tired of hearing about it, but I STILL AM IN PAIN AND IT ISN'T GOING AWAY. Ok, sorry about that. But I constantly, for a long time, feel like I have low back labor type pain, plus period type cramps in the front, plus nerve like pain in my hips, and horrible tailbone pain. Granted, this is not the first time I have had any of this, in fact, I have had all of these over the course of 10 years, at different times, but it just seems like none of it is going away. And I keep telling myself that my ultrasound two years ago showed nothing, my back MRI a few years ago showed bulging discs, and my PET/CT scan showed nothing. To avoid thinking of all the cancer I could have, I have diagnosed myself with some type of sciatica combined with pending menopausal endometrial swelling, which is a term I made up.

I think I want to become addicted to painkillers. Perhaps a little exercise would help, huh? Naw, painkillers are easier. I should NOT kid about that, but I can't stand taking much more than Tylenol for any length of time, plus I always have stupid side effects like itiching and headaches so I can't take much anyway.

Heavy sigh.

UNO! Did you all see that cute little beagle that won best of show at the AKC championship? I want him. Shade is jealous and is outside trying to sit on top of a dog house, baying at the moon just like beagles do... (not really, but she is outside, barking at nothing, as usual.)

I have not yet mentioned the book The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan that Betty gave me. It is about a 34 year old mom who has breast cancer and then her own dad is diagnosed with prostate cancer. I started the book Monday night and stayed up until 1 a.m. to finish it. I laughed out loud numerous times and cried in a few spots. It is the book I wished I had written. Part of it was that Kelly graduated in 1984 from high school, which makes her a tad younger than I, but some of her memories from high school were so spot on, I had to laugh.

One funny thing that I laughed out loud at involved her going out for the first time without hair...she wore a scarf to take her kids to the park and picked up a few other kids...it took her some time to be brave to leave the house so when one of the kids (who was like 4) told her she looked like a monster, she broke down, got some other mom to take the kids, and then called her husband, sobbing. Not knowing what to say, the husband was so mad he yelled "THAT LITTLE FUCKER" about the 4 year old, which made Kelly laugh so hard she forgot about the sadness. It just made me want to wake Jim up and tell him how great HE is, and that I, along with Kelly, am lucky to have such a great support system.

Oh, yes my follow up appointment with Dr. M took about 4 minutes. He said he WAS going to take care of Mr. Pizza Pocket, but we needed to let Boobie settle in a bit. So I go back in one month. I still have the steri-strips on, can take them off in a few days. I asked if I needed to massage her, like I had read, and he said, nope, just let her do her thing. : )

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. It is fun to watch all the flowers being delivered at school. Andrew is Mr. Romance suddenly but couldn't understand why I couldn't sign the card for his girlfriend--he said my handwriting was better. I think that is so funny. He now realizes that flowers are EXPENSIVE. (when Jim and I were dating, and his parents owned the florist shop, I got DOZEN of roses BUT they were wholesale roses, which meant there were about 8 zillion of 'em wrapped in cellophane and I had to clean them, 48 zillion thorns as well. Regardless, I loved them.) Now I get flowers for being a brave cancer girlie and I still love them. (I got a yummy spring flower basket yesterday from my bosses and the flowers have filled my house with the most delightful SPRING aroma!!!)

I guess I should go now...enough rambling for one evening. Hugs to all of you.

Mop Top
(that was my nickname in junior high--just feeling nostalgic)

Doing ok.

Doing ok--went to Andrew's basketball game and other than being tired walking up the stairs to the upper bleachers and not really being able to clap as hard as I usually do, it went well. I slept most of the day I am sorry to say--mainly because I had a stomach ache for some reason. Maybe it's still the drugs from the surgery.

I am in very little pain, just sore through the upper chest area--like I have been lifting weights. My right arm is a little sore too, which is strange because it never has been like this before.

I unveiled Boobie today and I think she is a little little. But when I put her in a bra, she seems perfect, if not a little large. Also, she seems a little flat; she doesn't come to a point so to speak. But strangely, she looks fine in a bra. Maybe I do need to get a nipple tattoo to make her look more normal. I also know at some point I have to massage her so maybe she needs to move around a bit to fill things in better. Mr. Pizza pocket is about half gone--looks ok to me, but at this point, I don't really care. I am curious as to what Dr. M will be doing from here on out...am I going to go just once more? I don't even know.

I am going back to work on Monday. Probably not supposed to, but I feel ok. I may not work the whole day but will attempt to...I see Dr. M Tuesday morning.

That's all for now. My right arm is suddenly really sore so typing is painful.

Molly

Boobie has arrived.

Another chapter is almost closed on the cancer journey...not the book, but at least a chapter.

My new boobie is perky and SQUISHY!!! I had heard it would be as hard as the expander but oh no, it feels like a real boob and even jiggles like the other. It is bandaged over the Mr. Pizza Pocket to over the old nipple area, but I can see a lot of it and it looks like a perfect boob that you might see on some famous person. (remember, I am still on drugs here)
Jim is loving it, and says "your boob is just beautiful" as he gazes longingly. (again, I am still doped up here)

We are fascinated by the squishiness of it. I can't wait for all of you to feel it and you KNOW I will make you! : )

Surgery was quick--got there at 7:30 am for all the preliminary stuff, walked to the OR room at 8:59, glanced at the clock in the OR room at 9:00 exactly, tried to fight the anesthetic just to see if I could...and woke up in recovery at 10:00...discharged at 11:15 or so. Dr. M (who I adore now--he wore a cowboy hat and cowboy boots in to see me...said he left his horse at home) told Jim and Ginger "I just have to say this TWICE. It went way better than expected. It went way better than expected." One thing I can tell he did was scrape the old scar tissue that had surrounded the area--I am guessing that is why it feels so natural. He said that is part of the deal.

I have taken no pain meds and just have a slight sore throat, and the feeling that I should cough a lot--sort of like I am congested. Bad news is I can't take a shower until Saturday...back to doctor on Tuesday for review. He DID admit that while he is happy with the symmetry of the boobs, he couldn't sit me up to look, AND Pizza Pocket is still there but I can't tell yet how much until bandages come off Saturday. But it is over.

Today is a minor celebration day so I won't whine about my achy hips and back for once. I feel pretty good, and as I look at August 7 (lumpectomy), September 7 (mastectomy) and today, February 7, I am so proud of making it this far without getting put in a straight jacket, overdosing on self-pity (or drugs) and hopefully helping even one person know that cancer is SCARY and life-threatening but no matter what, we have to NEVER NEVER stop living. I am no wheres near done with this, but tonight, I am going to give myself a break.

Boobie and I are going to get to know each other.

I love you all.

Molly

Hurts so good.

Massage. Wow. Never had one and for a minute...ok, a second...thought I would never go back. WOW.

So I have my first massage ever, courtesy of Lonnie, with a lady in Berrien Springs. Teri was awesome! Not only does she make you feel really comfortable right away, she must have the strongest hands known to man. The room was dark, smelled good, nice calming music. And then she starts. Starts with my face and it feels quite nice...then the strength comes out. She even massaged the bridge of my nose. I am sure most massages are like this, but it felt like agony one second because it seemed like she moved my muscle from point A to point B, and then when she was done it was the most relaxing feeling in the world. At the end you are all wrapped in warmth, almost like a cacoon, and then you have to go home.

Teri's personality was fun too--I can tell why Lonnie likes her so much. When I left I made Jim an appointment. I know it is expensive but he deserves one so much. Couldn't get him in for 4 weeks that is how busy she is...but well worth the wait.

Andrew's MRI turned out ok--just as I expected, the pain is inflammation caused by the constant throwing of both a football and baseball. No surgery is needed, but he is on a 2 month dosing of anti-inflammatories and has to have physical therapy 2 times a week. Dr. Balint is sending him to this "brilliant" shoulder PT, who has worked with pros for the Cubs, the Red Sox, the Phillies, etc. He is the only one he recommends for Andrew's issues...but thinks once he has the inflammation under control and is just throwing baseballs, not the combo of footballs--along with the PT, his arm will actually be stronger. Dr. Balint said he won't have to miss any sports or anything--and he knows baseball has already started and won't end until August--and he is not worried about it. That was a relief to Andrew and to Jim. The world starts and ends with baseball as we all know. : ) One interesting thing Dr. Balint said concerned Muhammad, ironically. He was telling us how awesome this Pt guy is, and he says "you probably wonder why he is in South Bend, Indiana if he is so good...well, what I say to that is Why does Muhammad Ali live in Berrien Springs?" So I smile and Andrew smiles and he says 'did you know the world's greatest athlete choses to live here? So does the world's greatest shoulder PT." Andrew and I continue to smile and finally I filled him in on the Ali's. He is a HUGE AND I MEAN HUGE Muhammad fan and spoke about meeting him when he was in undergrad school at Notre Dame. He boxed and Mr. A came to one of his bouts and said to him when he had won " you scare me". He met Muhammad one other time at a Fight night in Tulsa, Ok. Can you tell he is a fan? We invited him to one of Andrew's baseball games--think he'll come? Just shows you what a cool dude that Mr. A is.

My mom is on day 2 of her first chemo--and KNOCK ON WOOD--has had no side effects yet. She went on a Monday this week but will normally go on Wednesdays for 7 hours, then she goes home with her port and drug pump until Friday, where she meets with the doctor who draws blood and makes sure she is ok. So she has over 48 hours of the MEAN nasty but hopefully CURATIVE chemo drugs flowing through her. Then she has a whole week off and starts again the NEXT Wednesday. This goes on for 6 months. So far so good.

Wow, I almost forgot I am having surgery Thursday! Rook boob will not be missed, but you know, I do feel she is MINE--just like my former boob. I know she is altered but she is still my boob. I am sure I will come to know and love new softer boob just as much. I need to dig out my papers and figure when the last time is I get to drink and eat tomorrow.

Fog day today...wahoo! Even though I had to get up at 7:30 a.m. it was a lot better than 5:30 a.m. No other weather related issues by tomorrow so we will finally get our half day of professional development in.

Life is good today.

Molly

The Photo Chronicles of Rock Boob.

Well hello, all of you. It is a Saturday night and Jim went to his annual Hunter's Party. All the guys had to make a venison dish--Jim made venison fajitas. Josh is still asleep from his afternoon nap, and WOW, surprise, so is Andrew. I am watching some show about Andrea Yates, the woman who killed her five children. Mental illness is so mind-boggling, isn't it?

I love Saturdays because I can watch a lot of mindless TV. Ok, the Andrea Yates thing is scary so I will find something else. How about The Girls Next Door? Tee hee.

I will be posting my latest self-boob portrait of fake rock book and smaller sort of saggy good boob. I asked Jim to take the picture and he thought I meant without clothes---ugh! When I laughed and said NO, silly, he thought, 'well, I never know with you." Had to laugh. Today I ran into our staircase railing with rock boob and it about knocked me back three feet. I literally laughed out loud as it didn't even hurt. I also found that is is a nice little table to sit that heavy Pillars of the Earth book on when I am reading in bed. ANYWAY, the next picture you see after today's will be the implant picture with the boob that will be permanant. hmmmm..that is mind-boggling too.

Ok, going to work on getting that photo uploaded. Parental guidance is suggested. : )

Molly

An anniversary of sorts.

Exactly one year ago today I found my cancerous tumor. I didn't know it at the time, but since I remember the date, I think deep down I knew SOMETHING wasn't right. My whole boob ached for a few days and that damned lump HURT. I remember whining about it to my friends at work who probably chalked it up to just another hypochondriac pain that I am so prone to...thank goodness I eventually trusted my instincts. (ok, 5 months is a bit long but at least I went)

I want all of you to raise your right hand and PROMISE to get to the doctors if you find a lump ok? And if the doctor says it is nothing, make sure you are 100 percent sure s/he is right.

WAHOO for you Kristina! Tell me, was it just a normal diagnostic mammogram? And remind us, did the mammogram find it before? And as I often tell myself, recurrance is rare with ACC and from what I have read, there is only one known case of bilateral ACC. Do you know if we are more prone to OTHER breast cancers because we have ACC? I don't know if I have ever asked. So, when are your next rounds of tests? Hopefully, you have some time off so we can avoid the test worry that always comes. Another question, did they tell you right away? My mammo and chest xray are a week prior to my visit with my oncologist and I am already wanting to pop the Xanax for the waiting. My heart is anxious as I type this.

We were blessed with another snow day today. I slept, shamefully, until 10:00. But I was sort of up all night checking the snow and when we hadn't closed by 5:15, I thought we were going. Gotta love when that phone rings. Our homecoming basketball game is cancelled too--that is sad for the kids. We will reschedule when we get back to work on Monday.

Sheryl, your chicken enchilada lunch yesterday inspired me to make them tonight. Josh took the family to Pizza hut for lunch on a gift card he got for Christmas. The roads a still snowy, but our driveway is the biggest problem. Pizza hut was sort of busy so everyone seems to be able to get out and about.

I am about three chapters into The Pillars of the Earth and must say it is a very fast read--but I am having major issues with holding the gargantuan book up while laying in bed! The sucker is heavy and wide. Plus I like to hunker down in blankets. I always laugh at people who read in bed on tv. They like sit up with a perfectly straight back. Then there is me, blankets wrapped all around...anyway.

Did you see Oprah's latest book choice? It's called Your Purpose Driven Life. Ironic, huh?

TTFN. Josh is lurking once again-- but now wants to go to the Y.

buh bye.

Molly

PS--I forgot to say that my mom's polyps were NOT cancerous. That waas good news. However, she has to have them taken out after chemo, so that means 6 months with the colonsotomy bag...she is ok with it though. So, we will call that good news.

Sideways snow is the best.

The snow blew sideways last night which concerned Josh--he was convinced it would land in Edwardsburg and we wouldn't get our snow day, but we did...YIPPEE.

However, I must admit I feel a bit cheated of my day of lounging in my jammies, watching day time TV and drinking tea. I had to take Andrew for his MRI and because the roads were so bad we left at 11:00 a.m and didn't get home until 4:00. (of course we had our yummy trip to Olive Garden in there too.)

The whole MRI process took awhile. He first had dye injected in his shoulder area. He said that the area in the shoulder was heavy and a bit sore, but the MRI itself was fine, except he got bored. He did get a wierd rash from the dye on his right forearm, but I think it is gone now. I think he will be like me when it comes to reactions from things--I can't do anything with out a rash, an itch, a pain, a tumor, you know... We will not know the results of the MRI but for ONCE in my life, I predict it will be minor and maybe just resting it will solve it. (the rest period is the problem of course)

I have to tell you a strange story. I belong to a breast cancer support list serv and check it every day. It has been very helpful in terms of my mastectomy and reconstruction process--of course there is no one on there that has ACC/breast but the whole surgery issue is always addressed very well. Unfortunately, we get about 5 new members a week and one woman asked if there was anyone on there close to Grand Rapids. So I answered where I lived etc. Anyway, there is a woman name Mary Ann on there that has posted for a long time, as have I, and it turns out she used to live in Niles! She is the mother of two former NHS student, Jill and Christine Weiss, and after a few emails we realized we knew eachother. What a small world. She, bless her heart, is an 8 year survivor of Inflammatory Breast Cancer, which is a rough one but she is doing great. IBC survivors are such heroes in my mind as the prognosis starts out crappy but I now know TWO people who are already beating the odds. It just makes me proud to be in their same company.

Jim had to go to work this morning and heard on the news that Famous Dave's had burned down. So he calls and tells me, as we both know Josh will go into mourning when he hears the news. Josh had just come into my room when he called so I gave him the news and I will tell you he was more distraught than the day he got my cancer diagnosis. Ok, well, not that bad, but he literally GROANED loud enough to wake Shade from her drug induced stupor. I told him that it really doesn't look all that bad; with the exception of the big blue tarp over it, it looked fine.


Jim had lost almost 15 pounds on my pledge to beat cancer by getting healthy. I haven't started MY plan, but obviously it is working for him. I call it his celery and grapefruit diet,'cause that is all he eats. He DOES have a lot of willpower, damn him.

Kristina and I should be in an advertisement for Mucinex. Actually, I should write them and tell pay me for the free PR they are getting on this site.

Time to go. I have a sniffling 15 year old lurking over my shoulder wanting on the laptop, which he just said should read HIS laptop. JUST FINISH IT he says...MOM!!!! Ok, I'll shut up then he says...

GET OFF!!!!!

The joys of motherhood...

Molly

A 2 is uplifting, but who ever knows???

Thanks, Debbie for your blog address. I am having issues with "cookies" for some reason but look forward to reading your journey. I think no matter how we slice it, those of us who have cancer have similar fears, triumphs, sleep issues, family concerns, etc. It really interesting watching the human spirit of cancer survivors. And I am glad Debbie found blogging, as I know how much it helps me.



Today I got an email from Valerie, my ACC breast cancer sister in California. Speaking with ACC/breast people is always interesting since we are so unique. Anyway, she said that her oncologist told her that her chance of recurrance of her cancer on a scale of 1-10 is a 2! Granted, her tumor make up may be different than mine and I know for sure her tumor was smaller (I haven't found one bigger) but it still made me happy. And lately I have re-read the research that ACC/breast does have a more favorable prognosis than other cancers--but, as we all know, the ODDS mean nothing because if it is you, it is 100 percent.

We just had to drug Shade as thunder is coming through. She looks sleepy, but happy. Josh and I are doing a bit better with our stuffy nose issues, but he still looks awful but felt the need to go to Powderpuff volleyball tonight. I fear when the juniors play the freshmen my two will probably break out in a major Brawley brawl. Can't wait to get that phone call.

Jimmy is rubbing my feet right now.

Let's see, Bronson called today for the usual pre-op questions. The nurse read me my previous EKG test results (remember, I was abnormal) and was a bit alarmed because my unusual heart rythm "could not rule out a heart attack.' UH...what? But she called back later and said they looked at the other tests from a few years ago and remembered its just my weird heartbeat. I forgot about that so I too got a little alarmed. I also had to call for all of Andrew's MRI issues tomorrow. Jim will be taking him...which is a first and is very hard for me. (I decided I am needed at work as we have professional development) Anyway, Jim is taking him to Memorial for the MRi and now they are telling me they may not have to sedate him. That would make me feel better. Andrew claims not to be claustrophobic, but how do you know until you are in a tight space? jim's worst fear is all the paperwork. i reviewed our address with him just to be sure. : )

Have you noticed some of my letters are not capitalized? I am using my laptop and the keyboard is whacked. Our family PC got a virus from the internet and is in for repairs. I use this laptop for much of my post-graduate work but Josh uses it a lot too and gets ticked when I want it.

My mom is grumpy again. She is none too happy that she basically can eat only clear broth today because of her colonoscopy tomorrow. She (seriously) said "they are slowly starving me to death."

Not much else to say. Weather looks icy and cold for tonight.

later gaters--

Molly

Thank goodness we have three holes in our face.

If I snort any more mucous I should be shot. Thank goodness I have a mouth or I would be dead of suffocation since the nose isn't working. I did buy some off brand Mucinex that everyone says is good...Josh needs it too. Andrew and Jim run from our sniffling.

Right now I am taking a class on GRADING. As parents, you all probably wonder how teachers come up with grades--well this class really offers food for thought. It talks much about how we as educators give grades more often for effort and behavior rather than student achievement. I think about some students who never did their homework but A'ced every test but couldn't get the A in the class as they didn't hand in their homework. These types of kids drive teachers crazy--they don't play the game and get C's but are probably better in math than the student who hands in his homework but can only get B's on tests. Obviously, there is a lot more to this class than that but I know as a teacher I continue to think about the hoops we make kids jump--mainly because colleges do too! : )

Today was Pajama Day at school and I must say that it was cheery to see such bright colors on those flannel pants.

This is a sad thing to say but Josh had to explain to me about the upcoming tax refund we will all be getting. He knew all about it from Channel One at school. I haven't read a newspaper in awhile...but Mr. Current Events has me up to date.

mbnmn smdnbmbb bmndj mndm bmmbndm . <--- That is what I sound like when I talk.

January flew by, didn't it. March 24 is approaching and then March 31 when I see Ansari again. I am already a wreck about it, even though I don't think I have cancer in my breast or my chest. Still terrified that it is in my bones/back/hip. Heavy sigh. My tailbone is awfully sore but maybe that is from sitting at a 1000 basketball games?

i seriously think I am drowning in no air. Time to drug it up! Love to you all. Don't forget to wash your hands often and check those boobies.

Molly